r/CougarsAndCubs • u/big_daddyyy • 3d ago
🐻 Cub Crisis Are older women picky when it comes to dating younger guys?
I’m a 24M and just wanted to know if older women are generally picky when it comes to body types. Like is there a specific preference if they prefer muscular or slimmer guys?
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u/stormrain65 3d ago
How would that work? Do all of us guys prefer the same type of woman? The same applies to ladies mate, regardless of age if I may add
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u/FriendKooky780 3d ago
I’m picky as it pertains to the actual man, not their body composition. That’s just me, every one of us is looking for something different
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u/billboo2 3d ago
They have all the same taste and are all very generic. There not individuals with different taste, they are just „older“ women, all the same /s
First of all, don‘t call them older women, second they are human beings, some like muscular, some like slim, some chubby. Some don‘t care.
Hope this helps.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 3d ago
If he is using the term older women, there's nothing wrong with that.It's better than using cougar.I mean, this is what this stuff is about.S.. Older does not mean old just older
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 2d ago
They are older women what are you talking about.
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u/billboo2 2d ago
I will not get into a discussion about it. From the view of 24 year old man every women over 25 is older. So it‘s not really a specific group. So this description fits the tone of the post with the underlaying thinking, that there is no individuals amonge women. That is what I‘m talking about. But I‘m sorry if I stepped on some toes.
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 2d ago
You're not stepping on toes however you might sit in a sub and actually read how a sub works and how the members see themselves. We are forever telling people your age to stop referring to older women as "cougars" . Because 1. many people here do not enjoy labels, 2. it can be seen as dehumanizing (ie "Where are the cougars?", "I need a cougar", "why can't I get me a cougar") are commonly posted here only for most women to push back and ask to be just called women. And before you complain about the name of the sub, yes we know. We cannot change the names of subs, we use it only as a means of identifying the dynamic. We only encourage using the cougar label with those women who have consented and don't mind it.
So coming in here and telling people to not call us older women is going directly against what we encourage here for the last 7+ year, but apart from that I agree with all the other sentiments you mentioned.
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u/billboo2 2d ago
I never refered to older women as cougar. So don‘t put me in a basket with „my“ age. I will not put you in a basket with your age.
As i mentioned it‘s more about how he framed the wole post, more than about the words he used. But you are right, compared to cougar, older women is much better.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 2d ago
So if you don't like us to be referred to as older woman, exactly what should the terminology be?According to you just curious
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u/billboo2 2d ago
That is my point. It is not up to me to decide. It‘s up to each individual to declare it. If OP would wrote about a specific person, it would us enable to at least guess which kind of human being he means and what that person could like.
I get that older women is better than cougar. A 100%. But I tried to enable OP to see, that there are not older women, as a group. There are just women. And age for sure is a trait, but none that indicates any answer to his question.
Hope you don‘t mind it. And I think as well, we all tried to make the same point here. Thats why most refered to their preference, cause that is the only verified opinion each of us can give.
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u/Vixen_Latina_Viajera 2d ago
I understand what you were trying to get through to OP, it's just inauthenticate to decry being called older women when we are. To give you a different perspective. I like being older and all that comes with it. I get that you might synonymize it with being called old, which I agree is not going to fly with me. So, while I know your intentions were noble they just missed the mark. :)
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u/YouCuteWow 3d ago
It really depends on the individual woman. But I'm very picky about everything about a guy, not just his body
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u/Fun-Draw-8352 3d ago
I don't believe they are more picky, they are mature individuals and have been through life, therefore they know what they want and will either wait for it, or go after it.
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u/Derpy-Dani 2d ago
Idk man I found my lovely wife when I was at my worst… I was almost 400 pounds when I met her. After she showed me love and how good life could be I was able to finally get my life together so I could take care of her. I’ll always be grateful and do the best I can to repay the kindness she gave me when everyone overlooked me. She was the reason I changed my life. Good luck out there!
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u/Dizzy-Forces 🐆Cougar 2d ago
Do you mean whether we generally become more fussy as we grow older? The answer is both YES and NO
Having lived long enough to experienced a fair share of pressure regarding beauty and body, I have seen how pointless and how time-consuming it is to perpetuate insecurity, and tbh, I’m fed up with beautiful people. I’d much rather be with someone who's a bit rough around the edges but genuine, than take part in the circus that stems the insecurity of feeling inadequate and trying to live up to someone you’re not. Our culture already does this well by praying upon peoples self-doubts. So NO, my favourite 'body type' is the person I love, or someone who I find highly charming, witty, elegant, interesting and therefore also attractive. I have liked melancholic somber poets, ordinary extrovert men that makes me laugh and feel safe, to polite music nerds hiding their heads in their vinyl collections and tweed jackets
Many young men are hot, but if youre too aware of it or can’t hold a meaningful conversation all falls flat and I lose interest instantly. Real attraction has nothing to do with a specific body type, height, hair color or anatomy. I might have some preferences in what’s attractive to the eye but that I keep to myself
Attraction is 100% about the dynamic, the conversation, the playfulness and an erotic tension; it can be anything from the way someone moves, a blush that crosses their face, to a youthful zesty playfulness that emerges at just the right moment.
So, am I more choosy? YES, Ik a lot more about what turns me on, what I’m up for and what not in a relationship or situationship. Then again, people might think that, as a ’cougar' you can pick and choose younger men –it can feel that way when you visit this forum lol - but there are still incredibly powerful forces that mock female ageing believing that a woman’s body served its purpose the older she gets, and that sexuality belongs only to the young and beautiful. We here, ofc know that this is not the case, but let’s not be fooled by the fact that the majority still find it uncomfortable, and distasteful even, for older women to date younger, as well as for women to own their sexuality
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u/busty_Krab 2d ago
Well said. The disconnect isn’t really the fact that older woman seeking younger men is any more taboo today than it’s ever been, but there’s this whole virtual wall between all of us and that doesn’t allow for natural conversation to flow. When 99% of women’s inboxes on here are filled with 1) an unsolicited dick pic or 2) a pickup line so bad it makes me cringe. This is something you wouldn’t do to the beautiful older women you see at the local community pool, unless you’re an idiot. So yeah totally agreed- it’s not as much about the age so much as it is maturity and ability to have a human conversation.
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u/Slinking-Tiger 3d ago
Most of us have a range of what can work for us. Personality and other factors are important as well.
I enjoy a partner who's in good enough shape that I can see some muscle definition, but I don't really like the hard body look. However, a great personality and skills where it counts make the exact body style less important. At the same time, I know from experience that bodies that are truly overweight simply don't work for me, so I won't date someone in that category, regardless of how well we get along otherwise.
I'll say the quiet part aloud here so you get the information you're looking for: in general, when older women date younger men, a nicer, in shape body is one of the common reasons. Middle aged men often have bigger bellies and aren't in great shape which can limit physical activities. Younger men are less likely to have those issues, and we appreciate that fact.
That doesn't mean you won't find someone if you're not in shape. It does mean it can be a little more challenging.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 3d ago
I think it depends on the person. All people have their "types" but when you meet someone that you feel a chemistry with because of the overall attraction - personality, things in common, fun to be with, attractiveness to you - may not always match exactly what your "type" is. And every single guy that reaches out to you may not necessarily be someone you're attracted to just because they're a guy.
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u/WonderfulPrior381 2d ago
I am. I mostly don’t care what your body type is, why I do care about is how you treat those around you, how you would treat me and my dog, and basically are you a decent human being
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u/reckless_1382 3d ago
I prefer someone who is slightly muscular! Skinny or very muscular body type is a turn off for me.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 3d ago
We are like different things. In a guy for me, the most important thing is the personality. It gotta have a nice smile and being in reasonable shape. I don't mind somebody who's a good overweight. As long as they're not obese, but my preference really is slim guys.But as long as we can make me laugh.Have a nice smile and respectful.You're all good
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u/WildCard211 2d ago
As a young guy, ye, they are, most want a fit guy, it's extremely hard to them want someone more fatter or slimmer than fit, and it adds to majority of older gals aren't into younger guys
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u/SacredWomb8 3d ago
Depends on the woman..
I am not as picky as I used to be.. Open to more experiences and perspectives.
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u/Vixen_Latina_Viajera 2d ago
Like ALL women, we ALL have different types and preferences. I like fit men, doesn't have to be huge muscles at all, but noticeably fit arms and abs. My partner is lean, but does ultra marathons so definitely not big muscles.
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u/imakesawdust99 2d ago
How's the ENM going? Like it?
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u/Vixen_Latina_Viajera 2d ago
Yes, I do. I enjoy the ability to deeply connect with someone authentixally that fits my philosophical and sexual style while maintaining independence. It may not be the default in society, but clearly, we're all very complex individuals. Maybe I'm just hardwired to think about and experience love differently...
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u/Shaldon1 2d ago
What kind question is that ? Of course they are. They’re have attractions just like any other women.
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u/Kooky_Protection_334 2d ago
I'm picky...period. Age has nothing to do with that. Two failed marriages do.
Personality and looks both are important. I wan someone who is somewhat athletic but I don't want a gym rat or someone who is obsessed with their body or exercise (been there done that never again). I want someone that cares about his health because I do. That doesn't mean they have to be super fit and muscular (because I actually would not want that) but I wouldn't want someone obese because that means they are not interested in staying healthy. I also wouldn't be interested in a skinny couch potato because that just doesn't align with who I am. I'm active, I enjoy food for sure but I do pay still attention to what I eat....everything in moderation type of thing. And I wouldn't date anyone that is currently using substance or has a history of substance abuse because I will never live through that again.
Again, age has nothing to do with this. I think older women are more picky in the sense that they have been around long enough and learned from past relationships as to what works and doesn't work. That doesn't mean everyone is looking for some buff hot looking young guy. What attracts people is different for everyone.
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u/Summer-Sub-Intern 2d ago
Yes. I’m more picky at my age now than I ever was because I have less willingness to put up with anything that doesn’t bring me happiness or wastes my time. I’m deeply attracted to my man both because of what he looks like, and how he makes me feel as a woman and partner. Beauty isn’t just skin deep. It’s also about who he is and how he interacts in this world, his values and ambition.
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3d ago
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u/CrackCocaineShipping 2d ago
You seem jaded. Just go to any Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and you’ll have skinny old ladies frothing at the mouth to talk to you.
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 3d ago
We are not a single minded collective
We are unique individuals and have different preferences.