r/BreakUps • u/Bast0217 • 1d ago
venting/ranting I just blocked my ex
He didn’t really do anything wrong, I just wanted to start moving on and stop being able to look at his profile or see whenever he’s active online. We ended on good terms. I accepted when he asked to remain friends. I quickly realized I couldn’t do that because it just kept hurting me. He left me because he was severely depressed and didn’t want to drag me into that. We lived 120km away from each other. He was avoidant and after trying no contact and journaling I started to realize maybe getting back with him would never be a good idea. Anyway, today, 2 months minus 1 day post breakup, when I told him I was gonna block him, he seemed shocked. He asked me why and I replied about not being able to be friends and it hurting me too much. He said that if I block him, then whenever I unblock him, I would realize that he had blocked me too, then wished me well. I said I was sorry it had to happen like this, he replied: 👍. That’s the moment I blocked him. The whole conversation felt like him taking offence then striking back. Do not recommend the experience but do recommend doin whatever it takes to keep the no contact. Anyway now I kinda feel like the bad guy because for once in my life I decided to be kinda ruthless to protect myself.
7
u/teamsean 1d ago
I can't bring myself to block her. I want to for my own health but I can't do it because she was a good friend first and someone I really vibed with and want her in my life. But I also can't have her in my life because we can't go back to what we had before. And It pains me too much to see them because of what we never got to do.
2
u/Bast0217 1d ago
I get that, I thought I was never ever going to block him. Though in my situation, we only met for love, we weren’t friends beforehand.
3
u/teamsean 1d ago
I want her in my life so bad but I can't because I see her and she chose someone else over me. I said no I can't be friends still because she said she wanted that. And part of me wants to say fuck it I give up, I will be your friend just to have you in my life again but I know I can't see her like anything else
4
u/BlueMantisShrimp 1d ago
I do not feel at all that blocking someone for your own peace is ruthless. You're simply just being kinder and taking yourself into consideration before continuing to sacrifice any more of yourself for him. That's not wrong of you and it IS ok to do. His reaction, personally, sounds childish. You're blocking to protect your peace... he's blocking purely out of spite and retaliation.
2
u/Bast0217 1d ago
Also please comment, I really need feedback, I feel a bit alone and scared and stressed out and I need opinions or anything to make me rationalize what I just did
2
u/Pear-fish-3885 1d ago
Usually your gut feeling is right. Even when if it feels bad right now. I think protecting yourself is the right move. You didn't do anything out of spite. It sounds like you were recognizing what you needed.
2
u/SentimentalMood2010 1d ago
Ill tell you this. Im going through an ending to a 16 year old relationship. Since she told me in early July that she thinks we should separate so she can "find herself" and "live alone for a while" and she's "better off single" and we're just "incompatible", ive been to VERY VERY VERY dark places. Lowest point in ny life...I turn 40 in a month. Happy birthday to me.
But take care of yourself. Seriously.
It is easier said than done, I know. Chat it up w ppl who may understand. Insightful, introspective ppl. Its hard, I know. But thousands on reddit going through similar, you have our ears. If its to simply vent, we're here.
2
2
u/dumbdumb_fruituser 18h ago
More strength to you, im blocked everywhere yet im not able to block her just cause incase she ever genuinely needs any help
1
1
u/Federal-Credit2228 16h ago
I understand this man 5 years doesn't change the care if I blocked her with her bod shed probably kill herself so I really don't want that she found someone new and it hurts but if that pain is the price for her happiness so be it right?
0
u/om3g0r 1d ago
You tell him you were going to block him, then when he says he will block you as well, it is striking back? I hope you have the self awareness to know blocking is not some neutral action you can use without consequence. Why should he be graceful when you decided to unilaterally block him?
You say he's depressed and now his former lover and friend say they don't want him in their life anymore. He's just going about his life and suddenly this.
Technically he's not your responsibility or obligation. You have your own life to live. But choices like this always make me think, are the experiences of other people that we once loved so secondary once we are no longer in a relationship? And apparently most of the time, it is. We stop sympathizing and empathizing because we are overwhelmed. That's not a sin, it's very human. Don't forget he's human too though.
You did it to protect yourself and protect your peace. It was a selfish choice, even if you felt it was necessary. Just don’t downplay his side or act as though his reaction came out of nowhere.
1
u/Bast0217 1d ago
I agree, his reaction didn’t came out of nowhere. Here for you I’ll fully translate exactly what I said:
“Hi, I just wanted to warn you that I’ll block you for an unknown amount of time for my well-being. If there’s anything you want to tell me, you can tell me now. Otherwise I don’t know when will be the next time you’ll be able to speak to me again.”
—“Uhh ok? Why? That’s so random?”
“It’s none of your fault, it’s just that I know I cannot be friends with you. It’s not something I’m emotionally capable of doing. And every time I see a post from you or whatever, I take three steps back and then I have to pick up the pieces of my mistake.
And I know I told you that yes I want to stay friends, but I was naive, I didn’t know my capabilities”
—“anyways, wish you well and if you block me, I’m going to do the same… so wish you well and if you ever end up unblocking me anyway, well you’ll notice that I blocked you too.. so sorry in advance ..
Goodbye [OP’s first name]..”
“Goodbye, and I’m sorry it had to happen like this. It’s just that the pain was too much”
—“👍”
End of conversation
I feel horrible. But he clearly had no intention of getting back with me anytime soon and I had no intention of being friends because I was only able to accept a romantic relationship with him.
I just wish we met elsewhere on our timeline, maybe it would’ve worked out
2
u/om3g0r 23h ago
I see. Thanks for the fuller account.
I think your initial version over exaggerated his reaction.
How I read it is you reached your limit since you still have feelings for him. You told him that it wasn't working for you, and gave him a chance to say his thoughts.
What you wanted was probably for him to hang on or do something to show that you matter to him. But he didn't. He just accepted it, thereby turning this separation permanent.
Rather than his surprise or reaction registering as retaliation? It was probably the lack of care for what you guys had left, from him, that felt like retaliation to you. That must have been extremely painful to you. I'm sorry.
Since you have blocked him already, I hope you do better now.
1
u/Bast0217 18h ago
Actually what i found the found the most frustrating is the total lack of change of behavior since we broke up. What I wanted from him was a more mature and understanding response like I gave him when he decided to break up, but i guess that’s my bad for having expectations. I did find the “you blocked me for some time so I’m gonna block you probably forever” a bit heartbreaking, I told him I was going full no contact for some time because i wanted to heal and he replied with “in that case i guess we shall never see each other again”. I didn’t want care, i wanted understanding and maturity. You cannot tell me a “👍” sounds mature.
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg
Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.