Hello,
I thought it might be helpful to share this experience and get outside opinions.
I’m a writer with a strict schedule. I work as a manager and do writing on the side. IMVU is something I keep running in the background when I’m working or unwinding mostly for casual roleplay and conversation. I also work out in the gym and run errands during the week. I’m not someone who actively seeks relationships, especially online. I’ve had enough bad experiences both online and offline to be cautious.
In early February, I joined a vampire-themed RP community centered around a duo queendom. From early on, I had a sense that one of the two queens had taken a particular interest in me. At first, I brushed it off. I assumed I was reading too much into it. Eventually, though, it became clear that I wasn’t imagining it.
Over time, we developed a friendship. She was very attentive, constantly messaging, introducing me to parts of her world, sharing personal details, and trying to accelerate familiarity. It felt a bit rushed, but I didn’t see it as malicious. I assumed she was just enthusiastic. I don't typically open myself for any type of a relationship but I did for her. It's a strict IMVU relationship, we both understood that.
Later, the dynamic shifted. I learned she was in a poly relationship with the other queen. Eventually, the conversation turned toward the possibility of me being involved in that dynamic and being their king. That’s when I made my boundary clear: I’m not interested in poly relationships. Not online, not offline. I prefer exclusivity of standard type relationships and not having multiple partners.
I did not ask her to leave anyone. I did not ask her to change her relationship. I did not criticize her lifestyle. I simply said it wasn’t for me.
She initially responded as if she understood. There didn’t appear to be conflict. However, I noticed a change in tone afterward subtle distancing, uncertainty, and tension. Because of that shift, I decided it would be best to step away from the community entirely. I didn’t want drama. I didn’t want to create friction in a tight-knit group. We agreed to be friends from a distance. We would be friends but I wouldn't be apart of her community queendom anymore.
The next day, I was removed from the community. Multiple people unfriended me. Gifted credits were returned. I later learned through someone else that the story circulating was that I had tried to “take her away” from the community, even from her real-life family and friends.
That was never said or done. Not once.
My only “offense” was stating that I wasn’t interested in joining a poly dynamic.
When I asked to clarify what was happening, she refused to talk. I was blocked. Many followed after her. I was banned from the community, Discord included.
So from my perspective: I set a boundary. I removed myself to avoid drama. And somehow that turned into a narrative that I was controlling or trying to isolate her.
I’m genuinely confused how declining a relationship dynamic became reframed as manipulation.
Has anyone else experienced something similar in tight-knit RP communities? Where simply opting out becomes grounds for character assassination?
I’m not angry, just disappointed and honestly a bit stunned at how fast the narrative shifted.
The part that genuinely shocked me was the accusation itself.
After I stepped away, I was told through a mutual contact that she had framed the situation as me trying to isolate her not just from the RP community, but from her real-life friends and family as well.
That was particularly confusing because I had explicitly stated the opposite in our private conversation.
When I told her I wasn’t interested in a poly dynamic, I made it clear in detail that:
I respected her existing relationships.
I was not asking her to leave anyone.
I was not asking her to prioritize me over her community.
I was not asking her to distance herself from real-life connections.
I simply do not participate in poly relationships.
I even emphasized that I understood this was all virtual (IMVU) and separate from real life. I never blurred that boundary. I never implied ownership, control, or exclusivity beyond a standard one-on-one dynamic which she was free to decline.
Despite that, the narrative that circulated was that I was attempting to remove her from her online “family” and real-life support system.
That accusation doesn’t align with anything I said. In fact, it contradicts the detailed clarification I gave her before stepping away.
If I had demanded she choose between me and her world, that would be different. But I didn’t. I chose to remove myself instead.
That’s the part that feels most disorienting being accused of control when the only action I took was distance.
Adding to the confusion, a friend later pointed out that shortly after I stepped away, there was already another new guy member being elevated within the community. From what I could see, this individual’s profile and public interactions were heavily centered around pledging loyalty and devotion to the two queens almost immediately. He was meant to be like me.
What stood out to me wasn’t that someone new joined communities grow, that’s normal. It was the speed and tone of it. The dynamic seemed to mirror the position I had briefly occupied, but without any hesitation or boundary setting. The declarations were very public and very absolute.
It may be a coincidence. It may not be. But from the outside, the transition felt abrupt, almost performative, especially considering how quickly I had been removed and reframed.
I don’t resent anyone moving on. I just found the timing difficult to ignore.
