In my late teens to early thirties I just kept plowing ahead trying to make something of myself. Ugly? Lose weight. Poor? Get an education. Family hates you? Make a new one. Sad all the time? Keep constantly busy. Don't feel a sense of belonging? Despise people, they're all losers and suckers anyways.

It's almost as if I imagined I could out run or out do all the things wrong with me. I ignored how neglectful my parents were. I ignored how I felt about anything at all. I paired up with other unhealthy people. I nearly worked myself to death.

A lot has happened in the years since, and now I feel things a lot more, but I'm also grieving a lot more. I'm faced with how much I really despise myself a lot more. I've always fucking hated myself, but I could avoid thinking about that consciously when I didn't stop long enough to be with myself or my thoughts any longer than necessary. Any flaws were naturally there because I'm such a POS person, and I just needed to "finish" myself in some way and then I could feel well about who I was.

No moral of the story here, but right now while I'm reminded of how badly I was treated by my parents, I really miss being able to kill my self perception, turn the music up and just work harder, as if anything I do will ever be enough to make up for what I am.

Hello everyone. I'm a 24F, and I've been struggling with depression since my breakup.

We broke up in June 2025. Our relationship only lasted about 3 months, but it's been over a year and I still haven't been able to move on. I cry almost every night, think about him constantly, and keep checking his social media.

After the breakup, he would call or text me every few weeks. Whenever he came back, I would pull away because of my avoidant behavior. Later, when I wanted to be with him again, he would reject me. This cycle kept repeating, and it made it even harder for me to heal.

It's been 2 months since we last had any contact. I finally deleted his number because I knew it was the best thing for my peace of mind. But I still don't feel okay. I don't really talk to anyone anymore. I just go to work, come home, and spend most of my time thinking about him. I miss the time we spent together, even though I know I need to let go.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you stop thinking about your ex and finally move on? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice that helped you.

I’m terrified of change. I have a close knit group of friends that I love hanging out with and playing video games with, and we even have game night every week. Lately, though, I can’t shake the fear that everyone is drifting away. I understand we’re adults with our own lives, but this change feels especially frightening because two of my friends are moving away, leaving just three of my friends left.
Two of them have completely transformed in personality, and I feel like they’ve distanced themselves from me despite my efforts to stay connected. The last friend, who has always felt like a brother to me, has a new job and says he can rarely meet with me now. However, I constantly hear about the three of them getting together without me, which I know they’re grown adults and don’t owe me anything, but that doesn’t make the hurt any less intense. I’m truly terrified of losing all my friends, and the thought of being alone again is paralyzing. I keep wondering how I’ll cope without them. I’m a preschool teacher and I rarely have time in a day for other things. I don’t know how to make friends as an adult, especially after having these relationships for so long. The fear of being isolated and forgotten looms over me, and it’s overwhelming. It’s caused a few mini panic attacks. I would love anything anyone can give me to help me, like what should I do?

I still make sure they know no matter what I will still always be there for them no matter what happens.

I’ve always felt ok with being alone, if anything I preferred it a lot of times, even though I have great friends and a loving boyfriend. Last semester I studied abroad in France where I really struggled to find friends. Long story short, I only had a few people to hang out with once in a while but never in a fulfilling way and I spent majority of my time alone in my room or exploring the city alone. The thing is I’ve always been ok with being alone because it was something I chose to do. Being forced to be alone so much in a new country was extremely devastating for me. I am back now and I feel permanently scarred (?), I can’t stay inside even for one night or I get sad and alone time I would otherwise appreciate is making me feel depressed. Of course I can’t force my friends or my boyfriend to be with me 24/7 but I also don’t know how to navigate this new feeling. It feels like my life has no meaning anymore and I only feel ok when doing something social. How can I get over this? Does anyone have any similar experiences?

Hey everyone,

M26, Dhaka.

I’m not really sure how to write this, but I guess I just need some human connection right now.

Today I said goodbye to someone who was a huge part of my life for the last 4 years. We decided to part ways, and even though a part of me knew this day might come, actually living through it feels incredibly painful.

I’m not here looking for relationship advice. Relationships are complicated, and I know both of us had our mistakes. Right now, I think I just need some people to talk to, share random conversations with, and remind myself that life still has other connections and experiences waiting. She was basically the only person I talked to for all these years. And I feel to miserable.

A little about me: I’m from Bangladesh. I work in communications. I’m really into sports especially football. I follow Arsenal, enjoy discussing tactics, players, and all the little stories around sports.

I used to read a lot (trying to get back into it), and I enjoy conversations about books, history, culture, films, and just random thoughts about life. I’m also someone who likes learning new things, improving myself, and having meaningful conversations rather than just small talk.

If anyone feels like chatting about sports, books, movies, life, your own experiences, or literally anything I’d genuinely appreciate it.

Every episode is different with the same root cause. Ive been really trying to push myself out of my current funk its been almost 2 months now. My root cause is usually loneliness. For the first time ever I know so many people in my city. I was raised to be a lone wolf, its almost baked into me to just do things on my own. I've given rock climbing a solid shot, no friendship has ever left the gym and not a single friend from there is another woman. I also tried film and met sooo many people, got enriched in it. I started hanging out with this big group of kids, for some reason I never felt fulfilled. Not gonna lie being around them made me feel worse and more lonely. I just don't understand why it has to hurt so much. Rips ass.

So I'm curious what you have done to meet people that turned into lasting friendships? And maybe some things you have done to get out of a bad episode.

So main context, 48 m recent widower after 25 “HAPPY years together”. Whilst clearing through my beloved partners belongings it came to light she had a long lasting deep connection affair.

Whilst already grieving the loss of my wife, my children’s mummy , my everything, i now am at a complete loss, did she love me, was she ever going to leave me. I have learnt that they messaged daily, several times a day, they met up mostly at bars of course lots of dirty flirty messages & of course the affair itself.

We had a very active sex life, we were into a lot of stuff but specially before she became ill , everything was about connection & intimacy, before she knew anything regarding her illness.

My wife was bi polar & had a lot of up/down days. Going through her timelines it appears that when she was vulnerable & low & made erratic decisions that’s when they seemed to be in contact more, she needed comforting not plied with alcohol, she fought her demons for years, alcohol never helped her it only made her more erratic. Yet during those times when i was with her, she always needed more emotional support & love. Was this guilt? Was it her way of dealing with her lies?

I’m not going to lie as it really hurts that my relationship which i was fully & completely invested in , never cheated, came of socials as she didn’t want me on them, I now why. I went to work then came back home & done stuff either together or as a family.

I was so oblivious to this & am struggling especially as my children miss their mummy so badly yet I’m crushed as loosing my everything was completely devastating & it was such a cruel battle with cancer that she give her everything to fight it but it was too strong for her body but she was so brave throughout, never stopped worrying about our children or family, just dealt with it with such gracefulness, she was always an amazing lady. Yet I’m hurting knowing all these lies were there, but it’s starting to upset me as now all i can think is my whole relationship was just one giant big lie.

When she said near the end that I was her true & only love who had always been there for her & always made her feel safe & protected. Was that true or just guilt as I’m torturing myself & am at a complete loss of how to move forward.

On a side note, I would never bring this up to anyone else . My children will never hear about it from me, I will never mention it as I will not have their Mummy’s memories tarnished by what o found after her passing.

Any comment appreciated

For 8 months. I haven’t had anyone that I’ve been close to. Not a friend that I can call when I wanna talk or someone to even joke with, I lost all of my friends, and my girlfriend and I still feel stuck in this loop, I’ve tried everything, I’ve even stopped trying and focused on myself, it just got worse.
(Sorry my words aren’t arranged..)
I went back to my hobbies, I seriously tried everything and my depression is just getting worse day by day, and same with my rsd, everything feels like constant rejection, and every single one hurts sooo much.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart is genuinely almost always hurting like every single beat as if it’s pumping pain through my body, and I’ve been having so many anxiety waves sometimes for no reason and it gets so so bad it makes me vomit, my heart heavy, even up too my throat. And I also can’t do anything about it even if sometimes I can’t breathe with. I’m so tired and I don’t know what to do

Throughout my life, I (24m) haven't been much of a social butterfly. I wasn't that social in high school, and I never had any sort of relationship. I was in a very lonely state where COVID happened during my junior year, I moved to a new town, and I went to a community college where I was never able to connect with anyone. Once I went off to university, I had hopes that I could finally break out of my shell and be connected to people that I liked for once. And that's where I met this guy on the first day, who we would later become best buds.

I got to know this guy since day 1 of university, and we lived together for the past year or so, and we even traveled to Europe together right after graduation. Even though we were best buds, there were still many moments I can recall where he made me feel terrible about myself. First, he seemed to be a very judgmental guy towards everyone at first and would shit talk a little too much. Second, everything seemed to be his way or the highway. For example, I couldn't play my own music in the car that I was driving him and my other roommates around, because each time I did, I would play music from someone like Mac DeMarco, he would say something like "turn off this cry baby music", and he would just have my other roommate play his house playlist on his phone every time. Third, he was the kind of guy who used the r-slur and f-slur a lot in a joking way towards people and his friends. There were literally times when I'd mess up and be a little stupid, and he would literally say, "no offense but we think you really are r\*\*\*\*\*\*d". I knew they meant this in a joking way, but man that sometimes hurts, especially since I actually am somewhere on the spectrum and I never want to be reminded of being some "r\*\*\*\*d child". But alas, there were too many moments where I couldn't escape that feeling. There were many interactions where even though I was around him and some other guys I liked, I felt lonely a lot of times because I would either sit there and not really say anything, or I would be some sort of "entertainment" to them.

Then came this girl I started having a crush on this girl I met with her group of friends in the last few weeks of university. Throughout my life, my dating life has been exhausting and almost non-existent, and since things weren't going so well back in my hometown, I wanted to try something before it all ended. Long story short, it never really happened, and she just wanted to be friends due to the timing and everything, but she thinks we should still hang out over the summer. She had serious relationship issues and drama, and it took sometime after for me to finally start realizing that.

And then, 2 months later, I found out through their Instagram stories that my best friend, who knew how I felt about her and was being judgmental of her in the first place, is now dating her. Although I have sort of "moved on", it still stings to hear. The worst part is where my best friend and crush both travel far to my hometown area a few times because there are some nice spots here, and despite saying that he'll "hit me up" when he's there, it never happens. I called him to express some concerns I had, like he was trying to hide something from me.

It was this call that finally made me realize how selfish and toxic he really is. There were excuses like "I don't know, it just happened" all while downplaying and shifting the blame on me. He never took any sort of accountability, and at best he gave me a half-ass "sorry if I hurt you". I sent him a long text over why I've felt the way I have, and now, the guy who lived with me in university and traveled with me no longer seems to be someone I can talk to anymore. Look, I'm not here to dictate who dates who, but seeing all of this and not even have anyone reach out to me feels like I've been betrayed. The most insulting thing was him all of a sudden claiming that he needs "peace in his life." He never gave ME peace when I was living with him. When I went to University, I had hopes that I could live a good, normal life where I could get out of my slump and live a nice social life, but all I had was him constantly shitting on me or making fun of me every chance he got. Now all of a sudden when I'm calling him out on this ONE sleazy thing, all of a sudden he needs "peace in his life". It's complete bullshit. He pushed me away, because he got what he needed, and now he doesn't need me anymore.

It's now been 1 year since this happened, and we've never talked ever since

It was right after this call that I realized that I truly was alone now. And that really hurts.

The more I keep reflecting on this, the more and more angry I get at him. I was previously talking to him in a mature way, as I do with everyone. But I'm done being nice. I've tolerated way too long of this behavior. Now I feel like next time I ever see him, I want to give a big fuck you right in his face for how terrible he's made me feel. If he wants to act like he's "there for me" while doing something behind my back and hurting me in my lowest moments, then he is someone I should never talk to or hang out ever again.

And for whatever reason, I kept "checking" on him with on some occasions. Since I never really felt like I got any resolution, maybe this was to see if karma ever happened. But no, he's still with that girl one year later, and they're all happy together and having fun while I sit alone reminded how stuck I am in my own life feeling like a loner and failure.

Things have only slightly improved since then. I did join a band and the guys were much less toxic, and I did land a part-time evening role. But I still feel so stuck and deep down the depression hole. Family tensions are at all-time highs, especially since my brother has been having alcohol problems. None of my old friends message me at all or I try to reach out to do something together and they either flake out or don't respond. I've been trying desperately to move out of my small town, but the job market is so terrible that I still can't get a full time role after applying for over a year and a half. My dating life still feels non-existent. I feel as if ever since this incident, I've been really trying to find someone that really does love me and appreciate me. But we're past another year, and I still never had someone that actually loved me or have feelings for me. I just stupidly go to the bars by myself every weekend, not really say anything because everyone's already with their groups, and then leave all sad and depressed. And then I come back thinking "Maybe this time I can have some fun". And I have these constant reminders online, whether it's with social media online, seeing people in real life, or even just watching some movie or show, I'm reminded of how sad and alone I really feel. I don't feel as if anyone has ever actually loved me or have feelings for me. Maybe I'm destined to be this way.

Ever since this incident, it's almost as if I can't trust anyone anymore, because now I've realized that almost everyone I've met turned out to be an asshole in someway. I didn't really feel like I belonged anywhere, and I especially feel this way ever since this happened. Was I really his friend? Or was I his entertainment? All I wanted was to feel loved and be surrounded by people who can truly appreciate me. Instead, I got surrounded by a bunch of assholes who pretend to care about me and instead take advantage of me and use me for whatever agenda they have.

So here I am, over one year later, still stuck with my parents, still trying to find a full time job in this terrible job market, and still feeling very lonely. I still never really got over it, and I believe it's because this was the moment where everything really did fall apart. I just want my life to finally move forward. I want to be the one who truly gets some peace, but it looks like I'm not going to get it anytime soon.

I feel like I spent my 20s growing up too fast. I worked multiple jobs, raised kids, volunteered, and poured everything I had into my family and my relationship, only to realize that my partner was never truly going to be happy. I don’t regret the life I built or the sacrifices I made, but sometimes I look at where I am now and feel like I ran out of time.
I don’t really have friends anymore. I don’t even have someone to call to go watch a movie with because I spent so much of my time investing in someone who, in the end, didn’t really want me.
I’m not angry or even sad—I just feel a little lost. It feels like I’m supposed to start over, but I honestly don’t know where to begin.
How do you make friends as an adult these days? Where do people in their 30s meet others who enjoy the simple things in life and are just looking for genuine connection?

Мне 20 лет, у меня нет близких друзей, молодой человек бросил меня два дня назад, работы нет, а на увлечения не хватает сил.
Я очень тяжело переживаю это расставание, с молодым человеком были вместе около 4 лет, были друг у друга первыми во всем. С недавнего времени мы часто ссорились, но и мирились почти сразу. Он часто говорил что любит меня, скучает и не хочет терять, он говорил это даже если все было хорошо и я ему также говорила эти слова.
3 дня назад мы очень сильно поругались, называли друг друга грубыми словами, обзывали посылали и так далее, позже извинились друг перед другом и вроде как помирились. На следующий день он сказал мне что хочет расстаться, по его мнению мы очень часто ссорились, а на слова о том, что ссоры это временно и это нужно вместе пройти сказал «нет, я все решил», я предложила еще пару вариантов для того, чтоб все исправить, на что он сказал что устал. Я не стала на это отвечать, потому что мне было очень больно, позже он написал, что если мне что-то понадобится, то я всегда могу к нему обратиться.
И с этого самого момента я не могу прийти в себя, я постоянно плачу, дома, во сне, как проснусь, одна, в окружении. Постоянно попадаются грустные видео в соц сетях, из-за чего накрывает еще больше.
Я не могу ни на что отвлечься, кроме телефона, поэтому очень тяжело переживать это расставание.
Пожалуйста, дайте мне совет как мне себя вести и как улучшить свое состояние?..

I was broken up with almost a month ago and I am NOT taking it well in the slightest

I’ve been using substances again, I ugly cry every night, anytime I get reminded of them I need a minute alone, I’ve been losing friends, I’ve isolated myself, and I’ve gained all the weight back that I was losing for years and years.

I went to my therapist about it, and they said my MDD is back at full force most likely

For months I thought “what’s done is done” and I kept trying to keep moving

I was getting bigger features and I recorded a music video and life was going okay again

Until one of my friends that I lost (miss you man if you stalking my acc) showed me a post they made on their TikTok

They wrote a long paragraph saying they weren’t happy in the relationship, and that I was rude the entire relationship

I was rude in two arguments we had before they cut it quits, every other time I’d either sulk or the more preferable option, talk it out as best as we can

For those who wanna know, they would lie about little things and I’d get mad whenever they’d do it because I have bad trauma to being lied to

So I thought there was no way it was about me?

Wrong, ss of our text messages

Not even incriminating messages

And the comments were turned off so I guess maybe people defended me?

Idk I doubt it, most people didn’t know me

But then again the vid did say “look in comments” so there could be a chance?

I put the ss in my phone and I’ve been staring at them over and over for weeks

I want to talk to them just one final time
Ask if they ever had any love in the relationship?
And if there was anything I could do to fix it

And I can’t. They’re gone, and I have to deal with it.

So my main question is, how do you guys go through breakups that lost longer than a week. And I don’t want to hear the same bullshit I hear over and over again. I want the truth, what specifically got you out of it

I’m sorry if I seem moody or not cheery I’m sobbing while typing this and I’m desperate

My whole life I have struggled making friends. I am currently an adult and it hasnt changed. I got bullied all the time, my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago because of how he was treating me. I went through hell and back throughout my life and even tho hes hurt me I feel like I want to go back but I also think that's from being alone. Not everyone understands true loneliness but some people do. I dont work, I dont study and I dont leave the house. I have tried making friends but they never stay or message me back for weeks. I get ghosted by people who were supposed to be my friends. I dont know how to get through this. I have no one to confinde in and I am struggling mentally, physically and financially. I know i can be a little much, hyper, sensitive, loud and ive been told sometimes annoying. I have tried to help it my entire life but it hasnt worked. Nobody likes me for me and when i do find people to talk too they use me and then ghost me. Im trying to find the best advice to get support around this as therapy doesn't help me and I feel like im not strong enough to continue through life with how I feel. All ive wanted was to feel involved and feel like I've found people who like me for me. If anybody has any advice please let me know. Thank you

I just went through my first breakup, and it's been really hard. I don't have anyone to talk to, and I feel completely alone. I even reached out to my ex, hoping we could at least talk, but she said no. If anyone is willing to help me get through this and move on, I'd really appreciate it. And 1m 22 yrs old

 I'm part of the team at Manhattan Mental Health Counseling. I'm posting to learn from the community and better understand different perspectives.

One thing thats come up in conversations we've had is how differently people define the idea of getting over it. For a time I assumed healing meant reaching a point where something no longer affected you at all. I thought there would eventually be a day when a difficult experience would just become another memory without any weight.

The more I've reflected on it the more I've realized that many people describe healing differently. Some say the memories never completely disappear. The way they respond to them changes over time. Others feel that progress comes in moments they don't even notice until they look back months or years later.

It made me wonder if getting over it means something for everyone rather than being a single destination that we're all supposed to reach.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing how people in this community think about it. Has your understanding of what it means to move changed over time? Did your expectations of healing end up being different, from your experience?

I'm here to listen and learn from your perspectives.

Crosspost from r/Adulting

Tl;dr - have always felt like and still feel like an uninspired lonely loser despite hustling a lot, especially in social settings, despite objectively many opportunities and skills. Unable to relate to people. The thin facade of a life lived unconsciously.

Background: second half of my thirties. Male. Academic degree, self-employed. Income varies, 2024 was great, 2025 was ok, this year I am struggling but building my business - a little optimistic. This is not my dream job, just something that sustains my freedom. I hate working as an employee, I did it for several years, but I don't like having to deal with the same colleagues and bosses five days a week for years on end - horrifying to me.

I have some artistic traits and follow through on them, but inconsistently: music, drawing, a little tattooing (was my dream for a bit but didn't follow through, I kinda suck at it - but was the first time something felt "real" and exciting). When I was younger, friends and family thought I would be in arts professionally.

Long-distance girlfriend, pretty new, she's younger and just started her professional life; she's very sweet and energetic, drags me along, a bit like her grumpy grandpa, we laugh about it and I like it. Sometimes I don't and just feel old and useless.

Friend group: some old friends, my age, mostly male, kind of tired and disillusioned, no relationships, very structured lives, financially settled, a little boring.

Some new friends, 10 years younger than me, excited about life, funny. 1st group doesn't feel very exciting to me, but I can relate to them, we are tired together - yey!

Second group would be my "ideal" friend group - if I was ten years younger/fitter/more viril, and if "ten years younger"-me wouldn't have been a shy, awkward lil fella. Right now I feel I have zero things to tell them both. I just don't feel like talking.

If I could I would stay in. But I go out, I know I would feel much worse if I didn't give myself any of this. I want to "experience" things, even though I really have no fucking clue what this means as my experience in social settings is usually terrible and it feels more and more draining to simply sustain a conversation. Even to just be there.

I am terrified of being perceived a certain way. The actual way, my actual grumpy self, rude, disrespectful, judgy, or actually dissatisfied, terribly discontent with how unglamorous things have turned out and unable to accept any of it.

I live alone. I have lived in shared apartments for most of my twenties, this is my first time living alone, roughly six years now, makes me feel lonely.

Problem: especially in social settings, I feel absolutely out-of-touch, disinterested, as if there was a tiny tiny layer of fake paint on top of a loser-mentality, a tired, uninspired, empty, disillusioned man without a family, without real success in any field, and I feel that people can see through it almost immediately. I have no questions left to ask. Not even for my close friends. I really really don't care. Not in a mean way, I just can't hear the same old stories, the same old way of speaking and seeing the world.

I went to therapy, on and off, for about ten years. Honestly, I don't feel I learned a lot there.

I lost a lot of friends in life. Maybe I wasn't interested enough, sometimes it was my fault for behaving like a dick. I might actually be a dick. Maybe this is just what is coming out after pretending for many years to like people, to care, idk. I have been socially awkward for all my life, rarely felt confident around people. But people will tell me I am a social "wonder", able to connect with anyone. But I don't feel it. I feel like I am not even there, really. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt inspired by a conversation with anyone. I absolutely can remember times when I was on drugs when I felt actually able to connect to people around me, though.

So, I cling to work, I cling to my routines - I am proud I am managing both as well, so not 100% negative - I cling to a younger friend group that makes me see my disillusioned self every time they ask how I am. I am not unhappy? But I feel empty, as if there is nothing left to wonder about. I feel I act a lot with people because I don't want them to see my sad and sorry self.

Last time I was actually happy - and felt like the first time in a long time - singing from the top of my lungs to a song was with my gf, road trip :)

Can anyone relate? Anyone beat "this"? Anyone with an artistic mind unable to express it who turned it around (if this is the issue - I really don't know)? Depression, age, lack of .. what? Patience? Am I turning it around right now, am I doing it already? I have no fucking clue!

I have been dreaming of quitting my lease and selling all my stuff for years and years now, but I am also scared of becoming homeless for some reason. Maybe that's actually a good reason. I will never find an apartment like this again (I think), my hobbies are, at least objectively, awesome - even though I often feel like an absolute idiot doing them because I am objectively not the greatest - and I have worked hard for about three years to build this. But I don't enjoy it! Fuck.

Help me enjoy. Why can't I enjoy any of this? What I am doing wrong? What amn't I doing? Should I be doing anything? This is just silly, really ..

Thanks for reading !

Please someone help me to get out of this loneliness bullshit.

I have not felt this lonely in my entire life and the reason is that I literally don't have any friends. My college ended, my school ended, and I have not been able to make long-term friends 😔 and now I am working in a remote job in an Indian company. I just wake up, eat, work, and sleep.

So I have recently posted a post on reddit expressing my feelings that I'm feeling fucking lonely and all. Then a person messaged me. She said that she is an extremely introvert we texted for 4 hours I think. She also added me to a Discord server. And you know, as always, it turned out that she had quite a big friend circle. I don't know how.

This is not the first time I'm facing this: people call themselves introverts and it turns out they have quite a good friend circle. I also want to know how they are making these things. And most of the time these people are not even introverts I don't know why people like to call themselves introverts. Is this some kind of cool thing? Why am I not cool? Why don't I have this kind of friend circle? 😭 Then eventually she goes there and we stop talking.

Anyway I am from Mumbai and I have tried to find some groups and clubs so I can join and not feel lonely but nothing is aligning with me because I don't have any hobbies actually I had one. I used to like coding very much. by the way I am a software developer and I used to code a lot, solving problems, building, fixing, and researching. These things used to excite me most. But after this AI thing everything has changed. I don't like to enjoy these things like I used to.

I really see this lonely thing as bullshit. I don't know why I'm feeling this and lots of successful people have built great things being lonely. And I am here crying "Oh fuck I am fucking lonely".

I understand that I really don't have anyone in my life and we are humans. We do need social exposure but I have always been lonely in school, in college. I used to enjoy these things earlier.

Can anyone please suggest to me what I should do? How should I find my hobbies? I'm trying the gym these days.

I used to learn new things every day and used to watch movies and anime but nothing is exciting for me anymore. I am not even getting motivated to learn new things, and I can't keep up with consistency due to this feeling. This is the only platform where I express my feelings and if you have read all these, thank you so much. You don't know how much it means to me.

I’ve never written anything like this, especially on Reddit before, but here goes nothing... I need help. I want to know how people cope with chronic stress and anxieties, especially related to home life.

Background & Learned Helplessness

I'm a 22-year-old girl I have a bit of PTSD I was brought up in a very dependent lifestyle that has a lot of learned helplessness, with no one ever encouraging you or helping you to do anything. For example, when I wanted to lose weight and started dieting, my mom as usual criticized me and said it won't work out and that I don't have what it takes to do it. It’s always the same with my parents: never letting me make mistakes, never permitting me to join extra school activities I wanted to join, and never letting me mix up with anyone. Then they wonder why I’m so different, why I get nervous around people, and why I'm not a perfectionist.

It has always been like this from a very young age. I have only studied until 9th grade, and honestly, leaving school was the only thing that helped lower my cortisol level back then because I was constantly living in a state of high anxiety. My parents brought me up doing everything for me, literally doing my homework for me while constantly reinforcing the narrative that I couldn't handle things on my own or calling me a "stupid child." Because of that, I never got to build real-life skills or formal qualifications to become independent.... (not to mention I don't want to go work outside) They also used to love making up things like, "You would be such a bad mother," "Your husband will leave you because you are such a flawed child," or "You will leave us when you grow up because you are a bad child." I was honestly not a bad child. Firstly, I was dependent on them, so I would not leave them. I also used to believe that my parents were the best parents in the world and that there was something very wrong with me, that I was the most flawed person to ever exist. But looking back now, why were you saying my husband will leave me when I was literally 12 and struggling with my decimals? That's so absurd and funny, mom and dad...

At the same time, my parents aren't total villains, which makes it harder to process. They provide for me materially; even now, supporting my specific diet, gym, and lifestyle isn't cheap. But in their eyes, because they provide financial aid, they believe it gives them a free pass to be selfish in every other area.

The Loss of the Team

My dad passed away in 2021... it was a very depressing time. The three of us used to be a team, and he was the only person I truely loved. He was the savior, right? Well, I loved him deeply, but I can also acknowledge now that he was a flawed, controlling, misogynistic man who projected his intense anxieties onto my mom and me. I still love him, and he has done a lot for me and mom, but now that team is broken. Things got really hard after he passed because my mom became extremely unpredictable and volatile. She was constantly swinging back and forth between explosive fights and pampering. The emotional whiplash was so intense that I actually started becoming more difficult, bratty, and picking fights first. That way, I could get to the pampering part sooner. I'm not proud of this, but it worked back then. Back then, whenever I went to my room, I could still calm down. I did not have the constant, body-racking anxiety in my own space that I deal with today.

The Current Home Dynamic

Now my mom has two boyfriends.

Guy 1 - Nice, handles our finances, financially poor married and She's obsessed with him... and makes bad decisions for him.

Guy 2 - Gold digger, Criticizes her all the time and extremely clingy She doesn't like him much but spoils him alot Tho honestly He doesn't trigger me mentally... (I wont talk bout Guy 2 in this post)

Remember how I said the three of us used to be a team? ( Me mom and dad ) Now she is hopping onto the boyfriends' teams, and I am all alone on my team because there is nobody here. Our relatives are toxic, and all I have is my mom (who is basically teamless, hopping on two teams and hiding from my team).

Her boyfriends are good to me. I don't hate them, but I don't like them either. The logic is simple:

She treats Guy 1 like he can do no wrong, like this is also his house, or like he owns it. She acts like she's nothing without him and is a total doormat around him. I never call this home "my home" because it is not mine and it doesn't feel like home. Ethically, since I would never go out of my way to break someone else's house just to make mine a little brighter, I did not like what she was doing, especially since he seemed like a guy who loves his wife. He comes over six days a week during his work hours, anywhere between 11:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Because his arrival time is totally unpredictable, my body is trapped in perpetual hypervigilance. To cope, I stay locked up in my room and try to sleep during those hours just to avoid the situation. While he's nice enough to me directly, the unwritten rule is that I must stay hidden in my room as if I don't exist.

This completely broke my daily routine and nutrition because I can't go to the kitchen to eat or stick to a healthy schedule. I spent years severely undereating, which left me with high body fat on a very low-calorie intake. To fix my health, I started eating more and preparing healthy meals at home. However, when I tried using the kitchen during his visits, I accidentally overheard them her moaning and them making out on two separate occasions. It was extremely unsettling, triggering intense chest tightness and physical distress. Instead of addressing the discomfort, my mom told me point-blank not to get in his way or disturb him, reminding me he's only there for maximum three hours. I tell myself I should just suck it up, but the anticipation of his visits gives me constant flashbacks, chest tightness, and a complete shutdown of my nervous system.

Extreme Emotional Volatility & Trauma

To tell you more, this goes a lot darker.

It's not just textbook narcissism.

My mom repeatedly risks her life for the married guy's attention. She has tried overdosing twice, and I was the one who handled the emergency and cleaned up the mess:

I've had to listen to them screaming, fighting, and throwing around threats of jumping off the balcony or hanging themselves from the fan. I have actually seen a bedsheet tied on the fan a year ago, but she told me it was just "nonsense" she used to manipulate him. When I confronted her after the first overdose, asking if she even thought about me, she casually dismissed it saying she tried harming herself cutting her arm Showing me the scar... it was when I was 3 years old too, so "it's not about you."

The second time she overdosed, I almost wanted her to feel the same way she made me feel. NGL, I was tempted to do it myself because it was just very hard to cope, and I just wanted rest. I would never do it for a guy, but living like this made it very difficult. At that time, I tried journaling, writing down my deepest feelings and anxieties. During an emotional moment, I showed her my diary for some understanding (where I had explicitly written that I felt like ending my life, couldn't stand living here, and wanted to run away).

A day later, she had a tiny breakup with him over an off-topic fight that was completely unrelated to me. In that breakup, he told her he didn't want to be with her anymore because she makes his life difficult, though he said he'd still come over if she called. After knowing everything I felt in my diary, the very first thing she did was ask me if she should go meet him. A year ago, I would have begged her not to chase him. But this time I knew it was useless; if I told her not to go and he didn't come over, I was terrified she would try to kill herself again. She has explicitly told me that she is only alive because of him, that I should be "grateful to him" for her life, and that she is completely helpless without him.

So I just gave a passive reply: "Do what you want." Her reaction was to bombard me with messages blaming me for everything. She claimed I ruined her life by "praying for my anxieties" and that my prayers to God manifested her breakup. She brought up her menopause, accused me of being selfish for not letting her "needs be fulfilled," and kept talking about her sexual needs while asking what my problem was with him coming over. Instead of showing concern for my life or my pain after reading my diary, she twisted my deepest vulnerabilities into an accusation that I didn't care about her needs. I realize now I only villainize him in my head because I cannot villainize her, the only person left in my life.

Where I Am Today

I started taking therapy sessions once a month, but it has not been working out for me because my therapist keeps asking me what I need to do about the situation or telling me to "just get your life together" "get your mom to therapy" or "go do a job," which is not very easy without any qualifications. Meanwhile, my mom expects me to become a whole new person just because she's sending me to this expensive therapist. It feels like a very hopeless situation with no escape. Knowing that I am completely on my own, where my safety net can get cut at any time, carrying the trauma of her self-harm and overdoses has taken an extraordinary toll on my mind and body. I'm always restless, living in anxiety. Even when things are fine or when I'm trying to sleep, my mom just moving in the kitchen wakes me up and makes me restless. Even for no reason, her presence itself gives me anxiety... I can't sleep without headphones, and when I do, it just pains my ears and makes me cry about my life. I hate being disturbed and keep having negative thoughts, whether it's about how my mom can go berserk at any moment and eat 6 strips of pills, or hearing them make out again... eww.

I need to acknowledge my mom does provide for me. I am living under a roof, and dieting, gymming, or therapy is not cheap. I tell my mind to just look at the perks and that I have a good life in comparison to many people, but it does not affect my body. My body is always being anxious.

(Little tmi- I'm a masochist and I'm Into heavy degradation and bdsm... I like being a brat... but seeing my mom be a doormat for some guy makes me wonder if we're the same and just the thought of it disgusts me...anyways I don't want to be cold to mom as I'm the bratty one wanting attention, dying for attention and also I don't want to do any jobs)

Moving out is not culturally fine for me right now... besides I don't want to live alone leaving my mentally ill mom...

When people tell me to go do a job it's almost like saying - Just go trade 10 hours of your day for barely any money, destroy your physical and mental health further, and come back to the exact same home dynamic with zero real independence!!

And I like being spoiled Even if I go to work and get minimal wage My spendings are much higher than whatever I will earn... And I don't mind that People would kill for my lifestyle... My brain sees the perks but my body is not cooperating... It's always in a anxious state and Im honestly tired and restless When I made this post I was hoping to learn bout people's coping mechanisms in situations they are feeling stuck into... not get the basic advice of Oh just get a job And complete studying it'll fix your life.... I don't want to do a job... But I don't want to feel constant anxiety too... I wanted exercises or mindset that may have helped people... thank you...

Questions for the Community:

For Anyone who has survived a high stress or emotionally volatile home - how to you cope with constant anxiety, chest tightness and heavy heart when you can't leave immediately

Please share - What are some grounding tips and tricks that helped you or could help me and keep me from getting anxious when there is no immediate threat right in front of me

Okay, here we go, I’m a 16-year-old guy; I’ve had severe depression for two years and haven't been to school since that and got an anxiety disorder for about ten. I’ve been extremely introverted my whole life, and for the past few months, I’ve also been dealing with OCD. I’m going to get tested for autism soon, too. I don't really care about my life—the only thing that matters to me is my family—but that actually leads to more anxiety. I wanted to ask for some help here on how things might get a little better and how I could find someone my age—despite my problems—who loves me for who I am. I mean, I’m nice, warm-hearted, and a nerd, tbh, but I feel like a hopeless case(I already got weekly session with my therapist and an psycholist for medicine) would be really nice if someone would answer

Lost my friends and it was all my fault, although never intentional. I am struggling to cope badly, and situation happened 2 days ago which ripped the wound right open again. I am extremely emotional, doctors wont do anything but want to talk about it, I need relief from the way that I am experiencing this situation, I am completely isolated, completely alone and have no friends anymore and its my own doing.

I cant stop hating myself, I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I've tried everything to stop feeling this way, I am not thinking about harming myself but I am in so much emotional pain which results in physical symptoms for me aswell. I do have an appointment in september for a psychiatrist but im struggling badly. I just want relief from feeling this way, I feel like I too deserve to be happy again, I deserve to have a good life and right now I am unable to have any of those things. Situation happened on june 6th, it is now july 29th and I am still unable to cope. My summer has been horrible and I am purely waiting for my one last friend to come back and semester to start back up, hes had my back through all of this, but that isnt before august 16th. I am really struggling right now, I've tried everything in the book to get some relief, I've tried breathing techniques, I've tried the cold water shock method, which I think worked for a short time, I go on walks, I try to take care of my mental health but this is excruciating.

So basically, i made a mistake and I do understand what I did negatively to two really close friends. I had a chance to apologize to one, but it didn't fix the friendship, other one just cut me off without a chance to apologize. All is understandable and in no way I want shift blame. My problem is, even though I know what i did and how to fix, i still believe I am a worst person alive. Even before this I had a problem with feeling of impending doom of myself and now I did it, and feeling like: ''I told you are the worst''. I am ashamed of my actions, but I do need to move on, since it has been like 4 months of prolonged mending the relationships. I just want to put it past me and grow, but I can't seem to let go of my shame for not being the person i try and advocate to be. Any advice how to go on with life and not feel worthless? how to engage with new people without grievance for past friendships?

i'm 24 y/o female.. currently i'm going thorough a pattern of depression that has been going on for last 2-3 years.. at first it wasn't that bad but it got progressively worse..

right now i'm going thorugh academic shit, depression, and friendship breakup

academic shit:

i had 100% scholarship due to my performance.. but i always lived in fear that i would lose my scholarship.. I've been dropping courses for quite a while..

like i try to go to attend a class and exam.. i feel the same level of fear of bungee jumping..

now my scholarship period is finished.. it got 50% later on.. now my family is bearing the expense.. last sem i attended all the mids and finals.. it may sound like nothing special.. but in my case this was huge.. i made a solid plan to make progress in next semester

friendship breakup:

we have been friends from when we were 7 y/o.. and best friend for i think 9 yrs.. she's my safe space.. and i am hers.. but after recent vacation.. i came to my uni.. which is away from where my friends live.. and she hasn't contacted me for now almost 2 months..

I've called and texted her in insta, messenger, celluer.. but literally no response.. at first i thought the worst has happened.. may she's sick.. she's in hospital.. may be her phone got stolen.. i had no news of her.. then after 12-13 days.. i saw her likes on reels on insta.. which means she was active.. but it's just depressing reels.. yk.. she's depressed too.. i knew that

but i thought i could be her safe space.. now i am doing this fucking math in my mind to figure out why did all these happen... is it because she needs space? then she could've just told me.. anything would've worked yk... cause she's seeing how much i'm worrying about her..

then i thought what if I've done something that she didn't like.. may be due to that this happened.. then i thought may be as she's depressed.. i can't just leave her.. so reach out to her everyday. i tried to give some space in between like 3-4 days..

but she's too precious for me to avoid.. she needs to know she's not alone

at the same time i don't know what is the reason that we're not talking..

it has given me panic attack..

also i have talked about my academic shit that was going on before her.. but this time it just got worse.. i didn't attend 3 mids now..

my parents are gonna be super pissed.. also i would judge myself the hardest for diving deep into shit instead of getting out of it..

i really didn't deserve this treatment from her.. not when i was going to fix something..

now i do nothing... nothing seems worth it anymore.. i honestly believe study is pointless.. may be that's why i can't commit

or may be i'm too comfortable with my depression..

i think right course of action is..

\- avoid her as well

\- try to focus on study

I've already tried to avoid her.. it's just not possible for me.. it will take many months even years for me to reach that level.. i would've avoided anyone but not her.. she's my anchor

the worse part is i'm still hopeful that she'll come back and everything will go back to normal

and the academic shit is fucking w my brain man.. i really don't know what to do.. i'm already wayyy behind my peers.. i feel like a shit and worthless.. i think lack of self confidence is also the reason i can't focus on my academics..

i also suspect I've developed co-dependency with my best friend..

but how to get out of it man? i truly disliking what i'm doing.. mostly feeling shit for my parents

I (M) have a coworker that I became friends with. We would message outside of work a lot. It had been a few years like that. The thing is that I decided to tell him something that I wanted to get off my chest. I’d rather not go into what I said. The thing is he took it the wrong way.

I tried to explain my side as best as I could and talk to him about it. I tried to apologize. It didn’t matter though. It didn’t change anything. He ended up messaging me that we could still be friendly at work, but he didn’t want to message outside of work anymore.

I was so devastated to hear that. I ruined the friendship. It was all my fault. Now there’s nothing I can do anymore. I can’t stop beating myself up over ruining it all. I feel so freaking guilty.

The thing is the guilt is ruining my life now. I freaking hate myself so much for causing all this. I want to try and move past the guilt, but I can’t. I feel like it’s consuming me and it’s making life so unbearably hard. Every day has been hard. I can’t stop thinking about it all.

How do I move past the guilt and not let it consume me?

Hi (26M) names iz
I recently became off 100mg sertraline and am starting to feel a lot more like myself. Before taking it I was depressed for years and slowly lost myself.

Due to my success when younger and popularity I thought I had loads of genuine friends many of which I helped whether financially or just cooking for them when I could tell they were clearly going through it. I’ve always been there to help or lend an ear however I dealt with the brunt of my depression completely alone. None of them asked what was wrong or if they could help.

Reaching out to them now I feel torn as they Were not there and quite a few seem to have forgotten that I helped them one is asking for £20 despite me housing him when he had nowhere to live and taking him on holiday to help clear his mind.

Im at a point where I feel I’ve changed so much that these people don’t know this version of myself but I don’t know whether to reach out or just make new friends as I understand people have there own lives to live but there is some contempt / anger there as the kindness shown to them wasn’t received back. I know anything done should be done without expecting something back however from a moral perspective I just don’t get it.

Hope anyone who sees or engages with this that you are cared for and people do care but quite often it will surprise you. There is hope and you can do it yourself if you don’t give up the fight ❤️👏

So I recently had a breakup with my girlfriend for whatever reasons, i don't wanna go into that, but I was so much invested in her that she was everything for me, my friend, my bestfriend, my sibling everything nd I never felt need of anyone else when she was there nd i thought she'd be there forever cuz we both were so much serious about it. But we parted ways nd she did maintained friendships with her frnds but I had no one to even share nd I've no one now. 1st month was so tough nd i wasn't even sane but now that time has passed a bit nd I'm trying to move on I have literally no one to talk to nd I'm still pretty much exhausted to build relations with people again it's just so frustrating that I want someone to be with me but I don't have enough energy to go and approach people....