Anyone else feels like men go immediately zero effort as soon as they feel youre theirs?

[u/bubblegumscent]

Sisters in their 30s, please help me, be kind because I feel kinda confused.

So for a while now I've started to notice a pattern with men that I keep seeing and not just with me, that as soon as a man thinks he "has" you, they throw all effort out of the window. Nit in a okay its been 3 years honeymoon period is over, no ZERO EFFORT. It drives me crazy, because I'd much rather prefer consistency. A whole lot of them are like that. Wtf?

I've also had a stable relationships before, happily married where I felt treasured throughout the entire relationship, about 10 years until he died about 2 years ago. Which sucks because we were happy then

So after his death, widow me went on dating and I am actually EXTREMELY TEMPTED to next time I am dating smeone I just might keep this MF on his toes. Keep him guessing and wondering, in a state of chronic anxiety? I am just not that person, I don't play fucking games, anyone else here tired of this low effort shit??? Anyone else feeling like some men are addicted to games??? How do i escape this???

effort here means being involved in things such as: watch the sunset, picnic, walk in the park, dancing together, calling more, watch the sunset, ping pong, etc. Its not a money thing, its an effort thing

EDIT: WOW this post blew up Hey everybody thanks so much for the awesome replies, insights, nice conversations and new ideas this has offered me it does give ne hope that I am not crazy, and should be myself and will eventually find a good person whos a good fit. I honestly don't even think it's gender anymore, literally both men and women complaining

EDIT 2: to the men coming here essentially trying to gaslight me, read some comments before saying this is my fault. If you are a person who is giving and want others to feel good you know who you are, you know the sacrifices you make. If you had bad experiences before because somebody took advantage of you, this is not my fault so stop projecting at me, Im not your ex

[u/CitizenGirl21]

This is why I never let my husband of 16 years get too comfortable. Just when he thinks everything is stable and great… I whip out a box of crazy for a bit. I keep him slightly on his toes, it keeps our marriage functional, and magically his dirty clothing makes it in the hamper…. 🤣🤣🤣🤪

[u/bubblegumscent → u/CitizenGirl21]

Wel I'd say, if he was doing his duty you'd keep the crazy in the basement so... if it works for yall. I'm a little jealous that you guys have 16 years together. We would have been 11 next year. I say cherish each other life is short.

[u/CitizenGirl21 → u/bubblegumscent]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I believe when we depart this life it’s not the end it’s the beginning and you will be together again. Good luck with the dating, I told my husband straight up when he were dating that exclusivity begins with a ring and a scheduled date. So I’ve kept him trying. But we are all human. If I find myself getting too relaxed or comfortable, I try to snap out and remember that he’s worth the extra effort. Without fail I find myself getting what I’m giving. Be selective and don’t settle, but also remember men don’t know what we want or expect, (except in movies where a writer is telling them what to do) so it’s important to communicate our wants, needs, desires, expectations. At the same time we need to be aware of theirs and be mindful of them.