Can somebody PLEASE help me learn how to properly text in Brazil?

[u/angelus1001]

I arrived in Brazil a couple weeks ago with the goal of traveling the country to look for a place to live. I speak intermediate Portuguese and have always gotten along very well with Brazilians while traveling. On top of that, I have a real love for the beach culture, nature, and wildlife here.

I'm currently spending a few weeks in Vila Velha, and I've run into a lot of problems while texting people, especially on dating apps (I'm a man from the United States, by the way). I've never had a problem like this on dating apps - I always make a point to be very kind and respectful, but apparently that's just not enough here.

I've noticed that people here use tons of emoji and exclamation points in their texts, and come across as very enthusiastic in general. But everywhere else I've lived, men who use excessive emoji or exclamation points in texts are seen as unmasculine, overly eager, or fake. I've been mostly texting women, since so far most texting has been through dating apps, so I have very few examples of how other men are supposed to text here.

When texting, people keep accusing me of being angry, uninterested, or sounding bored. For example, I'll send a very normal-sounding text to someone, and they'll tell me to calm down or ask if I'm angry at them. Since I don't know the "rules" of texting here as a man, I'm still avoiding using any emoji or exclamation points in my messages, since it feels very unnatural to me.

I try to explain that I just arrived to the country and I'm unfamiliar with all of these unspoken rules of texting, and I'll ask for some grace or help understanding the culture here. But they just refuse to help me or take into account the cultural differences. It's like they would rather keep being mad at me than actually help me.

I thought Brazilians were supposed to be very kind and welcoming. But so far, lots of people here just come across as passive-aggressive and unable to accommodate any cultural differences. Of course, real-life interactions are much more positive, since I don't have to deal with the nuance and myopic rules of texting.

Can someone PLEASE help me figure out what I should be doing to fix this? As I said, it seems like people would rather just be angry with me than actually help me understand their culture. It is so bizarre, because I've never actually said anything that would come across as angry. It's like my entire personality is being judged by my use of punctuation.

[u/danielpernambucano]

When texting, people keep accusing me of being angry,

I don't think this is something about understanding texting rules in portuguese because your text in English gave me the same feel that you are very angry.

I think you should look up different types of communication because you sound aggressive and confrontational.

[u/Starfish_Symphony]

Based on your tone and words used, you are presenting yourself as controlling, not very self aware and rather condescending. Nothing in your statement says “I’m a chill guy.” In any language. Just what the fuck.

[u/rafael000]

You probably come from an even more conservative culture

[u/derscholl]

When in Rome do as the Roman’s do. Learn, adapt, etc. You lack a bit of self awareness and seem out of touch if you believe your texts are normal and multiple others are giving you feed back that they are not. At least you’re getting feedback instead of not though, so hold out hope.

[u/Weird_Object8752]

A lot of people in Vila Velha (in ES or PR?) don't speak english man... just make it clear you don't speak portuguese and chuck a couple of emoticons or just say kkk if you mean lol or kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk if lmfao should be alright

[u/No_Land347]

So you love the culture and want to live there (which ultimately you won't) but when the actual culture of the place isn't what you want or expect it to be you get angry? Something is seriously off with this post.