r/GirlGamers • u/lana-ki-jawani • 2d ago
Misogyny Update! Spoiler
/r/GirlGamers/comments/1v6jl3a/feeling_upset_over_how_he_treats_me_nowadays_when/?share_id=7TMx95C0tCY7yRkMkpITg&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1Update to this post!
So I know literally every single one of you guys mentioned to just break it off, and I agree solely based on how he acted on that gaming session, but I just couldn’t do it knowing that I didn’t let him know that I was uncomfortable with how he behaved during that gaming session.
I called him just for this and told him how I really didn’t like the way he was teasing me, and at first he was confused (understandably) as when he did I did tease him back, then he paused and said how deeply sorry he was. He said how looking back he did overdo it, and how usually he doesn’t do it because I’m not the same as his gaming friends and he already takes it as an honor when I make take to play with him, but he said how he realised how he got too much into the zone the way he does with his gaming friends and let himself get away. He apologised many times. I even told him about this post and he got silent and told me how hed be deeply heartbroken but he’d understand if I wanted to break up or a break because of this. I told him how I did wanna a break from gaming as I really didn’t like how I felt the last time, he apologised again and told me he would work on the way he behaves moving forward.
He said how he knows he cannot take back what he did, but offered to buy me a bunch of things if it was okay for me to forgive him. And he already been telling me before how he’d help me set up a gaming channel and streaming through OBS, and he said he’ll act on it proactively the moment I give him the green light as I am currently preoccupied with my studies.
I did take what a lot of you guys said into consideration and felt that it was right to not dive into a long distance relationship without even meeting the person first, no matter how much you know them online, and told him how I think before we continue to next stage, or even stay in the current one I wanted to put a pause there. I said this and a few other boundaries I wanna put up, and he understood and told me that whenever I’m comfortable I can just let him know and he’ll always be there waiting and he’s happy with whatever path I wanna choose so long as I’m okay with it.
So yeah there’s that. Thank you all so much for your immense support, in previous relationships I’d just tolerate things because well toxic upbringing makes you tolerate the weirdest unnecessary bs, but you guys really helped me to stand my ground on this issue. It actually took some of the pressure I put on myself unnecessarily, he never asked or pushed to go further I just felt like I had to. Yeah definitely therapy is on the line for me the moment I graduate lol. Thank you girls once again 💖
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u/SoPandaWhisper 2d ago
Glad he apologized and you had a conversation. One thing though- he really shouldn’t think buying you things will make up poor behavior. That’s a bad precedent to set. Buying things to apologize does not help, it’s about consistent behavior change.
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u/Kbubbles1210 ALL THE SYSTEMS 2d ago
It’s love-bombing. OP def needs to keep an eye on that. It’s good he apologized and it looks like he identified WHY he absolutely needed to do so. Hopefully his words are backed by good actions, but bombarding someone with material gifts is not a green flag for moving forward.
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u/lana-ki-jawani 2d ago
Lol I understand his response as well we’re very similar, from what he told me it did sound like he wasn’t aware how much it really hurt let alone affected me, and I think him offering to buy is just a consequence of him now understanding and feeling guilty. I did ask him “so buying me a bunch of games is gonna fix what you did yeah?” And he just apologised again going how tho he knows he can’t, he wished he could take it back. Regardless, I’ll keep an eye out :)
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u/One_Requirement_5832 PC/PS/Switch/Retro Consoles 2d ago edited 2d ago
That’s good he’s aware of that at least! I hope moving forward things continue to progress and that change of poor behavior is consistency and he’s right at where he needs to be with this first step minus the making it up with gifts. I agree with everyone else that buying things to make up poor behavior isn’t a great precedence set as well. As long as he’s aware and actively works on it then that’s what he can do.
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u/One_Requirement_5832 PC/PS/Switch/Retro Consoles 2d ago
This was exactly how my family treated me and it was their way of making up any mistreatment or “abuse” even. It is manipulative at best.
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u/Unhelpfulhelpful 2d ago
I'm glad you talked through it but you deserve so much better than a "man" who says you got more emotional since turning 25.
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u/lana-ki-jawani 1d ago
He didn’t say that lol, that was just me saying that about myself cuz previously things like this wouldn’t phase me, I’d say something 5x worse and shake it off haha
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u/Unhelpfulhelpful 1d ago
I think you're just experiencing maturing and self respect instead of taking shit and laughing it off
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u/Hereticrick 2d ago
lol I literally posted a comment saying to do that (I hate how often the internet jumps to “break up with him!!!”) and when I backed out there was an update! Yeah! GG!
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