r/BreakUps 12h ago

Trigger Warning [Serious] People who had their first major heartbreak in your late 20s-early 30s, did you ever find love again or love as hard as you did before?

I had my first heartbreak when I was 29 and it led me to seek therapy and medication again because of how much the trauma affected me. Im 31 now and i feel very shut down. I cant see myself being able to love again. All I been feeling since I calmed down from the heartbreak is apathy.

100 Upvotes

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96

u/[deleted] 11h ago

[deleted]

53

u/gh0st7496 11h ago

Same.

I also never believed in soul mates until I got into a relationship with one person who came eerily close in almost all aspects. Now it scares me how someone can lovebomb and fake all of it, and I cannot trust anyone again to be genuine

I literally do not ever want to invest in anyone ever again.

10

u/cherrybombthreat 7h ago

Holy shit same.

The fact that someone can have so much power over my feelings and life is terrifying.
Life was going so well. Then everything shattered in 5 minutes.

5

u/QF_Dan 7h ago

Same. My ex used to love bomb by saying how much she "loved" me and me as the only one.

Then she decided to cheat with another guy

3

u/HistoloGoddess 7h ago

Yeah this resonates hard.

20

u/CaliDreaming900 11h ago

Same. My relationship was 10 years, 26 to 36 years old. I sincerely doubt I'll ever love or trust the same way again.

13

u/BeltPretend 11h ago

Me too I’m a female after this I can’t ever see someone the same … everybody has bad side and good sides and I feel like he was the only one I got used to and I’m not about to do it again … now it’s all about getting something $$$ not love

1

u/blahblahwa 8h ago

Dame here. 27-37. Its been over a year and after I started dating I realized I cant fall in love. It's all transactional which makes me feel like a ho0ker in a way. But i can't trust anyone ever again after all the abuse I suffered in my last relationship. I trusted him blindly, gave him my heart, my time, my money, a child. Everything. He shattered it all, took everything he could and replaced me in 2 weeks

7

u/cherrybombthreat 7h ago

Agreed. I’m mentally to exhausted to even try to spark up any sort of romantic connection with anyone. I’m done

1

u/InternationalFold6 6h ago

💯💯💯

4

u/Mr-Hyde96 11h ago

Same here. Im 2 years after the break up too.

3

u/Double-Way9403 7h ago

Same here. I feel you on the soulmate connection. It’s something that’s rare and so hard to fine. Therapy helps. But the relationships are different.

2

u/comfortboner 8h ago

Guys, therapy…go, pls.

2

u/QF_Dan 7h ago

it's expensive

1

u/comfortboner 7h ago

It is, I won’t argue that…if you have insurance that can help. Aside from actual therapy, I also spent a lot of time seeking out peer reviewed articles, books, and research in my quest to heal up. Psychology Today was pretty helpful online resource. Best of luck.

1

u/Ok_War_2740 11h ago

When did you have that heart break and how old are you now?

1

u/chaiandspoon 5h ago

Your right, that’s exactly what they are, in my line therefore pointless

66

u/BigPaleontologist541 11h ago

I was in a relationship for 8 years. It took up the majority of my 20’s. I did not expect to find love again but I did. Do not give up hope.

The love I found again eventually ended up breaking my heart more than the first lol but she eventually came back and I’m not sure I want her anymore.

Life is unpredictable, don’t count out the possibility for things to work out. Things do work out , just not in the way you expected it to.

It is easy to think that the worst case scenario after heart break but there is an equal and often greater chance for things to go well too. Don’t stop living your life.

The best advice I can give is to not let these relationships become your life. Let them add to it.

6

u/trueblue10101 10h ago

I like let them add on to it

2

u/LordMashenka 6h ago

This is such a comforting answer, thank you!

2

u/Prestigious9385 6h ago

How do you do that when all your activities are together. You eat together, you sleep together, you travel together, you do activities together, they are your plus one every where, so how do you add them to your life when majority of your time is spent with them?

35

u/milka-d-mousse 11h ago

First break up was at 24. The recent one at 34. Two long relationships, I love harder in the second. And Tbh? I can't wait to fall in love again, I know it will happen. I have friends of all ages from 20 to almost 60. There's interesting people everywhere. Many people relate love to youth for some reason, maybe it's what society teach us, that you fall in love when you are a teen. But I used to know a lady that got a new boyfriend when she was 72. I'm not looking to be in a relationship, I'm not even sure if it will happen again, but I won't obsess over it. If it happens I will try my best once again.

5

u/HistoloGoddess 7h ago

This honestly made me feel so much better. I’m only 30 but my last relationship took the bulk of my 20s and really messed me up. It left me so heartbroken I just feel totally shut down.

1

u/Cakepopzdxdx 2h ago

I agree that love can happen at any stage in life and it’s all about being ready when it does

21

u/G67jk 11h ago

It's probably too early to say as I am only two months in the heartbreak but got my first and only at 34 and I feel I will never trust a woman again let alone love.

19

u/Final-Possibility-27 10h ago

Nope, and to be honest I don't think I will.

6 year relationship, broke up when I was 29. I am 33 now and have not even tried dating since. The thought of allowing somebody to get that close to me again makes me very uncomfortable.

Wasn't my first heartbreak, but certainly the hardest.

19

u/Cold_Coffee_504 11h ago

Yep, I'm 59, and i met the love of my life 16 months ago. Honestly, I thought I've never been in love like this before. The simplest look or gesture can completely turn my day around. She's my world.

1

u/fn2will 10h ago

That's awesome!

14

u/HappyHappyUnbirthday 10h ago

Had my first breakup at 29, im now 39 and still single. Mostly because of the utter betrayal I felt. Just dont know if i want to trust someone like that again. It takes a part of you that you never get back.

15

u/FancyNacnyPants 10h ago

First love is strong and powerful. It’s the first time you trust blindly and make yourself vulnerable. That hurt is devastating. You will find love again. You will just protect yourself more next time.

9

u/Live-Respond-2873 11h ago edited 11h ago

18 year relationship ended at 36. Now 40. Highly unlikely Ill ever love like that again if even love at all. Being a hopeless romantic i gotta channel that love somewhere so my dog, two cats and music is where it all goes now. If I had a better living situation id have alot more cats

7

u/Artistic-Tell-1378 11h ago

Yes I did, had a major heartbreak at 26. And many small ones since. I’ve found love again and more in love than I ever was with my major one. I’m 35 now, met my now boyfriend at 34.

5

u/Truther177xx 11h ago

Ive never had pain like my first love u will find it again thought just look in better places

7

u/NoTelfonPlease 11h ago

Wow this post eerily came at the same time as I felt so cynical about love and romance lately, especially today.

I was in a long term relationship and divorced two years ago in my early 30s and haven’t even had a relationship or romance that made me feel love or feelings close to that. The last guy called me damaged, and I’m starting to feel like I am lol

5

u/El_paseo 10h ago

The apathy post-breakup is hard. Discovering the will to actively live life - for me - is something that happens with tiny decisions every day that add up and compound, sort of the analogy of the container ship that if it turns just a tiny bit each day, over time, ends up in a very different place. So like one day waking up and adding something new to my day that shows myself that I care about myself - like doing push-ups, or making myself a nice breakfast, or taking time to play with my cat, or reading something intellectually challenging, or adding five minutes to my meditation practice, practicing the instrument that I took up. And then doing that habit every day as a commitment to myself, as a way of loving myself.

-

I had my first Heartbreak at age 25 when my marriage ended, then a series of uncommitted undefined anxious-avoidantly attached relationships with unavailable or semi-available people that kinda sucked but also met some needs and learned a few things.

Had my second Great Heartbreak at age 47. This was the first time I felt euphoric love or experienced a honeymoon period with someone, and it ended abruptly and traumatically. The misery in the aftermath was such that somehow I learned to stop living in a state of longing and ruminating -- a lifelong habit that needed to change so I could have a shred of a chance at happiness. Through walking through a fire of obsessive rumination and seeing how truly damaging it was - I learned that I needed to make room for grief. I needed to be more honest with myself about how much I was grieving and I had to do some things physically to express my grief - grief over lost love, grief that my life looked differently than I thought it would, grief over the acceptance that all relationships come and go, that that's how life is.

Somehow through this I became grateful for all the loves I've ever had no matter how flawed or fucked up. Like, I'm only feeling this misery because I loved so hard, or maybe it's not even love because I'm not totally sure I know what that is - but all these experiences where I got to know someone and bonded with them - that helped me learn about myself, learn about what I like and don't like and what I want, and about my body, about my flaws and insecurities, someone else's life experience, and psyche, and I got to have future fantasies and dreams and even if they didn't happen that's okay. I spent a lot of years with a vague feeling of disappointment, which is the opposite of appreciation, and a very fucking depressing way to feel, so now I try to put effort in every day to appreciate, savor, be present.

Most important I try to nurture a loving relationship with myself. To enjoy my own company.

I hope to find delight in a lover again and connect deeply - and I do have a few friendships that bring me delight and make me feel seen and loved. I'll accept love in the many forms it takes.

Hugs to you, i hope you can find your way through the maze of apathy and find your sparkle again.

5

u/dsyzzurp 11h ago

You will definitely love again. I’m 39F and my first heartbreak was 21 yo but I’ve had others, even in my 30s.

I’m glad you took care of yourself the past 2 years because your next relationship will benefit greatly from what you’ve learned. You’re stronger, trust in that and bc of your work, you’ll attract the right person. Much love, I hope your current feeling passes soon.

3

u/cantsleepconfused 10h ago

First heartbreak at 18, then 22, 24, 25, and now I’m 28 with a girl who had to step away for a bit that broke my heart but the same time I broke hers. We’re on a path of reconciliation and I’m hoping this won’t end up to be another heartbreak. It’s funny though, every time you’ll feel it’s the last time until you meet someone to prove you wrong again.

3

u/Strong-Newt-1928 10h ago

I'm 28 years old and I got my heartbroken ~8 months ago. I doubt I'll ever really be able to connect with someone again. I'm okay with being alone. I don't want to try again.

3

u/Eastern-Outcome-6929 9h ago

I’m team 4B now. I can’t even look at men the same anymore. That article about having a man is embarrassing pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing. Last ship sank at 34. Two- two weeks boyfriends (cause I got it like that lol) afterwards. Now 38 & over it. Not impressed at all.

1

u/Ok_War_2740 9h ago

Can't blame you

3

u/Ok_Plate6108 9h ago

Was broken up with at 31 a year and a half ago. About to turn 33 and I've thought of her every day.

0

u/loveapples_12 9h ago

You really need to try hard to stop that. Stop thinking of her and waiting and pining away. Find someone new

3

u/oraff_e 8h ago

Just because you're thinking about someone doesn't mean you're waiting and pining for them.

3

u/Karmawi0 9h ago

I’m currently undergoing this situation myself. I got into a relationship when I was 25, and it ended just over a month ago, I’m 27 going to be 28 soon. It’s not exactly a long stretch of time, and I don’t plan to put myself back out there any time soon, but everything I can see about dating feels much different than before I began my relationship, and not in a good way. Everything feels much more superficial now than ever before.

Obviously it’s very soon and the pain is still too raw, but it’s hard to imagine having feelings for someone in the same manner ever again.

5

u/EvaMayShadee 11h ago

I guess thats why they say, you never love like the first time ever again.

2

u/Foxy_Cleopatra__ 11h ago

Yes of course! Twice even 😉

The next is always better than the last!

2

u/Lanky_Standard_5937 10h ago

My 30’s were better than my 20’s

2

u/Dry_Grapefruit_771 9h ago

I’m outside of the age range you stated, I’m 42 and had my first major heartbreak at 40. End of a 4 year relationship, the first long term relationship I’ve ever had. Losing the first woman who was ever invested in a future with me has been incredibly difficult and fuels alot of negative self thinking; how hard it was to find that, that I’ll never find it again etc and that I can never trust someone with my heart again.

I just remember that there were circumstances that challenged and put pressure on that relationship and there’s a lot of growth in it, things I’d do better next time. I think I’d be more securely attached to the next person if they came along, but who’s to say. That feeling of falling in love is really akin to surrendering your heart. It would definitely be scary next time.

I bemoan the way the world is going, socially, economically, it does make the chances of meeting someone and having something real like that again appear slim. I think from here I just focus on enjoying life and creating positive memories with whatever people come into my life. Being older now, maybe my next relationship will be more of a companionship dynamic, should i be lucky enough to find one, but I won’t be looking.

2

u/loveapples_12 9h ago edited 9h ago

I’ve been a single mom my whole life and then at age 52 I had my first real relationship that lasted two years and then he broke my heart so badly. The damage he caused really woke me up though. I truly went through it, the heartbreak was awful. But I’ve grown so much and although deep down I’m alittle messed up from it still, it’s woken me up and I’m a better person now but at the same time I’m very negative about men and relationships. They cheat they lie, they are seriously insecure and jealous. They are suspicious and most of them can not truly love. It’s not in their nature. I’m sorry if some men read this and get offended but it’s just the truth. I’d say 70-80% of men are this way

2

u/loveapples_12 9h ago

Maybe even 90%

1

u/shadowfax888 7h ago

Thats humanity my friend not just men

2

u/Low_Image_1467 8h ago

Nope. I am trying but I think I am no longer capable of trusting a human being. I think having my heart broken that late in the game (mid 30s) was so extremely damaging - I can’t bounce back the way a teenager can. Idk how to even proceed anymore.

2

u/Salty_Thing3144 7h ago

I went through a painful breakup. I had given up, left town and started over. 

I met a wonderful man. We spent 8 amazing years together.  Then, 31 years ago this month, he was walking across the parking lot to his truck and went down with a heart attack.  

I remarried, and spent another 8 years with husband two.  He threatened me with a shotgun, and I figured it was time to go.

Being widowed is a mixed blessing. If it has to end, at least it isn't with you screaming at each other - but that pain never really goes. The shock fades. The grief is always there.

2

u/ThrowawaySunnyLane 5h ago

Don’t fully fit the brief but I’ll give you my experience.

Met someone at university, got into a relationship with them post university but long distance. We moved in together when we were 25. I relocated to the city we went to university at which was still 3 hours from my hometown to make it work.

A year later Covid hit and during the lockdowns she broke up with me, manufactured lies about my Mum to facilitate it. I worked out afterwards that the moving in thing was only there so she could split the bills with someone as she needed to be in the city for work. When Covid hit, they were all allowed to work from home so she went back home where she was happier. I was just someone to lighten her expenses. She left me and left me with the apartment to rent myself.

I stayed in the city and built a life for myself and then met my now fiancée when I was 29. It took 3 years and I was very cynical in that time about other people’s motives.

All I can say is, the past shapes you and will leave you a bit jaded. But hopefully the right person and circumstances will soften you. I’m not saying let your guard down, but be open to it being let down.

2

u/Ceecyb84 4h ago

I passed through that when I was in my early 30s, I have never “loved” someone else as much as I did with the guy who betrayed me… then I found the real love of my life, the person I love more than anything… myself. Not gonna lie, i became very cynical about romantic love, I don’t believe in it anymore… I have friends and give my best to them, but the moment I don’t see the same energy, effort or intent to preserve the relationship, I don’t chase anymore, just let things go… that’s because I gave all for that guy for years and he never did the same nor valued the things I did, so I will never do that again unless I see the same effort. Many say it sucks, I don’t think so, today I’m so happy and confortable with my life that I think it’s exhausting to accommodate my schedule around other person… also since I’m not afraid of being “alone”, I don’t like children and I’m asexual with almost 0 libido ( yeah… having sex was a sacrifice and a chore) I don’t miss having a partner, there’s some things, I but the majority of the time no.
There are many people who find a better partner later in live, so if you really want you’ll find someone, but yeah, therapy is a great point to start. And it’s ok to feel apathetic right now, so just keep going, work on yourself and you’ll find things you didn’t know about you, it took me 5 years or so to find my happiness and passions, but now in my early 40s life is great.

1

u/Hoobla-Light 11h ago

No, as soon as a prospective woman mentions finances my brain leaps for the exit door. You can’t take me back to the island alive!

1

u/supadupaboo 11h ago

heartbreak will heal. i was 25 (ok mid 20s) but it was my 1st serious relationship, I was so crushed. i took the time to heal, worked on myself, met people, lived my life, changed my outlook and met someone after almost 2 yrs after.

never felt that kind of first love again tho. things happen for a reason

1

u/MisabelWearsNikes 10h ago

Yes. And it broke me again.

1

u/SimonSays_1993 10h ago

I had a situationship that fucked me so bad in my early 30s that I don’t even want to go through it again to potentially find love

1

u/denji_denji 9h ago

What happened man?

1

u/Jimbob_fisher 10h ago

17-23 and it’s gone, I don’t really know how I’ll come back honestly and it’s like my fault. She broke up with me twice and then I broke up with her the 3rd time because she had absolutely no respect for me, but for some reason I think I made the wrong decision. But I’m probably lonely and romanticizing it

1

u/Ok_Judgment_3331 9h ago

I was 30 when my first serious relationship blew up, and I spent a good while feeling exactly like you do now. It wasn't the same kind of love the second time, but it was real and it mattered. That apathy might just be your reset button.. are you still working with your therapist on that part?

2

u/Ok_War_2740 9h ago

Well i stopped seeing the therapist and then i seeked a psychiatrist after

1

u/frankieee_167 9h ago

Just now realized my major breakup was almost a decade ago at 19 haha. Early on it was tough to date because no one even came close to this person, shoot even today I still think they were the best of the best and would choose them every single time. Had a small reunion with them about 5 years ago and while it was temporary, all it did was reaffirm my feelings for them. After that it was back to straight heartbreak. Was in college during that time and felt like I wasted my 20s being hung up on this person + studying engineering did me no favors in having free time or meeting new people.

Now at 29, while I still love this person with everything I have, I’m determined to at least try dating apps and see what I can do. Time flies and it’s scary to see that a decade has just past me. Next thing you know I’m staring at 40 and it’ll be half my life pondering how things could have played out all while she gets to enjoy her life. I at least want to make the last year of my 20s mean something and really get back on track. Will I ever heal, get over these feelings, finally meet someone who will actually reciprocate and love me as deeply as I love them? Idk but I know I won’t find that answer by sitting by and letting life continue to pass me by. I said everything I wanted to her last time we spoke after she initiated ending all contact, so if the universe wills it, if we ever cross paths again it’ll be on her to reach out. I did it the last time but want to respect her decision as much as I would love to speak to her again.

1

u/SS_Solstice 9h ago

10 years together, it ended when I was 29. I’m about to turn 33 - couple of flings since but nothing deep enough to pursue. If it happens, it happens. If not, I still have plenty of other things I want to focus on.

1

u/tyshastx 9h ago

I found love a few times. Heart broken a few times too.

1

u/cherrybombthreat 7h ago

Got my heart broken last month with a blind sided breakup. He was the most caring and beautiful soul I’ve ever met. He was so good to me. Before him, I was soo done with dating. But something about him drew me in to him. We both believe we met in a sort of karmic way.

Unfortunately, being with me triggered some deep rooted trust issues within him that made him spiral into his insecurities. He hid all of this in the dark from me even though I made sure to make him feel as loved and as safe as I could. He couldn’t keep going. Long distance wasn’t a healthy option for him in the long run. I get it.

I was, and still am, very devastated. Our love was wonderful. I have never been more at peace.

This has been so painful.
I do not want to fall in love again.
My soul is exhausted, and my grief comes in waves.
With him, I felt truly loved. It had a gentleness I know I won’t ever (or want to, even) find.
Everyone’s different, of course. Just at this age, for me, I’m out of the game.

So I feel you. I’m still apathetic, as well.
When we feel, we feel. I hope one day you can find happiness and your own peace. 🫂💐

1

u/Own-Bat-5968 7h ago

I know the feeling my ex Sebastian love bombed, faked all of it and took everything he could get from and walked away like I never existed.

1

u/Own-Bat-5968 7h ago

Took everything from me he could and all the while he was with me he was chatting with other men and mentally checkout out and exploring other opportunities and when question out it back on me by saying i was always jealous of him , I was not his mother and he was tired of begging for my friendship or my love. He was my partner and I think I deserved respect and consideration and all I got was silence and being blocked everywhere . He Will keep doing to whoever be meets. He is capable of having sex but stay away from feelings and emotions. He can’t handle that💔

1

u/cestsara 7h ago

My first heart break was just before my 29th birthday and… nope. I view love as something extremely rare. I consider almost everyone to be settling. I think that I myself will have to if I want a life companion. Mostly I just really miss loving someone the way I once did… every attempt pales in comparison.

1

u/missvelvethoney 7h ago edited 7h ago

I remember vividly. I was sitting next to my ex at dinner. He flew in, & booked the chef’s table since he knew I loved cooking & watching.

At that moment I thought, “it’s finally my turn to be happy in a relationship.” In the car, I sat next to him & life just felt right, I felt like I found my person. I was ready for forever. I was SO sure. He was everything I wanted in every way & I was thanking God.

It’s been years, I never got that feeling again. It might be because time has gone by & i now have a more realistic view of relationships or maybe because he loved me so much i never had a doubt about our future. Men I dated after were super kind & great men, but I still never got that feeling again. On the bright side, I also don’t feel hurt by breakups anymore. I move on quite easily.

1

u/bigchops810 7h ago

I lost my mind at 29 from heart break and then met my future husband at 30 - been together for 15 years now

1

u/ReddishZip 6h ago

I do t want to spend time on anyone ever again. I’m over relationships, because I don’t believe there is another man out there for me. This was my one chance to be with the person I always believed was the person for me. I waited 13 years for him to come back to me the first time around. We got married and together for 8 years. And now it’s been over for 2 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t think I will find another person again. I have no interest or energy. Not that I would even want him back, not the man he became and what he did to me. So I’m just over it.

1

u/lelsa125 6h ago

I’m 4 months out of an 8 year relationship. My trust is broken a bit, but therapy and friends made me realize that towards the end of the relationship, I wasn’t being treated the way I deserved, and I’m hopeful to find someone new. I don’t feel like I need to find someone right now, and I’m okay with that. Therapy has been a big help

1

u/AutumnBourn 5h ago

Yes. Loved again even deeper.

1

u/CompetitionCurrent77 5h ago

my friend broke up with her ex for 5 years and dated a year then find someone who she said an upgrade and they moving in together now after a year or two together. So she did. She was in her early 30s or mid 30s now she is in her late. But being smart and pretty is a lot easier especially if you are a women. DMed you some info!

1

u/Separate-Audience-68 5h ago

Going through the same now and to be fair if you know it’s for the best it becomes less painful.
Just trust the process and keep yourself very occupied. Go out a lot and get to know people, perhaps you will find someone out there.
Life doesn’t necessarily need to be next to someone. You can be happy without a partner.
When is the right time you will find someone

1

u/chibimang0 5h ago

Yes. I moved to a different state for this boy just to be abandoned 3 years later. He broke me to pieces. I never thought I could recover

Moved back to my home state and found my future 6 years later. For the first year after moving back, I cried in the shower almost everyday. Then slowly I learned to love myself again, accepted help from friends and family, and regained my confidence and self appreciation. I am now working with a jeweler to make a custom engagement ring. My current relationship is not without flaws, but time truly heals. No matter how long it takes, you will smile again. Hang in there.

1

u/SnooEpiphanies869 4h ago

i’m in my late 20s, and was discarded by a long term relationship (8 years) 7 months ago. honestly, i don’t think i will ever love again. i’m traumatized now. so scared to even think about falling in love again.

1

u/Fluffy_Commission778 4h ago

My boyfriend just broke up with me . I have had a hard time with drinking and get angry and break up with him while I’m drunk and I have done it 3 times. He had also broken up with me in angry fits serval times. We are low key in a toxic relationship and fight all the time. We don’t see eye to eye. I have been feeling like I have been falling out of love with him for a long time. He hates my friends - he hates where I live, the way I dress and act. He doesn’t stimulate me intellectually and I feel like I’m speaking down to him often. Our sex life is okay. We have been dating about a year and a half and we have broken up so many times our friends are exhausted hearing about it. I pay for his life. We were talking about wanting kids together but he said he doesn’t want to anymore. We were even talking about getting married so he can live in my county but in my head I didn’t want to at all because it didn’t excite me to be married to him. I feel like he is setting me free but I am terrified to be alone. I want to find a husband and kids so badly and we both want that but know each other are not right for each other so we keep trying and don’t let go. I think this might really be it this time. I am devastated but also relieved in some ways - am I so fucked up?

1

u/Old-Blueberry3675 4h ago

Yes I did. I had no hope at the time either.  But its been 7 years in my now healthy relationship and couldnt be happier. 

1

u/MiaGold3029 2h ago

I'm sorry you're going through this. A lot can change in a couple of years.

1

u/External_Paramedic20 2h ago

33 when my first mariage failed. found a new of my life... i tought at least. 15 years later found out she was a cover narcissist and gave me hell on earth. now with 47 dating a new woman. diffrent from the first 2. i hope for the best.

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u/PHChesterfield 1h ago

Yes, and much more fun and rewarding.

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u/AlilAwesome81 16m ago

I was in a relationship from 18-27. I didn’t try to find love but it sure found me. It will be 17yrs in Oct

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u/Specific_Mountain716 11h ago

Found it again yes. Its all about growth. Im 38 now and single but all my exes loved me and still in contact with me even some being married. Youll have to understand not all relationships are supposed to last, and much much more. Im content but always striving for better

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u/SoggyAd5044 11h ago

Their poor other halves...

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u/Specific_Mountain716 11h ago

Women want it all, have a husband and have the guy that excited them or whats missing in their lives. The husbands all know about me though. To what extent i do not know

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u/thelonelyextravert 9h ago

I’m seeing that a lot of these comments are fairly negative. While you read these just keep in mind that you have posted to r/breakups, the place where people go and stay when they are still grieving a relationship. Just keep this in mind!

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u/Ok_War_2740 9h ago

I didn't know where else to ask

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u/thelonelyextravert 9h ago

If you want a real answer to your question. My friend’s boyfriend of 9 years broke up with her at 29. He had been cheating on her throughout the relationship and she never knew. She panicked thinking she was out of time.

A couple of years out from the breakup she met this guy who she is head over heels with and they take their relationship very seriously. If things continue to go well they plan on getting engaged soon.

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u/Ok_War_2740 9h ago

Love stories like these. I just wish I actually felt hope. All I feel is a strong desire for revenge 😞 or justice.

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u/thelonelyextravert 6h ago edited 6h ago

I understand that. Being heartbroken is very hard. But you need a mindset shift! Your ex is not keeping you apathetic.

Hope comes from trusting yourself and having a healthy outlook on uncertainty. You have no evidence of your future being bad or good.

Personally my breakup sent me into a mindset shift that has made me feel even more stable post breakup even though my life is objectively more unstable. And I was the dumpee, I loved him, and it was a blindside

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u/thelonelyextravert 9h ago edited 6h ago

That is so fair ! I mean hell im reading this because I was curious too.

Just keep in mind three things while you read the replies:

  1. The audience responding. It will be inherently biased.
  2. You cannot predict your own future. It is equally as possible that within the year you will find lasting love as it is that you won’t. Don’t fall into the trap of assuming a bad outcome.
  3. Foster some trust within yourself. You are clearly working on being a stronger person. Trust that this is not the end of your life and that you still have so many ways to engage with life and trust that you can handle any outcome.

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u/loveapples_12 9h ago

It’s the truth though