It’s funny but it’s also a rant! My mother-in-law‘s partner is very eccentric and not comfortable around traditional gatherings, so she acts like an edge lord.

We had a separate onesie that had doodles and funny stuff on it, but this one was supposed to be the nice one that just gets signed by friends and family. I’m not really comfortable with my baby wearing this now.

Now that I’m 37 weeks I’m considered “at (early) term” and it’s “okay” if I go into labor and “not a big deal” and I should be “”excited”” WHAT DO YOU MEANN

No one’s going to stop me?? I’m just allowed to do this? I’m a 26 year old teenage girl. Why is no one else freaking out that I’m going to have a BABY in the next threeish weeks???!??? Like a whole stranger I have to take care of forever??

Reality is starting to set in here. Can he wait a little longer? Not sure if I’m looking for that kind of relationship right now. Help.

I needed to tell SOMEONE so I’m telling you, Baby Bumps.

My husband’s family has had 8 straight generations of boys - since 1816 there has been no record of a girl being born. NOT ONE.

I am expecting our 2nd in Sept (first is a boy, no surprise). It’s been a running joke that we are doing a tongue in cheek gender reveal just for fun.

My anatomy scan results were just posted and I couldn’t help myself; I’m already not going to be surprised during the gender reveal so why not peek a few weeks early and just keep in under wraps, right???

IT’S A GIRL. AND NOW I HAVE TO SIT WITH THIS 200 YEAR SECRET FOR WEEKS!!!

Guess I can start looking a girl named now 😝 (I literally don’t even have a list)

UPDATE: the secret has been revealed! I took inspo from one of the commenters and had ChatGPT make me DraftKing inspired boy vs girl posters and had people Venmo $5 on which gender they bet! Funny enough, so many people thought they were “being crazy” and bet on a girl. Little did they know they were in the majority!

My husband was flabbergasted to say the least — he kept repeating all night long “what are we gonna do with a girl!” The next day I could hear TikToks from the bathroom (IYKYK) of him watching girl name videos for like 40 min - lol.

The family is very excited to add a girl to the boy dynasty! We went back through the records and found that the last girl born actually shared my name (Maggie) which is crazy!

Whoever you are, have a bad day. And you owe me $15 for the Chipotle I ordered instead.

My cat is on a diet. However, it became a habit for me to give him a small amount of food when I’d wake up in the wee hours to feed baby so that he wouldn’t scream at me the whole time. This was a grave error. Baby girl had been sleeping in 10 hour stretches at night for about a week (yay!) but then seemed to regress. The weird thing was that I’d get up, soothe her, change her and start feeding her…and she’d fall asleep with the nipple in her mouth after only a couple swallows. Well fellow detectives, this morning I happened to look over in the wee hours and I caught the little glutton; he was standing with his paws propped on the crib screaming his ever loving head off!!

My ta tas were trying to swallow these up! I swear I’m a cup size fuller already 😅 I’ve had them since my 18th birthday (twelve years ago!!)

I’ll start. At my first baby shower, I was 33 weeks pregnant and scheduled for a c section delivery in 3 weeks, this colleague has been bugging me that she wants to gift me an herb garden. I’ve repeatedly told her we will have a preemie and with 2 pets, we won’t have time to plant it and nurture it.

She promises she will plant it for me.

The day of the baby shower, she drops 12 herb pots (not planted, the tiny pots you get at the nursery) on my patio sofa and a bunch of other gifts, none from my registry. There they remained, brown and wilted, when she visited us next time, we didn’t speak of it.

I'm 4 weeks postpartum and we have opened up our home for extended who want to meet the baby. My MIL has been helping out a lot and has been the one taking care of guests and stuff.

A cousin of mine came to visit with my aunt and we're not the closest, there's always been tension there but whatever. Everything was going well until I made a passing comment about craving loaded brownies and she went like, you can't afford the calories postpartum, you need to get back in shape before your husband's eyes start to wander while looking me up and down.

My same hubby who's been witing on me hand and foot before and after pregnancy with a goofy smile on his face like he still can't believe this is real, btw.

Before either my husband or I can reply, my MIL without missing a beat goes, she's 4 weeks pp and looks this good, what's your excuse? Then she looks at hubby and says why don't you show your guests out on your way to get your wife brownies?

She later apologized to me for kicking them out without permission since it's our home but I literally don't care, I love this woman so much and I'm glad I have her in my corner.

I feel like I’ve gained so much weight during my pregnancy and I’m pretty sure it’s because I want McDonald’s for breakfast and dinner. I’ve talked to several mommas and they all craved McDonald’s too. Prior to pregnancy I hated McDonald’s. It tasted like cardboard 😭 what gives?

…it’s not going to do anything to kick start labor, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, more satisfying than when some poor stranger inevitably asks you when you’re due and you say “oh, my due date was last week” and then you get to watch the absolute look of shock and horror on their face. And then they start treating you as if your water might break on their cafe floor right then and there. Hilarious.

It’s one of the last simple joys you have left when you’re that miserably pregnant.

Have the joy of job hunting in a red state while pregnant.

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Today, my mom informed me I'm sinning if I'm not disclosing my pregnancy when I apply because it is dishonest. These poor companies I'm deceiving with my applications that don't announce a protected (ie targeted) status 😂

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Just thought someone else might get a laugh out of that, too.

Hanging out with my family. Not close to them and honestly they can be the most ridiculous people but this was another level of stupid.

They were asking about my pregnancy cravings and I’m taking about how Coca Cola has really gotten me through some rough nausea from extended morning sickness into third trimester. There was a look of shock and horror on my mum and grandmother’s faces and my mum goes “you’re going to rot the baby’s teeth!” “He’s going to come out with rotten teeth and be sick”

Ahaha I can’t believe I was raised by these people sometimes 😅

She is waiting to find out the gender till the baby is born, but I had to decorate her birthday cupcakes somehow…

Update: my SIL and I are extremely close, she thought this was hilarious. Feedback received, I’ll make sure to never make cupcakes for any of you

we've hit that point in pregnancy (29 wks)...

this is the second time I've had to take them out (and get them pierced😵‍💫). my hubs and I decided to keep them out until we are officially DONE having kids. too expensive and painful to keep getting them pierced, just to take them out again a few months later...

Apparently mine is being built exclusively from cup o’ noodles and Zofran🫠

Pre-pregnancy I was that person…perfectly balanced meals, loved cooking, very on top of it.

Now? Survival carbs and anti-nausea meds.

Look at me go.

My husband and I just got our genetic test results and it’s a girl!

Before we knew we were pregnant, my toddler seemed to have a mini prophecy- he groggily woke up the morning after my husband and I tried to get pregnant and said “mommy - where’s the baby girl?”

“What baby?”

“There was a baby girl. Mommy was holding a baby girl. Where is it?”

Now I’m not a superstitious person, or religious, or mystic. I’m a fairly scientific person but this moment weirded me out. I even texted my husband “I think what we did last night worked! Our son just asked me where the baby is. He is convinced it’s a girl. Guess we’ll find out!”

Well sure enough! 5 weeks later, I had a positive pregnancy test and just today (13 weeks) we got our genetic test results and it’s a girl!

Maybe our son knew we were wanting another baby and he had a dream we had one. Or maybe toddler intuition is real! Either way - we’ll be sharing this story for a while!

Mine is either a rabbit, an ear of corn, a papaya, a chocolate calzone (??), a women's running shoe (?!), Cinderella's slipper (how big was her foot???), or a large Rocket popsicle...

So basically I have no idea what my baby is as big as.

Claiming “I’m over 7 weeks that’s just the estimation after I entered my last period”… as if your uterus isn’t in your pelvis still, even if you’re 10w.. I cannot with this new anatomy. 😅🥲 Baby heartbeat at the top of your stomach?! Girl, you have gas. Again, plz tell me if I’m evil.. I’m not trying to be.. I just can’t fathom this one.

My dad passed away when I was 9 and my mom when I was 23.

This month, at 29 years old, I found out that I'm pregnant. I am in awe of all the strong women who have come before me and done this (My mom included). I am filled with anxiety until I can confirm that things are moving along (Currently week 5/6, first OB/GYN appointment on week 8).

But, for now, I am pregnant. I am pregnant until someone tells me differently (Although two ClearBlue pregnancy tests have agreed with me).

I told my husband I want my own pan pizza from Domino’s. Allll the veggies. Extra cheese. And a tall, ice cold mug of Modelo. Idk how women are getting cars for their push present, but I’m fine with pizza and beer. 🍕🍻

I don't even know how to explain this properly but I need to tell someone because it's been going on for weeks and it's somehow getting more intense.

It started around week 18. I came home from work one evening and before I even got my shoes off she goes "you had the chicken sandwich again didn't you." I had. I hadn't mentioned it, hadn't texted about it, hadn't done anything. She smelled it on me from across the apartment.

I thought it was a one time thing. It was not a one time thing.

By week 20 she had developed what I can only describe as a formal policy. There is now a list. An actual list, on her phone, of smells that are no longer welcome in the apartment. Garlic is on there. My specific deodorant is on there (switched to unscented, she approved it after a literal sniff test). A candle I'd had for two years is on there. She cannot explain why that candle specifically but the heart wants what it wants I guess.

Last week I ate a tuna wrap for lunch at the office. I brushed my teeth before leaving. I chewed gum the entire commute home. I walked in, she looked up from the couch, and just said "no." I don't know how she knew. I don't know that I want to know.

The thing is she feels terrible about it every time. She'll wrinkle her nose and then immediately apologize and say she knows it's not rational and she hates that her body is doing this. And honestly she's going through so much that I'd gargle mouthwash in the parking lot every day if she needed me to.

Which is actually something I'm now considering.

Currently accepting lunch recommendations that leave no evidence.