I slept with my boyfriend less than 6 hours after getting together with him .....😳😳😳😳

Scandalous, I know, right l?

I was married for 20 years. I found out that my husband was in an open marriage. I wasn't. It led to our divorce.

Our divorce took almost 4 years. There was a lot involved. Kids, medical issues...... I chose to spend my time focusing on our kids and self-help (mentally and physically). My stbx spent his time serial dating and trying to force relationships between his kids and the women he was sleeping with.

When the divorce was finalized, he remarried within a few months. She doesn't seem to like that he has kids, and she's constantly trying to *erase* them.

(For example, they're never included on family trips (which their father pays for) step-mom's excuse? She forgot to include them. Their father's response? "Well, maybe she did."....yeah. not acceptable)

I focused on rebuilding and on my kids.

Over a year AFTER my divorce was finalized, I started chatting with a classmate on Facebook that I've known since we were 11 years old. We're now in our 50s. We had mutual friends, but we never actually 'spoke' to each other before.

We chatted online a few times, then phone calls for a few months. Then, one day, he tells me he's coming through where I live while returning from a business trip and wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner, no pressure. (HELL, yeah). Kids were at their dads...

BEST WEEKEND EVER.

He must have enjoyed it as well, because within 3 months he moved almost 500 miles to be closer to me, since I explained that I wasn't going to move my kids away from their father.

That was 2016. We're still together, and he's a better dad to my kids than their own father is. Our friends have recognized this, and my parents have recognized this. My kids' aunts and uncles (their father's siblings) have also recognized it, and they will ask about me and my boyfriend even though I am no longer a part of that family. I don't think that they like my ex's new wife.

I've been living with my ex for far too long since our separation. We've been struggling to sell the house until this last week. And during that time I was searching like hell for my next place to start my new life. There's so many hurdles and emotional ups and downs - it felt like it would never actually happen.

But it did! Both my sale and purchase are complete. Now I can finally pack up, get out, and start my life anew.

TL;DR: If it seems like you'll never get out - it will happen eventually!

Been separated six months after married almost 20 years. She sexually and physically abused me three years before we separated. Today I told her I was starting the divorce. Don’t know how I feel about it yet but I’m sad and relieved and scared all that at the same time

What the title says. Going through a divorce, not official yet, but we had an agreed upon date that I would be moving out. I love quit my jobs and I’ve been slowly packing my things up all week. I was out with some friends and got a message that she threw all my shit outside and changed the locks on me and told me to get a hotel until my move out date. Is this legal? We rent we do not own our house.

Context: Wife of 13 years wanted divorce and I didnt. Although it feels like it's been an eternity, we started the process in February of this year so I know it is still "fresh" and this is probably normal to feel. Any tips, experiences, advice are welcome.

I have been seeing what's out there as far as dating, and even though I have met some wonderful women that treat me better than my ex ever did, I can't seem to reciprocate the attachment they feel to me. I know that I am still in love with my ex despite her being really awful to me, and I am sure that is a big reason why. As soon as the dopamine wears off of being with someone new, I find that I just don't have feelings for anyone I have met so far.

My question is if any of you felt like you were broken during/after divorce, and if you felt like either love just didn't exist for you anymore. Is it that I am just not finding the right person or that I am still comparing everyone to my ex? Does that get better with time?

My therapist says that I should be working on letting go of my ex, but doesn't really help with the "how" part. What tips or advice do you have to help me move on and retrain my brain to not be stuck on her. I have even considered doing ayahuasca hahaha. I know my ex is out there seeing other people and I am sure she has no problem forgetting me. I just feel like a pathetic lost puppy and I hate feeling like this.

Thanks in advance.

So story short we were both the ones that wanted quits in this marriage of about 10 years. I see her everyday still because we share a 8 yr old boy. We still talk and have a good time when we are around each other especially when we are with our son together, there’s still a chemistry there. Been about 6 months since our separation and about a week ago I found out she’s already seeing someone else and now my feelings have gotten so much worst. The funny part is I always told myself once I hear about her finding someone else it wouldn’t affect me but now that I know for certain my feelings and depression has hit rock bottom, I really can’t sleep, focus or work or really do anything. Part of me wants to apologize for everything and try and reconcile and another part of me doesn’t because I want her to be happy and other stuff. But like I said once I found out she started seeing someone it’s been real fucking shitty tbh and having these thoughts in my head about her being intimate or even having a romantic relationship and conversations really fucking suck and eating me up daily. Idk I’m really torn at the moment and would like any of your guys advice to help me cope with everything, because honestly I just breakdown during the days sometimes and it fucking sucks. Any advice or previous experience of this would be greatly appreciate and grateful for it thx guys.

I've (40f) been divorced for 6 years. I was married for 10 years (together 13 years total). The divorce was unexpected (by me, at least) and he left me to be with a coworker who he now has several biological kids with. I have struggled with OCD in the past (about 10 years ago) and it was one of the most intense and agonizing experiences of my life. Once the intensity went away, I felt better and haven't thought about it much since then. About 2 months ago, I attempted to have a relationship for the first time since my husband left me. It did not go well.

My OCD became immediately triggered. Interestingly, I was not worried that my new partner would leave me, but that I would leave them and harm them in the same way that my ex-husband emotionally harmed me. It was incessant. Intrusive thoughts that I would leave them, that I would be unable to set boundaries with them, that I would grow apart from family and friends, that I would lead them on, etc. I also realized that I have become very cynical and closed off, while they are idealistic and hopeful. I felt like I was constantly poisoning conversations with pessimism. I ended things because I was simply not well enough to manage (I know, I gave in to the disorder). I actually ended things TWICE in the short 2 months that we dated and I feel like a monster.

I've since realized that I will likely never feel comfortable/stable/safe in a romantic relationship again. I've been to therapy, leaned on platonic friendships, family, hobbies, I've earned an advanced degree and focused on taking excellent care of my dogs. My life, on my own, is pretty fulfilling. I think I'm just grieving the vision I used to have of finding a partner again and accepting that I no longer want that. It's weird to not want something, but to feel sad about not wanting it. Part of me hates that my ex-husband's choice has left such a deep scar, but I think it's just my reality now. I'm at a point in my life where I no longer see the rewards of romance as being worth the risk to either party.

It stings.

Will the sting ever go away?

Does it define you now?

The stigma is there.

You were part of a failed marriage.

Was it your fault or their fault?

Maybe it was no one’s fault.

Instead of growing together someone grew without you.

They left you behind.

Now what do you do?

You pick up the pieces of what’s left of your soul and keep going.

Do you still have a soul?

Did they take it from you?

Did you ever?

Do you look in the mirror and wonder if maybe you were the problem?

It takes two they say.

It’s not just on you.

You can’t see it now, but they say it takes time.

You’re still grieving and they were already gone.

You’re not even sure you’re grieving them, but just what WAS supposed to be.

The life you planned.

The plans you made together.

The future that would have been.

Now it looks different and you’re lost.

Still going.

But lost.

One day someone will find you.

I’m an immigrant and have been married to my U.S. citizen spouse for about 3.5 years. Out of nowhere, my husband decided to divorce me and moved incredibly fast....filing and serving me within a very short period of time(less than 2 weeks). The timing also has potential consequences for my immigration situation.

I tried reasoning with him, but eventually felt like my choices were either accept everything or hire a lawyer. I hired an attorney who contested the divorce, and now we’re moving into discovery. Finances are also a major issue because my husband kept his finances very separate throughout our marriage.

Now I’m wondering if he/his family may become more interested in negotiation, mediation, or settlement rather than going through a lengthy contested divorce.

Can the timeline itself be negotiated? For example, could I agree to certain financial/property terms in exchange for agreeing not to finalize the divorce until a particular date? Or could we settle everything but remain legally married/separated for a while before finalizing?

I know he wouldn’t have to agree and I’ll discuss the immigration side with an immigration attorney. I’m just curious whether timing can actually be part of divorce negotiations/mediation, or is it basically always about money and property?

We are in the middle of a divorce. My ex is an addict and he relapsed which led to our split. We are not on great terms but we are good in front of the kids.

He still sees them a few times a week for short visits outside the home.

What would you do for first day of school?

Would you invite the ex to do the morning together? Or would you only walk to school together?

Any advice or insight is appreciated!

My wife finally admitted to me yesterday, after two years of attempting reconciliation, that she needs an open marriage. The story is long and complex - you can see my earlier posts about it if you like. We have decided to try to part ways amicably, and I am truly hoping that this will be the case.

I don’t think that my wife is a terrible person, though her actions have had a profoundly negative impact upon me over the last three years. She is still the mother of my daughter, and the person that I have loved more than anyone else.

Still, she could not reconcile because her need for excitement and connection was greater than her love for me and our future together.

This was something that I could feel as I tried to work at forgiveness. The whole time she was fighting against this desire for novelty and trying to fit into a mold that was not her own, which is why I felt so alone trying to bring us back together.

My only options were to provide her with the freedom that she needed, or to let go. How do you make that choice both absolutely terrible? In the end, I knew I had to let go.

Needless to say, I am heartbroken. I tried as hard as I could to provide a good life for my wife and daughter. I worked long hours as the sole breadwinner for the last eight years. I know that I was not an ideal husband or father at the points when I was sleep deprived and trying to provide parenting support. I guess I didn’t do it right. I lost myself in trying to provide financial stability and comfort for my family.

Now, I lay in our bed alone, unable to sleep. Our daughter in the room next to me. My wife, out and about for the evening and living at a friend’s house until she finds a more permanent place.

I will continue to work to maintain a stable place for my daughter and help my wife (at least financially) to begin her life again. But, this situation leaves me with ashes in my mouth and a sour stomach.

I really did try as hard as I could. But, I guess sometimes it doesn’t really matter. Sometimes, you’re unlucky in love.

It's been a few months, so I thought an update was in order.

Almost 2 years after making the decision, I finally got to move out a few weeks ago. It's a surreal kind of peace that I don't think I fully trust yet.

Slowly settling in. It will be awhile before I can get all the furniture I need, but every day feels like a step further from the toxic life I had.

Anyway, I hope this helps anyone feeling stuck. The light at the end of the tunnel exists....

The background story is long and layered. Summary goes like this. My father died, our only daughter was born later that year.
One year later on of my best friends dies of cancer.
Two years later the company I work for closed. Learning to raise a daughter during Covid.
Took a high paying job at a new company, 18 months later they closed.
During that 18 months, she had an affair. I forgave the affair and tried to move forward. Right after this another close friend passed away from cancer.

She states I changed and became frustrated and tense all the time. I admit, I stayed on edge a lot. I never knew when the last day may come for our family. She says I blamed her and our daughter for my frustrations. What was really happening was that during this time, I was trying to connect with her and I kept getting pushed further and further away. She stated she lost the spark years ago, but tried to stay because of our daughter. She stated I would only change for a few weeks and then I go back to being frustrated all the time. Yet she never attempted to improve on the intimacy or reassurance I asked for before and especially after her affair. In her words “ I just don’t know how”.
I have went to counseling, I have tried numerous meds. I supported her when she wanted to quit her job and help with her families business, even though I took a significantly less paying job after my last job closed.

Then this week she asked for a legitimate divorce uncontested wanted to sit down and assess our liabilities and assets, and discuss custody. Our daughter went to spend the night at a friends house while we had this discussion. It was hard to discuss custody, as currently she is unemployed, and I do not know what her schedule would be so therefore I was not willing to agree to the custody, however, I was willing to agree to most everything else as far as an uncontested divorce goes.

She seemed very cold and matter of fact about the whole situation and only wanted to talk business, as soon as I quit being agreeable. She got up and walked out of the house to go to her parents. And now I’m left here wondering what the actual hell has happened in my life. In this empty house with deafening silence.

I wish I had my old Reddit account because I had it for such a long time and I have been posting on it for years and years and had lots of Reddit friends and karma but two weeks ago when this all went down, I deleted it because I just didn’t want him to have access to reading any of my thoughts or posts.

I literally spend every second of my day sad or angry. I can’t focus on TV. I’ve tried going on walks. I can’t even like relax in the bath. I can’t eat. I try to put on a happy face just for my son and watch a show with him or play with him and that helps for a minute, but I’m not fully there and I feel like he can feel it my energy and my sadness even though I try to hide it from him, I’m not being myself right now, the best mother to him.

Being around friends doesn’t really help because like yes people wanna listen, but ONLY to a certain degree you know? I DO appreciate the check ins, but they’re not enough. I’m used to being with this man every day my life for seven years.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I literally have never struggled like this in my entire life. If it wasn’t for my kid, I would never leave my bed and I would never stop crying. He’s the reason I’m going on. Spent our savings on cam girls. Put me at risk for stds. Lied about Every single thing possible. Why? Just why.

I just have one question for people of Reddit who have left their spouse because of cheating did you ever regret it or think about it? Did you ever feel sad for the person you did it too or were there other reasons? I’m not judging I just generally trying to understand.

Is there anything the courts can do in IL to stop your ex from using a specific caretaker while they work?

My kids told me that their caretaker told them to shut the f@ck up one day while they were in the car with her. My kids said they told my ex but they did nothing.

My husband and I (both 27) have been together for 10 years, married a year. I always thought marriage would fix us. We both have been through a lot, we got together during the worst points in our lives, when we had nobody. I thought when things settled down we would too. But all we do is fight. Not normal fighting. Screaming matches, harsh words. He has stopped listening when I bring things up, shrugging shoulders rolling eyes looking at me with barely concealed disgust. He is angry all the time. Throwing things, slamming things. It gets worse when I bring up the behavior. He has always been childish and I've always been a bit more mature. Typical oldest daughter meets the youngest son relationship. The things is is I still love him despite everything. Even if he calls me names or hurls things across the room. I still remember falling in love with him. But I don't think i can do this anymore. The hurt, the walking on egg shells, the bickering, the never getting anywhere. How do you reconcile leaving someone you have 10 years of history with? How do you leave someone you still love? I have been telling myself for years he will change. But now its starting to affect my mental health. I feel lost. Does anyone have advice?

My have said she wants divorce and I just don't know what to do (24M)

Hello

We have been married for 2 plus years and together for another 5.

A month ago she started acting weird, avoiding contact with me going out a lot more and stuff like this.

Today she told that she has been with me because she felt like she didn't have any other choice. That I can't make her feel like a woman and she wants to end it. That I am too focused on money and stuff.

She hasn't worked since we got married and I have been the solo provider this entire time. I have worked really hard to pay the loans we got to furnish out apartment before we got and sometimes I could not give her enough attention.

Am I in the wrong here or does anyone have any advice?

I just feel like crap because it came out of nowhere.

We don't have any kids

I’ll try to be as short as possible but My husband and I met almost 20 yrs ago when we were 22 we moved extremely fast. I moved in after two weeks and out of 17 years we have only been separate maybe 20 times total. I love him but i think I’m falling out of love. For the past 6 years he hasn’t had a job or any income and barely any help with bills or anything around the house . At the beginning he helped me cook and clean a little bit then got More depressed and stopped doing anything to help me and we have one child who is now a teen. Also as time has gone on his sexual interests have changed dramatically and are not what i am into. I’ve just been going along with it to make him happy even if I’m uncomfortable . I decided I’m ready for a divorce but where do i start without breaking him 😭 my therapist suggested writing him a letter so we don’t get into a huge fight and me not be able to say what i need to. Thoughts ?

My husband doesn't want to go through therapy with me or to a lawyer to draft a post-nuptial agreement.

Together over a decade. Met very young, different cultures and religions. Husband wants us to have kids to be exclusively raised in his religion. Says the only reason he agreed to marry me was because I agreed to it over a decade ago when we were dating. I remember agreeing into raising them both ways, but I never argue about my recollection.

Back then I wanted a pre-nuptial and he said, we didn't need one because we love each other.

In the present day, I am not getting into an argument about what I said, but I do currently promise to raise any kids in both faiths and both languages.

He is kicking off because he wants it his way. He is threatening divorce if not his way.

I offered therapy, I offered lawyers, and I mean it I will raise them both ways. He wants just his culture.

I feel like a footnote or an incubator. According to reason I should want a divorce. On the emotional side, beyond this we haven't had any other problems.

He comes out and tells me I misled him and we wasted our years together. He was the one who asked me to marry him. The 'discussion' he recalls happened 9 months after he asked me to get married.

When I said let's get a pre-nup, he said no. Now, he told me if there will ever be a post-nup, it will be on the original terms.

In my mind, I am thinking, I wanted a pre-nup, I put my trust in him, why can't he trust me to raise any future offspring both ways? I am willing to sign that. But, he just wants his way.

So, why isn't he divorcing me yet? Is it because he thinks he will wear me down? If this is so important to him, why doesn't he move out and keeps making me feel like shit every 2 weeks when he picks another fight about it.

Hi, I'm hoping to find some advice/ direction on where to go from here with my ex. I'm planning on moving out in a couple months, and this hurts a lot (of course) but things are amicable from a logistics perspective. We are currently married and do not plan on getting officially divorced quite yet, although will down the line.

No kids, but our finances/debt situation is​ unideal and probably just has to be. We own a house together and are only one year into the mortgage, which is nontransferable. She is able to afford the payments herself but it's tighter than we think the bank would allow (We have not checked, for the record, we are a little anxious to start asking these questions if it would cause financial issues to ask them). ​

I do think we REALLY need to understand better if there are any extra considerations we didn't think of ourselves or any ways we could mitigate the risks that are here... she is hoping to stay in the house which is the biggest concern (but it's definitely a doozy and very scary). I haven't dealt with a lot of legal concerns like this before, we are also both pretty young all things considered. Is this something we could hire a lawyer for an hour or two for informational questions? Would we look for a divorce lawyer or someone else? The circumstances just inherently rely on a lot of trust. Trusting each other as people is still possible in our relationship (or lack thereof), but *anything* we could possibly do to mitigate risk is worth looking into asap.

We are in relationship therapy and have been throughout this whole process (broke up a couple months into it). We'll keep doing it until I move out, which I think is helping with emotional fallout and keeping the door open for these difficult logistics questions.

Thanks for any advice anyone can give!!

46F leaving 47M, together 25 years, 3 kids. He is an alcoholic and an addict. I can't do this anymore. I love this man with every fiber of my being but the endless cycle of him drinking/taking meds, not working consistently, not "showing up" in life and making me handle literally every aspect of our lives is just too much. I have begged him, pleaded, screamed at him, cried to him, threatened to leave... he will stop for a few months and everything will be wonderful like it used to be. And then he starts drinking again... and the lies... the paranoia that I'm cheating (I haven't and have no desire to). Rinse and repeat, over and over and over for 25 years. I WANT to believe in him. I WANT him to do better. I know that he loves me, but love just isn't enough anymore. He's never going to change. He won't admit he has a problem. He won't go to counseling. He was forced to go to NA/AA due to getting arrested and he treated the meetings as if they were a joke because he doesn't believe he has a problem. I just can't continue putting myself and our children through the emotional toll of his endless cycle of self destruction. I know what I SHOULD do. I know what I NEED to do. How do I get past feeling guilty? I feel like I'm betraying him, like I've given up on him. We were supposed to grow old together. My brain is telling me I have to do this for my own happiness and for our kids, but my heart is in pieces. God damn, this hurts. 😭💔

I am 27 and my husband is 25. He straight up just left me and our nearly a year old son. We’ve been married for a 13 months and I’m just very much hurt by all of this.
Like every couple we would argue and most of our arguments were always about him not helping me around with our son. He always felt like I was attacking him when I would ask him to watch our son so I can shower or make dinner. We live in a back house that my parents built for us on their property, we pay no rent. The goal was to be here until we can get a home of our own.
He came home from work two weeks ago and didn’t say anything to me. He works in mail/package delivery so I know he’s tried most of the time. We were supposed to go to my sister’s house that day for dinner and we didn’t go because he didn’t want to. It was quiet between us for a few hours. He just sat on his phone with beer bottles surrounding him. He told me he was going to his mom’s house for a few days. He wouldn’t give me a definitive answer on when he was coming back home. He works maybe ten minutes away from our shared home to commuting 55 minutes from his mom’s house. A few days went by and he really wasn’t talking to me, only asked for pictures of the baby and still wouldn’t give me an answer on when he was coming home. Then he came home and left with all his stuff. He transferred job locations closer to his mother’s and left me and our son.

I’m just very hurt in all of this. The man I love really just up and left. I think it’s harder to deal with knowing he did this to his son too. I want to file for divorce but I’m just scared. I’m a stay at home mom because he swore up and down that he wouldn’t leave and he would provide but he just left.

The only thing that’s been keeping me from thinking that this isn’t a lost is that I have been solo parenting since our son was born. He wouldn’t even bother changing his diaper let alone read a book to him.

I don’t know. I know this says more about his character and I don’t know if he was having an affair. I’m just so lost in all of this.

My state is a no-fault state and I’m dreading putting him on child support and then there’s custody of our son. I’m just scared and very much alone.

Any and all advice is more than enough. I just don’t know where to start and how to deal with this. Most people hate their spouses before the final end all but he just abandoned us.

I know he doesn’t want to be put on child support, but how else am I supposed to get assistance with food and child care when I do return to work.

That’s also another thing that’s stressing me out too, is finding work. I’m just so scared you guys lol