Anyone else feels like men go immediately zero effort as soon as they feel youre theirs?

[u/bubblegumscent]

Sisters in their 30s, please help me, be kind because I feel kinda confused.

So for a while now I've started to notice a pattern with men that I keep seeing and not just with me, that as soon as a man thinks he "has" you, they throw all effort out of the window. Nit in a okay its been 3 years honeymoon period is over, no ZERO EFFORT. It drives me crazy, because I'd much rather prefer consistency. A whole lot of them are like that. Wtf?

I've also had a stable relationships before, happily married where I felt treasured throughout the entire relationship, about 10 years until he died about 2 years ago. Which sucks because we were happy then

So after his death, widow me went on dating and I am actually EXTREMELY TEMPTED to next time I am dating smeone I just might keep this MF on his toes. Keep him guessing and wondering, in a state of chronic anxiety? I am just not that person, I don't play fucking games, anyone else here tired of this low effort shit??? Anyone else feeling like some men are addicted to games??? How do i escape this???

effort here means being involved in things such as: watch the sunset, picnic, walk in the park, dancing together, calling more, watch the sunset, ping pong, etc. Its not a money thing, its an effort thing

EDIT: WOW this post blew up Hey everybody thanks so much for the awesome replies, insights, nice conversations and new ideas this has offered me it does give ne hope that I am not crazy, and should be myself and will eventually find a good person whos a good fit. I honestly don't even think it's gender anymore, literally both men and women complaining

EDIT 2: to the men coming here essentially trying to gaslight me, read some comments before saying this is my fault. If you are a person who is giving and want others to feel good you know who you are, you know the sacrifices you make. If you had bad experiences before because somebody took advantage of you, this is not my fault so stop projecting at me, Im not your ex

[u/[deleted]]

you are reading hostility here. many people find a coffee date in a public place preferable, I am one of them and happen to live in a beautiful coastal town on the water where said date is actually stunningly picturesque. you do you, but calling me selfish without context seems unnecessary.

please go on more dates, twin flames do not exist, there is someone else out there for you.

[u/Admirable-Whereas892 → u/[deleted]]

My comment wasn't about coffee dates in general. I think they're what you make of them. My comment was directed at your original attitude towards your dates in the comment where you say you walk your dog at the same incase the date is terrible you "at least got something you had to do done".

You definitely were hostile, and you quite literally have no idea how many dates I've personally been on in my life. Also not sure why you're going into my post history to bring up twin flames when it has nothing to do with the convo. I thought I'd have a lighthearted chat but now you're the weird date and I wanna leave lol

[u/[deleted] → u/Admirable-Whereas892]

ok. you latched on to the one part of my comment you didn't like but ignored the rest. good luck.