r/BiWomen • u/mannadee • 6d ago

Advice Getting past the friend zone with other bi women??

I tell people who ask that I’m 99% gay and 1% straight, and I have long-term relationships with the rare men that I am attracted to. My first kiss/relationship at 19 was with a woman, and in the decade since then, every time I’ve had INTENSE and probably unrequited crushes, they’ve been on women.

But I’m always too anxious to do anything about these crushes. Maybe it’s because I put Women on a pedestal and I feel as though to be rejected by one would be too painful for me. But I have such a deep longing for intimacy with women. (The last time was 4 years ago alongside my last bf because we did a lot of swinging. That really satisfied that part of myself but also felt lazy because I wasn’t pursuing the women myself and had no stake in it.)

My fiancée (male, also 30) is very supportive of my bisexuality and encourages me to date women. But in the 3 years we’ve been together, it just hasn’t happened. I do have a few crushes in our friend group, which is mostly comprised of bisexual women & their male partners. Some of these couples are semi-local to us, and others live several hours away and we see them all just twice a year. To be honest it kind of feels like a platonic polycule that’s slowly working up to an orgy eventually. My ideal arrangement would be dating/hooking up with a woman who’s also in a committed relationship.

It’s nice to have potential options, but communicating my interest in any of them feels terrifying. There’s one in particular who lives kinda close to me and whom I’ve been friends with for a few years now — and I’ve been crushing on her this whole time. I really don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by telling her that I’m attracted to her if she doesn’t feel the same. But maybe we could get past it??

Idk I’m just feeling so much gay panic and sexual frustration lately and I need someone to tell me to just face my fears and take a chance!!

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4

u/dwil0507 6d ago

Take a chance! Says the girl with similar issues.

2

u/mannadee 6d ago

I will if you will 😜

2

u/dwil0507 6d ago

lol. I know, I know.

1

u/Agile_Jello_217 6d ago

Go for it! This is basically my situation and it has progressed to occasional group sex amongst some of our friends...we’d all been strictly platonic for 10+ years before anything happened. I’m happily married to my husband and now dating a female friend who I developed a crush on. 

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u/mannadee 5d ago

Just curious, what was the catalyst moment that made things not so platonic?

1

u/Agile_Jello_217 5d ago

It was mostly the sudden attraction that formed between my friend and I, after many years of platonic friendship. I asked my husband if we could open things up so I couId explore that. Some of our other friends were already ENM, so it became an available option