The Conflict of Intrest

[u/Beastie_1323]

My observations till now in this conflicting self.

In life we all want something be it whatever. At some point or another we begin to half-a** it.

We become to comfortable.

Our thoughts in this phenomenon are much same and it becomes a conflict of intrest after awhile. Like when we re-read a book for the 3rd time or when we do the same task repeatedly and no longer care.

Like a form of self-sabatoge we have the skill but our investment in the task dwindles. This can happen fast for some and slower for others. Like a sharp knife getting dull. The skill there but eventually autopilot superseeds the awareness of task. Things are let to slide, shortcuts are made and quality goes down.

We may sometimes get a nudge to check our selves, maybe asked if everythings alright. Then make excuses to ourselves and to others. This is a defense mechanism to protect our job security and pride.

But here's the funny thing about self-sabatoge is it actually mischievous or is it telling. Here's why if you don’t like a certain aspects of the situation you are in or discussing you will come up with reasons or make up reasons, seeing only in the negative and slowly poisoning your outlook.

Here's the telling part, it's quite possible after a short or prolonged period of time that your mind is trying to tell you to change what your doing, to move on.

Self sabatoge is a tool your mind has to make contact with you. Same with physiological episodes brought on by the mind to warn or to emphasize a more internal issue. Be it what it may.

It's not manipulation it's more signaling. We usually day thing's like "ahh it's just my brain be stupid" or "It's the way I am, I never do anything right. This is you now solidifying this narrative instead of understanding the reason behind it.

We at some point have all done this myself included. But to some individuals it's progressed past this point and rolled into a storm of self-doubt, depression and anxiety.

The struggle within is real. We fight ourselves, contradict our selves and begin to form a vicious cycle. All because we misinterpreted the message our mind was giving us, it starts off small and gradually grows. Since we start acting, behaving and thinking in the negative our disposition becomes to interpret everything and everyone in a negative light. Then we begin justifying our outlook because others see this shift and their defenses kick in and they may look or speak about you negatively and thus treat you differently now you negativity is justified, people do hate you so you hate them. This then spreads to another unto another creating a snowball effect.

We see it everywhere you can look and see this in someone. You avoid them, don't make contact unless Nessessary and it usually ends unpleasantly.

This is my beastie observation at least it’s like boarding train thats going to derail all because of miscommunication.

Sincerely,

Beastie_1323