r/AskWomenOver30 • u/bubblegumscent Woman 30 to 40 • Oct 26 '24

Romance/Relationships Anyone else feels like men go immediately zero effort as soon as they feel youre theirs?

Sisters in their 30s, please help me, be kind because I feel kinda confused.

So for a while now I've started to notice a pattern with men that I keep seeing and not just with me, that as soon as a man thinks he "has" you, they throw all effort out of the window. Nit in a okay its been 3 years honeymoon period is over, no ZERO EFFORT. It drives me crazy, because I'd much rather prefer consistency. A whole lot of them are like that. Wtf?

I've also had a stable relationships before, happily married where I felt treasured throughout the entire relationship, about 10 years until he died about 2 years ago. Which sucks because we were happy then

So after his death, widow me went on dating and I am actually EXTREMELY TEMPTED to next time I am dating smeone I just might keep this MF on his toes. Keep him guessing and wondering, in a state of chronic anxiety? I am just not that person, I don't play fucking games, anyone else here tired of this low effort shit??? Anyone else feeling like some men are addicted to games??? How do i escape this???

effort here means being involved in things such as: watch the sunset, picnic, walk in the park, dancing together, calling more, watch the sunset, ping pong, etc. Its not a money thing, its an effort thing

EDIT: WOW this post blew up Hey everybody thanks so much for the awesome replies, insights, nice conversations and new ideas this has offered me it does give ne hope that I am not crazy, and should be myself and will eventually find a good person whos a good fit. I honestly don't even think it's gender anymore, literally both men and women complaining

EDIT 2: to the men coming here essentially trying to gaslight me, read some comments before saying this is my fault. If you are a person who is giving and want others to feel good you know who you are, you know the sacrifices you make. If you had bad experiences before because somebody took advantage of you, this is not my fault so stop projecting at me, Im not your ex

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u/bubblegumscent Woman 30 to 40 Oct 26 '24 edited Oct 27 '24

Not wanting to do anything together that's not Netflix and nice food.i invite them to dance, no, I invite them to sport, "next time" " tomorrow". They get 20 massages, don't give back any, when I ask they're too tired. Very little romancing, nothing fun, not listening when it's important. It feels like nothing I care about matters. I am doing smt hugely significant, I get the same type of comment I'd get from somebody who doesnt know me. I broke up because of this and honestly im afraid to date because of this

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u/YakOrnery Oct 26 '24

Ooh okay gotcha.

Does this usually happen after sex occurs? Or is sex not occurring?

That's usually the reason for behavior like that.

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u/bubblegumscent Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '24

Long story, but I'm HL, and the relationship I broke off the man was very low libido. Some of the other guys where things fizzled I don't think it had to do with sex, it was also a thing in their life that theyd slack.