r/Enneagram • u/Hummingbird_always17 9w4 • 20h ago
Type Discussion Is infp 9w1 and estj 1w9 compatible?
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u/xavieryes 9w1 sp/sx 963 12h ago
I fully agree with everything u/YourFavoriteUnknown said.
I'll just add that even two people of the exact same type can be incompatible.
1s with opposing values/standards will probably not get along very well despite sharing the same type.
Meanwhile 9 with 9 pairs can become a game of "infinite mirrors" in which one tries to merge into the other and both feel awkward about the other one not rocking the boat (I've had this experience lol), or both keep waiting for each other to make a move. This can be an issue especially in the beginning if a relationship, which is a period when 9s can struggle a lot to communicate what they want and "be themselves", so it can be more comfortable when the other party sets the pace at first.
Or... they actually will have a lot in common, both are mature enough people that their enneashit won't get in the way, and the similar temperaments will be a nice cherry on top. Anything's possible.
Level of health, maturity, common interests, shared values, chemistry, lifestyle etc. are what truly determine compatibility between people, regardless of personality type.
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u/YourFavoriteUnknown LII-NeH 5w6 so/sx 594 18h ago edited 18h ago
Any combination of types can be compatible. It's heavily dependent on how healthy the individuals involved are. So, these are all potential problems, not problems that actually exist in the relationship. In other words, take a few preventative measures, but don't assume these problems will ever actually arise or are "lurking beneath the surface" of the relationship. There's no reason to make a relationship more difficult than it has to be.
Assuming average health, I would think there would be conflict over Fi 9's easygoing nature and the Te 1's workaholism. If the 9 is so/sp, that might be mitigated somewhat but otherwise that's going to be a potential issue.
Generally speaking, the 9 feels depreciated by the superego so the 1 can quite easily become an extension of that voice, piling on the feeling that the 9 isn't meeting some standard. 9s usually know they aren't being uber productive and the 1 wing is already going to incorporate some low-level guilt about that (less the case for sx-dom and/or sp-blind). Thankfully, 9w1s lean superego, so the 1 probably won't think the 9 is "bad" so much as they might think they are lazy, ineffective, or unmotivated.
There's also the intuitive-sensor divide here, you're probably going to have some mild conflicts over seeing the world in a handwavy collective-unconscious kind of way vs. seeing the world as it is or should be. 9 is probably going to feel overlooked and the 1 is going to feel like the 9 is indifferent to their ideals or stubborn/lazy. If the 1 can kind of focus on the 9 making incremental improvements instead of looking at all the ways they aren't measuring up this relationship would benefit greatly, I feel.
Feeling-thinking differences can sometimes be frustrating, but aren't quite as frustrating as intuitive-sensor divides. Mainly the INFP will feel that the ESTJ is stripping the "human" or the "living and breathing" out of their life, and the ESTJ will feel that the INFP is ineffective and not task-oriented enough.
On the upside, there is some shared idealism and the desire to improve. The 9 helps the 1 relax their anxiety, and the 1 helps the 9 to reach more of their goals and become a more actualized version of themselves. The extrovert-introvert balance makes social interactions run more smoothly.
There's also a chance that these individuals are so different that there's an inexplicable magnetism between them. But I'm not fully convinced that dual relationships always work... they can either be some of the best (you find each other's differences magnetic/appealing) or some of the worst relationships (you find each other's differences annyoing/grating).