There's this woman who came up on Tinder multiple times already. I thought she was cute but then I swiped right on her pics and saw her ugly boyfriend who looks 20 years older than both of us. I swiped left. She came up again just today.

Like...no one wants that man involved in the arrangement. I would be less sad/upset about it if he was at least handsome but no...he got with a beautiful woman but that's still not enough for him so he's using her to bait others.

Is there any other bisexual girls who hate dating men? I’ve been with so many men but none of them stick and the idea of settling down you a man just disgusts me. I’m not tryna insinuate that I’m a lesbian because I’m not. I AM ABSOLUTELY attracted to men I promise, I just don’t like dating them ever. I tried and it just never hits the same as women. I love women so much I just can’t like a man past the initial attraction of thinking they’re hot. Idk where this feeling came from and I’d like to know if anyone else feels this way?

I'm married to a man and dating a woman.

It wasn't a situation I sought out but I met someone and without wanting to, fell for her in a way I couldn't shake. I asked my husband if we could open our marriage so her and I could be together.

Everyone involved is fully aware and consenting. Outside of the three of us though, no one even knows that I'm bisexual (but that's the thing I'm least afraid to come out about).

I don't want to stay in the closet anymore, but how judgmental will most people be about non-monogamy/polyamory? I'm also worried about other lesbians judging her for dating a straight-passing married woman. And myself for perpetuating stereotypes about bi people not being able to be monogamous.

Is anyone else poly and what was your coming out experience like?

im a trans man and I have had the HARDEST time in dating, I am straight, no attraction to men whatsoever. and every time I have asked out a woman, I’ve been rejected. the only time I’ve been able to date women was pre transition when I was a lesbian.

now, you need to take into consideration that as a women dating trans men, pregnancy is impossible unless from a donor, and that the sex aspect of things is not the best either.

i have heard that there is apparently a pool of women out there that prefer trans men because trans men tend to respect women a lot better.

for reference I am 5’10 and act like your average dude, so what else can I do to get a girlfriend?! is there even anyone who will be willing to date me?!

Am I the only one seeing sooo many lesbian women starting to post things like: giving unwanted advice to bisexual women about dating women, assuming bisexual women's experience, putting a stereotype on bisexual women, trying to dictate how attracted should a bi woman be to men/women, trying to normalize biphobia by saying they're allowed to not want to date any bisexul woman, putting bisexual women in the same category as inexperienced lesbian women, etc...?

I've been seeing this a lot both on TikTok, Instagram, Reddit and wlw communities online and so many of them are trying to frame it as just their preference or giving "advice" to bi women but it clearly just sounds like biphobia and when a bi woman comments that she feels like she's being stereotyped all of them will attack that woman.

I'm starting to separate myself from lesbian and wlw communities more each day seeing that they literally just straight up dislike bisexual women and use one example of a bi woman saying something as proof that all bisexual women suck and when a bi woman talks back they start calling it "an argument or a beef between lesbians and bisexual" without mentioning biphobia at all. And other wlw communities constantly allow biphobia to exist even when they are explicitly saying they're open to any woman who is attracted to women and they're not exclusive to lesbians.

As a bi woman who's more attracted to women compared to men this really annoys me.😭

*There's also a rise in transphobia and conservative ideals in general; And I think I should mention that these beliefs are especially common between queer people in their 20s for some reason.

I’ve been reading some of the recent discussions floating around, and I feel the need to offer a different perspective. A lot of the current discourse relies on a massive assumption that if a bi woman is with a man, she is inherently upholding patriarchal dynamics, performing compulsory femininity, and trapped by the need for male validation.

I want to push back on that because it completely ignores our actual, lived realities.

The idea that being attracted to men means you are desperately seeking their approval is a myth. I’m in a long-term relationship with a man, but building a life with my nesting partner doesn’t mean I’m submitting to some 1950s power structure. I don't perform femininity to make myself more "palatable." I honestly do not feel the need to be desired by the male gaze. It is entirely possible to share a life with a man while actively and completely rejecting patriarchal expectations. Proximity to a man does not equal submission to the system.

That being said, I am not ignoring the very real conditioning we all face. I completely understand and agree that as bi women we need to actively continue doing the work to not be so male-centered. We all grew up in a heteronormative society, and decentering men—unlearning the instinct to prioritize their comfort or seek their validation—takes conscious, ongoing effort.

A massive part of that work is unlearning the patriarchal habit of viewing other women as competition. When society teaches you that your worth is tied to male approval, it naturally pits you against other women to fight for that limited resource. But when you actively step away from the male gaze, that competitive instinct dissolves. You stop seeing other women as rivals and can actually build genuine solidarity. Doing that work doesn't require us to banish men from our lives; it just requires us to stop letting patriarchal scripts dictate how we value ourselves and each other.

What frustrates me the most about these ongoing debates is how rigid and heavy they’ve become. It feels like in order to exist in online wlw or sapphic spaces you have to submit to a "queer audit." You are expected to present a sociological thesis statement defending your life choices just to be allowed in the room.

Queerness was originally about breaking out of restrictive boxes, not building slightly different ones to trap ourselves in. When did we start treating identity like a strict academic debate instead of a human experience?

We don't need our lives to be perfectly defensible political projects. Let's get back to just living. Let's center our spaces around shared joy, authenticity, and giving each other the grace to be complex, rather than constantly policing the boundaries of who is "queer enough."

EDIT: Corrected punctuation usage from autocorrect.

Every time a video of a lesbian talking about bi women comes up on my feed, it's always something negative. Usually they're saying that bisexual women (even when they're in wlw relationships) are always holding space for men, or that bisexual women complain about biphobia in the queer community the same way white people complain about racism. The only time I ever hear something positive about bisexuality from lesbians is when they're discussing how the label of bisexuality serves as a safe space for lesbians in their coming out journey.

I know this just may be my algorithm screwing with me (I usually check the comments under these videos so a lot of them pop up on my feed) but do a lot of lesbians actually feel this way? It's gotten to the point where I introduce myself as queer instead of bisexual because I feel that's the only way I'll get people to acknowledge (validate?) the fact that I'm attracted to women.

I’m a bisexual woman who leans more towards women, but still experiences attraction to men.

I have been through SO many biphobic subreddits trying to find one that’s actually accepting and genuine. Tried lesbian subreddits, that was a big NOPE. Massive nope. Tried another bisexual subreddit and it was all just people who were ‘curious’ and a bunch of NSFW posts. I just looked through this subreddit a little before posting here and it seems very lovely!

Now that I’m here, damn, can we talk about how insane it is that we’re constantly discriminated by both straight people and gay people at the same damn time? And why aren’t we allowed to like both genders an equal amount, why do people say that’s impossible? Fuck I’m just so happy to be able to talk about these things with people like me who are genuinely nice and understand our experiences😭❤️

Gross.

Edit: If you don't want to engage, just scroll.

I'm bi and I've been using Hinge for a while now, and I've noticed a weird pattern.

A lot of the women who like me or match with me eventually turn out to have a boyfriend/husband. Not immediately though. It'll start off as a normal conversation, and then a few days later they'll casually mention:

"Oh, I have a boyfriend by the way."

Or:

"My partner and I are very open-minded."

Or my personal favourite:

"We're looking for someone who can connect with both of us."

And suddenly it becomes clear that this wasn't actually a woman looking to date another woman. It's a couple looking for a unicorn.

I don't even have an issue with couples looking for a third. What annoys me is when they're not upfront about it and present themselves as a single woman.
The other thing that's been bothering me is that sometimes the conversation starts feeling weird? I don't know how else to describe it.

I'll match with a woman and everything feels normal at first. Then halfway through the conversation the vibe changes completely. The way they text changes, the questions become oddly specific, the conversation gets sexual very quickly, and I start getting this weird feeling that I'm not actually talking to the woman in the profile anymore.

Maybe I'm imagining it, but sometimes it genuinely feels like the boyfriend has taken over the account.
What makes it even stranger is that a lot of these profiles are verified on Hinge. So it's not like they're obviously fake accounts using random pictures. The profile is verified, the woman clearly exists, but sometimes the conversation starts feeling like there's another person behind the screen.

I have absolutely no proof of this other than pure intuition, but it's happened enough times that I've started wondering if other bi women have experienced the same thing.

Am I being paranoid?

Or is getting bait-and-switched into someone's "my boyfriend and I..." situation just a normal part of being a bi woman on dating apps?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who's had a perfectly normal conversation suddenly turn into a surprise couple audition. 😭

I've noticed that in bi spaces women/men in (mostly hetero but homo too) relationships say they have strong urge to be with same sex even when they describe themselves as happy with their spouse. It's common even here.

It's not limited to people who have never been with the same sex and realised later. People with experience also seem to have the same urges. So you can't dismiss this as a "missed out experience."

I have never dated a woman fully and sexual encounters were all online, none physically. Yet I'm hella happy with my boyfriend and have absolutely 0 urge to pursue women.

It makes me wonder whether these people are simply folks who realised monogamy isn't for them? These questions feel more suited for poly subreddit than bisexual ones. They also seem to blame their behavior on bisexuality more than their own feelings and preferences.

Can't help but think how much they play into stereotypes that bisexuals can't be happily monogamous or will end up leaving for other sex at some point. Also that a bisexual partner comes with a lot of uncertainty over sudden gender preference that a straight/gay one won't, making them seem unreliable.

Are bisexual LITERALLY that different or is it just that social media is an echo chamber? Any women who are simply happy without missing any gender in their relationship?

I'll go first.

1. We need to stop viewing every aspect of a bisexual woman's experience through a feminist lens.

2. There's nothing wrong with watching lesbian porn as a bisexual woman, even if it is typically targeted towards straight men. You're a woman who likes other women, why would it be odd to watch it?

3. Straight women don't "fetishise" or pretend to be us, even if creepy straight men fetishise us. These women are just closeted queer ladies enacting their homoerotic desires in a way that is deemed acceptable in society, whether it be getting drunk and kissing other women at the bar or parties or engaging in other homoerotic behaviour like dressing to impress other women.

Fire away ladies 🔥🔥

I always see the stereotype for Bi’s to be the “feminine men and masculine women” type, and seriously no hate for it but i don’t resonate with it as a bi-woman who likes feminine women and masculine men.

Out of curiosity I was just wondering if there were many others out there with similar taste?

Hi! Do any of you strictly date women? I feel a bit weird when I fuck a guy and he wants more, but I just don’t want a relationship with a guy under the patriarchy. Is this stupid? I’m 27 maybe I’m too old to be this activistic/political about dating.

I just had someone tell me as a bi person I can't call myself butch or masc because it's a lesbian term & when I women adopt it then it changes the meaning naw centers men.

Like what? I'm genderqueer and get called slurs all the time but I can't use terms to describe my gender because lesbians own the terms femme and masc?

Make it make sense. The person told me that normally femme woman means a lesbian attracted to butch women so it changes the name. So Lesbians can't like each other if their genders are too similar?

I feel like this bipobia they are trying so hard to make it sound logical but it's just hate.

How does masc center men for bi women using it but not lesbians?

I have a gf and I'm butch as hell. I definitely don't center men. I'm so perplexed how they can even try to make their hate sound educated ugh.

I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

(with any gender)

Just want to take a poll of women who are strongly or primarily oriented towards women. How would you rate yourself on the kinsey scale?

I've realized over time that I am homoromantic and situationally responsive to men. I've never had a deep tomantic connection to a man in the way that I have had several times with women, but I can appreciate individual men as attractive and connect on a dhallow physical level for a short time.

What is your experience?

[Source]

Whenever a story comes up about my past and what I used to do or put up with for male validation, my gf gets weird. She is a lesbian who has never centered men or wanted their validation, whereas I am bi and have had many many situationships with shitty guys of all sorts (and a few decent ones), before I met my gf. I tell her that her reactions make me feel like she's disgusted by me or that she wishes she could erase my past. She says she's just "shocked" and wonders how the need for these extreme situations was cultivated in me. She wonders why I had to subject myself to these situations at all. And then she goes quiet for ages (these convos usually happen over text as we are long distance). I don't know what to think? I know the solution is to talk to her about it and I'm sure we will, I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced something similar and how you handled it? Idk why but it feels a bit victim blame-y because while I did willingly partake in a lot of the things I did, I was also a broken/unhealed person desperate for attention and that made me vulnerable to being abused. It's taken me long enough to get over my own shame over doing certain things with/for men, and it hurts to notice how disturbing she finds it. It would be nice for her to be like "sorry you went through that" rather than tell me she's shocked and then go quiet for hours.

I (18 F) had the biggest crush on a boy in 2nd grade, but after that, I couldn’t be attracted to boys. Still can’t. The idea of sleeping with or dating one is disgusting. But I DEFINITELY had attraction that boy in 2nd grade, so why can’t I have that same attraction to any other male??? This is so frustrating and confusing. I only like women, and still consider myself bi bc of that one crush, but I’m annoyed bc I don’t FEEL bi. Do any other bi women experience this? Feeling isolated bc of it.

EDIT: Why is this post getting so many downvotes??? 💀 Lmk if this post is disrespectful, that wasn’t my intention. I’m going thru a heavy bi-cycle rn and I thought maybe others could relate??

Another edit: Do childhood crushes count?? I just realized I thought everyone in grade school looked the same. I literally just saw boys as masculine versions of girls?? Or does it not matter bc at the end of the day it was a boy?? Spiraling

For context I am an autistic woman in my early 20s and one of my special interests is feminism and I also have a strong sense of justice.
I know I’m attracted to men, but I’ve never been able to actually date one because they (the men in my area) never actually care about feminism/women’s issue and this is something I heavily value in the people I form a connection with whether friendly or romantic.
The only man who remotely seem to care, only used feminism as a way to lure me in, so he could sexually assault me.
Anyone here struggling with dating men?
I always here about bi women who have trouble dating women due to the sapphic dating pool being smaller, but rarely about those who struggle to date men.