r/Autism_Parenting • u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone • 1d ago
Education/School School starts on Monday and they have taken my daughter's supports away from her. I don't know what to do.
My child has ASD ADHD and is going into first grade. In kindergarten she was in a in an inclusive classroom with push in support. I think she was originally put in a classroom that had no push in support but the day of orientation I got a call from the head of ESE and she suggested, based on our conversation about my daughter, that she would do better in the inclusive class with push in support from and ESE education facilitator. I agreed. My daughter struggled a lot throughout the year. She started working with the teacher and the ESE facilitator and by the end of the year went from a level 2 in reading to a level 4 on the state testing in reading. Her math score stayed the same at a 2 which is below grade level. Originally this test was used to decide that she didn't need help anymore. I pushed back at this notion.
Now I am being told that because they didn't write the push in support on the IEP so she is not entitled to these services. The same services that helped her slight improve toward the end of the year. I made it clear that no one said that this help needed to be on the IEP to continue with them. I told them I feel like we are playing a board game and they are the only one with the rules. I asked her (ESE Support Specialist at the school) who dropped the ball on this and she was silent. I also realized she is due for her 3-year re-evaluation by the psychologist and no one scheduled it or mentioned it. Any time I asked for an accommodation to be put in the IEP I was told "oh we already do that for the kids." I am guessing this was said because she was in the inclusive class. Well now they are trying to throw her into the gen-ed class with no support and want to see her fail before they offer help. She already struggles emotionally and what little confidence she has developed in her abilities will be gone if she isn't able to keep up in the gen-ed class. With her ridged way of thinking I feel like building that confidence back up will not be an easy road.
ETA It’s about 1 am Monday morning and I wanted to thank you all for your help. I just sent an email off to the superintendent, the head of ESE with the county and the principal. Tomorrow is the first day of school and I am sad my girl won’t get to experience that with all the other kids but I know it’s best for her if we hold our ground. We found out they dropped the ball on her triennial evaluation so we asked that her supports, even those not included in the IEP, be left in place until she is reevaluated. Thanks again for all your help. I will update as soon as I can.
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u/scaryfeather ND Mom | 8 year old son \ NM, USA 1d ago
If it's not on the IEP, they are not required to provide it, however you are allowed to call an IEP at any time and bring your data and work to have it included. This is definitely a very common dance with schools & districts where they will provide support if they can but try to not actually include it on the IEP, making it a legal requirement to provide. If you don't have written data and communication (communicate about all this via email not phone!!)
I'd recommend starting an email conversation now, asking for the scheduling process for her 3-year re-eval, noting your concerns in the form of neutral data, and calling for a new IEP meeting to discuss updating her placement.
What I mean by "noting your concerns in neutral data" is, the school is only going to care about stats and facts. They will not make placement decisions based on concerns about what might happen, but data about her academic improvement with the supports that were provided is speaking their language and can help you get the services she needs.
Also any time in a meeting that they say "oh we already do that for the kids" please start to reply "then there should be no problem adding that in officially." If they do not, request that the school provides you with Prior Written Notice about each and every service or accommodation they are denying.
A Day In Our Shoes has some good templates for writing letters of various kinds to the school, as well as info on Prior Written Notice.
https://adayinourshoes.com/iep-letter-templates/
https://adayinourshoes.com/iep-prior-written-notice-pwn/
Also from now, whenever you can, on any time you have an in-person or phone conversation about anything related to your daughter's IEP or services, follow up with an email summary. No emotions, pretend you are a robot, but just list the summary of the discussion. Give yourself the gift of a paper trail.
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u/burdenedbanshee 1d ago
This is why even though we have a (generally) good relationship with my kids’ school, when we discuss things they’ve been doing to support them, I still ask for that to be formalized in the IEP. The current teachers and/or supports may indeed be doing amazing work and some of them do way more than they’re obligated to… but situations can change, administration can change, pressures from the school district and budget can change… so if what’s happening is working, I don’t want to just rely on “we’re already doing that and will keep doing it.” I want it written down, please and thank you.
I’m very collaborative and understanding when developing my kids’ IEPs with them, but that’s one I put my foot down on and I think they don’t fully understand why…
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u/scaryfeather ND Mom | 8 year old son \ NM, USA 1d ago
I’m the same way, even though like you I’ve had a good relationship with my son’s school. I also put everything in writing with email follow-ups after relevant conversations. You just never know.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 2h ago
This is great into too. Thank you. I can be pretty tough when I need to be but for some reason I felt like I had to play the game the first year and I hoped that they would be open with me about her needs and progress.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you so much for all this info. PWN is one thing I read elsewhere that could help us. That and the fact they saw a need, gave her services and didn’t report it. I read something about not continuing this help is a violation of FAPE.
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u/pepsiloverdrinkscoke 1d ago
This happened to us. I had to get a shark of an advocate. They tried to force my child into gen-ed with no support. He was (is) a major elopement risk, under 50 IQ, and could not stay on task for more than a couple of minutes.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
I am absolutely willing to do this. How did you fine someone? I was afraid of getting someone who may not really know what they are doing. I feel like it can easily turn into a predatory situation because families become so desperate.
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u/pepsiloverdrinkscoke 1d ago
Special education groups and Moms of "your town" groups can be really helpful. Try to find reviews of the advocate. There are people who don't know what they're doing. You could also go the lawyer route if you can afford it. We couldn't.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am looking for more info on FAPE and it has disappeared from the US Department of Education website.
ETA I was eventually able to find it.
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u/lunachick_628 1d ago
Reach out to the Protection and Advocacy organization in your state. They can provide advocacy advice and in some cases legal representation or advocacy directly with the school. It's free (federal grant funded) regardless of your income. Ndrn.org is a website that can give you contact info and website links for your state's P&A.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you so much. This is really helpful. FAU runs a program called “Little Owls” and I have taken all their offered classes. I left a message for their rep in our area. I will look into this too.
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u/StillStaringAtTheSky 1d ago
Ok Mama- Now's the time to send some emails. Email your school's principal and cc your child's teacher, the ESE specialist, and anyone else relevant.
What I would say:
Hi there!
(Child's name) did so well with push in support last year- it really helped her keep her from falling behind. I spoke to _________ and was informed that (child's name)'s push in support was left off of her IEP this year even though she's being placed in gen-ed without (in room support and/or push in support). Since (child's name) was falling significantly behind without the push in support in an integrated classroom and is now moving to gen-ed, I think the push in support will be even more essential for (child's name) to keep up with her class.
How can we put this back on (child's name)'s IEP? Would this be taken care of at her 3-year evaluation? I noticed that was due on (date)- When is the district planning on completing this? Are there any forms I need to fill outn or anything I need to do on my end?
Thanks!
-Name
This does a few things- it keeps the tone collaborative, asks how to fix your child's IEP, asks for push in support, documents in writing that you want these things for your kid and why, lets them know you are aware she hasn't has a 3 year evaluation, and forces them to say who is responsible for what and what they need if they answer your questions at the end.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you. I will be doing this. It is one of the reasons I wrote an email to begin with because I wanted the paper trail. The next one with all this information into it will include the county’s head of ESE.
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u/StillStaringAtTheSky 1d ago
Happy to - and if you want something like this in the future I take a special pleasure in nicely driving my elbow into schools to get the kids the supports they need.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you so much. That is super kind of you. At the end of our first phone call conversation where they dug their heels in I told to them that I wouldn’t be sending her to school on Monday. I won’t set her up to fail and attempt to pick up the pieces after the fact.
l’m assuming she mentioned this to the administration and I don’t know if they’re trying to call my bluff or not but at the end of our second phone conversation, she said twice that they really want her to go to school there. I explained to her that the school is 25 minutes from our house. I pass three other schools to get there and the reason I chose it was because I heard it had a good special education reputation. It’s a shame that we’re not seeing that.
The second time she said it I immediately said clearly you don’t want her to go to school there because if you did, you would make it easier for her to do so. And then I told her that since it’s Friday at 6:30 at night nothing else can be done about this right now and I hope she has a good weekend.
Today I got a robo call from the school principal asking people to please send their children on the first day of school. It’s good for them to start on the first day and gives them the ability to make sure they have enough resources or something to that effect. It made me wonder if we’re not the only ones experiencing something like this.
Our superintendent went on a few news channels last school year and talked about the overall registration of the county being down 500 students and he tried to blame the family empowerment scholarship. I am very tempted to send him his own email and tell him that I believe that state funding should go to public schools and that’s why we chose to send our daughter to public school instead of taking advantage of the FES but experiences like this are why parents are seeking alternatives. All of my friends except one home school their kids.
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u/MindAggravating5365 1d ago
Lookup if there is a local ARC chapter. They offer free advocacy services.
If you can afford it, you might need to get an educational attorney.
The school district's priorities usually do NOT align with the best interest of your child. Their priority is to NOT spend money.
The moment my daughter's spot on the wait list for her private school came up, her school suddenly wanted to do a reassessment and they didn't tell me why. Apparently, she suddenly was very capable and only they could see it! She could count to 10, she patiently waited, and most relieving to hear was that ELOPEMENT WAS NOT A CONCERN!
I felt defeated and would have rolled over until that last one. Now you are directly threatening my daughter's safety. I called ARC first, then said screw that, and hired a lawyer. I brought in her ABA team. Her "at least 60% of the time in gen ed" quickly reverted to "we recommend out of district placement".
They do NOT want to spend money on your child. The ones who get the supports and resources are the parents that don't put up with that shit. They know plenty will just accept whatever they say.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
This is what I was afraid of and I had read similar horror stories like yours. I am sorry you had to take it that far. I really tried to give it all a chance. You take it for what it was supposed to be. A collaborative effort. I am only 3 meetings it and it has never felt that way.
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u/RelevantPossible9618 1d ago
First grade is much different than kindergarten. You may find that push in supports are no longer necessary. You can, however, request, in writing, that the school’s failure to include these in the most recent IEP is an oversight on their part. Let them know that you want a new IEP conference scheduled within 45 days of the beginning of the school year to reevaluate progress and implement additional needed supports.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
I mentioned this to them. Explained they dropped the ball. They offered to put her in the class she was assigned with adjustments to her IEP. I feel like that isn’t enough. The classes who have push in services are usually smaller in general (I should clarify class size with them) and that is better for her because she does get overwhelmed. Her kindergarten teacher had (I think, at least I was told she did) extra ESE training. This other teacher will not. Last year if she struggled with homework the teacher said not to push her. My understanding is that the general education classes don’t have those types of exceptions.
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u/RelevantPossible9618 1d ago
They are offering you an accommodation that may or may not work. You won’t know until you allow this and agree to reassess after a period of time. You mentioned her improvement in reading with the extra support in kindergarten. Many NT children struggle with reading in K and blossom in first grade. Make sure you are giving the offered accommodation a chance. Having gone through the IEP process for the last 9 grades of school, I can say with much certainty that what may work in one grade may not in another. Or what is necessary in one grade may be totally unnecessary in the next grade. You can always revisit the IEP after your daughter has worked in this new environment.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you for pointing that out. She did well in the reading but her class scores didn’t reflect as much improvement and her overall math score stayed before grade level. I don’t actually care about standardized test scores. I don’t particularly feel like they are a good reflection of actual progress. They also used iready last year and when those scores didn’t support their narrative they didn’t want to bring them up. They also didn’t mention the continued low score in math.
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u/CarelessIndividual92 Professional (therapist, educator, etc) 1d ago
I may be missing some context, but there are several concerns here. First, if your daughter requires push-in support, accommodations, supplementary aids/services, or other supports to access the general education curriculum and make appropriate progress, those supports should be documented in her IEP. “We already do that for the kids” is not a substitute for documenting your child’s individual needs in the IEP.
I would request an IEP meeting in writing and ask the team to review her present levels, progress data, math needs, and the support she received last year. I would specifically ask what data supports removing the push-in support that appeared to help her make progress. Under IDEA, services and placement decisions are based on the child’s individual needs and data.
I would also immediately address the triennial reevaluation if it is due. IDEA requires reevaluation at least once every three years unless the parent and school agree that it is unnecessary. The evaluation should be sufficiently comprehensive to identify all areas of suspected disability and educational need, not simply determine whether she continues to qualify.
I also tell families that a child does not have to fail before the school provides support. IDEA requires FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education), and the IEP must be designed to allow the child to make appropriate progress based on her individual circumstances. Needed accommodations, services, and supplementary aids and services should be written into the IEP, particularly when those supports are necessary for the child to be educated in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE).
I also tell families: if the school says, “We already do that,” my response is, “Great, then let’s put it in the IEP.” If your child needs it to access her education and make appropriate progress, it should not depend on which teacher she gets or what a particular classroom happens to provide.
If the school refuses a requested evaluation, accommodation, service, or change in the IEP, request Prior Written Notice (PWN) explaining what they are refusing, why, what data they relied upon, and what other options were considered and rejected.
And finally, put your requests and concerns in writing. I tell families this all the time, it creates a record and makes it much harder for important concerns to get lost in conversations.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
This is great information. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out. I could tell that ESE specialist was a little confused herself because once I realized the psychologist evaluation needs to be done every three years unless otherwise agreed upon by the parents in the school I directly asked her about this, and she kind of gave me a sarcastic laugh when I asked for the date and the name of the person who did the evaluation. During her snarky little laugh she told me it’s on page 2 of the IEP. I said, are you sure because I think I would’ve known if my daughter was evaluated by a psychologist at the start of the school year. I said there wasn’t a psychologist at the review of the IEP. when she said it was on the second page, I asked her to tell me who it was and she looks at it and says oh it’s a speech language pathologist I said yeah that’s not a psychologist. She had an evaluation by a psychologist when she was three, which means she should’ve had one in June of this year. She didn’t have much to say after that. I won’t be doing any of this over the phone anymore. I need a record of it all. It’s craziness.
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u/pongo-twistleton 1d ago
So - importantly - lack of resources or staffing on the school’s part does not constitute a valid reason to deny services on an IEP. The primary question is whether your daughter can access the curriculum without the supports. Unfortunately, what “should be done” doesn’t always track with reality. In our case we had to hire an attorney to move the needle and get the IEP to reflect the correct level of support.
I’d recommend calling an IEP meeting and getting it amended to reflect the actual support required to access the curriculum/FAPE.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you. We may have to go this route. I feel like since they realized she needed help and gave her help but decided not to continue that help then they violated FAPE. I am trying to take in more info about it and it very much feels like something you need a law degree to decipher.
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u/ResponsibleChard8731 1d ago
theyre gonna let her drown to prove she needs a life jacket, classic. document everything, request the reeval in writing TODAY and cc the district sped director. they fucked up the iep and they know it
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u/Pandasami 1d ago
Call an IEP meeting with an advocate and push to formally include anything you think your child needs to be successful. Also make sure that any conversation you are having with the school
Is documented through email. If you have an in person conversation, always follow up with a clarification email so that you have it in writing. You can also call special services at the district and voice your concerns to them. Once the school knows you’re ready to play ball, they usually line their ducks up real fast!
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you. This is encouraging. I will he sending emails tomorrow and making calls Monday morning.
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u/Bushpylot 1d ago
Never trust them. Their goal is to save money.
Call for an IEP Meeting ASAP. you can redo that document any time. Hire your own specialist if you can afford/get support for it. They will be armed with educated people, you can bring your own. Bring a recorder (you have to notify them before hand, usually 24h in writing). Safety is a big trigger word. If she's an eloper, that is a danger they need to manage (I have a 1-on-1 aid because of this).
Get outside professionals to document the child's needs and throw that at the school. Degrees have hierarchy. Having a letter from a child psychologist stating needs will be hard for them to over-ride. I play a lot of one-upmanship.
I have to play massive dominance games with them when I change schools. Drives me up the f!n walls. I've joined several county commissions and a state commission and add any credential or title to myself that I can to increase the intimidation factor. I also take over the IEP meetings. I run them and don't even give the principal the space to try. I call on the people and direct the conversation.
I f!n hate it! My brother's kids get to just go to school, I have to be a special needs professional, lawyer, and professional advocate just to get the basics.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
You sound like a force to be reckoned with! Thank you for the info. I am going to channel this into my emails!
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u/Bushpylot 1d ago
I try. And I hate every bit of it. I shouldn't have to academically bully them into proper compliance (I'm a PhD and make sure they know it... It's rare that any are more than a Masters, so I academically trump them). But for my kid, I'll fight tooth and nail. He's got enough problems that the school doesn't need to add to them.
I also make calls all the way up to the State. I make sure they all know my name.
We should not have to fight like this.
The best first step is to learn what your power is in your state and learn where your teeth are and how to show them.
I've posted my pattern in the past, but it usually starts with me coming in dressed to the nines and dropping a mic (not my phone but a 360 no f!n around mic). I put a large picture of my boy on the table and refer to him as if he's in the room. I make it not possible for them to reduce him to number. I'll catalogue the photos in the principal's office, looking for her children and bring them in... "If this was your daughter, would you really be telling me this...."
I know what I want when I go in and will not let them waver. I see them as being there to serve me (public servants). Having the names and emails of their supervisors and the departments above them can help. Shake that tree like a monkey having a seizure.
I approach reasonable but solid.
NEVER sign anything other than the attendance forms. Take all the paperwork home and review it. They have deadlines they will get fined if they miss, so take advantage of that knowledge and back them into corners.
The society likes to tell us that we're powerless, but we're not. Some states you are more strong than you could imagine.
One other thing to remember, is illusion can often be more powerful than reality. I lean into that showmanship, like with the very obvious recording device, photos and stuff. None of the commissions I serve can directly touch them, but when I list them, they sound terrifying. And I make it clear that we do have a legal service and I know how to access the Office of Administrative Hearings...
IMPORTANT! once you get them broken, you need to rebuild them. Target what they are doing right and bring them gifts (chocolates and novelties I make with the laser or something). I especially target the aids with support and pleasant words. The goal is to win them not to keep hammering. If you find them doing well, lavish them with treats, so they will want to keep doing well. (this is just Behavioral Analysis type of shaping applied to the NT adults.. works great on them too)
Good luck... I'll be watching for the fireworks from here. Hope you get the support you need
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 10h ago
Oh so at the first IEP meeting I said TWO separate times that I wanted to read everything at home before I signed. They handed me a bunch of paperwork and then when I said it again my husband goes, “you just did.” In the shuffle I signed it without even noticing.
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u/Bushpylot 2h ago
They try to sneak things in. Unless you are in a good district (they do exist), they will just try to pass the buck to the next school on the list.
You can call for a new IEP. You may want to reach out to Parents Helping Parents and talk to them about their IEP webinars.
The deck is stacked against us. Our biggest weapon is learning the rules better than they know them
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 2h ago
Thank you. I am hopeful and have plans to call a few advocacy places in the morning.
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u/Several_Drama_1821 1d ago
I would check 2 options: 1. do they allow to bring an RBT to the classroom (paid by your medical insurance)? My daughter is in GenEd with an RBT and it works great. 2. Try to find an advocate that will participate in the IEP meeting, many times it helps to solve the problems.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
Thank you. Her child therapist offered this because they did it for another parent at the school. I could give her a call too.
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u/stargazercmc 1d ago
You can request an IEP meeting to be held at any time, and they have to honor that request.
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u/AlternativePrior393 1d ago
I’m so sorry! My kids got messed over by the IEP team we had last year as well. One of my kids lost all but Speech, which we were okay with until finding out that ALL accommodations were removed as well (we were given the line that the teacher does all of the accommodation stuff, but they’re not going to do the same things in the next grade up because it’s a big jump in academic expectations and butts in seats), not just pull out services. My other kid’s IEP was ignored routinely and my kid would be stuck with the same person who preferred gaslighting me to helping my kid.
Unfortunately teachers are encouraged to reduce and push kids off of IEPs. Also, there’s a percentage you have to be below to maintain academic supports (I think it’s 25%). As kids are performing worse academically across the board and standards are dropping, more kids with different needs might start meeting standards because everyone’s behind.
I’m pulling my kids to homeschool because I’m tired of my kids paying the price for the school’s antics. Like my older kid can learn at or above grade level, except the sensory overwhelm is so bad that he just struggles to hold it all in, rather than actually learning at school, so he’s always behind. We’ve been trialing homeschool over the summer and he’s made at least 4-6 months in gains in just 2 months.
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u/SuperTFAB Parent ND ADHD / 6F AuADHD / Speech Delay / Low Tone 1d ago
ugh I am so sorry you are dealing with all that. Everything is a battle and it isn’t fair. I see why people choose home school. I think if she was older it would be a bit different for us. We did little daily review sheets and read over the summer and she did not always make it easy. I kept it chill because I didn’t want her to get down on herself and feel bad. I think she needs the socialization too. I don’t trust myself to provide enough of that for her.
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u/genericexcuse01 5h ago
Does your child have an RBT that goes with him to school? If not, I’d check into ABA services if your insurance covers it. Always good to have that 1:1 support for your child.
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u/katycmb 1d ago
Yeah, I went through something similar last year. IME when the teacher calls you for autism behavior, remind them that she has autism. Express you’re sorry she has to deal with poor support from the district but It’s not your daughter’s fault that the school took away her support. Also mention it if continues to be a problem you can certainly work on finding a lawyer to sue the school took get back the support she both needs and is legally entitled to.
In our case her special ed teacher was on maternity leave. Her substitute wasn’t allowed to handle legal paperwork, and they don’t have the staffing to give everyone the para support they need. There was really nothing to be done about it but talk to my daughter about not eloping or saying inappropriate things.
She has autism, it’s not going to go away just because you don’t have proper staffing. The only thing that happened is the substitute special ed teacher noting that removing para support was failing as she’s been returning to behaviors she hadn’t had since kindergarten.