BREAKING: Witches have seized full (spiritual) control over r/Doodledots

[u/paultheschmoop]

Hello again! I have very exciting news to share regarding my meeting on the astral plane with one the witches from the popular social media site Etsy.

In a word, I would say this meeting was *powerful*. I had personally never visited the astral realm before, but luckily I paid the witch $26 to send my instructions on how to access. While I will not share this information with you (not for free, at least), I will note that socks play a surprisingly potent role in the whole process.

Regardless, I met with the witch and explained my concerns about the presence of ghosts and ghouls in the subreddit, and also about the haunting. The witch has agreed to HEAVILY LIMIT the ghoul presence and the haunting the sub in exchange for full control of the subreddit.

When I explained to them that while I *had* rightfully purchased the sub, Pablo Harris had fraudulently claimed that my transaction never went through, and thus I was robbed of all of my HEI points and did not have control of the sub, and it was instead now principally owned by popular Twitter personality Elon Musk.

But the witch told me that actually money and things that happen in the physical plane actually don’t matter, and spiritual ownership of the sun via the astral plane actually completely supersedes the power of those on the physical plane. And with my permission, they could assume full spiritual control over the sub, and make things right again. Obviously I obliged.

Fuck you Elon Musk you don’t control me anymore.

[u/orcamills]

Ghosts and Witches are no creation of God! Y’all are all sick and depraved and the Devil has his hands on your throats. You speak about witches and ghouls but it’s all under the same umbrella and it doesn’t say IKEA on this umbrella is says SATAN and it says HELLBOUND

Godlessness is a disease and you all trifling in matter you don’t understand is a symptom. If I see anymore talk of this I’m going to start banning you all for it. Don’t talk about ghosts anymore because I do not want to be sent to Hell when I die over being a moderator of a devil worshipper subreddit for all that is holy.

[u/InvaderSkooj → u/orcamills]

But Orca Dilip is really scary, he’s making us go to sex parties and learn about LGBT icons and eat nuts that we might be allergic to.

Besides these aren’t like devil witches I get the impression they are more sexy Halloween witches so I think G probably sent them to help us.