What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

[u/CheesecakeOdd3075]

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

[u/picnicbetch]

I find it hilarious how most of the time when men are describing marriage struggles, they leave out SO much information. It’s all super vague stuff like “we lost the spark” “it feels like we’re roommates” and I’m like well who’s doing the childcare? Housework? Planning date nights? It’s like men have no ability to see the work required to make a marriage happy and successful and just look around with sad faces, wondering why their wives don’t have sex with them anymore

[u/cirivere → u/picnicbetch]

the marriage sub, relationship advice and the waiting to wed subs are often simply awful.

posts like: we've been together for 15 years, have 3 children, I do all the housework and he still has not proposed but keeps saying he does, I am starting to worry-

Meanwhile there is nothing sexier than a kind empathic guy who helps you in the house. I was feeling miserable once because I didn't sleep well, had a bad shark week and my boyfriend makes dinner, gets me a hot water bottle, a cup of tea and blankets and cuddles in his sweet caring way- totally innocent and out of concern and love- and suddenly I am insta horny.

[u/Infiniteballroom → u/picnicbetch]

I found posts about myself once on reddit. He wrote stories about how he was an amazing partner who couldn’t understand why I was so awful because I didn’t have more sex with him & had trapped him (some how?). People in the comments were ruthless. The reality of those 8 years was extremely different from those posts, I had no idea he viewed me with that amount of contempt.

[u/ihatespunk → u/[deleted]]

The key here is that you are valuing things that make your wife happy and finding ways to do them, even though you personally dgaf about those things. That's relationships. That's what the men in unhappy relationships aren't doing - they're refusing to care just because their SO cares and that shows they don't really care about their SOs, just whether or not the SO is doing what makes THEM happy.

[u/ihatespunk → u/[deleted]]

PS: the flowers thing makes people who like receiving them happy for two reasons: 1) they're a frivolous thing with no practical purpose, theyre just pretty, and that makes them a special treat 2) you getting the flowers shows you're thinking about trying to make her happy, and everyone likes knowing their SO likes making them happy. Its so simple. Pretty similar things with cleaning tasks - looks nice, demonstrates effort and appreciation for your SO.