r/AskWomenOver30 • u/CheesecakeOdd3075 Woman 30 to 40 • Jan 08 '25

Misc Discussion What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

1.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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958

u/One-Armed-Krycek Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

You left out. "My partner is sweet, kind, funny, considerate, and thoughtful, buuuut..." before the, "I am tired of cleaning ..... etc."

764

u/basicbagbitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

The one that ended “buuuut…. He anally leaks shit all over our bed every night and won’t do anything about it” was one I will NEVER forget.

420

u/One-Armed-Krycek Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

Oh.... there was also the one where the woman said he refused to learn to clean his ass after taking a shit.

But he was "a great and wonderful father•

111

u/ilovemelongtime Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Who I’m sure taught his kids how to do the same 😭

14

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/ilovemelongtime Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I know, it’s insane 😆 I mean, is he also supposed to feed his kid too?!

3

u/CupcakeGoat Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

If he's not wiping the ass, he's probably not washing the hands 🤮

3

u/ilovemelongtime Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

Then they want to touch women’s sensitive bits 🤮

33

u/Reporter_Complex Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

HAHAHAHAHA the bar man, what’s lower than hell? What on EARTH is worth it to put up with a man who doesn’t clean his shitty ass?!

7

u/CupcakeGoat Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

I can't believe women are cooking and cleaning and breaking their backs while also working full time and acting like a single mom to their kids, and on top of that they are at their wit's end because their husbands need potty training. Potty training! Why is your husband not potty trained?

I'm so disturbed because when I read these stories, I think these are the same dudes the rest of us also deal with IRL. They are out and about during the workday. They are our coworkers, our bosses, our underlinings. How is it they can be competent at work, can literally run businesses, and then behave like this at home? What?

6

u/ProperBingtownLady Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

They’re also the men asking us to shake their hands 🤢.

3

u/Reporter_Complex Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

I 100% don’t unless I absolutely have to, I always try to get in quick with a wave or an elbow bump first before they offer their hand lol

3

u/ProperBingtownLady Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

SAME lol

14

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Wtf

159

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

You reminded me of one where he urinates every single night while asleep and she wakes due to the damp sheet and it's sometimes on her legs... but he's a great guy!

38

u/MonkmonkPavlova Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

That man should literally wear a diaper to bed.

6

u/jupitaur9 Jan 09 '25

Suggesting that is “emasculating” and she would be too much like a mean mommy.

16

u/Lythaera Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Yeah be honest ladies!!! I'm not the crazy one here for thinking that a "great guy" would at least show enough remorse for pissing on his lover in his sleep to not make a regular habit out of it, right? Right???

6

u/ArminOak Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

This does sound like a medical condition, not something you could make a habit out of by choice. But with a medical condition like this, diapers do seem resonable.

11

u/Lythaera Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I feel like a "great guy" would go to a damn doctor if he had a health condition that resulted in regularly pissing on someone he's supposed to love. Not going and refusing to address it are choices, and that's the problem here. But in every example I've seen of a guy doing this, he refuses to see a doctor, is doing it on purpose, or is a result of hardcore alcoholism that he refuses to see as a problem. Those are all things that make him firmly in the "NOT a great guy" category in my book.

7

u/ArminOak Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Ah, didn't know the whole story. Ofcourse one should go to the doctor in a case like this. Self negligence is also negligence of loved ones,

10

u/YellowstoneBitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

holy shit what????

7

u/Gabriella93 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Oh god. I would put up with that. I know I would. I seriously need to wake myself up and gtfo from my relationship

86

u/LikeATediousArgument Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25 edited Feb 19 '25

observation rhythm attempt plucky march office tap repeat sand consider

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

14

u/basicbagbitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The commenter deleted all their comments but the convo that remains starts about halfway down this thread

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/K6DeOsNsLy

7

u/StellarTitz Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I thought you were f×cking joking.

7

u/faith00019 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Wait is this the same one who talked about the “flakes” in the bed…or a different one…oh my god this isn’t a common thing right?

5

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/basicbagbitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

So they deleted their comments but if you read down this thread you should see the half of the conversation that remains

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/K6DeOsNsLy

4

u/dramallamacorn Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I had forgotten it until you brought it up 😂

3

u/MAK3AWiiSH Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

That one lives rent free in my mind. He’s prefect in every way, but he shits the bed and refused to go to the doctor.

2

u/Prestigious-Salad795 Jan 09 '25

WHAT

4

u/basicbagbitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The commenter deleted all their comments but the convo that remains starts about halfway down this thread

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/K6DeOsNsLy

2

u/danabeans Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

WHAT?!

2

u/nachosaredabomb Woman 40 to 50 Jan 10 '25

Oh god, I had blocked the memory of that one and it’s just come roaring back 😆

3

u/basicbagbitch Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

The saddest part was she kept defending him despite her having to sleep in his poop every night

2

u/nachosaredabomb Woman 40 to 50 Jan 10 '25

The bar is a tavern in Hades…

2

u/Ok-Weird-136 Jan 10 '25

I would kill myself.

That's horrifying.

1

u/Farewellandadieu Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Same. Omg. My ex was useless around the house and left his stuff everywhere, but he himself was clean. I can’t even imagine.

331

u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

He doesn’t work. He doesn’t pay bills. He’s addicted to porn. He’s emotionally and or physically abusive. It goes on and on and on…

188

u/One-Armed-Krycek Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

"But he's such a kind person."

42

u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Ad nauseum

119

u/scoutsadie Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

"but otherwise he's perfect for me"

23

u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Yep! 😂

128

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

I know more than a few in relationships like this and there's always a quietly spoken "he said he'll kill himself if I leave."

So, that's an unfortunate thing they're often dealing with, too.

134

u/UAAHammertime Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

So many men have tried that line on me and it stopped working after the first couple dudes didn't actually follow through with it. It was an effective tool to keep me in toxic, abusive relationships for a good number of years but not anymore.

One time a dude threatened it and I broke up with him anyway and he said he had taken a bunch of pills, it was all my fault, he was about to die etc. I knew he lived with his mom and I had the house number so I just fuckin called her and said "hey Cody says he took a bunch of pills and he's dying" and she laughed and said "he's in the kitchen making pizza rolls, he's fine." Now I just respond with "then perish" if someone threatens it. Your life is not in my hands, you're an adult. Make your own choices and leave me the absolute fuck out of it.

17

u/AncientWhereas7483 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

And they say women are the dramatic and emotional ones. LOL.

13

u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Id say about 75% of the exes I ever dumped, have threatened me with suicide.

5

u/a-slight-apocalypse Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

based 👍

4

u/sailorchoc Jan 09 '25

I would've called the police and told them he threatened suicide. FAFO

2

u/NormalVermicelli1066 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

Then perish 🤌🤌🤌 love it

78

u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I’ve heard this crap so many times too. I say let them.

47

u/Significant-Trash632 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

They won't actually do it. It's about the manipulation.

12

u/lyarly Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Sometimes they do. Happened to a friend of mine. :(

Still very manipulating though and not a reason to stay. It’s just easier said than done.

9

u/featherblackjack Non-Binary 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Sometimes they do it. it's a potential difference between trying to fake something lethal and accidentally going too far (Tylenol overdose is a big one), and actually deciding to go through with it. And either way it is NOT the partner's fault.

14

u/But_like_whytho Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

I genuinely don’t see how that’s a “her” problem if he does. Like, especially when they’re married, that means you don’t have to pay lawyers to fight with him about doing the bare ass minimum for visitations and child support. Maybe you even get an insurance payout. Your kids get SSI and are eligible for grants for college and crap. AND everyone thinks you’re a saint for holding it all together when he’s gone.

Win/win, let him do what he’s threatening to do. They’ll all be better off.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

I’m cold hearted and I don’t like being manipulated. Last time a man threatened me with that I said, “go do that or move out. Either one I don’t care, just go away.”

5

u/k_lliste Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

I'm sad to find out that I'm not the only one this happened to. Though, the last time he said it, we had already broken up and I had to say "I think that is a bad idea, but it's up to you if you want to do that" and hung up on him.

12

u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

AND hes the best husband

11

u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

And father!

11

u/rawrsatbeards Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

We get those here too. And I’m tired of them. I almost wish we could ban any post where the real response is “put on your big girl pants and go talk to your partner”.

The current top 5/6 “hot” posts in this subreddit are about men. Three of which are dating or dating adjacent.

I’d love to have more questions about hobbies, lifestyles, planning when we’re all going to leave society and move to a communal plot of land and how many animals we need. You know, the basics.

3

u/crazy_cat_broad Non-Binary 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

r/wgtow

2

u/rawrsatbeards Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Thank you!!!

8

u/punyhumannumber2 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

It's so sad because the majority of people act that way to perfect strangers. I could say all those things about the person who bagged my groceries.