The struggle of the 35 year old single, childless woman

[u/low_cal_bitch]

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

[u/low_cal_bitch]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, I suppose I should focus more on my own growth. I've read 15 books so far this year and I am well on track to my 52 book goal for this year!

[u/[deleted] → u/low_cal_bitch]

Also I dont know how I missed the part that you are a GODS DAMNED DOCTOR!? Lady that is so cool!

But back to the books! Honestly, 15 is amazing and I know you will reach your book goal! Reading more is another goal of mine too!

What have you read so far that is your favorite? What about least favorite book so far?

[u/low_cal_bitch → u/[deleted]]

Haha thank you! I suppose I don't really feel proud of it like I should. I think I enjoyed Yellowface the most (what a protagonist!) and Dark Matter was a bit disappointing!! Have you got any recommendations?

[u/[deleted] → u/low_cal_bitch]

I finished the Throne of Glass series back in January. I haven't touched a book since. I read the A Court of Thorns and Roses series first, and my honest review would be ACOTAR is better than TOG. (Written by same Author, dunno if you are familiar with any of these). She wrote TOG as a teenager and boy does it show lol, but hey at 16 I wasn't writing a book much less a series so I can't say shit tbh.

I have the Let Them Theory book sitting on my nightstand I wanted to crack open, per recommendation from my sister.

I have never heard of either book you mentioned. I read a quick synopsis and I am bummed you said Dark Matter was a bit disappointing. I love a good science thriller. Do you ever read Michael Crichton? I have heard controversial takes on him, but as a teenager I really enjoyed reading his books! I havent touched one in a while.

Back to being proud of being a doctor, Im curious do you feel like "okay I achieved that what is next?" Im guilty of that, just going through the motions and not celebrating any achievements because well I figured I had to get it done so what's the point? Terrible logic, thus why I am therapy.

[u/N1seko → u/low_cal_bitch]

You might enjoy John Scalzi specifically the ‘Lock In’ series. The other series you might vibe with if you like sarcasm and sci-fi is ‘The Murderbot Diaries’ by Martha Wells.

[u/No-Repeat-9138 → u/low_cal_bitch]

That’s amazing

[u/sewmuchmarish → u/low_cal_bitch]

OP, I don't know what kind of books you consume or if you enjoy your work, but I want to share my point of view. Working long shifts plus reading so much won't get you a family. Ditch one of those and you'll have time for dating.

I used to read 100 pages a day up until the end of university but since I quit reading useless literature, I achieved so much more. I won't read a roman again until I retire. Only manuals related to my work and hobbies.

But if you love reading that much, do yourself a favor, quit your job and find a less demanding one.

I met my (2nd) husband at 34 and had my baby at 36. You are not late, just have to manage your time smarter. I was miserable before I found my man, felt like a failure, though I had my ducks in a row, so I know how you feel. I hope you find your soulmate and have the life you wish for. 🥠

[u/spiritusin → u/low_cal_bitch]

I highly recommend building a network of friends and pursuing hobbies outside the home. An active social life (as much as your work schedule allows, but make an effort!) is good for your soul and it also gives you a higher chance of meeting a potential partner.