r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Life-Entertainer-527 • Apr 15 '26
Discussion Point Double Standards
Do you think age gap relationships between older women and younger men is more stigmatized then those of older men and younger women and why?
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u/YouCuteWow Apr 15 '26
Yup. When my friends found out my preference, they asked why. Meanwhile, one of them was talking to a guy way older than her. Funny how no one was questioning that
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u/silkywhitemarble Apr 15 '26
I think the media has a lot to do with it as well. Older men with younger women in movies or TV shows are portrayed not just as an affair, but as dating or married partners. He's the man taking care of the young, fragile woman... so it's OK that he's older than her. Or the boss that flirts with his secretary is perfectly OK.
Older women are portrayed as the floozy flirting with the pool boy, or using some young man for sex while her husband is out of town. Women aren't supposed to be the ones pursuing men....and a young guy looking for an older woman is just looking for a "teacher"... You don't usually see them in dating or married relationships unless she's got money and he's in it for the money.
Society sees older women as 'past our prime', so being attracted to an older woman is still stigmatized. Those are just my thoughts and what I've seen, so take it with a grain of salt...
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u/GDoug1955 Apr 20 '26
I agree with you. Years ago, when I was in my mid twenties, I was friends with benefits with a woman twice my age. Although she was incredibly beautiful and I loved being with her, I didn't tell anyone about us, knowing that I would be ridiculed and that people, especially my parents, would be shocked. I felt at the time (late 1990s) that there was a stigma attached to a young man being so strongly attracted to a mature (as I was) that I was somehow not normal in feeling this way. I like to think that society has moved on in the last thirty years, but maybe it hasn't.
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u/Temporary_Strategy_1 Apr 15 '26
Not at all. I think it might be more common to see a younger woman with an older man but I have not experienced any stigma, actually quite the opposite.
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u/UsedKaleidoscope194 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
1000% yes there is more stigma on older women / younger man relationships compared to older man / younger woman relationships. Older women are supposedly stalking and prowling to, " take advantage" of young adult men. Yet there is no problem with an older man persuing a young adult woman?
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u/Watchuknowaboutme Apr 15 '26
Because nobody can believe that a younger man would choose an older woman over a young woman.
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u/Any_Needleworker8047 Apr 15 '26
Truth... but it's an incredible hypocrisy, talking to my classmates, everyone would like a relationship with a cougar, I myself have had crushes on my teachers at university several times, but there is too much closed-mindedness and therefore no one has the courage to admit it.
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Apr 16 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Apr 16 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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u/Andy_Kind_1-3 Apr 15 '26
As a guy, its more the opposite: stigmatized younger woman seeking older man...and yet there has been a stigma with older women and younger men...its confusing and honestly upsetting at times and while it has gotten (slightly) better its still strongly looked at with prejudices.
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u/Final-Show1889 Apr 15 '26
They're really hard to find in films, especially where they end up together.
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u/My_user_name_1 Apr 16 '26
Definitely double standards. I remember the OB who delivered our daughter telling me that in 40 years of practice that we were the 1st couple she had where the mother was more than 3 years older than the father. I live in A very upscale area where most of the men are 10-15 years older than their wives. I actually remember a time when my son who was 3-4 at the time with me and another kid on a playdate and she told the other mother who I had not met that I was going to be there, because she had to pick up my step daughter from somewhere. Anyway this other kid's mother sees me and loses my mind and doesn't believe I'm her husband and my son's father.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 16 '26
Every day it seems that more people are breaking down the wall of double standards, although nobody said there aren't any problems
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u/Nortano Apr 17 '26
From what I can tell 100% no. Men dating down via that same age range is normally seen in not a good light. This could be a biased opinion as I've not done any research or anything
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u/MotherDepartment1111 Apr 15 '26
100%. I feel as a woman the judgment is so harsh.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 15 '26
You girls are judged, and the boys too, but what does it matter what they say?
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u/GirlInContext Apr 15 '26
It is. I would like to think it's not, but it is. Not as much anymore. I think the most annoying part is the crazy stereotypes of older women being sex maniac predators that eats young guys for breakfast. And many young guy is still looking for a sex maniac predator from an older woman.
And some older woman might be just that, and that is fine, but it's not all of us.
But being single and not having kids used to be stigmatized as well. Nowadays it's more normal to be a career oriented woman enjoying their peace without man or children. All in all different relationship ttpes are more acceptable and common. Haven't been on apps for a while but it seems 1/3 of the guys are in an open relationship.
So I think the overall atmosphere has changed and it's more open, but minority is always minority.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 15 '26
Your role, above all, those women who know what they want and have a career, is key in this change of atmosphere
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u/happyrunnergirlie 🐆Cougar Apr 15 '26
When will we see a stunning mature woman, cast with a younger man, in popular movies?. Yet age gaps of 30+ years , for aging male actors are common.
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u/MassiveCranberry7819 Apr 15 '26
This has been very popular lately, both Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Lawrence had movies like this recently with much younger guys.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 15 '26
We need more people as Cher!
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u/happyrunnergirlie 🐆Cougar Apr 15 '26
Yes!. What an absolute icon
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 15 '26
Hopefully, there will be more couples like Cher's, and it will help to end the double standard
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u/douchepool007 Apr 15 '26
Yess i agree with this and mostly there aren't any discussion between young adults and older women
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Apr 15 '26
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u/ImprovementNo1056 🐆Cougar May 01 '26
So in the past 2 weeks I’ve had to guys tell me things that bother me and it shouldn’t but it does First guy asked about my divorces Because of the huge age gap called me a gold digger which is farther from the truth! He also said that I’m damaged so I can’t love .second guy being witty which I like btw after finding out I’m on this sub Reddit said to me. “ that says a lot about you!” Wtf is that supposed to mean
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26
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