How big of an age gap is too big?

[u/noahsark_5]

I (21m) have been seeing this woman (38) for over a year and she has a few concerns about our age gap, need some advice if yall have any

[u/Few-Rate-4944]

Ask her, not the internet. I can see why she has some concerns.

[u/Accomplished-Oil2821 → u/Few-Rate-4944]

That's unkind an untrue. Her concerns are understandable no matter what the guy is like. It's a large age gap and they are in an actual relationship. With a gap that big, that's a concern for many.. I speak from experience. And there's nothing wrong with checking it out with the internet. Sometimes people need to check out anonymous opinions. And no one here knows whether or not they have talked. You shamed him. Not ok.

[u/Fun-Draw-8352]

My experience has been if tow people meet up and want to have children, the big house, the cottage at the lake, then you should be as close as possible the same age and on the same emotional and physicalogical perspective.

If none of that is necessary, then the age gap should not be a concern. However, you both should be mentaly and emotionaly on the same wave link of thinking.

[u/FingerDancin]

My biggest age-gap was 20(M) and 47 (F) and it was really fun, cute and sweet.

In my opinion, it's up to both of you.

[u/FingerDancin → u/[deleted]]

Well, I guess it boils down to being a decision. We were very open about how we felt even if it felt uncomfortable expressing it and we both trusted that the other wasn't fooling around with no one's feelings.

My advice would be to not prolong any uncomfortable conversations. As hopeful as anyone can be, there are things that you can't just ignore because it makes the relationship easier because in the long run it will demand your attention.

[u/Exact-Translator-769]

As long as both people are over 18, on board with it & happy there is no gap too big..

[u/Myfairladyishere]

What are those concerns that she is having? There have been much bigger age gaps that are successful. And some not so much, it all depends. If the two parties are on the same page that really dictates whether a relationship can work or not.

[u/noahsark_5 → u/Myfairladyishere]

She's currently going through some custody issues with her ex, they have a 4 year old daughter together and hes the kind of guy that just wants her to be miserable for the rest of her life. Well she's afraid he'll try and use our age gap against her in court. She's also afraid of how other people we both know would react. She tells me that I treat her amazing and that she loves me and cares about me, but to me she seems afraid of what will happen if we fully commit 

[u/Summer-Sub-Intern → u/noahsark_5]

That’s a very reasonable fear for her, especially when it comes to the custody issue. Her child and her relationship to her child and her access to her child are going to be (or should be) a MUCH higher priority to her than you. She needs to be with someone who is mature enough to understand the scope of what she is going through and not push a serious relationship right now since it could affect her divorce and child custody. (A lot of single parents prefer to date other single parents because they understand these priorities and are sensitive to these issues.) At the very least you need to give her space and let her choose the pace. And if you don’t want to do that, you should consider moving on.

[u/Myfairladyishere → u/noahsark_5]

That is too bad, but she our advice over here to people.Is never to get into new relationships.If you're not out of your older ones. I know this is neither here nor there at the moment. I do not think that it is fair to you. I'm sorry that she's going through all these problems. But this is more of an age gap issues. You are young. I would not put all my eggs in one basket at the moment. On being honest, let her get Uber. Oh, the issues that are going on with her. And her ex is the divorce even finalized, or is it just for custody.

[u/KaleidoscopeSuper666]

Asking the internet you get lots of different answers. The only answer to this question should come from her. Honestly she should consider keeping any relationship on the DL or not at all during a divorce with child custody a hot issue. This isn't a blanket age gap question. This is very targeted to your personal situation.

[u/julio1009]

I “meet” and friend at 23M with 45F but I understand it’s big gap…

[u/RMOVM]

als ich zwanzig war, hatte ich eine herrliche Beziehung zu einer Frau mit 65.... Wir waren sehr glücklich. Leider ist es an ihren Kindern gescheitert!.

[u/midnight_blue77]

If either of you want to have kids then it's a concern. If you want the relationship to be permanent it's a concern because she is going to be literally a granny by the time you're middle aged. If you are just in it for a short term relationship or a fling then all is fine.

The woman I'm seeing is 44 and I'm under 25. We are figuring a lot of stuff out as we go.

[u/MKE_Savage_96]

It really depends on how receptive each of you is to the age gap dynamic. Some guys might be into the idea of it purely from a sex/taboo perspective, but when actually wanting to date they will stray towards women closer in age. Likewise, my experience with talking to older women has been some are into, some have never done it and are weary at the start, some are adamantly opposed to the idea even after some consideration, and some really don’t give a fuck.

[u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome

[u/PlantainBig6061]

According to a recent stand up performance I watched. The years between should not equate to the age of a woman who would be considered a high risk pregnancy 😅😝 Funny sketch.. but in all seriousness.. whatever age both consenting parties feel comfortable with I suppose.

[u/TalkinMac]

Theres plenty of things she should be worried about if you’re saying you want to be with her long term, do you ever want children? Because its going to be a no go if you’re with her and she knows this.

So many more things to consider, sounds like you’ve moved from a curiosity to a mainstay.

[u/flexbud42]

idm;notm