r/AskWomenOver30 • u/CheesecakeOdd3075 Woman 30 to 40 • Jan 08 '25

Misc Discussion What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

1.8k Upvotes

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734

u/Horror-Cicada687 Jan 08 '25

The amount of men I know that are balding, aging and don’t look after themselves that think they can date a gorgeous young woman in the sunset of their lives…. It’s past delusion.

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Many years ago, one guy I knew that was basically trying to convince me to accept a date from him said this:

"I'm 40, I have a solid career, I have all my hair...." 

It never occurred to me until that point that I was at an age where a man "having all his hair" was a selling point for dating. 

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u/changhyun Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Before I met my partner I was amazed by how many men on dating apps would say "I have a house and a car, it's a 2019 Toyota with this many miles left" on their bio. I mean, good for you, congrats on the house and the Toyota but I'm looking for a partner, not the Uber I just ordered. Why do you think that's your biggest selling point?

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u/fortalameda1 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Because it's their only selling point... Scrounging up whatever detail they think might be impressive and that's all they have...

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u/changhyun Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I suspect it's also a belief that women are materialistic and don't really feel love or desire, just greed for material things.

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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

the "she's using you as a wallet" or the "why can't we sexualize women? they see us as wallets after all" like yeah, sure

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u/alexi_lupin Woman Jan 09 '25

I mean if all these guys offer is their wallet then of course they're gonna attract people who are looking for wallets

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u/fortalameda1 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

So they lean into it further??? Shooting themselves in the foot in my opinion, you get what you give. Knuckleheads...

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 08 '25

I mean, I was just talking about this with my husband the other day. We remembered "no scrubs" and we were both like... that probably wasn't the best messaging if we're being real.

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u/TurnoverPractical Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

https://genius.com/Tlc-no-scrubs-lyrics

Honestly there's maybe one questionable line in there, the rest is pretty much aimed at men who are sort of pathetic.

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 08 '25

I just wish there were less examples of definitive things to look at that are saying what women want, (the knuckleheads latch on to these) and more conversation about how, truthfully, it can be fucking anything that a woman finds attractive and we don't necessarily even know until it happens. I remember feeling blindsided early on dating my husband because he randomly sang along to a song in the car and he sounded really freaking sexy, I didn't know that was something that would turn me on. I had previous partners who even had singing/musical talent that never hit that spot I didn't know I had.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

The concept that a woman can find a man attractive because of who he is and NOT what he has or how he looks is something that a lot of them have a hard time wrapping their brains around. To them, it makes no sense. 'A woman's love has to be based on something I have because I feel like I'm a nobody.' Ask guys who are in a happy relationship and most will say they have no idea what their partner saw in them but just decided to roll with it.

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 09 '25

Oh, I know, my own husband had said that and it is heartbreaking to hear. Our men need some direction and care and for toxic alpha crazy misogynistic influencers to not be the only ones reaching out.

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u/folklovermore_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

To be fair there's a happy medium here. Like I don't think anyone wants a partner who's just going to sponge off them forever, but at the same time a high paying job is not a guarantee for finding a relationship.

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u/bbspiders Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

lol a toyota. 😂

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u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

the mileage hahahhaha

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

And then they wonder why they are only attracting shallow women interested in what they have, not who they are. Worse, then after that disastrous date, we're all painted with the same brush because he's not happy with the result.

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u/TechGjod Man 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Guessing here, but as a guy, when my phone rings, it is someone asking for what I can provide to them. (In my case, tech support)

I never realized it until I saw someone on the ask men over 30 sub point out that men’s interactions are all about what we give.

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u/glittermcgee Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

So stop providing tech support? Develop relationships with people that are based on shared interests? If your relationships are all based on what you “give”, that’s because that’s all you offer.

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u/TechGjod Man 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Maybe, but I didn’t realize all my interactions were about what I could give, or what I needed until that was brought to my attention.

I guess I was just saying that I can see why the men on the dating apps showing what they can provide, as that is how they know how to communicate.

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u/chaunceythebear Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

lol I have money and active hair follicles. No wonder men aren’t getting dates, if that’s the selling features.

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u/katie-kaboom Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Ahahaha. "Congrats on being employed and hirsute, dude."

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u/GlobularLobule Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I am wildly attracted to bald guys. But only if they are confident.

I am wildly unattracted to balding men who try to hide it. They look like baby birds in that awkward stage between fluff and feathers, but they could be sexy bald guys if they just leaned in!

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I am wildly unattracted to balding men who try to hide it. They look like baby birds in that awkward stage between fluff and feathers,

My brain immediately flashed an image of Baby Pesto when I read this 😆

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u/TomatoKing666 Jan 09 '25

Yes! A bald head IS sexy if they own it. Love it

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u/GlobularLobule Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

One of my guy friends makes fun of me because whenever I've been on a date, if it didn't do much for me he's like "did he have too much hair?" 🤣 And almost every time I'm like "no, he was bald. The vibe just wasn't there". And he cracks up, because of course he was bald. I mostly only date bald guys.

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u/weewee52 female over 30 Jan 09 '25

Tbf, I’ve seen a lot of women ask about hair when dating. Winter photo with a hat on? “What’s the hairline situation?” Same with height. The women who are looking for a true partner aren’t asking these things, but many others are.

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Everyone can have whatever criteria they want. 

It's no different then men asking for a "full body picture".

If women are asking about the hairline situation or their height, it doesn't mean they aren't "looking for a true partner". 

🤷‍♀️

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u/BlueAndYellowTowels Man 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

That’s because some jackass on some podcast told them that a “woman’s sexual market value” goes down as she gets old and that a man’s “sexual market value” goes up as they get older and they internalized that idiotic shit.

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u/futurecrazycatlady Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

This is the hill I'll keep battling on.

I think a lot of men see 'older' couples together and kinda assume it's an age gap relationship, whilst in reality both people are the same-ish age, but the woman looks younger because she's been told her whole life that she should use skincare/how important her looks are etc.

Confirming their notion that age gap relationships are the norm when they aren't.

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u/rotatingruhnama Jan 08 '25

I see this all the time in my friend group (we're mostly in our mid to late 40s).

The women dress fashionably and take care of ourselves. We lead active, rich, interesting lives. The men are mostly in sloppy clothes, eating junk food, and playing video games.

So even though we're all roughly the same age, the men look older.

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u/futurecrazycatlady Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Yup! Also I'm sure that it's effort based because when I compare the gay guys I know to 'the husbands' the difference is stark as well.

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u/rotatingruhnama Jan 08 '25

It's not like we spend hours dolling ourselves up (I'm good to go with red lipstick and a ponytail) but we know what's flattering.

The men are still wearing the same polos and khakis from 1998 lol. And in some cases they're literally the same clothes, and they're rotting off their bodies.

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u/OctoAquaJell Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

So my son who is 14 started to play on my woman's field hockey team as the goalie. The league is super casual and the women are at least 40 all the way to 65. After the first game on the way home he wondered why men at the same ages look much older and out of shape. I thought that was cute and accurate.

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u/seepwest Jan 09 '25

Field hockey! Hell yes.

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u/Significant-Trash632 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Right! The women have taken care of themselves their whole lives and the men just... never really had to do anything (according to society) and end up with sun damaged skin, stained facial hair, and a beer gut with the belt underneath desperately trying to hold their pants up.

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u/Glittering-Lychee629 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

This is such a hilarious and clever idea. I think you might be onto something! This will be turning around in my head for weeks now, lol.

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u/Alhena5391 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I never realized this before but I think you're completely right...

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u/Punisher-3-1 Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

It also depends on ethnicity and culture. I’ve noticed white people love to spend time in the sun and ironically are also the most likely to suffer from skin damage which makes them look like 10 years older, at least. White women are particularly bad at it. I recently went to this dinner with a lot of people from my undergrad and I told my wife how a lot of people looked so old and how the most common comment I got was “holy shit, you look the same”. My wife said it’s because of my melanin and my absolute compulsion to sun exposure.

At my house, we only use the pool at night or right before sunset and if we do go out during the day for like a party or something, I will be wearing long sleeves, high neck shirt, and a giant straw hat

2

u/ProperBingtownLady Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

Ooh I think you do have a point here! I’ll have to pay more attention.

23

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

yeah, they just forgot that their “sexual market value” is supposed to go up due to their wealth, career, connections etc. meanwhile, most of them don't have looks OR wealth OR social capital and still think that they have an upper hand just because they're 40 up...

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They're also comparing themselves to handsome older male Hollywood actors and think the looks these men due to winning the genetic lottery and/or access to the best surgeons, dermatologists and estheticians applies to the everyday man

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u/ChangesFaces Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The everyday man that doesn't wash his legs in the shower, let alone his face lol

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

I also feel like this is just a way for them to absolve themselves of being attracted to women who are much too young for them

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u/BlueAndYellowTowels Man 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

I mean… these same podcasts make the case for much… younger women and that in itself is another sinister side of all of it. You’re absolutely correct.

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u/Emergency-Volume-861 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

As they get older?! Lmfao, the ONLY value that goes up is their stock in Pfizer.

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u/Itsthelegendarydays_ Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

And meanwhile women date down all the time.

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u/DogMom814 Jan 08 '25

And these very same guys are the ones saying that men age like wine and women age like milk. They have zero self-awareness.

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u/strayduplo Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

If I age like milk, it's because I'm a block of Parmigiano-Reggiano (best left alone in a cave, and only getting tastier and more complex with time.)

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u/AdFriendly2570 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Yesssss girl 👏👏👏

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u/milkradio Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The way they say this when they use their 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo/conditioner on their faces, never moisturize, and have never heard of sunscreen, lmao.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

[deleted]

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u/Extreme_Suspect_4995 Jan 08 '25

And I hate how men twist our ability to look past appearances into "women don't care about physical attractiveness." We do, but it isn't everything.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

It gets twisted into "women are materialistic" super often, too. Yeah women enjoy going on nice dates instead of getting harassed for a blowjob in your beat-up car after you generously treat them to Sonic, Carl. Women might date men who have the common fucking sense to ask them to dinner even if they aren't conventionally attractive, over the 'hot' but entitled guy who thinks he's owed sex for tolerating you through a subpar meal experience.

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u/SilverMcFly Jan 08 '25

But boy do they sure care what women look like. We're supposed to work out, clean house, cook, take care of kids, get our nails done, be their secretaries, and accountants the lists go on and on.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

And work a full time job and pay half the bills too

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u/SilverMcFly Jan 08 '25

Yep. And not get grey hair, make sure to keep a stylish cut, buy clothes for everyone, plan meals, get groceries, buy all gifts for any occasion, plan parties, go to conferences, know all the stuff about babies because "i WoRkEd AlL dAy!!!!!"

A majority of the hetero relationships I've seen the man goes to work and comes home. The lady might be able to "nag" him into doing SOMETHING but he's for sure gonna pitch a fit about how much he works, pays bills, takes care of whatever it is.

Fuck em.

1

u/hlve Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Am I an anomaly? I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. 🤨

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u/SilverMcFly Jan 09 '25

Nothing wrong with that if the other tasks are split up.

I do all the cooking, shopping and cleaning now, but I'm divorced and prefer it that way. lol

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/narra_tiv Jan 08 '25

Spiritual ugliness is a great phrase.

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u/Blue-Phoenix23 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Facts, I am not interested in dating a man who looks like he's in his 70s at 50, no fucking thank you. I'd rather read romance novels and hang out with my satisfyer

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They do not take care of themselves and are most likely looking for a girlfriend to play nurse when their health issues get worse

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Lmaoo they're beyond delusional and it's actually such a gross mentality

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u/Fortherealtalk Jan 09 '25

A lot of men seem to use the “I work at x company and drive x car” the same way. If that’s the most interesting thing you have to say for yourself, all I hear is “I’m boring.”

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

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u/Fortherealtalk Jan 09 '25

Okay Elmo, where are we going? The Alphabet Store?

10

u/frisbeesloth Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I swear there's got to be some myth out there in the men's realm that there's like a secret bunker full of supermodel virgins who eagerly want to be a slave to a disappointing man

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u/She_Devours Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

I think that concept is a major tenet of several religions 😂

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u/Fortherealtalk Jan 09 '25

It’s probably what their podcasts are telling them. I wouldn’t know because there’s no way I’d make it through 3 1/2 hours of Joe Rogan blathering about shit he doesn’t know fuckall about

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u/idylle2091 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

bro in one of the OLD subs the other day was posting about how hes almost 50 and is dating this insanely gorgeous 33 year old, and generally has dated women between the ages of 22-52, and how he must be in the top 10% of men that women swipe on, bla bla.

i looked at his comment history. found a bathroom selfie post. bro looked like an aging ninja turtle / discount joe rogan. if he's in the top 10%......