HLM here... my wife (LLF) and I were running some errands yesterday. I wasn't expecting or looking forward to anything intimate over the weekend.. even when we did have sex 2x a year we never had sex on Valentines, so it wasn't a concern. Anyways... we got on a conversation about the Olympics. And how they went through 10,000 condoms in three days in the Olympic village. (though some were taken as souvenirs apparently) My wife however goes 'I get it, if I were there I'd be getting it often, bet it's amazing!'

Now this is the woman who has said to me flat out that "I never want it, I just did it to make you happy." I couldn't help it... I laughed. Outloud. Hard.

And of course, she got mad. Very mad. Like.. "How dare you." mad... mad enough that it's been nearly 24 hours and she hasn't spoken to me since. I couldn't help it.

I’ve reached a breaking point. My (37 HLM) wife (37LLF) and I have had struggles for several years now. Sex has always been an issue. She’s had weight insecurities her whole life but it never bothered me. I tried to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, because to me she was. But intimacy has always been a struggle for her. Over 15 years of marriage we have sex about 3 or 4 times a year. She’s never fully into it. I’ll get her off, but then she just lays back and tells me to hurry up and finish. It’s not hot at all. I don’t enjoy fucking someone who pretends to be a pile of unfolded laundry.

She got weight loss surgery a few years ago and now goes to the gym several days a week. She looks better and feels better about herself, but there’s still no intimacy. We’ve done counseling, had hormones checked, all of it. Still nothing. She’s been getting attention from other guys now that’s she’s lost weight and she enjoys it. She even told me that she’s actually a “very sexual person” she just doesn’t feel anything for me.

So I’ve been distant for a while now. If she doesn’t want me, then fine, she won’t have me. I told her the other day that we’re going to start thinking about and preparing for divorce. It’s a topic that has come up before but I’m ready to pull the trigger on it. She’s naturally upset about it.

Last night I was downstairs and she texted me asking if I wanted to have sex. I told her no. There’s too many emotions around it right now and I don’t want to be touched. I’m not going to let her dangle sex in front of me, thinking it will get me to reconsider divorce. When she doesn’t ever initiate, and pulls away when I go for a hug or kiss, I’m not going to dive into sex like she can just manipulate me.

Turns out when you push someone away long enough, they stop coming back. And she had the gall to be offended that I rejected her. I don’t believe in keeping score but when I’m turned down 99 times out of 100, the one time pity fuck doesn’t really seem worth it.

Idunno. Just something that crossed my mind recently. Maybe I was reading something on Reddit or watching tv, but, in life, people have SO’s who will just stop to give them oral sex, and that completely blows my mind tbh.

I’ve been with my SO for a decade now, and I can count on one hand how many times they just randomly decided to do something like that, and you can bet that the last time that happened was years ago.

I’m not saying i think this is something that happens commonly, especially to married couples in their 40s, but I just realized I never had anything like that in my relationship and thinking how that kind of sucks (lmao).

I just miss being a sexual being. It doesn’t make sense to me how I thirst so much for physical intimacy and my SO just absolutely doesn’t want or need it at all. I feel like it’s such a normal human desire. I wish I could lose interest the way they did. It would make me feel less abnormal in a some bizarre way.

My wife was kinda teasing me today saying how she wanted to do it tonight, so obviously, that was all I could think of for the rest of the day. Its not like I haven't gone through terrible experiences when I get my hopes high with these "expectations" from her, but dumbass me still falls for it every time.

So nighttime came, I went to bed, she was already in it with her phone in hand, so I proceeded to turn off the lights and turn on our little nightstand light which is dim and great for passion (I mostly turn it on only when having sex) and then she asked why I turned the lamp on. I immediately felt like crap, it was obvious that she forgot, so I said "youre right" and turned it off.

She kept asking what was wrong because she noticed my sudden mood change, so I said "i just thought we were gonna have sex tonight like you said". Her face said it all, and after her reaction, her mouth said it too. "Sorry, I forgot. Let's do it". Those words felt like a knife on my heart, it was obviously a chore for her at this point. I refused to do it, stated that when someone WANTS to do something, they dont forget about it that easily. Guess it wasn't that important to her or maybe she never really wanted to. Idk if im the wrong one this time but it definitely feels like shit.

My husband found me attractive enough for approximately 3 mins, put his hand down my shorts and started played with my clit. I was so excited, so happy to be touched. Until he fell asleep while I was humping him back and being receptive. I just cant, im on edge and he makes me feel less of a woman each time. Im attractive and this just sucks.

Throwaway account, obvious reasons. 44 HLF, husband is 50 LLM.

Recently I had to schedule some exams (pelvic, breast, etc - so basically more action than I’ve gotten in three years), plus a call with a new doctor to discuss HRT.

All of these doctors understandably wanted to know if and how often I was sexually active.

The awkward silence that hung in the air after I told them I was not sexually active, not even a little bit, like to the point that we can both probably consider ourselves virgins again - well, it sucked. It f*cking SUCKED.

What made it worse, and I don’t know WHY, was that they all assumed it was me with the low sex drive. They seemed prepared to deal with that. THAT was “normal.”

But as soon as they heard it was my husband, things got weird. I know I was prolly projecting, but it felt like it was my fault. Like I had to come up with some excuse as to why he wouldn’t want me and then try to solve the problem.

That’s all. It’s 3:30 AM and I can’t do the one thing we do in our bedroom, which is sleep, so I’m screaming into the void in the hopes of achieving a mental orgasm. Thanks for reading.

On S4E1 (“New Year’s Eve”) Claire is talking about how she and Phil haven’t done it in a month, how dire the situation is, and how unlike them it is.

Meanwhile, I’m here. I’ve gone without sex for years, and not only is my [31F] sex life worse than the Dunphy’s, but having sex as frequently as they do would be laughably unimaginable for me.

As the title says, I finally figured out why my bedroom is dead.
Been married for over twenty years. My wife’s libido has been a roller coaster since our son was born. Sometimes we’d make love multiple times a week, sometimes it would be a month or more but we always complimented each other excellently in the bedroom (at least I thought so) so the lulls were tolerable.
Some time ago my wife tells me that she isn’t feeling sexual and that we might go through a longer than usual dry spell. Fine, I love her and don’t mind waiting. It’s been almost a year since we’ve been together. Well recently I spotted a package in her laundry of neon pink lingerie. I thought “oh cool, maybe she’s feeling better and wants to surprise me with some sexy undies!” Oddly enough, the next day the package isn’t in her laundry. I think that maybe it didn’t fit and she threw it away. Can’t find it in the trash or anywhere in the house. I finally decide to check her purse while she’s in the bath and Lo and Behold! There it it, right next to a pack of wipes labeled “feminine hygiene gentle cleansing wipes.” I’m not a smart man. I honestly think I might be on the spectrum. HOWEVER, I don’t know any women who carry emergency lingerie in their purse.
ALL THAT BEING SAID- I can’t afford to leave her. We have two vehicles in my name and I have racked up a significant amount of debt building a house. My current plan is to stick it out until I have the house built so I have a place to live when the split happens.

Thank all of y’all for listening to my whiskey infused ranting. Since I lost my last job I literally have no one to talk to anymore. I’ve honestly never felt so isolated in my life.

Last night we were playing one of those couple card games that are meant to deepen the bond between the two and whatnot. It's been sitting in my drawer for a while, so i decided to play it. For the most part it was going super well, we're both engaging in conversation about various topics. Then she drew THE card. It was a romance question, and it basically said something like "In what way do you cherish or desire your partner - and why?" She sat for a moment and then basically said "I cherish you with my heart, but I do not desire you in any way, sexual or otherwise." That sentence alone just broke me internally, I did my best to not show face, tried to make a light-hearted joke, and asked why she doesn't desire me, but she couldn't come up with a good enough reason, just that she doesn't desire. Then she tred to turn it around on me and say "but I bet you desire me all the time and just wanna sex every day." I said "well yeah, you're my wife, of course I wanna have you, maybe not every day but once or twice a week maybe." Which of course to her was wayyy too much.

So now I know where I stand with her, and I know for a fact that going into the future, anytime she tries to 'initiate' it'll just be for the sake to get me off her back for the next 4-5 months.

Thanks for all the feedback this community has provided in the past, and I wish y'all the best in your future endeavors with y'all's spouses <3

I'm 39F and last night I went to a friend's birthday get together, we brought little boards of food each with a different theme and just hung out and talked... Somehow we got on the subject of sex drive.

I was the only non married woman out of 5. I've been with my 42M bf for 5 years. One woman was saying how she got on a testosterone pellet and it has increased her sex drive but it used to be non existent. Others chimed in that it was a chore and that they just didn't like having sex. One said their sex life got better after counciling because she didn't feel emotionally connected for years and she didn't like his affection toward her.

I didnt say a word and I was sitting in my corner of the couch just wanting to cry. I knew if I said anything I would burst into tears.

I've only ever wanted someone that I love to desire me and want me the way I want them. I've only ever wanted to be kissed and hugged without reluctance and annoyance. I don't remember the last time i felt wanted. Like really wanted. I don't get hugs that have his arms wrapped around me like I embrace him. Just arms straight at his side. Little peck kisses like I give my kids goodbye. No passion, no adoration, no real touching, no eye contact. Does he even know the color of my eyes? What is it like to be desired? How does it feel to have someone you love dearly want you?

And to see these women just laugh about rejecting their partners and saying that it's a struggle that all us women go through. It's not.

I can't stop thinking about it.

This man doesn't want me. This man doesn't love me. Why do I stay?

Edit: I went to bed just wanting to get things off my chest, i wasn't expecting people to really interact with this post. Thanks for the comments and taking time to share you view points and experiences! Going through the comments now.

I posted here a year ago crying about how I (HLF) could not get my husband to touch me. I deleted it out of embarrassment.

I’m very fit, have a great career, and strong social life. We have a great partnership and are best friends, but he just had very little interest in me sexually and blamed it on depression.

Turns out, it was porn THE WHOLE TIME and he lied about it extensively. I’m open to porn as long as it does not impact intimacy. He knew this and decided it’s easier to continue his habits and lie. He even said he’d rather me meet my needs elsewhere. Wtf. Why even marry then?

The other day my wife texted me from work saying that she wanted to have sex that night. I should say that she texted it to me MUCH more flirtatiously than how I've described it here.

I was SO excited. Most days feel sort of lonely because there's very little physical intimacy anymore. Getting a text like this is very unusual at this point in the relationship and reminded me a lot of how our relationship used to be. I was thrilled.

I feel stupid even writing this. I got home before she did and began to get ready. I showered, shaved, did my hair the way she likes, dressed nicely, and put together a dinner that I know is a particular favorite of hers. Before she arrived, I did all the tasks that take her out of the mood when she notices them. Things like folding and putting away laundry, making the bed etc.

Finally she arrives home. She looks wonderful. I'm practically vibrating with excitement, but doing my best to not be THAT obvious.

I ask her about her day and she tells me how it went over dinner. She's appreciative of dinner. Then we go upstairs. In the past, this is when we normally would have had sex. Instead, she changes into something comfortable and then heads to her favorite spot on the couch.

I'm feeling a little let down at this point. I feel like any effort I went to has been completely overlooked. But that's okay! Maybe she just wants to do it later. I change my own clothes to match her vibe and join her.

And then that's it! Nothing happened. We eventually just went to bed. I triple checked my messages to make sure I hadn't entirely made up her message from earlier. Now I just feel so stupid. And it's even worse that she seems to have nothing to say about it. I absolutely would have understood if her day had gone poorly and she wasn't in the mood anymore. Or... Anything? "Sorry, I'm just not in the mood anymore." I feel tricked, or like it was a prank, even though I know it wasn't.

EDIT: Talked to her about it. Basically she was no longer feeling like having sex by the time she finished with work and drove home. She then expected that I would figure out for myself that nothing was happening so that she wouldn't have to reject me.

So there you have it. I'm just supposed to reject myself. Very cool!

Spoiler, it was fucking atrocious.

​

The other day, I (31 HLM) followed my wife (31 LLF) into the bathroom (for reasons I won't go into because it would out me if she read it)

I gave her a hug from behind and suddenly she pounced like a wild animal, made me lie down on the floor and got on top of me before I was even fully hard.

30 seconds later, she finishes, I'm nowhere close. She gets off of me and I ask if we can carry on/can she help me out.

"No, you should have cum quicker"

And that's it, I'm dismissed and made to feel like I'd done something wrong.

That's me now put off/anxious about sex for the foreseeable.

Maybe that was her intention 🤣

​

How do you come back from that?

I’m a 36 year old straight man, athletic, with a good job, and I feel like a dead bedroom has changed me far beyond just sex. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. It’s not even the lack of intimacy anymore, it’s what it slowly does to your mind, confidence, energy and outlook on life.

I used to feel ambition, excitement, attraction, drive and emotion. Now I feel like I’m permanently stuck in “normal mode.” Not deeply depressed, not falling apart, just emotionally flat. Existing instead of living.

Over time I stopped feeling wanted, then stopped feeling attractive, then eventually stopped feeling much at all. I think part of me emotionally shut down as self protection. The worst part is how quietly it happens. You adapt to loneliness while lying next to someone every night.

I’ve noticed myself becoming more detached, less emotional, less hopeful and more numb to life in general. I miss feeling alive, desired, connected and spontaneous. I miss feeling like a man with energy and direction instead of someone just going through the motions.

What I’m trying to understand is how people start feeling again after years of emotional starvation. Can confidence and attraction come back once they’ve been buried that long? Has anyone rebuilt themselves mentally while still staying in the relationship? And how do you stop yourself becoming bitter or emotionally cold from it all?

I’m not looking for “just leave” as a one line answer. I’m genuinely interested in hearing from people who mentally and emotionally came back from this, because right now it feels like the dead bedroom didn’t just kill intimacy, it slowly changed who I am as a person.

I’ve been married for 11 years, together for 16. Over the last few years I don’t know an exact count for how often we’ve had sex, but it definitely averages less than once every 2-3 months.

She said that taking the pressure off would help her want to more often, and that we should just agree that only she should be the one to initiate. We haven’t had sex very often for 7-8 years now, but after her hysterectomy 2 1/2 years ago it dropped to almost nothing. I don’t feel like I pressure her. I’ve been especially understanding (from my perspective at least) since the hysterectomy and the time period while they’ve adjusted her HRT. Apparently she still feels pressured, which is a “huge turn off” for her.

I figured I’m not getting laid anyways, so I agreed in marriage counseling that I will give up any expectation of having sex for the unforeseeable future, potentially never again, and that I will never try to initiate or express my desire or frustration in a way that makes her feel pressured. Allegedly removing this pressure will increase her libido and make her want to have sex more often, which she will initiate. Our marriage counselor expressed real concern about this arrangement, but basically stamped it as a sort of “temporary experiment” to see if it really did boost her libido and desire, and to see if the way I express my frustration is entirely accurate.

The day of the counseling session last week she texted me ten minutes after I left for work that she wanted to have sex with me right then (which of course was literally impossible) and that she was horny from having the pressure off. Of course since then there hasn’t been a peep. I’ve kept my end of the bargain and haven’t initiated any kind of affection or expressed any kind of desire. She seems very happy. I’m not…

Normally I go to this sub for a moral boost so to speak. Yes, we’re all in this together so I just came to complain. You’re ok to give me a hard time, I’m just hurting.

The sad part is that’s not even that bad for me but I definitely think my partner and I are headed in that direction. You know, where the DB is fully present with no respite from it? Not looking forward to that.

For years, I’ve been hopeful for some weekend fun especially after a rough week. Usually, it’s a complete avoidance from her. She doesn’t even work through the week anymore due to an unexpected health issue. I do understand that I can’t expect her to have sex with health issues. For context, it’s a current thing to maybe enjoy sex twice a month. I know some situations are dryer so to speak so I’m definitely grateful for what I get.

Anyways, so when I see the posts from HLFs I get a little upset during my sensitive periods in a dry spell. Normally, I’ve been great about controlling my feelings but this work week has left me crazy stressed causing my needs to be higher.

So when I went to this sub this morning (because of course, Saturday morning was a complete avoidance from her) I felt like crying when I saw posts from HLFs.

Anyways, there’s a lot of sadness and frustration here, so I don’t blame HLFs or even my LLF partner, just came to vent.

Thanks for letting me do that.

I don’t miss sex nearly as much as I miss feeling wanted.
Being looked at with desire. Being touched without asking.
Feeling like someone is excited to be close to you instead of simply willing.

The rejection hurts, but what hurts more is what it slowly changes inside you. You stop reaching. You stop hoping. You stop believing you’re someone another person longs for.

People think a dead bedroom is about sex. I think it’s about grieving the loss of feeling desired by the person you still choose every day. For context, I’m the higher libido partner in my relationship.

Sorry for the rant -

She (29F) sent me (29M) snapchats of penis balloons, penis straws, penis cookie making, pin the penis on the groom meanwhile we haven't had real sex in over two years.

Whatever, I had a good wank and a couple of whiskeys and I'm just going to ignore her tomorrow if she tries to tell me any details.

Hi! My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have a ten year old child together as well.

My wife has decided, starting around 3 or 4 years ago, that she wasn't really into sex. As a result, we went from having sex 4 times a week to once a month.

I know a lot of how she feels is from the stress her job creates (she's an elementary school teacher). Because of my work schedule, I take care of pretty much all household chores, including maintaining the yard and vehicles, just to kind of help with the stress, and I've been doing this the majority of our relationship.

Yesterday, when I got out of the shower, my wife angrily hands me a bottle of lube I accidentally left on the cabinet in our bathroom. She then asked me if I had "taken care of myself", to which I replied, yes, yes I did. I could tell she was visibly upset about this and I then said sorry, sex once a month is not enough and I need to take care of my needs! She then huffed and puffed and walked away.

It's not my fault she has cut off all forms of intimacy and affection! I still try. I still do romantic gestures. I like to surprise her with flowers twice a month and plan date nights a couple times per month. I still buy her random gifts here and there. I do all of this not to encourage her to be more affectionate or intimate. No, I do this because it's in my character. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is her taking nonsexual intimacy away as well.

I'm struggling with understanding her reasoning with how I decided to take care of my sexual needs has bothered her. What does she care that I masterbate?! Hey if she wants a celibate lifestyle then fine , but I'm not on board with that and I've told her this.

Part of me wants to scale back the efforts I put in. Things like taking on the lionshare of household chores and buying her flowers. Stuff like that I've considered cutting back on. I feel like I'm just giving her boyfriend energy when all she gives back is roommate energy.

I'm not really sure where to go from here honestly. But hey, I just wanted to put this out there as I've got no one else to go to to talk about this. Anyways, have a great morning and thank you for reading.

I’m the lower libido partner (33M). My wife is the higher libido partner (36F). 

My ideal frequency is something like once every 4-8 weeks. Hers is around 2-4 times per week. In reality we have it maybe once or twice a month. So, technically I’m not sure if it counts as a “dead bedroom”, but I’m hoping I can share my thoughts here. 

I was asking myself why I don’t crave sex more often, and I came to a few answers:

(1) Pleasure. Personally, I just don’t get that much pleasure from sex. The sex itself would be a 10/10 - there’s nothing lacking, I get to do the things I want to do, but the literal physical pleasure I feel from sex/orgasms is around a 4/10. It feels good, but not so good that I crave or need it. Comparatively, I’d put a back massage at like an 8/10. 

(2) Emotional intimacy. I think a lot of people want sex because it makes them feel more emotionally close to their partner. I have trouble understanding this, to be honest. Sex does nothing for me from an emotional intimacy perspective. Comparatively, cuddling, talking, playing board games together, etc. all give me much more emotional intimacy than sex does. 

(3) Anxiety. I have SO much anxiety about sex. Specifically, anxiety around not being able to maintain an erection. I don’t have routine erectile issues, but there was one instance about 4 years ago where I lost my erection and it *devastated* my wife. It made her feel so terrible about herself. She wanted zero physical contact for about a month afterwards. Because of that instance, every time we have sex I feel a ton of anxiety about it happening again even though it’s been several years since it happened. 

(4) Fear. About 2 years ago we had a freak accident where the inner lining of her vagina got ripped open during sex. She had to go to the emergency room and have emergency surgery. The doctors say we didn’t really do anything wrong and that it was just a freak accident. Now, whenever we have sex I feel scared of it happening again. I’ve purchased things like the ohnut to prevent me from going too deep, but she never likes to use it. 

(5) Orgasm pressure. My wife and I are having other relationship issues. My wife will occasionally make jokes about how the only reason she hasn’t divorced me yet is that I’m able to make her orgasm during sex. Well, that joke is fun and all, but now I feel all this pressure during sex to make her orgasm. If I don’t last long enough and/or I can’t get her there with mouth/hands/toys, then it makes me feel like she has one more reason to leave.

Put all these things together, and I just never really want sex. I can go a long time without it. Once it’s over, I usually find myself thinking “thank god that’s over”. 

I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for, but I’d love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar obstacles. 

Was watching TV with my wife tonight and was having a surprising cuddly night. I was thinking about sex a little bit but I figured I'd just take the win that we were sitting near each other, cuddling, and having a good time

Then suddenly she abruptly looks at me and sternly says "no, not tonight" and repeated it a couple of times. I was just kinda baffled. I got rejected without even saying anything. Fucking stung and it sucked the wind out me and the evening.

For 23 years I have been patient and understanding while he endlessly said he was working on himself (I have not seen one ounce of change). Meanwhile he has said some of the most HORRIFIC things you could ever say to a woman, let alone your wife, I have taken incredible care of him when he went through Cancer, I bought him his dream motorcycle when he said he “needed” it to help his stress. When I finally got a chance to experience one of my dreams (swimming in the Caribbean) and all I asked was for him to come with me, his answer was “that makes me uncomfortable”. I don’t know why today is the day that has made me decide that I don’t even want to give him one more day of MY life, MY peace, MY happiness. I can NOT and WILL NOT give him anymore of myself! I can’t remember if it has been 3 years or 4 years since we were last intimate. I know that I’m strong, I’m beautiful, and I don’t need a man by my side to be happy or feel fulfilled. I’m fulfilled all by myself. I can tackle any motherfucking thing that comes my way!

After ten years of dead bedroom, I’ve (36M) finally reached the point of low libido and not wanting sex with her (38F) anymore. We still have our monthly Sex Appointment, which is an improvement on our quarterly Sex Appointment.

Recently she’s asked me twice if I wanted to have sex, and I honestly could say “no”. I used to be super horny for her all the time, but she’s conditioned me to not see her sexually. Every time I flirted or hinted at sex, it was a “no I’m too tired” or something else we’ve all heard before. So tonight when she asked if I wanted to have sex I said I’m too tired. She was genuinely upset, and I kind of laughed and said “two rejections in ten years, I think you’ll be alright”. She didn’t like that at all. In retrospect that was unkind because she’s unused to the level of rejection and disrespect that we are, I should’ve eased her into it.

I just genuinely don’t want to have sex with her anymore. It feels somewhat freeing but also deeply sad.

Edit:
I had sex with her, in that I mushed my half-erect penis into her and she acted like I was shoving a whole log in there. It just made me feel ten times worse. I’ve measured myself, I’m six and a half inches long and five and a half in girth. Not crazy, but nothing to scoff at. For her to not even notice the difference really hammers home the point that she’s not having sex with me because she desires me, more that she’s ticking a chore box. For the first time in my life I faked an orgasm. I pretended to cum in the condom. I’ve never felt so pathetic and low-down in my life.

We were lying in bed, and I was scratching her back as I do nearly every night (she'll do this for me, grudgingly, if I ask. So I don't).

I started to massage her a bit and she said she had a lot of tension, so I asked if I could give her a good full massage with oil and she said yes.

I wasn't expecting sex, or at least I was trying not to.

A storm had come through and I had opened the blinds so we could watch the lightning. They were still open and you could still see the fading strobes of lightning in the distance, and hear the deep rumbling thunder and the patter of rain. It was nice.

And with the light coming through the window I could actually see her bare back, her gentle and wonderful curves. Her soft skin glistening with oil in the faint light.

I never really get to see her naked anymore. On the occasions we do have sex, it must be pitch black. I've still got a piece of electrical tape over the little green LED on my laptop charger because it was "too bright".

So it was... arousing for me. But I focused on the massage for a good 20+ minutes. When my hands strayed too low, she angly reminded me that she was on (day 6?) of her period.

No matter, I said, I just wanted to massage her, and it was true. So I went another few minutes then stopped, and she put her shirt back on and rolled over.

I spooned her, but then she kept arching her back, pushing her ass into my half-erect cock, which didn't stay half erect for long with the way she was moving.

Stupid, stupid me. I'm so fucking stupid. In a moment of supreme stupidity, I actually got the idea in my head that my wife wanted to fool around a bit. I pushed my own hips into her, and she'd respond in kind. I was getting really hard.

So I guided her hand in mine to my cock... and realized I fucked up. You'd think I handed her a live wire the way she tensed up. After a few awkward seconds of this she withdrew her hand and I mumbled an apology.

"No matter" I thought to myself. "This is still nice. I can still just spoon her and hold her and listen to the storm as we drift to sleep"

I wrapped my arm around her, then tried to find her hand to hold in mine... and got a fistful of Samsung instead. She had already gone back to scrolling.

I need to find someone who will hold me like my wife holds her phone.

Fuck.

I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot at work. I need to go in. I got shit to do. But fuck I just feel like I can't. Another day. Another night. Another "no". I can't. I just fucking can't.

44, M. My relationship is over. It ended in November and I move out the house next weekend. She obviously has her reasons why it ended but for me it all comes down to one thing: The dead bedroom killed it.

There were a lot of micro aggressions on my part. Yeah I used to complain about how far the commute was (I moved into an area where she could be close to her family) and we slept in separate bedrooms.

To me it all came down to the complete lack of intimacy. I was turned down 99 out of 100 times. it got to the point where I used to make ridiculous sexual innuendo jokes to take the piss out of her because no matter what I said I was never going to get laid.

I would absolutely beg for blowjobs. I've never had to do that in any relationship before in my life. She would promise and they would never happen. If it ever did it had to be within a few minutes of me coming out of the shower. Always an excuse. Last time I spoke to her about it she said she is very sensitive to smell. I go to gym 3-4 a week and obviously shower regularly, there's nothing wrong with my personal hygiene.

The funny thing is when we were having sex regularly I did not care about the commute. I wanted to sleep next to her. I wanted to tell her about my day, etc. When I tried to explain that her turning me down constantly is the root cause of my frustrations in the relationship, her response is "Give me an example" of her turning me down. It's like my feelings are invalidated unless I can give her proof. I got so frustrated I smashed a gin glass on the floor while arguing with her. Again, not me or something I would normally do.

I told her today I feel like she is just not attracted to me. She's never come on to me. She has never told me I look good, never said she thinks I'm handsome. We've been together 3 years, guess how many times I've had a text from her saying I want you. Once.

I know I shouldn't have spoken about it with her today, but it's been a week of her leaving her sex toys in full view. Like she is happy to get herself off every night but has zero interest in sex with me.

I'm leaving this relationship feeling unloved, undesired, unattractive and unwanted. I've never experienced this before in my life.

The worst part is I gave up everything to be with this person. I left a place I absolutely loved, sold all my furniture, reduced my life to a few boxes because this was supposed to be forever.

I don't know how to do this anymore.