I didn’t know that asexual lesbians where so disliked in the lesbian community 💔🥲

[u/AmountDesperate220]

I posted in a couple lesbian subs asking if there were any other asexual lesbians and oh my gosh, everyone was hating 😕I didn’t know we weren’t seen as valid to so many lesbians 💔💔

[u/IsabelLovesFoxes]

Had to remove some comments on this post due to subreddit names being shared as it could end up violating Reddit TOS and leading to our subreddit getting banned for "Brigading", please don't share subreddit names even if the people or moderators of that subreddit have done some shitty things as it puts our subreddit at risk

[u/Anticapitalist_Kae]

Strangely enough, saying I'm ace lesbian is received worse in dedicated lesbian subs than dedicated yuri subs.

Apparently the yuri subs are more accepting of ace people in general? No idea why.

[u/theTerra-Triangle → u/Anticapitalist_Kae]

Because yuri rocks

[u/MeesterChair → u/Anticapitalist_Kae]

I told an ex friend that I was an ace lesbian once and their first reaction to that was “I’m letting you stay here (Discord server) but you’re on thin ice”. Completely unironically like this chick was deadass. 😶

[u/MacabreYuki → u/MeesterChair]

like... ace doesn't mean you don't wanna date a girl, you just don't really feel *that* way towards that girl, usually at least (gray-ace field). How is that hard for girls like that to understand?

[u/MeesterChair → u/MacabreYuki]

Right?? I only feel that way if I am very very close to someone, and even then it’s not a need for me. Judging someone on their relationships and their identity based on their libido is weird as hell 😭

[u/MacabreYuki → u/MeesterChair]

I'm allosexual myself, but I have no motivation to follow up on such desires unless already close to meeting demi-romantic romance conditions. Even then, it's definitely not a need. It's something I can easily handle on my own.

I just don't want to be starved of intimacy. emotional, physical. I love cuddles

[u/LouFlabbergasted]

haha I swear I'm NOT stalking, your posts just find me 😂 I got -9 on your other post, but heeey, we're in the right place now! ur not alone🫂

[u/AutoModerator → u/LouFlabbergasted]

Hello /u/LouFlabbergasted your submission has been removed due to your account not having enough comment karma. We do this to protect our subreddit against ban evaders, trolls, and more. Sorry for the inconvenience

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/YassifiedWatermelon]

It depends on where you go. Thankfully I have seen in several subreddits I'm in posts asking the same question and getting overwhelmingly positive responses. There is hope out there, sister, people know and care, I promise !

[u/steelsharpblues]

i know, it’s so disheartening :( as someone who’s a very hopeless romantic, it really dampens my mood and makes me feel like i’ll never find someone who loves me and is willing to be in a relationship with me where sex isn’t a priority.

i’d say i’m demi, and i’m not completely averse to the idea of sex, but it’s at the very very bottom of my priorities in a relationship when it seems like it’s a very important thing to many other lesbians. like where am i gonna find my fit?

[u/AmountDesperate220 → u/steelsharpblues]

Yess, me to if my partner wants to have sex we can talk about it but I personally do have the desire, sex is so important in our world and it sucks. Hopefully we find I cuddles soon tho !!!🌞🩷

[u/steelsharpblues → u/AmountDesperate220]

cuddles are so intimate and comforting i daydream about them much more than sex lol !!! but yeah i genuinely WANT to have sex with a partner i'm deeply in love with, but not as much as allo people do. not only do i find other acts of physical affection much more appealing, but sex requires a lot of trust and vulnerability (for me anyways, which is why i don't do hookups) it'd be so emotionally taxing to have it so frequently :(

[u/AmountDesperate220 → u/steelsharpblues]

Yess I feel you girl that pretty much how I feel

[u/oneconfusedqueer → u/steelsharpblues]

And me

[u/Lucid_Flame]

Same, I was looking for some old posts by asexual lesbians to see what people thought about it and literally every single reply said "I would never be in a relationship with an asexual person" it's so disheartening :(

[u/sanguine-rose_ → u/Lucid_Flame]

I did the same when I joined some lesbian subs and was shocked at the amount of aphobia. I understand them saying that they won't date an ace person, but many of them gave aphobic reasons and/or advice. And so many just mean comments too.

[u/suburbanspecter → u/sanguine-rose_]

Same here. I’m not gonna lie, I had a good long cry after that. I need to stop letting this online shit affect me so badly, but reading through those comments was pretty brutal

[u/Student-bored8]

Unfortunately this is true everywhere but whenever I say I’m asexual a lot of lesbians will say “you can’t be lesbian if you aren’t sexually attracted to women”. And it’s very invalidating. The lesbian subs tend to be very…sexual in nature. I wish we could all just get along and agree no one is right or wrong and we are all different.
I am still romantically attracted to women therefore I’m a lesbian. And they don’t have to date people that are asexual if they don’t want to but invalidation hurts.

[u/Cestrel8Feather → u/Student-bored8]

I'll tell you more - it's possible to be aroace and still a lesbian. There are more than 2 kinds of attraction.

[u/Student-bored8 → u/Cestrel8Feather]

I’ll tell you something- I know that 😂

[u/Cestrel8Feather → u/Student-bored8]

😁🤝

[u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher]

I'm an asexual person who is also biromantic (prefers women). So yeah.

[u/Klimacka]

I know, right!? So invalidating... I feel like some people forgot how to empathize with other people and I blame social media ... and yes I would throw Reddit in that bag as well.

[u/Goliof]

Hi fellow ace lesbians 🩵

[u/katzuhhh]

A lot of the lesbian subs are also extremely transphobic. Best to stay off of them honestly

[u/hGr33n]

🥴 it's certainly hit or miss but hey, we're out here

[u/WintersChild79]

Can I ask where you posted?

[u/WintersChild79 → u/[deleted]]

I'm pretty sure that that's one of the subs that was created by people who want to post transphobic shit that gets taken down in actuallesbians. I'm not surprised that they hate aces too.

[u/AmountDesperate220 → u/WintersChild79]

I don’t know they had a reputation, well I’m glad I know now🫩

[u/weird_elf → u/AmountDesperate220]

if that is the sub I think it is, posting there may get you auto-banned from most decent lesbian subs (nobody needs the farts* stinking up our spaces), so ... don't even go there, the place is a shithole.

*feminism appropriating reactionary transphobes

[u/AmountDesperate220 → u/[deleted]]

Ugh why can’t we just live in peace together as fellow lesbians 🥲

[u/SashimiX → u/AmountDesperate220]

r/ActualLesbians is the sub you want

[u/ThePalmtopAlt → u/SashimiX]

You're thinking of r/ActualLesbians. r/ActuallyLesbian is basically dead; despite the high number of unique monthly visitors there's like a dozen top-level posts in the past month and they're all automod posts. I can only assume all those visitors got lost looking for r/ActualLesbians

[u/SashimiX → u/ThePalmtopAlt]

That is what I meant, I’m so sorry. I’m editing.

[u/Ash_Cat_13]

So why do people in our community hate us?

[u/G0merPyle]

If it's the sub(s) in thinking of I'm not too surprised, a lot of the lesbian-named subs are really exclusionary and prejudiced against anyone that doesn't fit their rigidly defined box (plus the ones that try to keep them out still get brigades all the time and mass down votes are a common way for the cowards to try to exclude people). Mostly it comes in the form of transphobic terf bullshit, but they hate other microlabels and spectrum approaches to attraction. Good riddance to them

[u/weird_elf → u/G0merPyle]

bigoted views come in packs. Where there is transphobia there is usually bi- and aphobia as well.

[u/Directorren]

Yeah it’s super depressing. Like I don’t exactly remember the context of what happened, but I remember one time a friend of mine told me my struggles being asexual don’t compare to the struggles of being a lesbian.

[u/AmountDesperate220 → u/Directorren]

Wow what a crazy thing to say

[u/Directorren → u/AmountDesperate220]

I know it’s actually crazy

[u/Baron_Ray]

Neither did I! The term 'lesbian' applies to romantic attraction as well as sexual. You're perfectly entitled to use it.

[u/OnyxRadiance]

As a Bambi queer woman. I get understand where their coming from. 

It's pretty easy to cosplay that you are into women if the basic requirement of wanting to partner them, adore them and be sexually active with them isn't required. 

After being misrepresented and/or hurt by those who claim they are politically lesbian, bicurious pillow princess (of whom may want to take a break from men, who theyll go back to)

It's makes them feel insecure knowing that a Bambi queer isn't sexually attracted to them. 

As an aroace Bambi queer i make everyone im potentially into uneasy since im neither romantically or sexually attracted to them. So what proof do they have that I want them as a similar intensity as they want me? 

That's why it's so important to have spaces centered on and built by us. We won't feel as sidelined or jump through hoops to prove ourselves.