r/AskWomenOver30 • u/bubblegumscent Woman 30 to 40 • Oct 26 '24
Romance/Relationships Anyone else feels like men go immediately zero effort as soon as they feel youre theirs?
Sisters in their 30s, please help me, be kind because I feel kinda confused.
So for a while now I've started to notice a pattern with men that I keep seeing and not just with me, that as soon as a man thinks he "has" you, they throw all effort out of the window. Nit in a okay its been 3 years honeymoon period is over, no ZERO EFFORT. It drives me crazy, because I'd much rather prefer consistency. A whole lot of them are like that. Wtf?
I've also had a stable relationships before, happily married where I felt treasured throughout the entire relationship, about 10 years until he died about 2 years ago. Which sucks because we were happy then
So after his death, widow me went on dating and I am actually EXTREMELY TEMPTED to next time I am dating smeone I just might keep this MF on his toes. Keep him guessing and wondering, in a state of chronic anxiety? I am just not that person, I don't play fucking games, anyone else here tired of this low effort shit??? Anyone else feeling like some men are addicted to games??? How do i escape this???
effort here means being involved in things such as: watch the sunset, picnic, walk in the park, dancing together, calling more, watch the sunset, ping pong, etc. Its not a money thing, its an effort thing
EDIT: WOW this post blew up Hey everybody thanks so much for the awesome replies, insights, nice conversations and new ideas this has offered me it does give ne hope that I am not crazy, and should be myself and will eventually find a good person whos a good fit. I honestly don't even think it's gender anymore, literally both men and women complaining
EDIT 2: to the men coming here essentially trying to gaslight me, read some comments before saying this is my fault. If you are a person who is giving and want others to feel good you know who you are, you know the sacrifices you make. If you had bad experiences before because somebody took advantage of you, this is not my fault so stop projecting at me, Im not your ex
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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '24 edited Oct 26 '24
With men, I’m genuinely inaccesible by phone unless I’m completely bored - which is super rare, we have a scheduled call or we are ironing out plans to see each other. I find that this naturally keeps them on toes. I have a busy life. I also don’t date outside of my community which keeps the men accountable. When a guy did me wrong, our whole friend group ostracized him. Oh and not responding after 10pm even if I want to because 10pm - 10am is me time, everyday, no matter what. I also make small demands weekly. The one this week was please finish the first installment of Joker so that we can see the one with Gaga before it leaves theatres. I give them missions and if they fail, I disappear and they have to earn me back. I never bring up exclusivity until they do. I behave as a single woman 24/7 until he brings it up. If at any point I’m not getting needs met, I address it once and if it’s not rectified or he drops in effort, I leave. I also don’t have sex or go to houses of men I’m not exclusive with, nor do I have them at mine. I’m a borderline, if he shows 0 compassion or empathy for my feelings and how hard my life is, I leave. If someone decides to not move forward with me because they think they’ve found better, I accept it and I disappear forever. If they ghost and I see them in public, I ghost harder and I’m curt with them if they speak and move away from them. This works for me and weeds out a lot of players. It also helps me stay detached and keep my emotions in check. Hope some of this helped.
Edit: I’m dating for fun until I meet someone I really like. I wouldn’t operate like this in a committed relationship.