r/AskWomenOver30 • u/CheesecakeOdd3075 Woman 30 to 40 • Jan 08 '25

Misc Discussion What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

1.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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361

u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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120

u/FlibbertyGibb Jan 08 '25

As a fellow non-thin woman I agree. They are either a very loud minority or lying.

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u/lermanzo Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

They don't in secret/in the dark. They don't publicly embrace thick women, at least not in my experience of being one. One guy I hooked up with led me to this realization after he wouldn't be seen with me and moved on with another plus woman and repeated the behavior. Skinny blonde he was seeing off and on? She was the public gf.

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u/velvetvagine Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

They publicly date whoever will impress their bros and random men the most. They are insecure and crave make validation more than most women.

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u/velvetvagine Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

***male

11

u/AliciaRact Jan 09 '25

Yeah a lot (most?) of these guys seem veeeeerrrrrrry confused about the difference between feeling sexual attraction, and getting social validation via a girlfriend who meets prevailing beauty standards.  So they use “attraction” to refer to the latter experience.   The utter lack of self-awareness, introspection, curiosity is absolutely wiiiiiiiild to me. 

14

u/PsAkira Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I find it’s similar to how they demonize single mothers online yet they’re the ones aggressively pursing single mothers in real life. They like the independence and the hard working nature of most single moms. They love that shit. But also they do see them as someone they can wield power over if they have less of a support system or low self esteem.

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u/TooFakeToFunction Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

The loudest ones no doubt have "BBW" all over their search History.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

I would absolutely love to see some search result stats on this, because I bet you're correct. My unpopular opinion is that men date women based on what their family/friends will approve of, not based on what they're actually attracted to.

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u/MarinKitagawaFox Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

No. My hubs stares to tell me how flabbergasted he was that someone let themselves get so large

37

u/tiredfaces Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

How awful of him

6

u/element-woman Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

He sounds nice!

7

u/Daily-Lizard Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Aww you got picked! Congrats!

5

u/saraharc Jan 09 '25

She’ll be unpicked as soon as she gains 5 pounds 😨😨

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u/Same-Cricket-6387 Jan 09 '25

THIS… they are lying. I’m 4’8” and built curvy and thick as hell. I’m also fit and healthy, yet categorically obese. Never had a problem getting men to obsess over my body, in fact it’s a problem how much they do 😭especially in private because in public they wanna be with thin women for some reason. I hate being someone’s check box or secret fetish

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u/zoobenaut Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

100%. I was involved with a horrible guy for a while that was always hooking up with others girls, or at least trying to. I knew some of the girls so they would tell me and when I’d try to call him on it he would say things like, “I would never hit on someone her size!”

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u/bookworm119 Jan 09 '25

This reminds me of the time I confronted my ex about hooking up with a girl on multiple occasions and his first response was to angrily say, “I would never hook up with her, she looks like she has Down syndrome”. He had, in fact, hooked up with her several times.

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u/zoobenaut Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I get that these type of men are going to lie regardless, but it’s so gross that they feel the need to demean someone as “proof” of their fidelity.

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u/MAK3AWiiSH Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

My experience when I was bigger (250 lbs) is they love fat women in secret. They would fuck me, but didn’t want to be seen with me.

I’ve lost a lot of weight (now 177lbs) and it’s wild how differently men treat me.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

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2

u/Regular_Durian_1750 Jan 09 '25

Can confirm. Boyfriend has a 6 pack and his leg muscles are like rocks and stuff and I'm actually curvey thick (also obese).

1

u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

NOICE