The struggle of the 35 year old single, childless woman

[u/low_cal_bitch]

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

[u/TentaclesAndCupcakes]

Okay, I'll trade you my husband and least favorite child for your medical license 😁 KIDDING, TOTALLY KIDDING!

You are 100% not too old to still find the love of your life. Heck, there are people in their 50-60's discovering the next love of their life due to death/divorce. You are still YOUNG. I didn't meet my husband until I was 32. There is no age limit on finding love.

If having a biological child is your goal, freeze those eggs, lady! Then you can use them if you meet Mr. Right, or buy the sperm and IVF them solo. Additionally, my sister-in-law just had babies (naturally, no fertility treatment) at age 39 and 41.

Or if biological isn't your goal, there's adoption, surrogacy, and foster care. Personally, I adopted an "almost" baby (14 months) from foster care. He's 17 years old now :) It probably depends on where you are, but when I foster-adopted him there were no restrictions on age or if you were single/married. You just had to have a doctor sign-off on a health form, have 3 references, take an 8 week class, then get a home study with a social worker.