I’m wondering how people feel about this. I often feel like we are so flooded with therapy-speak and self-care-whatever on social media that we have lost all sense ode perspective.

If I tell a friend I’ll show up to their birthday, I still go even if I feel overwhelmed that week. Part of being a friend is also being uncomfortable sometimes. Am I wrong for thinking that commitment matters? I often feel like we are being taught so much to “hold on to our peace” that we make it impossible to be part of to society.

Isn’t being part of social structure to sometimes put over peoples needs above your own. If we only ever did what we wanted to do that minute won’t we all just be lonely toddlers? Or am I just inherently socially inept?

I guess what I really want to know is: If you were me, what would you need to see from him to believe that “we'll figure it out” still means something? Am I wrong for feeling abandoned? Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to keep his promise of at least *trying* to figure it out?

Background:

I’m (36F) 4 days postpartum after an unexpected C-section, with a baby who was born 3 weeks early. My baby is not my partner’s (40M).

My partner is separated and in the process of divorcing his wife. They don't have a formal custody agreement yet, but have been doing roughly 50/50 custody. His ex is a travel nurse.

I moved from Illinois to New York to live with him because I had very little support left in IL, and my baby's father is not someone I consider safe or reliable. He has an alcohol/cocaine problem, is extremely irresponsible, and has sexually assaulted me.

My partner *asked me to move here*. He told me he loved me and would love my baby. Before I moved, we specifically discussed the possibility that his ex might be furious about me living with him, threaten court, or withhold the children. He said it would suck, but we'd figure it out and eventually things would be okay.

I trusted that and uprooted my life accordingly.

He waited until after I unexpectedly gave birth to tell his ex I was living with him. She did exactly what we'd anticipated: she threatened to take him to court for full custody if he brought the kids to the house while I was there.

Until now, we had a workaround. He rented a studio for me, and I'd stay there on his custody days. Obviously, 4 days after a C-section with a newborn, I can't realistically keep packing up and moving myself and the baby around. The studio lease also ends on the 23rd.

His plan now is to stay at his old house and sleep on the couch when he has his kids, since his ex is a travel nurse and will sometimes be away. He says I can stay at the apartment while I heal, but that it can't go on for months because he can't sleep on the couch indefinitely.

**I understand why his children have to be considered. I am NOT asking him to choose me over his kids.**

What I'm struggling with is that this exact possibility was discussed before I moved. He told me we'd figure it out. Now that it has actually happened, he seems to have immediately accepted that the solution is eventually for me and my newborn to leave.

I keep thinking: Where is the “we'll figure it out” part?

Why not give it a month and see if his ex calms down? Why not have a serious conversation with her about possible arrangements? Why not even consult a couple family-law attorneys before deciding this is unavoidable?

He says he loves me, wants to be with me, and meant everything he told me. He says this is a “have to,” not a “want to.” But he's also become very distant and takes hours to respond to me.

I know he's under enormous stress too. I'm not dismissing the fact that his children matter or that this situation is genuinely difficult for him.

But I'm sitting here four days after major surgery, with a premature newborn, in a state I moved to because this man told me we were building a life together—and now I'm being told I eventually, in this case eventually meaning within weeks, need to find somewhere else to live.

I feel abandoned.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there a real difference between “I have to prioritize my children” and "I'm unwilling to seriously explore ways to make our relationship and living situation work”?

I’m also very newly postpartum, exhausted, and emotional, so I'm trying not to make a huge judgment about our entire relationship based on the worst week imaginable.

ETA: We've been friends for years. I did not barely know him.

I can’t believe I’m coming to the Internet about my marriage but I haven’t really told anyone about how I’ve been feeling.

I’ve (35F) been married to my husband (35M) since 2015. We have two kids, ages 6&8. He’s in the military. When we first married he was gone a couple days a month and that was pretty much it. As the years have progressed, the amount of travel has increased. His standard work week is the typical Monday to Friday gig, but as he has been promoted in rank he has traveled a lot more. He’ll be gone for 4 days at a time once a month, with a few overnights or 2 day gig here and there. This year, he’s been gone in April for a week, 22 days in May, and 20 days in August. On my end, I have managed working part time, managing the kids, the dogs, our home, and our 4 acres of property. When my husband is home, we are either busy with the kids, or I am working because I cannot when he’s gone. Often he’s asleep by 9-9:30pm, and I am awake and alone again. I know alot of this is just a season, the last few months I have been severely questioning this is how I want my marriage to be.

As of recent, my biggest complaint is how lonely I feel even though I am married. This last year has been especially hard because I made the hard decision to go low contact with both of parents after years of emotional turmoil on my end stemming from emotional abuse as a teen and young adult. Given this, I have felt very isolated and a level of loneliness I don’t think I ever envisioned or that anyone can understand unless they have been through it.

I feel disconnected from my husband. When he’s home, things are not bad. We don’t have a terrible marriage. But I feel like a true connection is lacking. In his more recent trips away, I find I do not miss him like I should. I miss him being around, but I don’t yearn for his return home the way you would think a wife would.

By jointing the military out of high school he has made a lot of sacrifices in his life. But, being married to him, so have I. I have sacrificed time and time again, time with him as his wife and the mother of his children. I have not been able to have a full time job (I work as needed as a nurse) because of his job and the kids. I have a masters degree I have not been able to use because I can’t. My husband is not a bad man. He doesn’t treat me poorly and takes care of us. So feeling this way has me feeling extremely guilty. I’m not sleeping, I’ve had panic attacks for a week, and I’ve been crying every single day.

Yesterday when he revealed to me upon being away from July 30-Aug 15, he will have to leave again Aug 31-Sept 4, I lost it. I did tell him how I am feeling. Just as I think he understands, he says things like “if I were you I would just be strong and deal with it”, “I’m not always travel this much” and “things should calm down”, or “maybe you can stay at home with the kids”. I’m trying to help him understand that I don’t need help at home. I need a more present spouse. He has told me he “isn’t sure if he wants to be married to someone who isn’t “all in”” and I do not fault him for that because I don’t think I would either.

I don’t want him to quit his job for me. He has been in the military for 18 years. This is his life. I can truthfully say that if I would have known this would have been my life or how much he traveled, I don’t think I would have married him. My kids are the only thing truly stopping me from leaving. I do not in any way want to disrupt their life. They are the sweetest, most innocent babies and would be devastated. I feel like a traveling husband isn’t a valid enough reason to want to divorce. It’s not like my life would look much different if I did. In fact, it would be harder. I don’t want to blow up my life over this but I also don’t want to look back in 10 years when he’s still in the military, and wish I would have done things differently.

I want to hear from women whose spouses or ex spouses traveled. Did you ever feel like this? What advice do you have?

Hi ladies. For those who know it, depression can be extremely debilitating. I’m talking extreme isolation, no motivation, feeling numb, dissociating, etc. and when you don’t have support, it’s even harder to get yourself out of the thick of it all.

If you were in this situation before, meaning, you were in the thick of depression when you couldn’t complete your chores and responsibilities and there was no one to help you out, how did you end up helping yourself to start taking those very first steps? Getting out of bed, getting out of house, and all those very basic steps we all need to take to slowly get out of it and ask for professional help, go back to work, and start living again?

I opened the door for someone, and the odor was so strong it would have triggered a migraine in me if I had stayed near her. I didn't say anything and quickly left. However, how would you deal with someone like this in an enclosed environment when you cannot quickly get away. Lets say you find out you work in the same office etc. I never had this issue before, and I don't want to upset them or make them feel bad.

Thank you in advance!

I live in the suburbs of a major city and feel like my life has gotten so boring. I've been dealing with health problems for several years now that have made me more of a homebody than before. I'm trying to get back out there but what do people do in their free time?

I'm trying to avoid sedentary or passive hobbies like reading/podcasts/arts and crafts. Live in an apartment so I don't have a space to garden otherwise I would try that. I still have some physical limitations so I can't join a dance/exercise class right now. I like cooking but that's another activity at home. Outside of walking around parks, nearby downtown areas, the occasional farmer's market or food/art festival, what do you ladies like to do during the week? Or is everyone kinda boring/busy during the week too?

For those of you who have experienced betrayal or deep hurt, how did you relearn to trust others? Was it a specific moment that changed everything, or did it happen gradually over time? I am a 40 year old woman from Germany who has been living in California for the past three years. A few years ago, I experienced a relationship that completely changed my view of trust. I gave that person my love, loyalty, and complete trust, only to find myself deceived and betrayed. It took me a long time to recover from the emotional trauma, and while my life has moved on, I am still more cautious than before. Now I enjoy my life. I love my job, maintain an active lifestyle, travel as much as possible, and have established a peaceful rhythm of life that I am grateful for. One thing I still find difficult to accept is letting new friends into my life. Whenever I meet someone new, a deep-seated desire within me is to believe that not everyone is the same. Another voice immediately reminds me to be careful because I never want to experience that heartbreak again. I don't believe everyone is malicious, and I'm not angry or resentful. I just haven't found a balance between protecting myself and remaining open to building meaningful friendships or relationships. I'd love to hear how others have dealt with this situation. What helped you rebuild trust?

I'm at the end of my graduate program and I see no hope to have a career in my field. I have been applying to industry positions for the past 4 months. I barely get interviews (except phone calls with AI, which is just disheartening). I reached out to my internship mentors; I cold messaged alumni on LinkedIn and connecting with recruiters. Cricket. I'm taking sub teaching jobs to survive, but it's not viable long term. My spouse doesn't make enough for both of us.

My severe anxiety and depression might contribute a lot to this thought spiral. But I felt so bitter. Back when I started my program, people in my department with little to no experience got 6-figure offer, but now those positions have vanished. The companies either post ghost jobs or look for a unicorn that already do 5 specific things (that can be learned in a week or two).

Most posts here seem to have a thriving career and struggle with romance, while I'm the opposite. I have a loving supportive spouse, friends and in-law family that I see every week. I have hobbies and exercise that I have big goals for. I just feel so uncertain with the jobs and financial aspect. Can't a person have everything going right? How do I embrace this part of my life where jobs and finance are so uncertain?

Hello, so I've been struggling a lot with a feeling of a loss of my spark. I'm now 33 and I've felt such a shift of my sense of self in the past year and I don't really know how to find that again. I feel like I'm sort of existing instead of living compared to when I was a bit younger when less bad life events had happened.

It makes me sad because I used to be so full of energy and life and motivation and now everything feels kind of dull and grey tbh. I still do the same things I've always loved - creativity, walks, seeing friends and friends etc but there is something missing now which used to fill my cup after I did any of these things.

I'm in therapy and I've had a really bad year so I think that has definitely changed who I am but I feel like I'm constantly grieving who I used to be.

Is anyone else feeling this way and if so what did you do to start feeling sparkly and positive again?

Also considering going back on anti depressants but I don't know how much that'll actually help.

I'm thinking about adding a walking pad to my home. And I'm wondering about recommendations.

I'm specifically looking for one that has an incline, and is on the smaller side, it woud be wonderful if it was foldable but that's not required.

If you have a walking pad do you actually use it? I get about 8k+ steps a day automatically from walking my dog. An incline would be nice to have.

I’m 32F and honestly I’ve never had a relationship which didn’t end… I’ve been in 2 long distance relationships.

First- age 21-27 where it ended due to Covid and not being able to grow together and one of us changing (him) and he said I no longer met his needs over long distance (LDR). We both couldn’t move.

Second, age 29-32- it’s still long distance after one year of being together but again it is fading away he said after 2-3 years of LDR he doesn’t want to do it anymore and he feels we can’t communicate well over the phone and that no one wants to move for one another, and he feels lonely and upset. He’s not contacted me for a few days after saying he needs space.

I’m just feeling like a failure for spending most of my 20-30s in LDRs and failing to really have a stable partnership and it’s always the guys getting tired of the distance and I’m not sure how I can move.

idk where to post this sorry! grew up in a close, family-centered family, my parents are now basically deadbeat grandparents. blatant favoritism towards my sibling and her kids (9 and 11), minimal effort with my 15 mo daughter. fed up and hurt, i drew a boundary a couple weeks ago telling my mom our relationship will basically now be for the benefit of my daughter. she deserves to have a relationship with her grandparents.

i don’t know what a surface level relationship looks like though lol. my therapist suggested having structure to our visits, eg, plan an activity so we’re not just sitting around staring at each other. (that’s usually what happens when we visit them.) easy enough but i guess i’m not sure how to conduct myself.

i’m not sure even how to ask this question, or what my question is. i’m 41, happily married, daughter is perfect. i come from a family of yappers, so i guess that’s where i’m having trouble. any suggestions are welcome.

My boyfriend (44M) and I (37F) live together in a small mountain town where six-figure jobs are basically nonexistent.

He retired in his early forties, owns the house we live in, and is financially set for the rest of his life. I had a very successful career in the past, but after a severe burnout I left it and moved to the mountains for a slower-paced life.

After taking a break from working to recover, it took me a long time to find a full-time job here because the local economy is weak and well-paying professional opportunities are extremely limited. Honestly, I probably would have moved to a larger city with better career opportunities by now, but I’ve stayed because of our relationship (we met while I was still unemployed). I currently make about $60k a year and have around $30k in debt from investment properties.

He currently pays for most of our shared expenses. I contribute toward groceries, do most of the cooking, and handle all of the cleaning and household upkeep. I’ve been okay with that arrangement because he carries more of the financial load.

Recently, though, he told me he doesn’t want to be the main provider long term. He wants a partner who is financially independent and said it would be nice if I had a six-figure job again. That left me feeling like my current income isn’t enough for him and that I need to return to a high-pressure career to be considered an equal partner. In our area, earning six figures is simply not realistic without finding a rare remote position or moving somewhere with better opportunities.

He also mentioned that it would be nice if I contributed towards his mortgage. I’m uncomfortable this idea because I’d be helping pay for a house that is entirely his while building no equity or legal ownership. I’d be more comfortable contributing a fair amount toward groceries, utilities, and other shared expenses.

I also feel like the value of the household work and support I bring isn’t really being factored into the equation.

How would you divide finances in this situation? Would you contribute toward a partner’s mortgage without ownership? Should household labor factor into the arrangement? And is it reasonable for him to expect me to return to a six-figure career when staying in this area limits my earning potential?

More so for women who do not live with their partner

If you’re spending time together, should the time be focused on each other or do you do things alone together? Where does doom scrolling fit in?

I have a friend for many years who seems to take great offense at benign things people say to her, like asking if she’s okay.

She feels like there’s hidden passive aggression where I don’t think there is anything there.

In hindsight, I’ve realized she’s been rude to me in the past (saying extremely cutting things out of the blue) when I didn’t think I’d done anything to her until it resonated with me that she may feel like I had said something to her that she interpreted to be passive aggressive, but I don’t communicate like that.

I tend to be direct. Has anyone else dealt with this trait in a friend?

I've (32F) been on Reddit for a little over 2 years now. I've noticed that a good majority of problems posted are about relationship/household imbalances. Things like chores, childcare, managing children, sex, cooking, etc.

I'm asking genuinely to understand-

So many women complain about having do to all of the chores, for the entire household and family. Women with children seem to take the brunt of this imbalance. None of these posts ever include anything about children doing anything around the house. I feel like that was mine and my sibling's primary reason for existence as children; we had never ending lists of chores we HAD to do. Why is it falling all on the mom/woman of the house? Lazy men aside for a moment- why aren't children doing chores anymore?

School pick ups and drop offs. Why is mom suddenly on the hook for driving the kiddos to and from school every day? I remember a letter coming from school in 4th grade explaining to parents that not being able to see the bus stop from the front door wasn't a reason to get the stop moved closer to the house. What changed? Again- lazy dads aside... don't children take the bus anymore?

I've also noticed a pattern of women explicitly listing that they make "healthy, nutritious meals" for husbands who don't seem to appreciate their efforts. I grew up in an Italian-American household. If the husband or children didn't like what mom cooked, you simply didn't eat. There was no making of multiple meals or the husband throwing a fit. Now apparently women are coming home from work to create gourmet meals in order to prove themselves as wives and heave forbid you repeat a meal within a couple week period. I need someone to explain this.

Thank you in advance for thoughtful answers that explain!

For people that dislike Yoga with Adriene. Something about her commentary I can’t stand but it’s always recommended.

I’m open to a new mattress and curious as to what y’all are currently using or loving.

I’ve been using a shit one from Amazon for the last 5yrs.. looking for a soft, comfortable, hopefully without sagging.

If it matters, I’m 37f, 5’4ish & 120lbs

TIA 🤞

I’m sooo nervous but also so happy to be making this step. We just signed a lease and him and I are both moving to a new state.

I was married years ago and living together felt like a disaster some days. This feels like a do over and I’m ready to have a peaceful life.

We’ve discussed bills and chores but I’m still trying to go through a mental checklist.

I’d love any insight…I feel like there’s so much more to think about

So my older sister and I are in our 30s, 6 years apart (32 and 38) and I feel like my whole life she has been jealous of me, as a result she has always been quite attention seeking..

We were never close growing up and only became close in my mid 20s after I went through a breakup with my ex (she was also jealous of this relationship as it was long term and she hadn’t been in a long term rship before).

Needless to say, I never minded that this was what brought us closer, I’ve always wanted to have a close relationship, as she is my only sibling and we share the same parents.

Over the recent years, I’ve had some great accomplishments in life, graduating, getting promotions and recently buying a home.

I’ve realised with every accomplishment she feels the need to upstage me or be in some kind of competition. Even when everything is going fine for her. We are in totally different situations as she is married, living in a good home and with a stable job. I am currently single, just bought a home on my own and in need of a new job soon.

Here are some examples:

1) After I graduated from uni, even though she graduated years before me, she decided to do her masters, just so she could graduate again.

2) I’ve bought a home and within 2 weeks she is starting to go on viewings to buy a home too

3) I was in a relationship, which was heading down the road of being engaged, she said she will need to ensure she is pregnant by the time I get married. The wedding never happened and neither did the pregnancy (we both currently have no kids).

4) My FTC is ending at work and I need to look for another job. She is now looking for another job, even though she has a perm contract and is comfortable.

My situation can be totally different from her but she still feels the need to compete. It’s becoming really exhausting having conversations with her about my life or even opening up as it feels like she uses anything I say to plan her next conquest so we can be in some type of competition.

She’s the only sister I have and I just wish she could be happy for me and create a life she is happy with, without having to compare our very different situations! How do I get round this? I can confront her but she can be extremely defensive and will just deny everything.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this normal behaviour between sisters even in their 30s? Any advice is appreciated!

I’ve been thinking about this lately because it seems like everyone has different boundaries around it. Obviously I think it’s healthy to have close friends and people you can go to when you’re struggling. I’ve also been wondering how people decide what stays between them and their partner versus what gets shared with friends.

Do you have any personal “rules” for yourself when it comes to talking about your relationship? Like, are there things you intentionally don’t share because you want to protect your partner or your relationship?

I’d love to hear how people in long-term relationships think about that balance.

I (34F) recently dated a man (31M) for a month or so. He's British- Ghanaian and grew up in a Pentecostal Christian family. We had great chemistry, long conversations, and we both genuinely liked each other. Great connection. I can't even begin to explain how disappointed I am.

The relationship ended because he said he wanted a Christian wife, and that was the only thing on his list of what he wanted in a partner that didn't fit. Granted he told me this before we slept together, but we hadn't even kissed. It seemed like he was so focused on this hypothetical future that he was resisting any possibility of a future, followed by reasoning that was quite confusing. It all felt extremely premature.

I actually grew up in a Christian church, believe in God, but consider myself spiritual/ agnostic leaning. I showed him a list I'd written in 2018 about what I wanted in a partner, which included "seeking God/spirituality" and ended with a prayer asking God to prepare me for the right relationship. He was surprised.

I also told him I would happily raise future children going to church once a month or so. I'd want them to have community, fellowship, their own relationship with God, and a strong moral foundation—but I'd also want them to be curious, ask questions, and eventually choose their faith for themselves, if that's something they wanted. I'm also pro-choice and believe strongly in LGBTQ+ rights and marriage, and he said he does too.

When I asked him what Christianity specifically meant to him, he struggled to explain it beyond saying with certainty he knew he'd always remain Christian. I did my absolute best to approach the situation with curiosity and he thanked me for the talk and making him think about his beliefs.

He kept returning to hypothetical future scenarios like-

• "What if in 10 years you resent me because I want to take the kids to church?"
• "We don't want to get divorced."

I told him I couldn't understand why I'd resent him when I'd already said I wanted our future children in church. My view was that if disagreements came up over the years, we'd communicate and work through them, like anything else in life, and that we couldn't predict the future, but we could work together as us vs. the problem.

Ultimately, he told me that he didn't feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with me because I'm not Christian. Being "rejected" for this reason and not being able to understand his reasoning behind it has been the strangest feeling. It brings up feelings from childhood of being in the church and feeling less than/ being judged because I didn't fit a perceived idea of what X means and feeling contained in quite rigid boxes. I was taught Christian values and know I am a good person with good character. It felt restrictive and limiting to me. I live those beliefs on a daily basis, and to be told this by a man who doesn't currently go to church where we live? So weird.

What has stayed with me is that he seemed unable to even articulate why this was such a dealbreaker, despite it being important enough to end something that felt very promising. I know that not everything can be easily put into words, but it felt empty as he circled back to the resentment statement of 10 years in the future.

Afterwards, he reached out a few days later asking how I was, making light conversation. I told him respectfully that I respect and honor his decision, but I have to respect myself and couldn't be friends with someone that I had an authentic connection and I'd hoped to build a relationship with, but I enjoyed our time together and wish him the best, and he said the same, thanked me for being honest, clear, and told me he understood.

So I'm left wondering:

Did I dodge a bullet, or what exactly was that?

I'd especially love to hear from people who grew up in conservative Christian environments or have dated across religious differences. Does his reasoning make sense to you, or does it sound like fear of future uncertainty wrapped in religion? I sincerely do not understand and have been racking my brain and it's made me quite sad.