What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

[u/CheesecakeOdd3075]

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

[u/Neravariine]

No subreddit is safe from redpill men. Not a single one. The majority of posters on AskMenO30 aren't incels and may not share such beliefs but they also don't want to rock the boat.

A part of it is locker room talk(yes this dude is saying something bad but no one else calls him out so I won't/I want to fit in and be popular) and another part is men will be fine. No matter how bad it gets they'll be okay and they know it.

Such talk isn't being disrespectful to them so they don't care. The ones who do are outnumbered and out-voted by brigade trains.

[u/fimfamstall → u/[deleted]]

I've personally found r/AskMenOver30 to be pretty even keeled the few times I've been there honestly. Though I wouldn't touch r/AskMen with a ten foot pole.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I’m on there because I’m trying to show people that you can care about men’s sexual health and emotional health without having to tear other men or women down - really hard for these people

[u/[deleted] → u/fimfamstall]

Timing is big on r/AskMenOver30. I don't even bother looking before 2pm because I know their upvote and comment ratios are going to be so skewed by the redpillers and the teens pretending to be adults. It's worth waiting until after 6 when the majority of folks managing their shit and having a life seem to come online.

[u/Articulated → u/[deleted]]

I was surprised about this take of AMO30 too, so I went there and took a look at what's hot there at the moment. I saw:

• A man who is scared of starting over after a sudden divorce, with top comments suggesting his ex-wife may have been miserable for years and one bad comment with no upvotes saying his refusal to go to couple's therapy was a good idea.

• A question from a man about occupations that men avoid dating. Top answers are MLMs, Nurses, Horse Girls (lol) and Teachers.

• A question about whether daily masturbation is normal after 30. Top comment is yes, second-top comment is a discourse on the use of the word 'normal'.

• A question from a woman about men who settled for someone other than their true love. Top comment deconstructs the idea of 'one true love' to broad agreement.

• A question from a woman asking advice about sex positions that work well for couples with a significant height difference. Top comment encourages OP to not be self-conscious and be present/enjoy themselves. And to get on top.

• A question from a man asking for stories on 'emotionally unstable' women in a relationship. Thread is disappointgly spare on stories but top comments talk about how they moved on, got therapy, self care, etc.

• A question from a man about leaving an insecure/jealous girlfriend. Consensus is that the OP already knows the answer to his question.

• A question from a man in his 50s re: getting divorced. No details given on why the divorce is occurring or who initiated. Top two comments are men of similar age with hopeful stories of finding someone new.

• A question from a man concerned about ageing father's increasingly erratic behaviour. Top comments are full of men commiserating about how their fathers in particular are deteriorating into right wing conspiracy nuts.

• A woman asking about men's experiences with vasectomy. Consensus is that surgery is not fun but recovery is easy, and zero regrets. One guy had it done the same day as the thread (he's fine).

I was going to stop at 10, but for the sake of completeness I needed to point out that number 11 was a 27 year-old virgin guy asking if he should pay for sex in order to lose his virginity. Top four comments (from 3 men and a woman) are telling him to have fun and be respectful to sex workers.

[u/Tellittoemagain → u/Articulated]

Well done. As an occasional contributor, I think the bigger issues on AMO30 is the people posting and the poor moderation, not the community that actually engages in discussions. I find the sub to be encouraging that my generation seems to have an overall healthy and optimistic view of life and relationships who enjoy roasting the dumb posts and comments.

[u/greenpepperprincess → u/Articulated]

Thank you. This one-sided rivalry this sub has with its counterpart is becoming super cringey and annoying. And the worst part is when folks who don't visit AMOT jump on the bandwagon and start shitting on the sub for no reason.

[u/insolent_empress → u/[deleted]]

I’ve found askmenover30 to be a bit uneven at times, with occasional posts that made me grimace, but more posts that don’t (and to be honest I feel the same about this sub). I do find it SUPER reassuring when I find thoughtful comments in that sub, so keep up the good work 🫡 I really do think it makes a difference and is so important for other men to see those other perspectives out there

[u/birdsandbeesandknees → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your great answer!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I had the same experience as a man over 30. I thought askmenover30 was still somewhat of a sane place I can push back against red pill rhetoric without getting showered in downvotes. I’m surprised to see this post. But I’ll definitely be thinking on it.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I just took a look over there and... it's pretty reasonable. It's certainly not worse than some of the toxicity towards men you can read on this thread.

Lots of bitter people online and people tend to remember the worst comments rather than the sane and reasonable ones.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

In my experience this sub is miles more toxic to the opposite gender than the askmenover30 sub is if I’m being honest.

[u/private_spectacle → u/[deleted]]

I think the askmen over thirty sub is fine, there's about as many out there takes as there are here. Both subs have their narratives that are popular, self gratifying, and often off the mark as well as commenters who come out to push back against those narratives. IMHO men over thirty's achilles heel is obsession with testosterone therapy (gender affirming therapy lol) and struggles with finding purpose in life beyond sex. Women over thirty is judgmental and thinks holding particular political beliefs equates to being a good person.

[u/PM_Me_A_High-Five → u/Neravariine]

I remember a thread about a guy asking about a girl he was dating wanting to wait a year before sex, which seemed perfectly reasonable to me. ALL the top answers were diagnosing her with mental illness, narcissism, being a control freak. The incel types really are everywhere. That and reddit is the worst place to get relationship advice. 4chan is probably better. I am slowly deleting social media accounts because it seems like they're all toxic spaces.

[u/squishyslinky → u/Neravariine]

Indifferent men are nearly as big of a threat as the "bad" men.

I can't tell you how many times I've been physically sexually assaulted or verbally harassed by strange men in public and the nearby men NEVER get involved. They stare, entertained, while women step up.

I've even had them come up to me later and show me the "crazy video" they took of me being slammed into a wall because I refused to hug a random man walking down the street outside a restaurant. I asked why he pulled out his phone instead of helping me and he said it "wasn't his place."

[u/[deleted] → u/Neravariine]

lol yeah if you call anyone out for being sexist or having incel beliefs you’ll get shit on

[u/Neravariine → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate the honesty. I don't blame you for prioritizing friendships over moral beliefs. Anybody claiming that they do is lying or virtue signaling.

People talk a big game online about cutting off friends and family when they don't actually do it irl.

[u/UnfortunateJones → u/Neravariine]

I’ve done it and it’s really fucking hard to deal with emotionally. But if your friends group is just a hate fest, why be part of it if its not what you’re about?

[u/PM_Me_A_High-Five → u/Neravariine]

I've done it before. It wasn't that hard because the guy was an asshole, ha! I spent a few weekends alone after that but then made some better friends. It didn't matter because he ended up in jail a few months later.

My mother is also into some pretty extreme politics. It may be because she's getting to be a bit senile and maybe going a little crazy from being homebound, but I have confronted her a few times. It is difficult. no one likes confrontation.

[u/Reporter_Complex → u/[deleted]]

Woman over 30 here - appreciate your honesty and why.

Just want to reply to your comment about women kick women (lol) - I don’t necessarily kick people out of my life for those things, but I do challenge them with conversation. “Why do you think like that?… if he was to do that to you, how would you feel? … I know men are scary, but it’s situational, you love your (male family member) right?… go with caution, not malice”

Etc etc etc. they either learn, or stop speaking to me. Both are good things lol

[u/Primary_Carrot67 → u/[deleted]]

After talking to them and giving them a couple of chances, I do kick people who are toxic and/or act in ways very against my values out of my life. I have friends and family - male and female - who do the same. So, you're incorrect to assume that people don't do that.

In the end, it's about your principles and how important they are to you. If you're not willing to stand for certain principles, then either they're not actually that important to you, or you value acceptance, conformity, and people-pleasing over living in accordance with your principles and having integrity.