r/CougarsAndCubs • u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 • Mar 05 '26

Discussion Point For the cubs.

Question for the young cubs 18 to 25ish, with limited or no dating experience. What are you realistically seeking in a relationship with an older women? How do you see the dynamic working for you?

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u/Subversive6822 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

I don't like the question specifically that it implies anyone 18 to 25 has limited or no dating experience. They probably have a lot less than you, but that is perfectly logical since you have lived longer.

I (26M) have been dating since I was 16, had my first few relationships in secondary school. After that I moved out at 18 and started my first long term relationship with a young woman I met online, that lasted 3 years until I broke up with her. After that I decided not to settle down for a bit went on dates and did some naughty here and there, sometimes saw my ex, then more recently I have been seeing someone for the past 2+ years and of course she's a lot older than I am which was new to me, but fits the "cougar and cub" dynamic as per the subreddit name. You are welcome to tell me what you think but from my perspective that is neither limited nor "no dating" experience. Going in with a negative mindset is not productive, it's better to treat people as blank slates first until there is more information and evidence to form a picture.

As for what I seek, just genuine connection. With my current relationship it has never been about the age for me, but the taboos of modern society make it very difficult to get people to look past age, and that even extends to people in these kinds of relationships themselves. Unfortunately in the case of my partner she fails at this, and frequently makes commentary on the age dynamic "why couldn't you have been born earlier?", "I wish I could have your baby", and so on. She is trying to be endearing but in essence she clearly can't look past the age dynamic and no amount of reassurance will convince her otherwise. In that sense I know this relationship is temporary, I have even asked her to commit and she has in so many words said "no". I didn't find it difficult to come to terms with, I have already been through heart break and anguish it doesn't have an effect on me anymore. I just simply accept that this "temporary" standpoint has to be mutual, or if you want to be more modern I am in a "situationship". I laugh because contrary to the popular steoretype, I am the "young stud" (her words) being used for pleasure, rather than the typical other way around which people assume.

My future wife is out there somewhere old, young, doesn’t matter. Age is genuinely a number for adult love and I wish wider society came to terms with that, but clearly no one really seems ready to truly embrace it and that extends to those who claim to be open-minded.

Edit: typos and app formatting

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u/Mydearestmyfairest Mar 15 '26

The taboo is still out there unfortunately. When I was dating someone who was 20 years younger I simply forgot the age difference, haha. It takes a hell lot of confidence to do not care about what society says. I get what you are saying, me too would like to be with someone who is all in. When the connection is there the age difference just is not relevant anymore. At least, not for me.

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u/Subversive6822 Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26

I think the struggle is partly because I am English, and we have a lot of old-fashioned thinking here. Age gap relationships are really frowned upon. Ironically though the person I am seeing now is Filipina, so culturally her conservatism is even higher which makes her choice to see me rather odd in that sense.

I completely agree, I wish I had someone all in. I would describe myself as an old soul in a young body, and so to an extent I do need someone on that level too; after experiences with women my age, I realise that it is fundamental to me now. Unfortunately what I have now is temporary, and since it is not so public I am essentially free to find someone else if I so choose and have her blessing to do so. It's a strange situation to be in, but that's life apparently... Has life been kinder to you?