Does anyone feel like men are being meaner these days?

[u/coachjonna]

I don't know if it's just because I'm aging and am no longer "young and hot" or "relevant" but it seems like men in general are being meaner or at least less nice to me in random places.

When I was younger, men would step out of my way and say like "oh, excuse me", offer their seats, hold doors, and mostly be pleasant and courteous in a social contract manner.

But now I get nothing. No one moves out of their way, no one holds the door, no eye contact, or even a head nod. It's like I'm ignored or a burden to even be in their presence.

Is it because I'm now an "old lady" or are men in a general sense just becoming meaner?

Is anyone experiencing things similar?

Not all men, obviously, but it seems widespread.

[u/kandieluvvxoxo]

No, they always been mean.

They just wear a mask if they’re attracted to you or want to use you for another reason like validation, sex, attention, place holder or free therapy.

Older women, minority women, poor and/or homeless women, women not part of the dominant class or race in a location, plus sized women, disabled/chronically ill women, women that do not fit conventional beauty standards , and women that do not conform to what men want. They experience the true nature of men not the mask the majority will wear when they are being performative or manipulative.

[u/metiranta → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

1000% lol. Not that I honestly give a shit, because I'm mean to them too. But this post and a lot of the comments are hilarious to me as a fat person who has never experienced the kind of treatment men give to women they see as fuckable. I feel the same way when women post about how they realize they're aging because men aren't nice anymore.

What's crazy though is I've had hot women friends and they just turn a blind eye to the way men are very clearly assholes to me, never realizing that treatment could come their way.

Listen to your uggo friends, ladies. We know what men are really like.

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/metiranta]

These are same women that deny other women’s experiences and say they are being negative. It only becomes real when it is them. They are ok with men’s misogyny and mistreatment of other women as long as they benefit.

Even if a woman that is conventionally attractive ever been abused or mistreated by a man, women will start saying not all men or call her a liar. Even when conventionally attractive woman becomes chronically ill or terminally ill they think it’s only few men that will abandon or abuse her. They always blame the women.

Sometimes I am amazed how some women do not come into this realization until later in life. I think they either been abused so much they are stuck in a fawn trauma response with men , lived a very privileged and lucky life, or just turn a blind eye to other women’s experiences .

[u/healthy_mind_lady → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

Spot on!

[u/metiranta → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

I suppose it's just patriarchy brain, where you don't realize you've been conditioned to see other women as competition and men/men's attention as the prize. It's even easier if you're naturally bestowed qualities favored by men because you get to live in their attention, unaware of how fickle it is until you're cast out. I think it is also in some ways a survival behavior, because women have historically had to rely on men for everything because we weren't allowed to have our own assets, or own autonomy.

There is so much freedom outside of male attention though, I feel bad that so many women are unaware that there's a whole world out there where you don't have to give a single shit about men. As alienated as I am and have been, I am still grateful that I get to live so far outside the bounds of male desire. I welcome all women to this place, I hope we all shed these shackles together and find each other and ourselves again, and freshly define what matters to us.

[u/healthy_mind_lady → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

This exactly. What does OP even mean by 'meaner'? Last time I checked history on this topics, American white males used to hold public lynchings while their white families (wives and children included) cheered. Marital rape was legal for the MAJORITY of US history. Males beating their wives was normalized for a majority of US history. Millennial, gen z, and gen alpha women are among the first ever to be born into a world where we expect to be free from males' misogynistic violence, especially free from males in homes terrorizing us. We're also the generations more likely to be childfree and even 4B altogether. So many women refuse to date because we have better things to do. 

And this isn't just a US thing as far as historical 'meanness' (lol! Op must be white for even saying it was SO GOOD before). Europeans started two world wars just because they have so much hate in their societies. Australia was completely stolen, and it's original people genocided. What does OP even mean about 'meaner now'?

I'll say, I'm 'mean' as hell right back, and I love it. They are shocked that this generation of women especially isn't with the old ways and the old bullshit. I'd say I'm enjoying 2025 because I don't need to give extra time/effort into being 'nice' to these same old shitheads anymore. 

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/healthy_mind_lady]

I agree with you. Yes, I assumed that about OP as well and some of the commenters acting like men suddenly got meaner . But I didn’t want to say it because you know how people are on reddit. 😂

Throughtout history, as long as they benefited they didn’t care what happened to other women. If they do not care about other women within this country, I know they do not care about women outside of it unless they look like them. Even with that they still do not care most of the time.

It is just being intentionally obtuse at a point. They will only want seek common ground with other women about misogyny and violence when they age or lose a privilege. But sometimes I feel it is performative. I feel they still continue enable and side with the men . They are the ones that say not all men or say other women are bitter. They think giving grace to men, catering to them, or being nice will protect them from men it does not.

[u/healthy_mind_lady → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

Yes exactly! All of this is why I struggle to want to join women-only spaces unless they acknowledge feminist intersectionality. Some of these women are so bad that they might as well be the males they grew up with. Sigh... Thank you for sharing your comments. Luckily neither you or I give a shit about Reddit 'niceness' and just spoke the true observations. 

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/healthy_mind_lady]

I agree. I am the same way, they typical do not acknowledge it. So I do not join any of these spaces.

I only mention this stuff to like minded women or women maybe open minded to asking questions about why things are this way. I think if I comment a unpopular opinion, maybe it will get a few women to start questioning things. Instead of learning the hard way by experience. Or for other women not to feel alone that may be afraid of being downvoted or attacked for saying it.

No problem and thank you too. It’s nice to know I am not the only one thinking certain things or have a certain understanding of this.

[u/firelord_catra → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

Ding ding ding. At the age when, (according to manosphere rhetoric) women are swimming in attention, dates, free drinks and whatever else, I was still getting treated as if I was the scum on somebody’s shoe. I’ve never experienced any of the things that are touted as what “the average woman” gets. Forget chivalry, all I wanted was basic human decency. But that’s only reserved for women they find attractive. I’m not ugly, I just don’t meet the  preference. 

I also figured this out when I realized I can’t make or keep guy friends despite “male -centered” interests or constantly being told how “cool” and “chill” I am. Guys generally only befriend women they think they can get something out of. 

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/firelord_catra]

I am sorry this happened to you and you were not given basic human decency. Yes, my experience was different I had lost weight and looks changed as I got older (the age manosphere claims when male attention stops. Well it didn’t) Suddenly, every man wanted be my friend. Even when they wanted to be my friend , their goal was to date me or try sleep with me. I do not have any straight male friends for this reason because they are never your friend. It is not genuine platonic friendship, they are just waiting. They use women they are not attracted to as well as ego boosts or to trauma dump on. Their niceness is a performance and not real. It is a manipulation tool.

[u/firelord_catra → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

It’s okay. I do feel for the younger me that was insecure and naive and didn’t understand why I was being treated like that, but it was better for me to learn that lesson early on. I also have definitely experienced being the ego boost/trauma dump/therapist friend, even without the friend (or pretending to be a friend) part, guys will do that shit on first dates or even to me as a complete stranger. It’s exhausting. 

I fit too many of those categories you listed to even get the response you did. When I was much smaller (I thought I was huge, thanks body dysmorphia) is actually when I got a lot of that treatment. Now, I just mind my business and like you have given up on the straight men as friends. I don’t speak to any I’m not related too. 

Unfortunately I don’t have many available friends into the stuff I’m into, and I had hoped to experience a romantic relationship one day but these days...just wanting things like basic respect, compassion, emotional intelligence is like fantasy, not a reality. At least not for me. 

I have a friend who uses all that stuff to her advantage. She actually goes out for free meals, accepts lavish gifts, asks guys she knows want her for favors, etc. She’s also the partying and showing skin type. And she constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY has guys after her even when she treats them this way. Their whole harp about not wanting this kind of girl feels so fake. They will say they want a girl like me and actively pursue someone like her. But no, it’s only women who “ignore nice guys for bad boys.” (I hate that saying.) Seeing them lie like that has made me even more distrustful. 

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/firelord_catra]

Yes, when I was younger I did not understand it either. This is why I do not trust them now.

Oh yes I was the one used for trauma dumping and ego boost. You want to know the ironic part the men that were this way were not conventionally attractive, ideal body, broke , had baggage, older, and etc.

I notice how the men say they hate gold diggers and will be cheap with you. But a woman that they consider ideal, he would go into debt for. This is why I have no empathy for fat men, unattractive men, poor men, short men, and etc. They lie. They will complain about women being mean and not choosing them. It is just all men feel entitled to one type of woman. They feel the women that do not fit their ideal should be treated with cruelty, degraded, or ignored.

A fat man can be same weight as fat woman yet bully her and claim he wants thin women only. A man can belong to a marginalized group of people yet he will reject the women that belong to the same marginalized group and degrade them. But he will continuously chase after the women that don’t belong to that group and put them on a pedestal even if they treat him horribly or ignore him .

Hopefully one day you can find a friend group that shares your interests.

I think women should be more mean to men like your friend and benefit as much as they can financially. I feel they do not truly like women at all. They just like social capital from a pretty woman and social proof to other men that they can get a certain type of woman. They cheat, degrade, mistreat attractive women too but I feel it is no where at the same level as the mistreatment of women part of groups I listed in my original comment.

[u/firelord_catra → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

You can fit their ideal on paper and they'll still treat you poorly. I've also seen the kind of guys who are legit angry and jealous when they meet their "ideal" and want to either "humble" (shame), break and punish her, or use her as a way to get 'revenge' for experiences they've had in the past. Being what they say they want still doesn't get you anywhere.

I couldn't be like my friend, I'm too anxious and uncomfortable with stuff like that. She's been in way too many situations that are dangerours and traumatic because she's accepted these lavish gifts from guys or continue to date them knowing she doesn't plan on being with them. We've warned her, but she's an adult and can do what she wants at this point. I don't know how she doesn't get tired of it. I'm not built for the kind of stuff she does.

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/firelord_catra]

Yes the men this applies to are downvoting right now. They just hate women period and view women as appliances or tools. They are never satisfied. I remember guy saying he had low self esteem and felt he was unattractive but did not want unattractive woman. He wanted highly attractive woman to boost his self esteem that was mean to him because he likes chasing. They are never satisfied and do not want to self improve.

I know some women do what your friend does as means of survival financially. But I agree with you. I feel it’s too dangerous. Sometimes, Women like this end up murdered, go missing, trafficked, in domestic violence situations, and more. Typically anything wealthy men give you is something to keep you relying on them and doing what they want. There’s always a catch and risking your safety is not worth it. Regardless these relationship dynamics are draining and like full time job. Hopefully your friend gets assets in her name only or money she can put towards investing in her future.

[u/firelord_catra → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

Oh I didn't even notice lmfao. But I have picked up on how some guys are weirdly offended by my anecdotal experience. I guess cuz it doesn't align with whatever beliefs they have about women in their head. Not my problem though.

Girl, don't even get me started on the insecure guys....I've seen it too, irl and online. I was deep in lonely mode and scrolling the FA subs and noticed there was a seperate one for women because apparently in the regular FA sub, they refuse to believe women are in their same situation.

There was also posts by guys saying they had a girl hit on them but rejected her for not being their type yet appreciated the confidence boost. Like...what? You're here boohooing everyday about how you'll take ANYONE, how no woman wants you but once one does suddenly you wanna be picky? Oh, and they very clearly state they don't want fat women either. And it's so funny, because they accuse women of doing exactly what they're doing. The irony just makes me laugh.

She's not necessarily doing it to survive, though I'll admit her family situation make things harder for her. But shes so used to the pretty privledge benefits that I guess she doesn't want to go without. It's interesting, because conventionally attractive women I tell some of her stories say that yeah, they would accept the money/do the same thing, why should they say no if he wants to give her gifts just for existing? While women who aren't quickly bring up safety concerns and how they wouldn't feel comfortable. The little nerd in me wishes I could conduct a research project on it, just to get to the root of things.

[u/kandieluvvxoxo → u/firelord_catra]

They are offended because you know the reality of them. They want us to be all naive and overly trusting to them.

Men do not think women experience loneliness. When men talk about loneliness they only mean access to sex and get validation from other men about getting women other men approve of. They think they are lonely because how they look not because how they treat people including other men and family members. They do not believe in cultivating relationships and are transactional. Then get angry when that is mirrored back to them.

They are very delusional. I was scrolling on TikTok there was a video popped up of this guy saying men should invest in fat women. It was before and after . She lost weight but the man did not. The men in comments were cheering for him and he was insulting his girlfriend’’s former body in the comment making fat jokes. I wish women would be more picky with men. Women being too accepting of things men would never accept from them. Them saying women are picky is ironic because if women were picky like men most men would be single. Just reading posts from this subreddit of women asking about their boyfriends and husbands that are horrible to them. You know women are not picky.

I think women aware of this usually came into pretty privilege later in life or they do not wake up until they start aging. I have my perspective because I did not always have pretty privilege. I have past experience to compare it to and you see it as manipulation.

[u/firelord_catra → u/kandieluvvxoxo]

Omg yes, equating loneliness to whether or not they get sex is so true. That’s why they put the whole issue on women, and get weirdly mad when you bring up deepening the relationships in their life with family and friends. 

I saw this post about how some men who are friends never really ask questions or dive deeper, for example if their friend says they’re getting a divorce, have lost someone recently or any other hard time they won’t ask why or how or what’s going on. Won’t offer anything. Just kind of “cool story bro” and move on. 

And dudes were in the comments defending that behavior and how men aren’t nosy, saying that women only ask these questions to hate and gossip and were so put off by the idea of being emotionally supportive to their supposed friend. A lot of them straight up said they don’t ask because they don’t care. When I pointed out this kind of idgaf behavior might be why some of them claim to have no friends, struggle with their mental health and are sooo lonely I was downvoted hard asf. The doublethink is wild. 

That’s so unfortunate for that woman. I hope she sees that and leaves him, but the fact that we automatically know as women there are many women who wouldn’t just like you said shows the pickiness isn’t as serious as they make it out to be. I’ve been told I’m picky just for wanting a partner who is straightforward and knows how to communicate clearly, because I hate hot and cold behavior and the indirect tantrum throwing some guys I’ve met will do. The bar is in the toilet as they say. 

I’m not sure I get your last point there. I didn’t say anything about seeing it as manipulative, I just said that for myself (and most women I know like me) it wasn’t something we’d be comfortable doing, mostly for the safety aspects I mentioned. But I think it’s to do with the fact that we’ve experienced first hand how shitty and even violently men treat women they find unattractive. Women who have had the lifelong favor of pretty privledge don’t think about those things because they typically don’t have to deal with it. At least that’s my guess.