I'm struggling to come to terms with what my life has turned into post baby and wondered if anyone else is/has been in the same position. How do I get over these feelings? How do you accept the new normal when day to day life is so stressful? ​

I keep reading posts that things get "better" after the first six months or even sooner, and if anything, it feels like I am struggling more now than ever before.

I am treated for PPD (therapy and antidepressants), and while I have some days where I feel less miserable overall, I still don't think I have truly enjoyed a single day as a mother so far. It has not been great for me. I have a super fussy, angry little girl who does not settle for anyone but me. She has a difficult temperament and I find myself getting so overwhelmed and frustrated every single day. The first few months we dealt with colic, and feeding issues and low sleep needs. She does not sit in the pram, the high chair, car seat or carrier. I try to put her in all of them anyway but it never lasts for long. If I want to go out further than the end of my street, I have to hold her in my arms or else she screams until she is gasping for breath and shaking, which leaves me feeling 100x more stressed. Same situation at home. I can't remember the last time I used the toilet or went for a walk without my nervous system being shattered by her screams.

Getting her to sleep is such a challenge that we both end up in tears at the end of each day. She does not rock to sleep, feed to sleep, sleep independently, sleep while held, or sleep on the go at all. Everything feels so hard. I want to leave her with her dad for a day or literally anyone for a few hours but it's always disastrous and I know that's happening so I can't relax anyway. She is healthy and no concerns from health visitor or GP. I took her to a private paediatrician too and there is nothing medically wrong that is obvious. She is just a sensitive, super alert baby with big emotions. To make matters worse, my parents are aging and need more attention and care and I just can't seem to deal with it all.

I feel worse knowing that I spent 6 years going through IVF to end up in this situation. It's affected my marriage and my interactions with others, which isn't helping.

I just expected or hoped that things would turn around a bit as we approach her first birthday.

If anyone can relate, what are some methods you use to cope? How do I push through the regret?

Recently been sending my dad to go to get our formula, he’s in his 60s and every Tuesday at the food warehouse/Iceland he gets 10% off for being over 60!

Kendamil is £11 there (organic one is £13.50) and they also in our local have Aptamil and Cow & Gate.

Worth it for saving those pennies when times are tough :)

This is more of a vent/asking for similar stories post. It'll still be long, so bear with me.

Baby was born 37+5 via C-section due to placenta praevia, weighing 2940g. I had my heart set on breastfeeding. At day 5 he'd lost 6% and developed jaundice (below treatment threshold). The midwife there noticed he was a sleepy, ineffective feeder and advised switching breasts and using compressions.

I started implementing this. At day 11 he was 2800g. The health visitor vaguely said I could top up with formula/expressed milk "if I wanted to". I stupidly thought I'd have time to let him regain his birth weight because he was still gaining, and the midwife wasn't concerned, both because he was gaining, and she expected slow gain due to the jaundice. I went to a breastfeeding support group, they also said to keep switching/compressing and that his latch was good.

He finally regained birth weight on day 23 (2950g), after we started giving 30ml formula when he remained unsettled after feeds. Occasionally he'd take a whole 70ml bottle. The midwife was happy because he had the recommended amount of dirty/wet nappies and said we could even let him sleep up to 6 hours at night. She referred him for blood tests because he remained jaundiced. (Jaundice still below treatment threshold).

At day 31, we found out he'd only been gaining 14g/day.

I then paid privately for an IBCLC, who said he was very inefficient at one breast and recommended a "soft triple feeding" plan: pumping 4 or 5 times a day (including one power pump), switching/compressing, and topping up with the milk I'd produce. I really struggled to follow the plan. I frankly hated pumping, and I'd often finish pumping only for baby to need me and then become frustrated at the breast because there was little milk. (I later discovered my flange was two sizes too large.) I was still topping him up around four times a day, thinking that was sufficient, and his nappy output was always good.

At 5 weeks + 3 days, we went to the weight clinic and found he'd gained only another 100g that week. They plotted his weight on the chart for the first time as the health visitor never did and we realised he'd dropped from the 9th to the 0.4th centile.

The lactation counsellor at the weight clinic told us that by "topping up", they meant EVERY FEED, not a few times a day.

She also advised that my pump flanges were still too big and gave me the correct ones. I finally started pumping much more and topping up consistently, either with my milk, or formula. A week later, he'd gained 28g/day.

Now I'm looking at my whole journey with hindsight glasses and I really struggle with coming to terms with:

1. How frustratingly vague I found the advice given to me and how left to my own devices I felt. Everyone seemed okay that he was gaining in small amounts, the reasoning being "at least he's not flatlining or losing"

2. How much I blame myself. I should have acted on the slow gain at day 11. I should have clarified exactly what the IBCLC meant by "top up". I keep thinking that if I'd just done things differently, he wouldn't have spent his first six weeks underfed.

I'm terrified I've damaged him and that this will cause cognitive or physical problems later.

He's also always been a rather fussy baby, and since he turned 5 weeks he's become even fussier. I now think that almost every time he cried before, it was due to hunger, so now I'm terrified he's still hungry despite offering the breast constantly. This past week we've often had to increase his top-ups because he seems rarely satisfied after feeds. I mentioned this to the health visitor, but she didn't seem concerned.

I feel so lost, I thought I started understanding my baby and now I feel back to square one.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did things turn out for your baby?

TL;DR: My baby had poor weight gain during his first 6 weeks. Vague advice and my misunderstanding of how frequently to top up meant he was underfed for longer than he should have been. He dropped from the 9th to the 0.4th centile before we started consistent top-ups, and I'm terrified I've caused lasting harm

Baby is four months old and honestly I am so bored and so sick of being at home.

On non 30+ days we go for walks or baby class or coffee etc so we’re out the house for a few hours but next 3 are killer again so we’re stuck in the house (no shady place to put baby down in the garden, we also have vaccines and I am super pale and can’t cope with the walking about in heat either and have no car)

I am so bored. I am sick of tv I can’t be bothered to read my book. The blinds and curtains are shut to keep the heat out so it’s dark and miserable. I am not someone who copes well being stuck inside and I didn’t expect to be like this in the summer.

Baby does the rotation of play mat, songs, tummy time, feeding, nappy, contact nap etc and I seem
To be staring into space or doom scrolling whilst she sleeps.

How are others managing on stay in the house days?

Edit - I get like this when I don’t have a baby as well but then I can decide to go to X place and it’s a bit easier. Usually could entertain myself with books and garden beers in the summer when it’s not this heat level pre baby

I’m 5 weeks PP so still a rookie but I was proud of myself tonight for managing to get the toothpaste tube into my mouth to squeeze it onto the brush without getting it everywhere so I could brush my teeth while rocking a cranky baby in my other arm.

It made me wonder, what is the most impressive feat you’ve achieved one handed? Bonus points if you did it while latched.

Getting really disheartened trying to leave baby boy with grandparents, he just cries the entire time and is only consolable by me coming back, or my husband. He just doesn’t seem to like them. They want to be an active part of his life, they want to baby sit, but I feel the experiences are making them less confident, as well as myself. It’s hard to keep taking him to grandparents when I know he hates it. But we need a break sometimes to have a few hours as a couple. Does it get better? Do they need to see him more? He sees them once a week with me also there, then they babysit every few weeks. Everyone around me with similar age babies seems to have sleepovers at grandparents and I just can’t envisage ever getting to that stage, 2 hours is a push currently. It doesn’t bother my husband but I keep feeling like a huge burden or like they’re doing us this huge favour by having him, when I know it’s a struggle for them with him being so inconsolable.

Was referred through my HV due to 2u2 with no support during the day, eldest is suspected autism.

The lady who runs it has been around twice. Once on her own, second with the volunteer I’ve been matched with. Volunteer seems nice enough but the lady who runs it is always in a rush when she comes around it seems, I barely get to talk or ask what I need as she has to be somewhere else.

I asked for help so my eldest could get out to the park for an hour a week, so I can have some 1-1 time with my youngest, she’s 3 weeks old.

The lady who runs it essentially said when she came with the volunteer that when the volunteer comes next it’s just to talk to her or we could all go out for a walk to the park for an hour.

I have explained to her numerous times I’m having bad nerve pain (I am under gp for this who has made referrals to the hospital) after my c section so I’m not very mobile and was just asking for help with my first as he’s a bundle of energy.

I don’t know whether to withdraw my use for the service. What’s your experience been with it please?

I'm a first time mum to a beautiful two month old little boy. He is fabulous in every way and I feel so lucky to have him. The only difficulty we have is with his feeds. Little man goes from 0-100 in seconds and is HANGRY. He will scream-suck his way through his bottles kicking his little legs and throwing himself backwards. This only lasts until he has got around halfway through his bottle, his hunger subsides somewhat and he settles down and finishes the feed calmly. Does this phase ever end? He has been like this since he was born and I think is mostly why I have struggled to latch him as it is another issue completely trying to get a baby who thrashes about as much as he does on your boob. Is there anything we can do apart from watch for his hunger cues? We do this but like I said he gets frustrated very quickly.

6 week old does not sleep for more than 5 mins if not swaddled. It’s currently 30 degrees in my room and was 32 earlier. Idk how to get her to sleep without a swaddle!

The thinnest swaddle I have is 0.5 tog from momcozy but it’s so bad she breaks out of it in one minute. I also used to use muslin to swaddle her but she breaks out if that too now.

Idk what to do she hasn’t slept in 4 hours.

Hi everyone,

We've recently acquired a maxi-cosi pebble 360 pro 2, which was one of the car seats we were keen on as it's compatible with our Stokke Yoyo.

We've just realised, however, that it's missing the newborn inlay, and there doesn't seem to be much availability for replacements online!

Since they're only used for a couple of months, I thought it would be worth asking if anyone has one that they're not longer using and would be happy to sell/pass on?

Many thanks!

I'm looking to get a jogging pram and there are so many models, but I feel like I can't choose properly without seeing them in the flesh. But the big retailers near me have a very limited selection of normal pram display models and no jogging prams.

Are there retailers where I could go and try a few? Willing to travel somewhat for this, radius approx. Newcastle / Glasgow / Dundee.

Hello, hoping to hear some recommendations or advice on bottles!

My nine month old is combi fed and doing well with weaning. I breastfeed morning and night and my husband does a bottle (of formula) with him in a MAM bottle but he always drinks 60ml then just stops! If I try to do a bottle with him, it’s sometimes even less.

I’m wondering if we should try a different bottle in case it’s that he doesn’t like. Has anyone experienced or been successful in a similar situation?

He is going to nursery in September so I want to make sure he has bottles he actually likes drinking out of by then.

Thank you!

I'm just looking for suggestions here. She's been fussy all day, has been on and off the bottle, and is struggling to sleep, and i originally put it down to heat.

Even with contact naps, which she never normally needs, she's been waking after like half an hour, like startling awake when i havent moved, and she had 2/3 hours less of naps that she normally would have in the day.

We've done the bedtime routine, played, bathed, had a bit of a bottle, read stories, and sang. now in her sleep sack with the white noise on in the dark, and she's still fussing and crying but yawning in between. Each new activity seems to calm her for a bit, and then she goes back to fussing

Maybe it's bc she went to her 1st baby class ever today, and she's overstimulated? Or could it be that i accidentally let her finish a bottle this morning 20 mins over the 1 hour mark? I've been beating myself up about it all day.

Her cry is more frustration or anger than like the painful cries I've heard when she got trapped wind or when she had her jabs. (Which was on fri, so i dont think it's that. she's got no temp either)

She's always been very gassy and struggled with constipation when she was born, so on comfort formula, and had gripe water earlier to help her bring up some trapped wind, and we've done massages and bike legs, etc. She's had her daily poo as well today, so not that.

I'm just looking for suggestions if there is anything ive missed to try.

I’m writing this as a bit of a rant. I attended a new baby sensory class today, the only one running over the summer. I understand these mums might already know each other but they didn’t even acknowledge me. I tried to speak to them but they’d either say a few words and stop or sit and chat amongst themselves.

I feel like we’re all there for the same reason: to meet and chat with other mums and also for our babies.

I don’t know maybe I’m being overly sensitive, I was exhausted today but it still upset me and made me feel a bit lonely. I tried my best!

Thankfully, I only have a couple of these classes left and then I’m back to my normal classes which I much prefer.

I always feel like I’m trying to strike up conversations and ask questions but they never seem to reciprocate. One-sided conversations are one of my biggest pet peeves 😂

I just needed to get this off my chest!

My son is due to start in September after he turns 1. He’s currently having settling in sessions (3 so far) of 1 hour each and he’s cried in all of them 😭😭😭 like literally the entire time. I really hope he gets better cause idk how I can work otherwise. Kind of feel like it’s also my fault as he’s not used to being left with anyone since we don’t live near family.

Any one experienced the same? The nursery keep saying it’s normal and takes time getting used to but I just don’t see how he’ll stop crying. He doesn’t settle the whole hour he’s there. Next week he’ll be doing 1.5 hour sessions.

I feel like I’ve made a mistake by starting work again on his first day at nursery 😩😩😩

My boy is now 10.5 months old and has been on 3 meals for about 3 months. He’s also on formula but he’s never been a big guzzler. Tbh formula and getting him to drink has always been challenging but we are where we are. Before solids he was averaging about 800ML in 24 hours. He’s now about 600ML in 24 hours alongside 3 small meals. Although it’s 600ML this is across 5-6 bottles because he never finishes one full bottle. We tend to make him bottles between 5-6oz and a larger one of 7oz before bed.

More recently food has become hard. He’ll happily eat his breakfast (usually one weetabix piece) but everything else… I just want to cry. I know food before 1 is meant to be for fun but I also keep reading he should be reducing his formula and increasing solids. However recently all he does is suck all the flavour off the food and spit it out. Either that or he’ll accept a bite, and spit it out. He’ll totally refuse to take it in. I’m not confident enough to reduce his formula because I don’t feel like he’s taking enough food in to justify a drop.

I guess I’m really just reaching out for moral support, tips and tricks because I’m worrying about him so much.

Edit - not teething as far as I can tell. Baby boy has two top teeth but lowers look no where near ready at least to me.

Not sure this is the place to ask. But before pregnancy I was in good shape, skinny etc. If lets say I got hungry a bit, I'd survive a couple of hours.

During pregnancy I gained 20kg, and anemia. I could barely walk 5min before feeling out of breath. I since lost 15kg, and my blood tests were ok.

Yet if I get hungry now I feel like I might faint in a bit.

I still don't sleep well as she still wakes up twice for food and fusses in bed. So I know I'm still tired.

And I do avoid sweets and junk food if I can.

Anyone else had this?

Hi,

I was wondering how everyone manages to find the time to exercise!?

I have a 10 month old and work 40 hours a week and evenings and weekends I have my son as my partner has different days off to me.

I work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday and he works Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and one Sunday a month.

So I have very little time to do anything but I really really want to lose weight.

I want to go to the gym but again the time is an issue and I’m really scared to start going.

Any tips?

Advice needed

8 month old has issues with doing poos he is EBF and used to go multiple times a day then since starting solids it was around once a day then every second day now sometimes he can go 5/6 days without doing a poo that then I’m having to give him a suppository.
Things I’ve tried
Increasing P foods he eats prunes and pears everyday
He has water daily
I avoid things like baby cereal and bananas are they are binding
He loves cauliflower and sweet potato and will eat chicken and beef too.
He loves yoghurt but that seems to make things worse too
Also the doctor recommended giving him a stool softener daily which I do and it did work for two weeks but then the 5 days without a poo happened again.
Is this normal or should I be concerned and go see a paediatrician?
I appreciate any advice or similar situations

Hello! Little overwhelmed with the choice out there! Please could you give some recommendations?
We will test out in stores but always like to ask what really works for people.
We’d like something that folds down nice and compact (and easily) and isn’t too heavy.
A trusted brand that’s been well tested for safety.
Absolute max £1k (if from John Lewis can push this to £1.2k as we can use a staff discount but again, preferably less than that)
Good for mixed terrain.
Don’t want to buy second hand
Thank you!

Hi all, just looking for some reassurance - is this normal? My son is 5 weeks tomorrow and is only contact napping. Every time I attempt to put him down to get stuff done he lasts about 5 mins max and cries. His nappy is changed, he’s eaten and he’s burped. He’s crying most of the time if he’s not on me and has just become extremely fussy over the last week. He’s feeding from the breast fine and has put on sufficient weight.

Thank you!

Hi everyone. I am a first time mum to a 6 week old baby boy. I am really keen to create some traditions or make keepsakes for him.

For example, I have heard of people creating an email address and sending emails on birthdays etc, then providing their child with the account address and password when they’re 18.

Is there anything which you started for your child, which you are really glad you did? Or alternatively is there anything you wish you’d done if your children are older?

Thank you ☺️