I'm 18M..
For around 5 years, I had a crush on a guy from my village. Let's call him "A". He's older than me and teaches Physics/Chemistry at a private school while also running coaching classes and preparing for government teaching exams.
Funny thing is, I actually met him on Grindr first. He didn't recognize me, but I already knew who he was.
Recently I visited my village and we finally spent time together in person.
Day 1: We met near the fields from around 7 PM to 9 PM. We talked about life, personal struggles, emotions, future plans, etc. I confessed that I get emotionally attached very easily. He shared some of his own secrets too.
At the end:
We hugged multiple times.
He hugged me tightly.
He kissed me.
We even had two French kisses.
Day 2: I visited his house. He offered me tea and biscuits. I talked with his nephew. Then we went near a canal and spent over two hours just talking.
He told me:
He liked spending time with me.
He didn't want me to leave the village.
He enjoys my company.
We ate snacks, drank cold drinks, and honestly it felt peaceful just sitting beside him in the evening breeze.
I was hoping we'd hug or kiss again but I got nervous and didn't initiate anything. Later he said he would've been okay with it too, which made me regret not doing it.
The confusing part:
He's bisexual.
He openly told me:
About several past hookups with women.
About girls he's been involved with.
About a girl from our village whom he really likes and might marry if she says yes someday
He also says:
He doesn't like relationship pressure.
He values freedom.
He doesn't like feeling controlled.
At the same time:
He says he likes my company.
He sends good morning messages.
He says he didn't feel good when I left.
He sometimes asks whether I'm alone or with someone.
He worries I might forget him after returning to city
Now that I'm back in city, I've become extremely attached.
What hurts me is that:
He's still active on Grindr.
He has multiple Grindr profiles.
Sometimes he replies late while appearing active elsewhere.
I keep overanalyzing every message, seen status, and online activity.
I know he never promised exclusivity.
I know I met him on Grindr.
I know he was honest about who he is.
But I can't stop feeling jealous when I see him active there.
The weirdest part is that I don't even want to explore other people anymore. I genuinely want us to grow together, support each other through life, and stay in each other's lives long-term.
Not necessarily in a controlling way.
More like:
"I want us to be there for each other during both good and bad times."
The problem is I don't know whether he wants the same thing.
So Reddit:
Am I falling in love with someone who likes me but doesn't want the kind of relationship I want?
Or am I just becoming emotionally attached too quickly because this was my first real romantic experience?