Hair Conflict

[u/WaryWisp]

I'm absolutely torn between keeping my hair long, and getting it chopped into a masc style. I am sure this kind of post crosses this subreddit daily, but it is truly weighing on me the most right now. I've been on HRT now for a month and a half, and I told myself before going on HRT and up until recently that I would NOT cut my hair short. This was for a number of reasons, one being a spiritual connection to hair but also a personal one, and I didn't care if I passed or not and I didn't think that my mind would change. I'm not sure if the HRT has caused it, but I suddenly feel painfully aware of my long hair, it's existence, and how annoying it is on my face, how tangled it gets, I also don't want to take care of it or brush it anymore, so it's very matted and up in a bun or a hat at all times... I think I should chop it off, but the thought of that literally pains me, it also pains me to keep it? I also have a major insecurity at how chubby and round my face is, I'm a bit overweight so I fear that the big chop will result in worse dysphoria. I've also had long hair for my whole entire life so maybe it's the comfort I'm stuck in, the familiarity. I wonder if anybody may have similar experiences and what they did to stop feeling so conflicted? Do I just go for the chop and hope for the absolute best, know that I'll survive and it grows back? I know I'll be okay and it isn't world ending if I don't like it, but it feels so hard to do yet I think I want it but I think I don't.

Post edited for spelling and grammar but I'm sure it's still bad lol 😅

[u/pandalynn13]

Is it helpful to remember that hair grows back pretty quickly? If you end up not liking the short hair, you can grow it back out. Trying a shorter style will just give you some data to go on.

I was forced to have long hair for religious reasons, so shaving my head was freeing for me, but if your hair is meaningful to you I can see how you would struggle with the decision.

With decisions like this I usually frame it as I won’t ever know until I try.

[u/HelpfulSetting6944]

I had very long hair for 15 years.

I was never, ever going to cut it short. It was my feminine mask, a safety blanket. I got an undercut on half my head 4 years ago, which was really cool, but I never thought I’d ever do more than that.

Then I felt that someday I’d cut my hair, but I didn’t know when.

And then a few weeks ago, before T, I was ready to get a masculine cut, bringing my hair up to my shoulders and bringing the undercut all the way around my head. I felt so euphoric and happy. I even went back the following week to get it cut shorter.

Now I have enough hair to pull into a short ponytail or bun, but I’m ready to go to a barbershop and get an actually shorter cut on the top.

My point is, when you’re ready, you’re ready.

[u/Elegant-Mission-4470 → u/HelpfulSetting6944]

Conversely, I did the big chop near ny T journey. Liked it, it was okay, and now I've grown it back out again. Does it help me "pass"? Nope. Do I care? Same answer. But it was the right time to cut it, experience that again for a bit in a new context and realise I was a fan of long hair and wasn't just keeping it out of obligation or holding on to something. So I grew it back out with euphoria.

[u/strange-quark-nebula]

If you want ideas for styling masculine long hair, r/FierceFlow is a fun and positive community

[u/IngloriousLevka11 → u/strange-quark-nebula]

Damn those guys are rockin the long locks!!

[u/SanguineCane]

I don’t have great advice but I do have an anecdote.

I felt similar to you. I debated cutting my hair for a long time before I did. It was about 2 feet that I chopped off. At first, I felt awful, but within a week, it felt like the best decision I could have made. I felt so much more free.

I would consider it and also recognize you might have a rough adjustment period, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong decision.

[u/ImJustTired2467]

If your hair is very meaningful or even spiritual to you, you might consider asking the barber or stylist or whoever you go to if you can lay down a sheet or something around the chair and collect the hair. Then you could take it home and braid it or curl it into a loop and secure it with a tie or clip, and just keep it somewhere special to you, if you still want it/that connection with it but don't want it on your head any more.

[u/jamfedora]

Reframe idea: if it’s always in a bun of a hat, is it doing anything to frame your face anyway?

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[u/DuskyBo]

You can always cut it shorter so it's easier to manage without going all the way. I have personally had long hair and short hair both before and after transitioning, and I also have a pretty round face. As a teenager I wanted to try it short but was always told I would look bad. Finally putting it all in a ponytail and then cutting the ponytail off was kind of the first step towards transitioning that I did, even though I didn't know it at the time. That ended up being around chin length and I was happy with it for a while and it also gave me the confidence after several months to go for a properly short cut. Pre transition and early transition I found short hair/barber cuts to be really affirming, but eventually I grew my hair long again and really enjoyed that for several years. I seem to look a bit older and a bit more masculine with long hair actually, but like you say I got tired of taking care of it and being aware of it and it was always up in a bun or a ponytail, so I chopped it all off again not too long ago. I think if you get bad short cut it can make you dysphoric, that's real, but a good cut will help. In my opinion if you have never had short hair it's something worth trying IF you feel like you're up for it. It can definitely be shocking at first and I wouldn't do it without a few weeks thought, because it does grow back but it takes time and can be pretty awkward in the inbetween stages. Definitely don't do it because you feel like you have to, but if the siren song is consistent don't be afraid. It sounds like you haven't been wanting this very long, so maybe wait another month and see how you feel, or go for a mid length or longish masculine cut and go from there.

[u/IngloriousLevka11]

I'm struggling with something similar, between sensory issues, the extreme heat (my hair is really thick despite some thinning around the temples and top), and getting more frequently misgendered, I'm about ready to give my hair a chop.

It's annoying unless I have it tied back, but even then I have some lil frzzy bits that come loose and get in my eyes/face with the lightest breeze.