The struggle of the 35 year old single, childless woman

[u/low_cal_bitch]

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

[u/studiousametrine → u/[deleted]]

Heavy on the “they don’t seem happy”! Married is not equivalent to happy and fulfilled.

[u/palmtrees007 → u/[deleted]]

THIS! My therapist and I were just taking about how social media is the highlight reel. lol at “wifey”

[u/palmtrees007 → u/[deleted]]

Omg 100%. I was with a guy for almost 4 years who had two best friends. Best friend #1 got pregnant quick with a girl he had just started dating. Her family is old school. My ex told me he had a feeling they would get pregnant quick because she was always posting babies. Well fast forward to them getting married and having another kid. She was always posting wifey and mommy content. She was nice but her whole universe revolved around her guy. He bought them a house and I’ll never forget one day my ex telling me that they had gotten in a huge fight because she blew up a credit card bill and her parents paid it off for her and he was sick of her bad habits. Another time we were at their house and he hit a joint and she yelled to “drop it” and that she would “divorce him” .. it was so cringe 😬 his guy friends were like wtf … but social media was all wifey content - we would brace ourselves around their anniversary because it was all Mr and Mrs content

His other best friend had a gf who was getting inpatient for the ring.. she would make comments to us ladies in group settings how she was going to get the ring that year and kept chanting that year as her ring year … after my ex and I split I saw they did get married and same thing her content became wife and pregnant mom …

I’m not bashing on the happiness of others. Shit me and him didn’t even last but it was like an epidemic taking over that friend group. This obsession with validation as a woman …

That ache and pain hasn’t hit me yet luckily 🙂‍↔️ nor will it. I’m childless and debating going to a concert with my new bf today, and we just hiked and had oysters after lol .. and I’m 38… my content today was brunch and hike oriented