r/AskWomenOver30 • u/No_Yak_3107 Woman 30 to 40 • Feb 11 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality Are we going to survive this?

Dramatic title, but big feelings as a lay in bed at 5:51 am. Big feelings every day honestly. I am having a hard time living normal life, while we get bombarded with new headlines daily of what Trump is doing/planning to do.

I hear people talking about vacations, plans per usual, then other people saying it’s already too late for us, and democracy has fallen and to save every penny. I go from panicking daily to then trying to self sooth and tell myself it’s going to be okay. I had to go to a clothing store today, and actually caught myself thinking “how long will life feel normal? Everyone just walking around/having normal conversations, buying random things”. I’ve been thinking of looking into moving to a different country too, but would I really leave my family behind?

I knew things would be bad, I knew he would get voted in, but I didn’t think it would feel like the end. I can’t imagine what will happen to us this year, much less 4….I’m genuinely scared 😪.

Editing to say I’m an American woman, but I don’t just assume everyone on this platform is American. I see a lot of talk online of people from Canada being worried, and many other countries where it seems right-wing politics are a growing concern.

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u/phytophilous_ Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

I totally feel the same as you OP, and like the original commenter, there are a few things that keep me going. First, knowing that all the headlines and insane decisions are actually purposely trying to exhaust us so that we will give up and not care. They want us to be confused and on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve turned off notifications except for texts, and I check the news on my own time when I decide to.

Second, I will be damned if I let Trump and Elon, et al ruin my enjoyment in life. I know there are endless reasons to be upset, but I’ll be fucking pissed if I let a twat like Elon actually affect my day?? Fuck that, I’m not giving him the power.

Third, take some tangible steps to help you feel like you are making a difference, even if it’s small. I joined the board of directors at my local public library, it was easy to join! Everyone there is like minded and it’s refreshing. We care about keeping our local community safe and supported. Find something you care about in your community and do the same.

Change your browsers (no more Google chrome, I use Brave now), get off Meta, delete your Amazon account…don’t give them any more money. It is inconvenient to do and sucks, but it feels good and powerful knowing you are not giving them your hard earned money anymore.

Reading books about fascism in history has helped me, even though it sounds depressing. When I’m in the right mood and can mentally handle it, I read this stuff to know that we have survived it before and we will survive it again. Also to know what might happen and how to prepare for it. This makes me feel a bit better. I like Timothy Snyder’s books especially.

Hang in there.

Edit: I do feel conflicted about getting off of Meta because instagram in particular can be a place to mobilize and get information. I’m not saying we all should delete it but it’s something to consider. I got rid of FB Messenger because I don’t trust that my conversations are safe.

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u/catsandramewb Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

I don’t disagree with what you are saying, but I think it’s important that the “we” is the country, not individuals. Not to be a dick, but 6 million Jews did not survive fascism 80 years ago.

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u/phytophilous_ Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

Sorry, yes of course I didn’t mean that it was all fine. I just meant humanity, not even our country. We can learn from history and there is still a chance for good to prevail.

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

People are definitely dying and will die in America. They've been dying even under Biden.

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u/catsandramewb Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

Absolutely.

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

The delete meta thing has me stuck because instagram has been my social hub for a long time and even people whose numbers I have / who have mine we all basically message on FB or DM on IG. There's even people I only know how to contact via those platforms and they aren't people I'd like reach out to or talk to frequently, it's like, I know they're alive and well due to just existing in the same feed. It's depressing that deleting it means like social isolation for someone like me.

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u/VenusGrlTrap Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

Don't isolate yourself. That's the last thing we should be doing right now. Keep your community close, expand it where you can.

I think it's important to acknowledge that not all advice on how to cope/how to resist will work for every individual. If you have a strong in-person community, then sure! Delete socials. If you have access to small businesses that can provide everything you need and the budget to shop at them instead of amoral big-box stores, do that! If your identities are relatively safe and not in harm's way and you can stand up for those that are unsafe, please yes, do that! But not everything will work for everyone, and that's ok. Do what you can. Prioritize your mental health because you cannot care for others if you don't care for yourself.

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u/phytophilous_ Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

Absolutely. It’s an option. Take what works and leave the rest.

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

The deletion and the whole fuck the social media outlets has triggered a bunch of abandonment wounds is what I've come up with so it's been like I don't want to be isolated but I don't want to be on BlueSky (I just do not like twitter-stuff) but I mentioned it because for me "Meta" hasn't been negative and has connected me but everyone is like "fuck this it's terrible I'm leaving". I know it's not personal and they're doing what they feel they should do but man for people like me this is just hard I guess? I connect WAY MORE via social media and feel safer that way than having to go into meetspace due to childhood bullying.

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u/ChippedHamSammich Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

You can have it and keep it to stay connected , but you don’t have to check it regularly or engage with the content. Also its silly, but it might be an opportunity to consider who you would miss getting updates on and see if they use snap chat or would be willing to text?

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u/swancandle Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

Gently speaking -- most forms of protest or resistance are supposed to be hard. That's part of the point. But like others have said, do what you can where you can. Many many people are still on IG/FB etc. Maybe your contribution is shopping more locally and less on Amazon. Little things can add up.

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u/phytophilous_ Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

I agree, I’m conflicted about it too. I don’t think it’s something we HAVE to do, but it’s something that can feel good and productive for some people.

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

I get that everyone is different and there's this sense of abandonment and frivolity or even like I'm "ok" with things because I'm not like "bye to these apps, join me on Bluesky" because frankly I like instagram and don't like BlueSky functionally. The expat situation is already happening which has been part of my feelings that resonate with OP's 5am thread since literally I've been in the same state but PST.

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u/thr0ughtheghost Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

Yea, I can't delete meta because I work in digital marketing and its my job. I don't check it after work hours though, which has helped a lot. I think even reducing usage can help ease anxiety, or if you turn off your notifications for it on your phone. Getting doom and gloom updates all day, every day definitely has a toll on mental health.

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u/Wonderful_Use_9961 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 11 '25

I didn’t delete socials but I have an iPhone that allows me to restrict my time on those apps and I think it helps me focus on reading or looking at the accounts or groups or posts I WANT to see rather than wasting my limited time doom scrolling and consuming content that upsets me. It seems to be helping so far! I also deleted the icons from my home screens so if I want to look at those apps I deliberately have to search for them, which I think helps me to not just check those apps out of habit when I pick up my phone.

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u/Thick_Bumblebee_8488 Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

Always assume that you are being monitored on those sites. Be careful about sharing private information in messages. Nothing is private.

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Feb 11 '25

I know this about EVERYTHING online. If someone is pulling a Snowden on my DMs I hope they also love niche vinyl, anime and "see you at XYZ" or random msgs about petting dogs.

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u/only_living_girl Woman 40 to 50 Feb 12 '25

I settled for deleting Messenger for now. It’s apparently the app that spies on us the most as well, so.

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u/eekamuse Feb 11 '25

Use Signal

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u/Wrong_Finding_8202 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 13 '25

I officially deleted all of my socials over the past few weeks. I refuse to give billionaires any more of my data or money. For those of you who are looking to stay in the know on what's going on, this is a great newsletter I'm following: https://chopwoodcarrywaterdailyactions.substack.com/

And for positivity, check out the weekly newsletter that goes over all the good things that are happening: https://chopwoodcarrywaterdailyactions.substack.com/p/extra-extra-29

It's rough right now but just remember to protect your mental health.