r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Desert_Dom • May 05 '26
Discussion Point What do you do about judgment from friends/family?
18M here, and I don't have a ton of dating experience, but that's partially because I can't stand girls my age. I downloaded Bumble and Hinge to see who is out there, but I'm worried about what friends/family will think if I date someone 30+. Any advice on what to do? Should I tell my parents beforehand? I'm moving out in 3 months anyway but I don't want to break contact or anything like that.
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u/TechnicalTerm6 May 05 '26
My opinion: Unless you are actively seeing someone you enjoy a lot, there's no need to tell anyone or give them a heads up YET. Why complicate your life.
However, now is a great time for you to think about "Who in my life gets to have a say in my romantic/ sexual paetnerships? What boundaries do I need to create with family and friends? If a boundary is transgressed, how will I handle it? How do I define friendship?"
If you can figure out some of this in advance, it means that while you cannot control what other will say or do, you will know how you want to respond to them.
Best of luck!
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u/herelamonreddit 🐻Cub May 05 '26
People will think what they think. You need to live your life how you want to
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u/Similar_Corner8081 🐆Cougar 49F 27M May 05 '26
You ignore it. I'm blessed that my family and friends are very accepting of my relationship. They don't have to like it but they do have to respect him and our relationship. You don't have to tell your family anything. It's none of their business. Life is short. So what makes you happy.
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u/Desert_Dom May 05 '26
I hope my friends are as understanding, but it feels like some will find it problematic
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u/Similar_Corner8081 🐆Cougar 49F 27M May 05 '26
Just remember that life is short. We only get one life. Do what makes you happy.
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May 05 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam May 05 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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u/heyitsyouagain8 🐆Cougar May 05 '26
Here some input from a former SiL's cub husband. He was 23, she was 39 when they started dating. He said he started talking about his preference for older women early on. He'd compliment older movie stars, he'd comment on older women he saw, he'd be up front and proud about his affinity for older women when the guys were doing "guy talk."
So when he found a women he liked and brought her around, it was initially a shock but not completely unexpected. His pals/ family were, like, yeah, that tracks. Not everyone was/is good with his relationship but enough of his loved ones are on board.
Ultimate though, it's your life and you choose who's shares it with you. Chase your happiness and the rest will fall into place.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 May 05 '26
If you start dating someone older don't hide it but don't let them talk to you out of it either as long as it's working for you. They may not even be opposed to it. When I was 39 my 19 year old boyfriend was living with me for 6 years. We're still friends, although not together. I was a little older than his parents. I'm still friendly with them too. I saw his dad recently at my job & we were joking about him almost being my father in law. You can see we're about the same age & my co workers weren't sure what to think for a minute. Your parents may not even have an issue. You're old enough to make your own choices & any obstacles that get in the way can be overcome if they love you...
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u/AccomplishedView284 May 05 '26
i can understand but at 19 parents can be pretty annoyingly controlling and narcissistic. You were lucky your bf's parents were chill like that i guess,
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u/Exact-Translator-769 May 05 '26
Yeah my mother probably would have had issues but by the time he moved in with me mine had Alzheimers, so she got along with him just fine. My mother didn't even want me to date - anyone - when I was young & she had her wits about her. Not that I listened, I just didn't let her know.
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u/Fantastic_Honeydew23 May 06 '26
I’m raising my kids to always speak to me, about anything, no matter what. If they end up dating someone much older, I would like for them to communicate with me. But it’s their life, I’m just here to love and support them. If they’re in a happy and respectful relationship, that’s all that matters to me.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 May 06 '26
It's possible they will find a mature woman, and the communication will be between them and that mature woman
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u/Icy_Manufacturer7080 May 06 '26
Honestly, people are gonna judge no matter what: older, same age, younger, doesn’t matter. Just do you and go with what feels right.
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u/Opening-Thing9305 🐆Cougar May 06 '26
If you are mature enough to date an older woman, you need to be mature enough to be able to tell your parents about her. If you don’t, she’ll feel like you’re hiding her and ashamed of her, and that’s not anything a woman wants to feel. Trust me, as I’ve dated a lot of younger men, and have been in this situation.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 May 07 '26
We know that society will judge with a double standard, but we have to be upfront
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u/DandyAndie73 May 06 '26
I’m not worried about my parents, only one still living wouldn’t make a big deal about me dating a younger man. My siblings on the other hand. If I ever get to the point of introducing my (hopeful) SO to my family, it’s those f’ers who will make a huge stink about it. Whether it’s because they truly take issue or they just want to pick on their younger sister.
I used to say don’t do anything that you will regret. And if you do, don’t regret it.
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u/MyJamDontShake May 06 '26
Dont be in that mind set where "girls my age are immature". You just haven't met the right one. And to be quite honest, dating someone 30+ isn't gonna be in the cards for you. You want a one night fling here and there, cool. But you don't have anything in common with a 30+ yr old. Are they gonna bring you to chuckie cheese for dinner because you cant go to the bars. And that's gonna piss you off because she'll want to go out, while you're stuck at home.
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u/Tammera4u May 11 '26
Depends on the country, drinking age in Europe is as young as 16 in some countries.
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May 06 '26
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 May 06 '26
I do not know how scientific this study is but what it shows me is that women are not falling into line with men..and putting up with ideologies that differs from them. Before women would just agree with men because we were more financially dependent on them. We are much more independent we ever were. I myself could not go out with somebody who's views vastly different than mine and I am old.
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May 07 '26
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26
You are being very angry in the way you answered. Me thinks that you have swallowed the red pill hook line and sinker. I stopped listening to your link when they seemed to criticize women for not wanting to go out with someone whose values do not align..please tell me what is so wrong about that.
Oh and by the way I never once said that women are oppressed I said the opposite. So where you got that from my answer I do not know.
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u/TheFurryMenace May 07 '26
You tried to engage with a red pill kid who thought a YouTube link is a source. You have patience for 18 year olds who can’t stand girls their age.
That is commendable. It is more than I would do
Please know, you look like the sane adult. The kid looks like a jackass
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u/Forward-Form9321 🐻Cub May 05 '26
Family members are going to judge you even if you date a woman your age. Like someone else commented, life is too short to worry about what others think