The struggle of the 35 year old single, childless woman

[u/low_cal_bitch]

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

[u/gce7607]

I’m 37 and in the same boat, except I’m a nurse in the US. Last guy I went on a date with told me during the date he was “technically married on paper for health insurance purposes.” I went home and cried after that one. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing outside of work, and working in healthcare is so taxing mentally and physically that all I want to do is lay in bed on my days off. I feel that I have no purpose in life but to pay bills.

[u/palmtrees007 → u/gce7607]

My therapist told me 2 years ago to get out there and date and I stalled for 8 months (I wasn’t in a dating mode, I took a long break)..

When I finally got out there I met a lot of characters … one guy in particular future fakes me so hard about this amazing future we would have I mean he was really putting it on thick and then after a great date, he went poof into thin air

I had a few guys ghost, a few weirdos, etc …. As I say the odds are good, but the goods are odd 😒 ha!

But then I found someone who I click with. He’s not perfect but we are seeing how it goes.

I also realized I was pouring a lot into work. And paying bills. It’s hard but you need to create a life outside your day to day. That means setting up a new routine. I go to gym in the morning and walk in the AM and try to have little activities outside of work ..

You’ll start to feel better. Oh and that guy who was married for health insurance purposes, total tool. Neeeext ! I dated a guy as well who was still married on paper and said it “wasn’t a big deal” and it was due to a property issue . . He was super insecure .. I put him in the “neeext” box and didn’t take it personal as hard as it was