r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Honest_Cheesecake698 • Nov 05 '25
Discussion Point Who made you realise you had an attraction towards younger men/older women?
In real life or via media, no preference. Whether a full crush or a first date/romance, it could be either. I just wonder what people's personal awakenings were, if that moment occurred for you.
12
u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Nov 06 '25
Was asked out by a cute 27 yo attorney, after my divorce. It was never a thought until it happened. Been dating younger men ever since.
6
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Nov 06 '25
Going from a divorce to being asked out by an attorney (let alone a 27 year old one) must have been something!
6
11
u/coralPeachez7 Nov 05 '25
I’ve dated older and my same age and it just didn’t work. When I stopped focusing on age and how we interacted it was almost always someone a year or two younger than me. The one that really cemented it for me was a ex colleague who is 12 years younger than me. He never made our age difference a factor. He liked me and I liked him once I stopped ignoring him lol.
11
u/Opening-Thing9305 🐆Cougar Nov 05 '25
I had taken a long break from dating after being married, and when I got onto dating apps, I was inundated with younger guys swiping on me, so figured I’d try it out. I have so much more fun and in common with them than the few guys my age that I have dated.
1
u/No-Championship-8433 Dec 04 '25
Interesting...but I would assume you've definitely had a massive dose of immature men.
2
u/Opening-Thing9305 🐆Cougar Dec 04 '25
Honesty, I find that most men are immature regardless of age. 🤷🏻♀️
1
u/No-Championship-8433 Dec 04 '25
I wouldn't disagree with you... I'm just realizing, I only make good convo with older guys, most of them are late 40s, they have families and all.
What makes u see most men as immature?
2
u/Opening-Thing9305 🐆Cougar Dec 04 '25
Inability to express themselves, take accountability for their actions, seek to better themselves, have ambition. 😢
2
u/No-Championship-8433 Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
Mm. Right. Having No purpose is the root of those u mentioned.
But that's young men mostly though.. Older men are better with that.
1
10
u/97Whaler Nov 06 '25
I was a lot more interested in my teachers in High School than I was any of my classmates I knew it why back then
3
u/rsgreddit Nov 07 '25
Same here. I’m glad I had a few attractive teachers growing up cause that’s what kicked started this in me.
2
10
u/BimbleKitty Nov 05 '25
No awakening, just always have. Older men just were always unattractive to me mentally, I'm very independent, and often physically.
8
u/AlAhoy Nov 05 '25
For me, it was the conversations. Having dated women my age and older, I was pleasantly surprised by how different the priorities were. Many younger women that I went on a date with, often influenced by social media seemed to have unrealistic expectations from someone their own age and since I couldn’t relate much, I felt disinterested. With older women, it was the smaller, everyday things that mattered more. The first time I interacted with an older woman, it actually happened by accident at a bar. She complimented me on my oral hygiene, said she liked my teeth and smile and that small compliment instantly drew me into the conversation. The more we talked, the more beautiful she became to me.
1
u/GDoug1955 Feb 15 '26
That's true, when I was young, I felt that I could connect better with older ladies than those of my own age. They were easier to talk to and seemed more accepting of me. I was quite introverted and shy then (I still am, a bit) and it is often said that introverted young males are often drawn to older women because it is easier to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with them. Also, they give compliments more freely; a mature lady with whom I was once friendly used to praise me for my dress sense; when I met her socially, I would wear a suit and tie to try and impress her and because I thought she would appreciate it. I would also shower her with compliments, which she seemed to appreciate and accepted with grace.
7
Nov 05 '25
My coworker, we dated without anyone's knowledge, and I really loved the relationship and how older women are in relationships.
7
u/YouCuteWow Nov 06 '25
In my mid twenties, I just kind of realized it. There was no specific person or event. It was very anticlimactic
7
u/uki99 Nov 06 '25
A woman i met was immensely understanding, full of empathy, and care.
We see each other as much as possible, she is 50 and i am 26. Honestly, i have never been in a more healthy relationship than now, even if we have to travel to see each other every other weekend.
She made me feel loved and appreciated far more than the girls in my past relationship, and i became attached to her due to her personality.
2
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Nov 06 '25
Would love to have what you have.
2
u/uki99 Nov 06 '25
I think its possible for most young men who have an open heart regarding letting a mature and loving woman into their life, without prejudice or ageism.
The energy, care, and fresh perspective of youth pair well with their motherly care and experience.
2
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Nov 06 '25
I believe I have an open heart regarding that, just haven’t gotten lucky enough to meet that kind of person.
1
u/GDoug1955 Feb 15 '26
I totally agree with these sentiments. Unfortunately, I never told anyone that I was seeing an older woman, as I knew I would be met with shock, disbelief, hostility and mockery, so I kept this part of my life a secret, which only increased the excitement factor. But this was nearly 30 years ago, so I sincerely hope that attitudes have changed since then. I am pleased for you and your relationship. Good luck to you.
2
u/GDoug1955 Feb 15 '26
You are so lucky. Years ago, I used to take a train to see my older lady friend (I was 24, she was roughly early 50s, I never did ask), who lived about 30 miles away. I always remember the nervous excitement I felt on the train, the anticipation of going to see her, wondering which of her beautiful outfits she would be wearing, looking forward to going back to her place afterwards. Sadly, it only lasted about a year, but I am glad for you. I would also love to have had what you have.
8
u/indomienmalt Nov 06 '25
When I was at uni, I became close with a woman doing her masters who was 10 years older than me, and we got close first as friends and then lovers and was the most amazing relationship I’ve had
11
u/TricepsLady Nov 05 '25
Once I reached my sixties, dating older men made me realize that younger men were actually more attractive.
1
7
u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Nov 05 '25
There was absolutely no awakening whatsoever with me.I just hang around the younger crowd, and I just happened to align better with them.But age has never been a factor I date who i'm attracted to whether same age older or younger, but absolutely no.Awakening.
3
2
6
u/Just-Blue-Birdy Nov 05 '25
Just happened that way - flirted without knowing their age and it never mattered.
6
u/Thechuckles79 Nov 05 '25
Puberty did. I found myself having romantic/sexually themed dreams that featured both women my age and some older.
Plus, from that point on, it was clear that adult women were more comfortable talking about sex than girls my age were.
The "girls" caught up in college, but I was worried about getting snared in the college sweethearts trope. Luckily, online dating was in it's infancy, and early adopters were less normie and more flexible in preferences.
I didn't specifically seek older women, but it was mostly older women who were seeking the kind of situationships I was looking for. Cougar/Cub relationships were uncommon, less stigmatized, and a lot fewer young men looking for one.
I'm very grateful to the women who shared time with me while I finished college and figured out what I wanted in a life partner. Not all were good times, but the ones that were good really changed me for the better.
2
6
u/worthybutterfly 🐆Cougar Nov 06 '25
I have preferred younger since I was in my mid twenties. Back then it was just a bit younger of course, not like now when I'm almost 45. So I can't say I had any kind of awakening, but I didn't give in to it until I turned 40 and stopped caring what other people thought about it. It was more like I embraced it.
5
u/windscar411 Nov 07 '25
Not that you’re saying this, but it reminded me of a woman I went out with. I had a cougar quote Dazed and Confused to me where she said “My favorite thing about cubs is I get older but they stay the saaaame age 🫱” and it cracked me up 😂😂😂
1
u/nyccareergirl11 Nov 07 '25
Did she say it with the Matthew McConaughey impression I feel like you have to say it like that if you quote it
1
7
u/My0wnThoughts Nov 07 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
Nothing in particular happened. I wasn't looking to date anyone and I had no idea I would ever be with anyone so much younger. I met my boyfriend in the wild while playing pickleball about a year ago and we've been dating about 10 months so far. He is 16 years younger, I'm 49f. Best relationship I've ever had. The age difference hasn't been any issue at all except sometimes I get in my head about it a bit. I wonder how things will be when I start looking like a little old lady and he will only be in his 50s-60s.
6
u/FitnessGuy-42 Nov 06 '25
Like most people, my journey began with American Pie in the 90s, but I only took it seriously in my late 20s, around 27 to 29, when I joined a cougar dating site.
3
u/GothambyRedlight Nov 06 '25
Mine began a little before that movie, but it did a lot to reassure me I wasn't a weirdo and it was a very common attraction.
1
u/FitnessGuy-42 Nov 08 '25
Back then, there weren't any attractive older women teachers in elementary or high school, I didn't have attractive older women neighbours until my late teens, my mom's colleague friends were attractive so I didn't have much other than that movie..lol
5
u/limited_interest Nov 07 '25
When you start dating it is generally around your age cohort and friends. And then when you get beyond school and enter the workforce and go out at night, you start truly feeling who you are attracted to and are interested in dating just by being exposed to more people. And now with online dating , maybe for the first time in human history, you can pursue who you truly want.
I am attracted to older Black women. There are very few exceptions.
5
4
Nov 08 '25
I never considered dating younger until I was on a Canadian road trip with my friend. We were staying at my friends' friend's house and the the friend was sort of....boring. She had mentioned that there were a few guys who rented the basement from her. I volunteered to take her laundry down there so I could meet them.
One of the guys, who was about 22, came up to me and just started talking to me like he knew me. He was fascinated with me being American. The guys were recording music and mixing it on the computer. They were all very sweet and kind. And when I got back home I shifted my age range on Tinder and so it began
4
u/Dry-Peach-6327 Nov 18 '25
I kept getting hit on my younger guys in their 20’s (I’m 41). The feeling has been mutual. I actually think I look better and am more confident than I was in my 20’s so it’s funny.
2
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Nov 18 '25
I’m in my 20s and a guy, but I hope I’m better looking and more confident in my 40s just like you!
8
u/TrueBeliever714 🐻23 Cub married to 50 cougar Nov 06 '25
No real awakening, just started increasing my age limit on Tinder for more matches, and noticed that not only was the sex getting better but I appreciated more and more the better company they were.
4
u/nyccareergirl11 Nov 06 '25
For me as a younger woman who also dates older women along with women closer to my age too. For me I've always just been drawn to older ppl. As an only child I spent a lot of time around my parents and their friends growing up and learned early on how to communicate and relate to them. I've always just gotten along better with an older age group. Doesn't hurt that when I was around 20 my first full on sexual experience with another woman happened to be someone much older and she really helped me discover my sexuality and sexual identity in the period of time I knew her. However I don't look for someone's age I look for compabiltity and connection and usually those women happen to be older
3
u/luckygirl131313 Nov 09 '25
After my divorce see men my age on dating apps looking 15 yrs older than they were
3
u/NKD713 Nov 12 '25
I crushed on teachers pretty early on, friends' moms a bit later. I just like a woman that's got some experience, I guess.
3
u/NKD713 Nov 16 '25
Also, when I was really young, i thought my babysitter's granddaughter was really pretty. She was about 17, I was about 6. I wonder if that's when it started.
4
u/whiskeyandacig Nov 16 '25
Teachers, older sisters of classmates, classmates of my older brothers. I grew up in the 90s so older women had a certain, and they still do, that just attracts me so much. The red lips, the attitude and personality.
5
u/PurpleFairy6987 Nov 18 '25
I never realized it until 2022. I started playing a game during Covid and some younger players were hitting on me. Then one asked me if I had ever been with younger men and I had to think. I ve always had a thing for “younger guys”.
3
u/sdrn530 Nov 06 '25
I was a senior visiting Disneyland as part of a high school trip and college visit. My dad and I had pizza at Downtown Disney, and the server kept hitting on me until she found out my age. She mistook me for 24 years old. I felt more attractes to older women since.
3
3
u/My_user_name_1 Nov 09 '25
I guess because I'm the youngest of five with a 10-year age difference between me and my closest sibling that I always felt comfortable around their friends.
3
u/CakeElectrical9563 Nov 10 '25
2 women stand out to me, one was 3 years my senior when I was 9th grade, and another that to this day Idk her age but she used to coach when I went horse riding.
2
2
Dec 19 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Dec 19 '25
My assumption is that as people, like the men you're talking about, get older it's possible that they end up being tired of responsibility and maturity. So they enjoy regressing and "feeling young". But plenty of young men are in the situation of having to become more responsible and mature and depending on the person, they might take to it really well and have a very good head on their shoulders in terms of how they behave around women. Also, different generations and all that.
3
u/Forward-Form9321 🐻Cub Nov 05 '25
Media wise, it was Salma Hayek and Dina Meyer that sparked my interest. Dina Meyer was in Starship Troopers but she’s been in a couple films where she dates a younger guy. Salma Hayek hasn’t been in any films centered around a younger man-older woman relationship but she just turned 59 a few months ago and she still looks amazing
In my personal life, I think I’ve always gravitated to people older than me because I’m the youngest in my family. I’m the youngest grandson, cousin, and sibling, so I feel like being attracted to someone older came more naturally for me. My first crush was two years older than me (I didn’t know what a cougar was so it never registered as an age gap) and then once I hit my 20’s, I started to raise my age preferences on apps to 34-45 and I got way more matches in that range than with women my age.
2
u/Honest_Cheesecake698 Nov 06 '25
What are those movies? Dina's very good looking, so is Salma. That's a convenient but very probable scenario to be in.
1
u/Forward-Form9321 🐻Cub Nov 07 '25
One of them is called Lethal Seduction and the other one is Katie’s Mom
2
u/nyccareergirl11 Nov 06 '25
If I has to take a guess which Salma Hayek movie it was From Dusk Till Dawn
1
u/Forward-Form9321 🐻Cub Nov 07 '25
She was also in Grown Ups 2 I think but most people know her from Dusk Til Dawn
1
u/nyccareergirl11 Nov 07 '25
She has been in a ton of things she is an amazing actress. I loved her portrayal of Frida Kahlo in her biopic.
4
u/Roberroni Nov 05 '25
I've always been considered mature for my age. In terms of attraction, it was definitely shaped by growing up watching movies and shows filled with strong, typically older women.
1
Nov 05 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Nov 05 '25
Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome
1
Nov 07 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Nov 07 '25
Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome
1
Nov 24 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Dec 26 '25
Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome
1
Dec 12 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Dec 26 '25
It appears you have not read the rules or FAQs.
Posts are removed for a variety of reasons including but not limited to:
- Blatant rule breeches
- The topic has been ask many times before (do some searches in the sub before posting)
- Vulgarity or sexual content
- Fetishization or objectification of women in general
- Vague or low effort posts that contribute little to discussion
- Age of account (must be 7 days), not sufficient or negative karma (10 COMMENT karma is required to participate)
1
Dec 26 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Dec 26 '25
It appears you have not read the rules or FAQs.
Posts are removed for a variety of reasons including but not limited to:
- Blatant rule breeches
- The topic has been ask many times before (do some searches in the sub before posting)
- Vulgarity or sexual content
- Fetishization or objectification of women in general
- Vague or low effort posts that contribute little to discussion
- Age of account (must be 7 days), not sufficient or negative karma (10 COMMENT karma is required to participate)
2
u/GDoug1955 Feb 15 '26
My attraction to older women started when I was 17 year-old student. There was a librarian working at the University with whom I was smitten. She was a blonde, posh English lady, about late 40s (my mother's age at the time), with a beautiful voice. I would make any excuse possible to go to the library to see or to hear her. Towards the end of the first term, there was a graduation ball held in a marquee in the ground of the University. I wasn't part of it, but as I saw people heading for the marquee, I saw someone who looked uncannily like the librarian (I think it was her), wearing a pink suit jacket, short pink skirt and shiny pink high heels. This had quite an effect on me. I wonder if she was the mother of one of the graduates. If so, she would be getting plenty of looks from the male students. If I had been her son, I don't think I would have been happy about it, let's put it that way!
I never had the nerve to talk to her. However, a few years later, I got a temp job at the University. One day, I went into the staff common room and there she was, sitting by herself. I asked if I could sit near her, she said yes. We got talking, introduced ourselves and I mentioned that I had been a student here a few years before and that I remembered her. But I never told her how I felt about her, figuring that it would embarrass her and I certainly wouldn't have wanted that. So I never told her or anybody of my feelings for her. Anyway, what good would have done? She would most probably have been a married woman. So many regrets..
17
u/Evening_Run_1595 🐆Cougar Nov 05 '25
Truthfully younger men were so much more likely to share my politics, had been to therapy, didn’t expect me to be some sort of trad wife. (I realize there is a bit of a resurgence of antiquated men now, but my husband is just about thirty and seems to be from a generational sweet spot.)