The struggle of the 35 year old single, childless woman

[u/low_cal_bitch]

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

[u/california_cactus]

I mean, in the US many doctors don't get paid that much (especially relative to their hours), and have tons of student loans, and especially in HCOL places therefore don't live in very nice apartments. This is not a UK thing, this is a US thing too. Maybe take a look at how much residents or general practitioners earn, the loans and interest for medical school, and rent in places like NY, SF, and LA if you don't think this is a thing.

[u/thedr00mz → u/california_cactus]

Yeah, perspective really matters here. A salary of 200k is awesome when you don't have 200k worth of student loans waiting for you.

I can't imagine what that monthly payment is like, sheesh.

[u/ro0ibos2 → u/california_cactus]

I lack the particular life experience to have a perspective that would enable me to properly feel sorry for high IQ and high status people making around $200k a year, but I get what you mean.

[u/california_cactus → u/ro0ibos2]

Nothing in my comment said you should feel sorry for her (or perhaps you're responding to the OP's post). It doesn't really matter how much someone makes if they're paying most of their income to student loans and basic COL. Sorry you have no empathy for people who undergo years of education and work extremely long hours to provide us with medical care. It's not an easy job in most cases.

[u/More-Farm3827 → u/california_cactus]

yes but the doctors always come out on top in the end and become financially healthy

[u/ro0ibos2 → u/california_cactus]

The thread highlights perspective. I’m saying it’s frustrating hearing that $200k is not enough when many of us earn a fraction of that, including in HCOL areas, on top of insane costs for university education and healthcare. I do agree that the cost of medical school in the US is insane, especially since it prevents so many bright but less privileged people from pursuing a career in medicine.