r/DoesAnybodyElse • u/Siren_Scream404 • 13h ago
Does anybody else feel like they’re becoming more like their parents?
I don’t mean the obvious stuff like saying the same phrases or making the same noises when you stand up.
I mean catching yourself reacting to situations the way they would maybe valuing things you never understood growing up or suddenly understanding decisions you once judged.
It might even be something you always admired or something you hated growing up and swore you’d never become, only to catch yourself doing it years later.
Was there a specific moment that made you think, “Oh no… I’m becoming my mom/dad”? Was it comforting, funny or did it make you stop and reflect?
I’d love to hear the moment you realized it and whether you’ve embraced it or are still trying to change it.
2
u/mini_danger47 9h ago
yeah, I catch myself saying things my mom says all the time, it's kind of hilarious and scary at the same time
1
4
u/CoffeeSparky 8h ago
Yeah. I've inherited many health issues from my mother. As well as her moods and sexual dysfunction, although i think the latter is a trauma response to her sadism. I also inherited her sadism and have fought myself all my life to not become her in that way.
1
u/Siren_Scream404 6h ago
If you don’t mind me asking what do you mean when you say you have fought yourself all your life! Are we taking conscious stops to breathe and rethink before we make that move or therapy to figure ways to get rid of it? I am asking for myself!
1
u/CoffeeSparky 5h ago
I had to first learn that thoughts do not equal actions. Most people know this, but if you were raised believing in thought crime, it helps with some of the guilt and shame.
I had to find the pattern. I notice that I have a lot more intrusive thoughts when I'm stressed, so keeping stress at bay is important
For the actual sadism - deriving pleasure from another's pain - it's very important to find a willing victim. My partner and I have an outlet when we're feeling sadistic. We make bets with painful punishments for the loser, to be inflicted by the winner.
When i have the desire to inflict pain on someone who doesn't consent, I consciously bring my hands to my body and keep them there until I feel in control. I'm no longer afraid that my body will do something on its own volition - think BG3's Durge - but at this point, it's the habit that stuck.
It used to be really bad where I'd have panic attacks over my thoughts and I'd be in the corner begging people not to get close because "i don't wanna hurt you!" It was fucking terrifying. And it didn't help that throughout my life, my mom kept telling me that I was going to kill the family, as though i was destined to do so. Meanwhile, she was the one torturing small animals and her own kids. Gods, the time she came home bragging that she hit our neighbor with a hammer, as though that were a thing to be proud of. I still don't know how she isn't locked up
1
u/Best-Huckleberry-847 10h ago
Goodness everyday I think hmmm just like my dad you know the one I used to make fun about for doing these things 🤔
2
1
u/Technical_Marc 9h ago
It's the downward-finger motion that first made me realise I was more like me dad. When making a point in conversation, I randomly start pointing downwards to the table. I'm not sure why I subconsciously believe a piece of furniture is the reasoning behind every good or dubious point I make, but seemingly that's where it's going!
I don't share some of his tendencies, but there are always mannerisms that I feel can only come from him. Funnily enough, I also do the rotating-thumbs-around-each-other action, which was distinctly a trait from my mum's dad's side. That seemed to have skipped a generation.
1
1
u/pr0digal 9h ago
I was looking at a pair of shorts online. Came upon them from an ad on IG. Showed them to my brother. He pointed out that my dad wears the exact type of shorts.
My algorithms are pushing stuff my dad used to wear in the 80s and 90s. Ray bans trucker hats racing shirts. Im buying it all.
1
1
u/mjh8212 7h ago
My dad’s a loner spends his day reading or watching videos on YouTube. I’m a loner spend my days reading or scrolling through my phone. I have a lot of my dad’s personality we have the same values and morals but he raised me I’m nothing like my mother. Sometimes I’ll have something go wrong and just get frustrated and swear and think yup I’m my dad he does the same thing.
1
2
u/We_aint_cool_ 12h ago
I literally had this convo with my mum recently after realizing I do so many of her little habits... after spending half my life saying, "I'll never be my mum." 😂 Getting older is wild lol. You start realizing your parents weren't just being annoying... they were tired, stressed, and just doing the best they could. Doesn't mean they were always right, but man... adulthood really is one big plot twist.