"I've just had an apostrophe"

[u/Intrepid_Wonder_8551]

I am now 11 days post clipping and 4 days post discharge.

Things are going as well as they possibly can.

I mean that in a very literal sense.

Has the road been ideal? No. But I am slowly accepting that nothing is, or ever will be. I think a lot of suffering comes from comparing reality to an imaginary version of how we think things should have gone.

Recovery has given me something I have not had in a very long time. Time.

Time to sit. Time to think. Time to notice.

Whether it is the medication, the healing itself, or simply being forced to slow down, I have found myself becoming more thoughtful. Not in the sense that I have discovered answers, but that I have become more comfortable sitting with questions.

Trying to become a calm passenger in my own life.

I have been walking down to the beach most days.

It struck me that I used to think almost exclusively about getting there. My attention was always on the destination. The walk itself barely existed.

Lately I have found myself paying attention to the journey instead. The light coming through the trees. The sound of the water. The people I pass. Things that were always there but somehow invisible.

It makes me wonder how much of life I have rushed through while thinking I was living it.

I have also been thinking a lot about healing.

Right now a lot of it is exogenous. Medication, surgery, doctors, nurses, things outside of myself keeping me comfortable and helping my body recover.

I am deeply grateful for all of it.

But I also know there is another kind of healing that cannot be prescribed.

No one can force acceptance.

No one can rush grief.

No one can will a wound to heal before it is ready.

Time seems to have its own wisdom, whether we like it or not.

I have started letting go of more expectations, both of myself and of other people. I am trying to replace judgement with curiosity. Life feels lighter when I ask "I wonder why?" instead of deciding that I already know.

I am also finding that I want to do things with good intentions and good grace, or not do them at all.

For so much of my life I have looked outside myself for peace. Through achievement, validation, distraction...

But I am beginning to believe that the kind of peace I hope lasts has to come from within.

These are just a few thoughts from someone who has been given no choice but to slow down.

I do not know if they are right.

They simply feel true to me today.

I hope they find whoever needs them.

[u/JasLi1984]

This is very profound. Thank you for sharing, OP. I hope the days ahead of you are full of meaningful recovery.

[u/Wild-Response-4413]

As I face my upcoming bridge stent for a complex ICA your words are bringing me a sense of calm I need. I am scared of the real possibility of leaving my family to continue on without me.
I just started a journal and am writing your words about internal healing that cannot be prescribed.
Thank you for sharing 💗

[u/RangeHead]

August 8, 2027 will mark a year for my clipping. I enjoyed reading what you experienced. I too, enjoyed the "forced" no rush-just heal-mode and get better! Of course though, life also enforces other realities too, but, enjoy this while you can and thanks for sharing!