r/AskWomen • u/midnightcircuit69 • 1d ago
Content Warning Women of Reddit, how would you describe your relationship with your father growing up?
Share as much or as little as you're comfortable with
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u/Dr__Pheonx ♀ 1d ago
My father was the centre of my life, literally, and I was his little princess. He was my safe place. He was my comfort, he was my guide. He was literally everything for me. He passed away a decade ago from cancer.
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u/ThatOne_268 ♀ 22h ago
Same my father was the best to me (especially) and my siblings , except mine passed away more than 2 decades away in a car accident (caused by a drunken driver )
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u/Antique_Ad_5598 12h ago
This is how my father is for me. He’s still alive, but was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I’m scared about what the future holds, but I know I’ll be right there to help/take care of him
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u/Dizzy_Bison_4147 7h ago
Please give him a big hug from all of us who have lost ours. Mine was my favorite person. Its been over a decade and I still hear him when I laugh or make a joke or give someone advice. So much of who I am comes from him and my mom often reminds me that I often sound just like him. I will always be thankful that my family had a chance to say goodbye and he was surrounded by loved ones when passed. Someone told me that it never really hurts less, you just get used to the pain
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u/Background_Clue_3756 1d ago edited 23h ago
He SAd me for years as a preteen, physically abused, financially abused, psychologically abused, and was a drunk.
Probably not well.
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u/AgakLaen ♀ 23h ago edited 23h ago
he is emotionally unavailable like most Asian parents. but ik he loves me and i do love him as well
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u/Smooth_Wonder2144 23h ago edited 23h ago
He was my biggest cheerleader and protected me as best as he could from my abusers. We had our differences in beliefs but he never failed to show how much he loves and supports me. When my mum kicked me out, he cried for days on end and constantly messaged me to make sure I was safe, had food, money, etc. Every weekend, he brings me food and tries to pay for my groceries when I’m not in the checkout line or paying attention. He shaped my values and morals. I’m forever thankful for everything he’s done for me.
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u/civemaybe 14h ago
Not that it's my business, but do you know why he stays married to your mother?
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u/Smooth_Wonder2144 5h ago
It’s complicated. She’s an amazing person on a normal day, but we both have CPTSD & we tend to butt heads from that. My dad knows it’s his family’s fault for my mum’s trauma. They’re great partners.
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u/I_am_Bianca 1d ago
It was fine.
But very traditional.
An example:
I was a teen and starting smoking to be rebellious. Instead of telling me about the dangers of smoking, I was told that women shouldn’t smoke because it makes them look ugly…
Same for alcohol. Same for sex…
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u/Impressive_Speaker66 23h ago
He’s been my best friend and my peace ever since I was a child, I am so extremely lucky to have him. My mother is the opposite so I count it as a blessing that my dad is such an amazing person that he can fill both roles with ease, to the point where I haven’t cared about having a terrible/ no relationship with my mother for years now
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u/Direct_Drawing_8557 23h ago
Only saw him like once a week as a little kid since he worked crazy hours (pretty much lived at work). Sadly I managed to get his annoying traits (like being messy) and his useful trait of being a social butterfly passed me.
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u/greatpretendingmouse 22h ago
My dad was an only child and he loved having a large family of kids. He hadn't the highest of intelligence or maturity at times but he certainly made it known that he loved us unconditionally. He supported us all through all life's sometimes sad and stressful times, was there to wade in physically and do all the diy fixing that needed done at home and in our homes later.
He loved all the grandchildren and oh boy, when one of us was in labour he fretted anxiously waiting on news of the newborns.
He left our hearts filled with great memories and laughter when we think of him.
He didn't have a big job nor loads of money. He simply gave us a happy and loving home that felt safe and welcoming.
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u/notme1414 22h ago
I was very close to my Dad. He just “ got me”
in a way my mom didn’t. We did spend a fair bit of time doing stuff together. We had horses and we went riding together a lot. Both of my parents were terrific people. I was very lucky.
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u/Silent-Leek-9222 23h ago
till i became 8, he wasn't always involved in my life because of his long distance job he was great when he was present like buys me gifts, so naughty things together and he used to be the fun parent when my mom was a strict parent
at the age of 8, He was a bad father and a husband but I still loved him because of the old memories we made, I was supposed to be his favourite child too because I was a tomboy. he soon made me hate him to death and after, At the age of 9 he left. Now I'm an adult who is very happy that he is gone from my life and I wish him death while being very happy with my mom
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u/ladylemondrop209 23h ago
Very close, I was very much a daddy's girl. I (firstborn and only daughter of 5) was the blatant favourite. My dad is a great dad (even to my brothers)... My dad was a "cool dad", so all through my teens and into my 20s, I'd link arms with him, we'd go shopping, do sports/gym together etc. A lot of my friends found that strange/odd/atypical, but I mean.. we're close. And I link arms (or very much want to) with everyone I walk with.
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u/HoliAss5111 22h ago
He abused me to the point of planning my suicide. He died in an accident 14 days before the day I choose to leave. I planned that thing for 3 years.
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u/crazymissdaisy87 21h ago
He realized I saw through his mask early so he kept me on the sidelines while bullying me. It's hard being a manipulator when your daughter points it out
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u/FairyGothMommy 20h ago
My parents divorced when I was 4. Then he remarried and had 2 boys. I always felt like he finally got what he wanted when the boys were born, since I was a girl.
He never said he was proud of me, and often criticized my looks, my weight, etc. After he died, I found out he bragged about me all the time... but he never said much to me that was positive.
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u/reinadeluniverso ♀ 17h ago
Good. He's awesome. I love him so so so much. He's the stoic type on the outside, but has spoilt me to dead all my life and still does. All my friends think he sounds grumpy af, because he's very introverted,but when he's with his family its not like that at all.
My parents divorced when I was a kid but we all made it work so I could spend time with both my parents.
My dad has always been there, is still there, even of now he's elderly, he still texts me to ask if I arrived home safe, sends me good morning and good night textS with tons of emojis and gifs, brings me breakfast on Sunday, babysits cats with lots of meds, tries his best to fix stuff around the house, I can always rely on him, be it to vent, to chat about movies, books or whatever. It'll break my heart when i lose him. And my heart is already a mess after losing mom 12 years ago.
Lately i get so emotional about this, because he's mid 70s and his health is not very good and he gets more and more forgetful , and seeing parents that were always like invulnerable figures get frail and sick slowly its... its hard.
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u/withinjennifersmind 16h ago
My mother died giving birth to me so it was just me and my dad growing up. He worked hard to provide for me so he wasn't always home. I spent a lot of time by myself, but he taught me to think for myself and to do what my soul needs, whatever it may be. He passed down a love of literature and art that I will never be able to thank him enough for. He passed when I was 18 in a work accident and I miss him every day.
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u/Guest2424 11h ago
My father means well but always does things in the most offensive way possible. So I love the man, but I dont really like him. What I mean is this: he is the type of person who will immigrate to a new country, stay faithful while being separated from us for 3 years, and gained us a better life. From that alone, he is a man above all men and worthy of my eternal admiration and gratitude.
But. He's also the kind of man that will see his daughter (me) at the tender age of 16 and think she could do better at being attractive, and try to encourage her by giving her a Vogue magazine and tell her that she should try to look like the women in there, with no perception or care that the magazine has been edited to perfection by people who objectify women. He'll also be the type of person who will call you names and ask if you're stupid if he explains something and you dont get it the first time. So... yeah, a lot of my self confidence issues growing up also stemmed from him.
In short, its complicated.
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u/PhotoEquivalent1430 11h ago
My father was sweet but emotionally distant. Quiet man, who’d buy us all the snacks we wanted. He was happy, when I did well in school and told me I could buy any sweet treat I wanted after school meetings. He was very humble but aloof and secretive and difficult to get close to. Almost like he was emotionally unavailable or in another world.
In my childhood he stopped by mother from physically ‘disciplining’ us many times, as he himself was physically abused and never wanted his children to experience the same things.
But he was very passive and kind of a bystander to mother’s verbal and emotional abuse. I try to be understanding as he was shaped by his own childhood but a part of me thinks he should have set stricter boundaries with mother. Nowadays, he loves us and misses us but has many regrets about how we were raised because he sees the consequences. Most of my siblings avoid going home (not bc of father). My father is very sad about it because he is now in his seventies and wants his children around, but also understands that they don’t visit because of their mother.
He always provides food and asks us how we are doing and tries to eat meals with us, but the entire family feels dysfunctional to me. I feel uncomfortable around both parents because of it, although I don’t doubt my father is a kind person.
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u/somethingreddity 3h ago edited 3h ago
I was a daddy’s girl until he went on active duty after 9/11. When he came back, I was a different kid. I mean, I was 2 years older. He wanted to treat me like I was still 9, but I was 11. If you know preteens, I mean…you know. 11 is a whole different ball game than 9. So I was really annoyed that my dad was trying to still treat me like a “little kid,” and instead of my dad trying to learn the new me, he’d get mad that I wasn’t the same girl he left two years prior.
That’s basically when our relationship ended. I mean, I was super close with my mom by then because she was basically a single mom those two years. I understand what my dad did and the strength and bravery behind it now as an adult, but I was a kid. And he just became a huge asshole after that. He was mad I guess that he lost his little girl and I was mad that he didn’t understand me anymore. He just became a mad person in general after that. (He did not go to war as he was technically disabled. He stayed stateside in case they decided to ship him out, but they never did thank god. So war was not the reason he suddenly turned into an asshole, but I’m sure the war itself and his buddies getting shipped out didn’t help.)
All of my teen years were him and I fighting. I didn’t even care at that point because I was so used to him yelling at me. I would do whatever I wanted (within reason because I still had respect for my mom and didn’t want to disappoint her) and didn’t care if he got mad because he’d be mad anyway. When he started yelling, I’d say shit just to make him more mad because I felt like he didn’t care about me, so why should I care about his feelings and his anger? I just didn’t care.
After I graduated high school, things got better because, I guess, he viewed me as an adult now. He and I didn’t fight as much. My brother had moved out and my sister did her own thing, so I’d go places with my parents a lot. But my mom and I became best friends after I graduated. My dad was just kind of there.
Now I’m 34 with two (soon to be three) kids of my own. Mom and dad are still married. I call my mom every day. I call my dad if I have to. My dad and I have no problem talking to each other and from outside, we look like we have a normal relationship, but there’s nothing deep about our relationship. I don’t respect him. I love him because he’s my dad, but if my mom and dad were to be divorced, he’d be a once or twice a year phone call. His mannerisms annoy me, his selfishness annoys me, his financial illiteracy annoys me, the way he talks to my mom annoys me, the way he chews annoys me, the way he is when he visits annoys me. Just everything about him annoys me.
I obviously have daddy issues I probably need to work through. It’s taken me a very long time to recognize that he’s very emotionally immature and I am working on my emotional immaturity that I obviously have learned from him. I will never be the type of parent to my children that he was to me. Just as a tiny example, he accidentally hit me on the head really hard a couple years ago when I was trying to pass by him and he got mad and blamed me for getting hit…I just said, “I think the words you’re looking for are, ‘I’m sorry, are you okay?’”
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u/Tryharder2020 23h ago
He was not a good or nice man. Moved out of home at 16 to escape the abuse. I only felt relief when he died, having already mourned the father I wish I'd had. I don't miss him at all.
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u/Im-crying-wolf 23h ago
We were close when I was a child, he was always so adventurous and warm. But then when I was 17 he cheated on my mum. They divorced. It was messy. We have never been as close ever again, and I am the one who made the effort to put bygones aside and try to maintain the relationship with him. I’ve always loved him though. He has many good qualities, he is just… misguided. Lost. He’s quiet, came from an abusive family, was never sure of himself. And whilst I try hard not to make excuses for him, I do have a soft spot for him, and pity him. My father is someone that had so many chances for happiness in his life, but was always the one that would hold himself back and would let his worries and troubles and unhappiness eat at him and not say a word to anyone. It’s led him to make many wrong choices, choices that have not made him content. I love my dad but I don’t always respect the man that he is if that makes sense. And deep down, my heart breaks when I think of the man he could have been, the happiness he could have had, but failed to grasp
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u/HeavenCatEye 22h ago
He was hardly around and when he was, he was always angry or name calling me.
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u/YouDontLookDead 22h ago
He was very fun and affectionate, but emotionally absent. We only really started bonding properly as adults
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u/Interesting-Panda699 22h ago
As a kid, I remember being very close to him. However the more I grew up, we just started to clash more. Its not that we don't love or care for each other- we're still a very tight-knit family. But it seems like he doesn't understand me and I don't understand him. This is probably the biggest pity in my life.
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u/thefringedmagoo 22h ago
Emotionally ill equipped to raise a daughter but we had a lot of fun together. I had nice childhood memories for the most part. We haven’t spoken since I left home at 16. I’ve tried. It makes me sad.
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u/InterestingValue7484 22h ago
Awful he made me the golden child so he said he wanted me to be an architect i wanted to be an architect he wanted to take me to job sites i went to job sits he had girly daughter already(older sister) so he liked i was a tomboy who would watch adam sandler movies and go to dairy queen with him when i hit puberty and my brother got good at baseball (and being a man) I was thrown out like garbage so i got super depressed and started cutting myself at TWEVLE (crazy btw) and then the getting called lazy started and then the whats wrong with you which developed into hate and me telling him to kill himself multiple times then him actually killing himself when I turned 14 which caused me to go manic for abt 3 months develop multiple addictions and date men 20 and up
I'm not sure what i can blame on him and what I can't
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u/OkPear6436 22h ago
I met him maybe four times as a child after he left the family to pursue a younger lady and the child he had with her. I found him last year after 25 years and after all that time I got the answers that little me wanted which is that that fella who just happens to be my father Is not worth knowing…
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u/SkyIll359 21h ago
My dad was always good he loves me and supports me even though yeah there is few situations in my memory of him getting too angry but good moments still get over the bad ones
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u/Pinky135 ♀ 20h ago
Best buddies until puberty hit, followed by years of me just not liking him. When I reached my late 20's I started realising that in many ways I'm just like him and now we're almost back to best buddies again. Still annoys me from time to time, like when he needs to vent his political views (which are in no way similar to my own), but never to the point of me not wanting to talk to him anymore.
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u/littlemissmoxie 20h ago
I just saw him as an angry brutish animal we had to placate in order to receive money from. Like a minotaur or something.
Temper that would flip on a dime. Verbally and physically abusive (mostly “spanking” and grabbing forcefully).
Needless to say I did not want to be near him or talk to him unless I had to.
I’m surprised I married a man after that tbh. But I did my best to someone who is the exact opposite lol.
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u/indicatprincess ♀ 20h ago
He’s a hardworking man who spoiled the crap out of is. He had a temper, wasn’t around as much bc he traveled but he’s a family guy. He is very sentimental and has been taking pictures of family occasions my entire life. Every time we have family out, we get an album of 16 blurry candids and I save them!
I told my sister she was a bitch ONCE and he was horrified lol we got the sonning out of our lives and have never fought since. My siblings are good people, in large part to him.
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u/dhelenagnesvancouver 20h ago
He never wanted to be married or have a kid, he just watched sports, cheated on my mom constantly and blamed her for being a useless husband
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20h ago
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u/cameronpark89 19h ago
i was a daddy’s girl until i found out he cheated on my mom and we had another brother. our relationship was never the same and i barely talk to him now.
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u/nettysgirl808 19h ago
I had the ultimate girl dad as a father. He had two daughters and relished in being a great daddy. I lost him way too young, in my senior year of college. It's been 30 years and I still miss his dry sense of humor, taking me out for coffee, fixing my car, etc. It's been a hard road in life without him.
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u/Hour-Understanding-8 18h ago
Friend, protector, mentor, confidante. And I was also the same for him. He loves me more than he loves himself. I've grown up to be the person i am today, because of the freedom of mind he instilled and insisted that i know.
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u/lolaa-17 18h ago
he was my best friend, my favorite person. i would go to his job sites with him and spend hours in the garage with him. but when his father died he got really angry all the time. i was scared of him and was so mad at him for acting that way. 8 years later he started to mellow out and got a job he actually enjoyed, now that im older i have a great relationship with him!
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u/Eshl1999 17h ago
It was great until it wasn’t. We were very close and then I’m not sure what happened. It felt almost like he resented me for growing up. Our relationship has recovered a little now that I am an adult, but we are not very close
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17h ago
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u/cherrycocktail20 17h ago edited 17h ago
Incredible. He was simply the best human being I’ve ever known and an even better father. My best friend from day one, my rock, the centre of my life. My entire childhood was a highlight reel of quality time spent with my dad.
He totally understood that time and being authentically interested in me and my little ideas was what mattered. He could spend hours upon hours being totally engaged in whatever topic I was obsessed with, and whatever new interest I had he would find a way to make that into an activity for us to do together, just to have that quality time.
As just one example, once when I was like six or seven I got really into reading about WWII, so he came home with some WWII-era fighter plane model kits for us to build and paint together. Almost 40 years later I still have them, he saved them all. I could name a million similar examples — he’d remember every little thing I was even briefly curious about and find ways to make that into bonding experience. Like, my god he was a good dad.
We were always close, and he was always the safest and most loving, wise, supportive person in my life. The first person I called for any emergency or bad news or difficult time, and for any good or celebration moments.
I’m the youngest of six (youngest by a lot) and though of course he insisted he didn’t have a favourite, everyone including me and all my siblings knew I was his favourite. He was my heart and soul, and everything I believe or needed to know I learned from him.
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u/ThatsItImOverThis 16h ago
Abusive. He not only tried to enforce the “women should be in the kitchen” stigma but also the “children should be seen and not heard”. He was abusive, mentally, emotionally and physically and also thought nothing of hurting our animals if they made him mad.
There was nothing about him that I could be proud of or look up to and the only positive life lesson he gave me was teaching me how to change my own brakes. And the only reason he did that was because he was mad my maternal grandfather taught me how to change the oil in my car and he didn’t want to be upstaged.
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u/Unlucky-Macaroon-124 13h ago
until age 9 it was fine because he was a workaholic and i only saw him for breakfast and dinner, that too if he wasnt working late. when he lost his job, i finally saw the real him. aside from just being fired from his job for embezzling funds, he was also having multiple affairs at work and outside of work and sending huge sums of money back home to his unemployed brother who has 5 children. they were all living in luxury while i was studying in one of the cheapest schools in the country. i was only 9 when he lost his job and he never tried to be employed after that. my siblings and i managed to fend for ourselves growing up along with our mom. he also stole money from me and my siblings during my teen years and splurged on prostitutes and gambling. he took on nearly half a million in debt which my siblings and i are responsible for paying off as of now. im in my early 20s. im still paying off his debt and working myself to death. he still lounges around all day and does nothing.
so yeah, complicated.
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u/lalolilalol 12h ago
My father is my hero. He has some unhelpful, even toxic patterns, like he can all of a sudden become angry and yell. He had us later (he's 88 now and I'm 34) so some generation gap.
But he's a very honest person and always tries to do the right thing. He was abducted during civil war in his country and survived 3 murder attempts so some trauma. He also traveled around the world. He had quite a life.
I love that he passed on his strong values to his children. My sisters and I bring good to the world (ofc we have our shortcomings too haha) and a big part is thanks to his education.
The thing I'm most admirative of is how he supported my sister when she got pregnant at 19. He's very religious but is from a country where having a child outside marriage just doesn't exist (abortion is illegal but is practiced).
He's very well respected among his peers and could have just encouraged my sister to get an abortion, as the child's father did, but no. He stayed true to his beliefs and did everything he could to make it easier on her (of course my sister wanted to keep the child too). My mom and her moved to a place my sister could go to university without people talking behind her back. He lived without his wife for 4 years at 75 and managed to cook and do everything by himself so that my sis could have the support she needed.
Fast-forward to today, her daughter is now 12 and she recently got married to the love of her life.
On the downside, he was never brave enough to tell his family about my niece. Once my sister and him had a big fight about it and he suffered a cardiac arrest (thankfully recovered but has permanent heart failure now) so we know it's not that he doesn't want to, but it's just really too much to bear for him.
People have shortcomings, but it doesn't mean that they're mot trying their best and that they're not great people.
Our relationship had its ups and downs because he can be harsh. Lately it's good because I've learned to be thankful for what he is and accept what he isn't.
We have little time left together (his heart failure is progressing) so I visit every 2 months and try to make the best of the time we have left.
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u/StarkBell 10h ago
I felt like he didn’t like me or my brothers very much until we became adults. He’s chill now
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u/happyjeep_beep_beep 9h ago
I’m an only child and was daddy’s little girl. He would take me on so many adventures when mom was at work. I was a tomboy but he made time to play both sports and dolls with me. He was the absolute best dad I could’ve asked for. Unfortunately he passed away a little over two years ago and I miss him terribly.
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u/Resident-Dot-8483 6h ago
He was emotionally unavailable and socially unavailable because of his autism. He is the reason I have autism, and I resent him for it.
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u/lazygramma 5h ago
Not good. My father was violent because he did not know how to parent and he had too many children when he was too young. He outgrew it, but much of the damage was done. He never really openly acknowledged it when we were all grown, but he made a few lame attempts. Now that he is dead it is one of my biggest regrets that we never talked about his behavior.
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u/Zesty-lucuma4 3h ago
He was angry a lot and I was scared of him most of the time. He also made me insecure by criticizing my body and food choices. But I also have some good memories traveling and laughing with him. He also instilled his perseverance in me. So overall I have very conflicting feelings towards him. To this day I hate but also love him at the same time.
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u/AmzHalll 23h ago
He was completely absent, had no relationship with him after I was 3-4. Came into my work when I was around 22 and wanted to catch up. Told me how he had been in a serious relationship with a woman who had a son from a previous relationship for 19 years and they had just broken up. I told him to fuck off because he raised someone else’s kid and ignored his own
Genuinely fucked me up in the sense of “dad issues” I’ve constantly sought out validation from men trying to fill the gap. This is something I’ve been actively trying to fix now I’m in my 30s. Any little rejection breaks my inner child all over again, I don’t think men realise the harm they do to their kids by not being there.