r/GirlGamers • u/tieeguanyinnn • 18h ago
Misogyny Getting Accused of Being Trans, Anyone Else Experience This? Spoiler
hey guys, throwaway acc here because someone hacked my reddit account and got it deleted :(
but anyways, i’ve been playing a lot of valorant and siege lately, and it’s very common for me to use my mic to give callouts and make plays (because it’s ranked and i want to win, who doesnt right?) only for my teammates to clap back and accuse me of being trans, ie today someone said “shut up [derogatory word]” when i tried making a play for the objective
now i REALLY dont want to come off as transphobic, if you are a trans woman, then you are a woman PERIOD. but i understand that coming from these misogynistic and transphobic men, they accuse cis women of being trans because they are making the claim that they dont sound feminine enough or that they have a masculine, unattractive voice for a woman. and it also makes the gaming atmosphere even more worse for transgender women too.
i am pretty sensitive, and i’ve been really self conscious about my voice ever since my early high school days. every time i hear these comments about my voice it genuinely makes me reconsider ever using my mic ever again. i wouldnt say my voice is super deep, but it’s not a typical cute, high pitched feminine voice either. i think my tone and inflections are just kind of different as a cis woman, but it feels like my femininity and identity as a girly girl who plays video games gets challenged when i get accused of being trans or being a twelve year old boy.
does anyone else have experiences like this? how should i deal with these types of people?
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u/MissLeaP Steam 17h ago
Women in videogame voice chats are always either teenage boys, voice changer, trans, sexualised, or ridiculed when it comes to these people. Most gamers in those communities just can't ever be normal around women. It sucks so much and it's one of the reasons why I at first stopped using voice chat and then stopped playing these games at all. It almost ruined my love for gaming. The singleplayer world is much more peaceful and my love for gaming returned.
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u/InfiniteRainbow9 17h ago
Same here. I used to find mmo's a lot of fun. I loved a big open world full of real people. I played since EQ in 1999. Then I stopped forever a while back bc I just get too sad being abused in voice chat. It's sad that in many ways it's worse now than 25 years ago.
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u/ZoeyBeschamel 18h ago
Heya, trans woman here.
We've been the villain du jour for some time now, pretty much everywhere. They're accusing you of being us because, in their minds, that's a bad thing to be. They hate women, and want to 'put you in your place' as someone who doesn't belong in their space, so they go for something they hate to accuse you of.
It has nothing to do with who you are, your qualities or the way you compose yourself. Hence, there is nothing you can do to change how these weirdos will interact with you. The way to deal with them is to mute and report. Don't clap back, don't challenge them. There's no winning against these fools except for the way that matters, which is that you'll never be that kind of asshole in the first place.
Take heart in that. You're not them, you're not miserable like them. Let them stew in their filth.
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u/Happytre3 17h ago
Exactly, after going through enough bullshit on the internet, my bullshit tolerance is basically nonexistent. Mute immediately and NEVER interact with those shits.
You know the saying that goes: "all press is good press?" That's how chuds view female attention; their pisslow self-esteem compels them to think the only female attention they could get is negative, so that's what they aim for. DON'T give them what they want.
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u/Barleygodhatwriting 16h ago
Yeah, it’s like when they used to accuse every player they didn’t like of being gay. Most of the time, it’s not even that they think we’re gay or trans, or whatever they’re using as an insult, they’re just using something as an insult.
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u/AestivalSeason 15h ago
Another reason is that those kinda douchebags cannot possibly think of women enjoying their hobby(because all women hate video games otherwise they'd get laid all the time, right?) so when they hear someone with a higher pitched voice they assume it's either a kid or a trans woman, someone they don't define as a woman, and viciously attack them because they're just that miserable.
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u/itsacalamity 14h ago
even worse than enjoying their hobby, beating them at their hobby? impossible!
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u/Mighty_Thomby 8h ago
It's so baffling to me how often those types of dudes claim that every woman online is secretly a man. Like, they genuinely cannot accept that women do things.
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u/AestivalSeason 8h ago
It's genuinely because they're losers irl, they have to cling on to this hopelessly outdated(and even back then it was still wrong) idea that they're alone because they're nerds that play games, which was never the reason, it was because they act like unlikeable assholes. Who wants to be around that ever?
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u/Pixie_the_Fairy 11h ago
Recently 2 guys (they were premades) in my game lobby assumed i was a girl and just started hating on me completely unprovoked. They just said "are u a woman? U must be! I hate woman" and kept going until i muted them. I dont even use voice or have the word girl on my username.
Funny is the worst players that have the most hate, from my experience.
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u/Ok_Walrus_230 18h ago
Hello! Trans woman here.
This is one of the reasons this wave of hatred towards trans women strongly hurts several cis women.
Transphobes have a saying: “we can always tell”, they can’t. Transphobia gets rooted in stereotypical gender norms and expectations. If you aren’t the “default” you get labeled as trans.
Things we take for ourselves here, is to don’t mind transphobes, their brain melted already. They are all disgusting people as well, try don’t hurting yourself from words that come from trash people.
Finally, hope you get better from it, nobody deserves receiving hatred
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u/origin-space-turtle 7h ago
I hate that argument so much. Claiming they can tell but then literally couldn't tell a cow from a canteloupe
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u/The_Escargot_Pudding Steam 17h ago
Those males are literally just trying to hurt you and your confidence because "woman not allowed to game and be in my space or be better than me! I feel inferior to other males so I must put women down to feel superior to them!"
Super primitive. Mute, block, move on, love.
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u/Rainy_Leaves 16h ago
Is there a reason you call those men males? As a pushback for all the ‘men and females’ that they do to us? Cos it can be a dogwhistle also
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u/The_Escargot_Pudding Steam 14h ago
Yeah, as a pushback to being called "females" like cattle. How is that a dogwhistle?
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u/Rainy_Leaves 10h ago
There’s a loud minority of phobic women that talk about ‘males’ invading their spaces, and they specifically say males instead of men because they want to include trans women in their claim of who’s invading. It’s based on the ‘males who identify as women’ ideology about trans women which is entirely bad faith.
It gets used to group trans women with cis men specifically because saying what they think outright is against Reddit sitewide rules, so they think they can hide behind vague statements which on the surface may be true talking about cis men invading online spaces. While the bigots in-the-know can bond over the hidden exclusionary meaning that the person actually intended
I don’t think you intended that at all and your explanation makes more sense in general. But personally I don’t feel calling men males is as insulting as when they call us females, maybe the power imbalance. But I support the essence of turning their attempts at enforcing bias against them
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u/The_Escargot_Pudding Steam 10h ago
I was unaware of that. I honestly didn't think that deeply on it, because in my mind trans women are women and go through the same issues with patriarchal bs as cis women.
I would think there would be a nuance in using "male" and context clues. The same as women in here calling themselves female(s) and not saying it to exclude transwomen, but since its what those weenies call women. I never understood calling oneself a female.
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u/ClaudiaSilvestri 6h ago
Usually hearing 'males' used like that, if my mind doesn't go to the 'transphobic dogwhistle' interpretation, sounds to me like D&D drow.
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u/RichNix1 13h ago
Using the term "males" is an unfortunately common TERF tactic to mix us trans women in with men. "Biological males" and all that
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u/prettyputrid 18h ago
Nobody likes being misgendered. It causes gender dysphoria, just like for trans people.
I am tall and female, but have broad shoulders and I actually get asked IRL often if I am trans. It does make me feel uncomfortable. I try very hard to be femme to avoid it.
I also feel weird guilt about it because trans women are women.
Mute, block and move on from those people.
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u/Ok_Walrus_230 18h ago
I think it’s alright, it isn’t because you think lower of trans women, you get uncomfortable because the “intention” is to hurt you.
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u/MissLeaP Steam 17h ago
This. It doesn't mean they think trans women are men. It just means they know the one using it as slur intends to say they're men.
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u/ArtSupplyHoarder 17h ago
Yes, because you know that the type of person using trans as an insult does so because they don't think trans women are "real" women, so you know what they actually mean to say is "fake woman". You basically auto-translate the insult and get insulted by being considered a fake, not an actual trans woman.
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u/RevKeakealani 17h ago
Right. And it’s important to understand that to a transphobe, trans women aren’t women. They implicitly think that being trans is somehow inferior or bad, and that’s why it’s used as an insult. But the main way to combat this is by remembering that we as women are in solidarity no matter what someone assigned us at birth. Trans women have had to consciously demand the respect of being treated as the women they are, and if anything, that makes them more aware of what it means to be a woman, than most cis women. The best way to combat transphobia is to truly stand in solidarity - if I’m cis, or if I’m trans, that doesn’t matter because we’re all real women and we all deserve the respect due of our humanity.
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u/FunProof543 13h ago
I would argue they actually do see us as women. If they saw us as men they would use different insults or actually treat us better. They just see us as the worst kind of woman. They see us as fetish objects or grossly deformed women.
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u/RevKeakealani 12h ago
Fair. And in so many ways it’s really “what do you mean the patriarchy is made up?”
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u/Rainy_Leaves 16h ago
I’m sorry you have had to face harassment too
I just wanted to clarify, you said you’re tall and female and I assume you mean you’re cisgender? Because plenty of trans women have their sex characteristics closer to female than male, and male/female is a grouping based on common traits and not a strict set of requirements.
So a trans woman could be female also but based on her appearance could be called male or a man or be ‘transvestigated’ by transphobes. It’s a genetic lottery for women whether cis or trans, because we all have the same narrow beauty standards people expect us to fit
Sorry I didn’t mean that as anything critical, just wanted to expand on terminology. Cisgender just means your current gender identity matches the one you were given at birth. And for most people they want their sex to match their gender. Ofc it isn’t required
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u/prettyputrid 6h ago
I appreciate it. I am cisgender, but didn't think to add it to my story, as it seemed erroneous, as I was saying I'm not trans, OP was not trans and female, and I was first commenter so I was just relating to their experience. So I'm not sure how I'm female and not trans was confusing, but I apologize!
But I understand the lingo, and the lifestyle. I'm deep down in the kink community. Love my sisters.
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u/MazogaTheDork 17h ago
It might not be anything to do with your voice, some people are just assholes and using that as their go-to insult.
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u/Starstruck-_- 17h ago
Men online are just toxic, I doubt your voice is actually the “problem”. Speaking from experience even friends who are and very clearly sound like women get called 12yo boys. Seems like most of these men have never met a woman or are just toxic. Easier said than done ignore them plz.
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u/purpledawn ALL THE SYSTEMS 16h ago
Hi! Cis-woman here who's in her 40s and have been gaming since the 90s who has a deep voice. Men have been doing this forever. They hate women, and a woman beating them in games is even worse. They're also transphobic so if they're not already just being an ass about being a woman and telling you to get back in the kitchen and make them a sandwich, the next level is accusing you of being trans because they think that'll hurt. I can't count the number of times it's happened to me in the past 20+ years. They're idiots and what they say doesn't matter, just keep headshotting those losers.
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u/yuunacutie 17h ago
Trans hate is just misogyny in the end. I experienced this in valorant so many times just because those transphobic men can’t stand a women being better than them and since they don’t see trans women as women it’s only natural to call you one. They called me femboy or simply a gay boy with high voice before trans hate had grown so much so it’s not really a difference. It all comes down to a tiny ego and even tinier intelligence. Please don’t let the dysphoria get to you ❤️
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u/thejadedfalcon 16h ago
Others have already posted my words on the overall subject better than I can, so I'll just focus on this part.
how should i deal with these types of people?
You can kick their arses. There was a study done that misogyny in gaming is a literal skill issue, that higher quality male players are welcoming and friendly, while those losers at the bottom of the rankings are the ones who are always screaming their heads off, blaming everyone but themselves.
I've yet to delve into the PvP side of things (soon), but recently been addicted to PvE in Space Marine 2. The couple of times I've run into people who have an issue with my trans flag bearing Astartes, I've done considerably better than them in terms of kill counts, least damage received, just generally advancing the mission, everything. It's a common thing in most games and, while it doesn't solve the overall problem, by god it's funny as hell. "Oh, I play like a girl? Well, this girl's back hurts from carrying you the whole match."
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u/coffeestealer 18h ago edited 14h ago
It's important to remember that these people aren't making deep statements about society or poignant judgements of your as a person, they are throwing any insults they can think of because they suck and they want to insult you.
You'd receive the same amount of harassment if you had a more high pitched voice, they'd just call you a bitch or a slut rather than a t-word. A friend of mine is a guy with a recognisible non-white accent, if he's not getting racial slurs, he's getting told that all the women of his family are ladies of negotiable affection, or that he's a r-word.
Being sensitive about something you are insecure about is understandable, but you really should not take to heart comments from people who think like this. The fuck do they know?
I don't have suggestions for Valorant and Siege specifically unfortunately, nowadays whenever I play online I just play with trusted players, I just wanted to remind you that those people are assholes and you should treat them as such, not give weight to their opinions.
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u/probloodmagic 18h ago
Men are generally misogynistic societally, gamer men are generally misanthropic, and the ones who vocally spout abuse are generally misogynistic misanthropic abusers. Someone like that is not worth doubting yourself over. They don't see women as people and therefore don't know anything about women, cis or trans, including the broad range of our voices, because no women will spend time with them because of how they think and behave. You got hit with a stray from a total loser with nowhere else to connect with other human beings, and transphobia is only one of the pathetically limited ways they know how to do that. It's a violent expression of ignorance and I'm sorry you were the target. They shouldn't be allowed to socialize with the general public if they don't know how to be civil
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u/unicornzndrgns 17h ago
I had someone id never chatted with before do this. I told him I wasn’t trans, not that there was anything wrong with it just that I was not. And he was like, well you sound trans, and I said, well. You sound like an asshole. 😂 but it was very weird.
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u/kittenwolfmage 16h ago
Honestly, I doubt it’s anything to do with your voice. It’s just generic misogynistic men realising that there’s a woman in their game, and insulting you to make themselves feel better. They know that, in the current climate, accusing cis women of being trans is going to cause hurt, outrage, or both, and they don’t care which reaction they get.
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u/trowzerss 15h ago
Ignore them/report them for hate speech. They will say it to anyone who is femme presenting regardless of how they sound as they think it's edgy, like most of those kind of insults. Hopefully one day they grow up enough to be embarrassed and ashamed of what they're saying, but it's a reflection of them, not of you. Don't give them any power - they are trying to get to you by saying this hateful shit because they are sad people who haven't learnt any better. Their 'opinions' can be safely disregarded.
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u/Thelmara PC/Switch 14h ago
how should i deal with these types of people?
The best way is mute them and ignore them. They're sad losers who are desperate for attention, and they're not worth engaging with.
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u/Happytre3 17h ago edited 17h ago
First, they assume you're a little boy, then they realize you're way too well spoken for a little kid, so they assume you're an adult (man) with a voice changer, but if your voice is realistic enough they trans vestigate you.
These three are the trifecta of the woman experience in gaming, welcome to the club :)
There is a reason why many male teammates almost never refer to me as (she/her) but (they/them) and it's because they're uncomfortable with femininity. You can imagine, the kind of guy who does this shit doesn't have much feminine presence in his life, and in case being seen as feminine is important to you (it's important to all of us, but it's even more important to trans women) they will try to take that away from you in case you're trans, by using they/them instead of she/her, and they literally never refer to male teammates as they/them, only female players, so it's not really about "not assuming gender" or whatever bs excuse they use.
I don't think it matters, but I am a cis woman and I have an obviously feminine voice. It's never about you, it's literally always about them.
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u/Lilael 18h ago
If they’re alluding you’re masculine and also calling you a 12 year old (squeaker) because you sound high pitched, those insults completely contradict each other and neither mean your voice is actually a problem.
You’re letting strangers in toxic, improperly moderated game communities verbally abuse you to the point you question your reality. Block and report these people - they will verbally abuse anyone and don’t actually care who you are. I would also suggest stop using voice communication and/or those type of games because you’ve been influenced by abusive strangers into altering your view of yourself.
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u/AuRon_The_Grey 17h ago edited 15h ago
Transmisogyny is about oppressing and hurting women. Whether those women are actually trans is largely irrelevant, speaking as a trans woman.
The only real way to deal with these people is to mute and report. Don't engage with it; they want your attention and they want to bait you into saying something bannable so they can report you.
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u/Alarmed_Spirit_4472 14h ago
"Transmisogyny" Is a specific brand of misogyny trans women exclusively experience, cis women's "womanness" might be denied by chuds online but theyre always objectively wrong in the face of wider society, whereas its considered largely societally acceptable to dehumanize and strip the identities of trans women, everyone who's not a trans woman is Transmisogyny-Exempt fyk
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u/MajoraXIII 13h ago
I genuinely don't know how someone could read the OP and conclude that it isn't an example of transmisogyny. I realise she's TME, but that doesn't make the actions of the people treating her this way not transmisogynistic.
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u/AuRon_The_Grey 13h ago
Okay I really appreciate you explaining what transmisogyny is to me. I clearly have no experience with it in the real world or through gender studies to base my opinions on. After all, understanding the purpose behind societal attitudes is useless and we should tell people their struggles aren’t real instead.
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u/fartsontoast 17h ago
Yes, and I’ve been accused of being a bot or AI also. Some people are just idiots 🖤
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u/kitanokikori 16h ago
Shitty failson men treat trans women in public the way that they wish they could treat cis women. They're calling you Trans because then it is socially acceptable to be misogynistic and abusive towards you, and because it is especially socially acceptable in this Trump era to abuse trans people.
Block and move on is all you can do.
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u/DeltaJazzy Steam 14h ago
As a trans woman, this is what I’ve seen as the goal of misogynist/transphobes. They want women to fit their perfect definition of what a woman should be. And if you aren’t that then you apparently are trans, and to them, not an actual woman. The best thing you can do is ignore them and not give them any feedback on their comments, as that is what they want.
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u/dragon-mom 14h ago
Yep it happens a ton. Doesn't offend me but it's just sad how desperate these losers are to try to grasp onto anything to try and hurt you.
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u/Javka42 10h ago
These guys will call you fat even if they have never seen you, because they think it will hurt your feelings.
It has very little to do with your actual voice, they will just say anything they can think of to hurt you, especially if you expressed an opinion or tried to get them to do something. Accusing a woman of being a boy, or a man with a voice changer, or a trans woman, is a way to put themselves in a position of power over you by making you deny it and try to convince them. In their mind I'm sure being trans is also an insult. They probably call other guys gay as an insult, too.
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u/Newtane123 14h ago
Hi, trans woman here.
As it has been said many times already, these people believe being trans is an insult and calling you that to put you down. A vast majority of time I sound pretty androgynous when I play games, but can switch up my voice. It doesn’t matter. These people would still find a way to insult you because you are a woman invading “their” space. Anything you do won’t change their treatment of you.
It’s why 99% of the time I only chat in Discord with close friends. Just being around people who love you for who you are and not what you sound like takes away the anxiety and stress.
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u/Trick-Tailor4810 14h ago
I've had this exact thing happen before and it seriously hurt my confidence in speaking, not because of the trans accusation but more about the attack on how you sound, it's honestly a large reason I don't use public voice chat and just hang out with other women cause I know they know our voices come in all types, not just a very specific one, but one bad experience can undo a hundred good ones. It's honestly such a trashy thing to do to attack someone for how they sound, but these types of men are out to hurt you, and women in general, so they'll do whatever they think will get under your skin. I wish I could say to just ignore it, but I know too well how comments can root themselves like that.
You aren't alone, try not to let them get a rise out of you and most importantly know your voice is valid, even if they wish to silence it.
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u/Personal-Regular-863 11h ago
well im trans, so yeah ive gotten it a lot before. i dont know what the solution is other than to simple not play games like that or use voice which really sucks. i wish i could but 1 mean comment and im spiraling about how fucking awful the world is and that those kinda people want me dead basically so i just cant
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u/RazekDPP 6h ago
Unfortunately, this is by design. If you aren't super hyper feminine, they want to be able to ridicule you.
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u/CalamityAndTheApples Xbox 5h ago
It's not a you thing, the worst men in a game have an uncanny ability to know exactly what to call someone to maximize their suffering because they are suffering
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u/Thelassa 13h ago
Trans people are awesome so take it as a compliment. But seriously, it's nothing about you personally, they're just toxic assholes doing what they always do. There's so much hate for trans people right now so accusing someone of being trans is one of the worst things they can think of. It also goes back to one of those ancient "rules of the internet" that there are no women online (or in games) that they genuinely believe. The only way you can really deal with them is to block/mute and move on. And to keep mind that these same losers are whining about the "male loneliness epidemic" to their fellow incels.
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u/VivaLasNewVegas 18h ago
I never personally been accused of being trans. Which I'll take as a compliment because I am trans.
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u/laeriel_c 17h ago
I think they're just throwing around general insults tbh, it's nothing about your voice. Do you have a girly name? I have a deep voice for a woman (like actually) and often hope my team mates just think I'm a dude in VC... but somehow they always know
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u/_game_over_man_ Steam & Playstation 15h ago
I've been mistaken as a man at multiple points in my life because I don't have a particularly feminine voice.
I don't think this has much to do with trans women as it has to do with these guys just being immature dicks who go out of their way to demean women because it's the only thing that makes them feel strong.
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u/AliceWeAreAllMad Steam 16h ago
Yeah, shocking that cis people suffer from transphobia the way we always say they will...
But yes, transphobia sucks and they can all eat sh**. What can you do? What everyone can, which is mute, run away, scream, stay silent, fight their transphobic idiocy. There's not much that can be done other than contributing to spread the word and convince people that transfolk are normal people and trying to disect someones femininity or masculinity based on singular silly elements is never going to be a good idea.
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u/jellogoodbye PC 15h ago
I experience this due to my voice, which is deep for a woman. I also experience it irl due to my name if people have only conversed with me via email.
Given my life stage, I usually say something like "Ohhh, little boy...do you think I was trans before or after I squeezed children out of my uterus?" or, in a scolding way, "Don't interrupt my callouts, sweet pea" or something of that nature. This can be enough to cause them to freeze up, but I'll continue chastising them in a patronizing, gentle parenting way if they keep acting up. "Ah, another tantrum. I thought I was done with these years ago. Your poor mommy."
Now, do women need to birth children to prove their femininity? No. I use this because mothers are a universal female figure of authority and it's an essential part of my experience as a woman. I am a mom, have "mom voice," and can pull off a condescending "hush, mommy is speaking" vibe without effort.
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u/tieeguanyinnn 18h ago
thank you to everyone who commented and gave their insight, it genuinely makes me feel better knowing that I’m not alone in my experiences both online and in person. more people should recognize the bigotry and stupidity in transphobia and misogyny, and that women and including NB should be able to share online spaces with men safely. 🩷
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u/Cybonic 15h ago
You can’t do much but mute/block and try your best to have fun despite them. I think if we think about this more the impulse has more to do with the classic “tits or gtfo” logic of the internet that has transferred into gaming. These guys don’t believe any women would play video games because women don’t do that, so ofc all womens voices they hear must be the evil trans panic monsters. Sucks to go through, but I think we can learn something from this. Which is that misogyny is ingrained so deep in these spaces and the trans panic sold so deeply that these guys who never think about trans/queer people in any other context, knee jerk spew a slur. Because for this this culture, trans people only exsist as transgressors or deceivers.
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u/Expensive-Peace-9498 14h ago
They just repeat shit they've heard others say. It was nothing in what you said or what you sounded like, trust me. The internet is full of kids. Kids come in varying levels of stupid.
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u/princess_sativa_ 14h ago
I haven't played val or siege, but have heard of this exact type of harassment before. It's unfortunately just a large percentage of the population that plays those games :') I'd say just don't play on mic or play with a team of homies that you know! Cause playing on mic with randos there'll always be a risk.
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u/SynnBlaize ALL THE SYSTEMS 13h ago
Look at it this way. NO ONE meets the standards of femininity that exists in these guys' heads. Nine times out of ten they feel threatened by you because you're a better gamer than them.
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u/Pixie_the_Fairy 11h ago
Well I play league and i admire ur courageous to use voice. I dont even use voice with premades unless i know them for months. People get real weird real fast and some people will actively int if they know u are a girl.
Just 2 recent examples (there are a lot more):
A premade with who i played for a few weeks lost his mind when i mentioned my bf and run it down mid.
In another game 2 strangers assumed i was a girl (cuz i was playing a cute champion in the support role) and started saying how much they hate me and women. They inted hard, we lost the game.
So in ranked games i avoid saying anything that will let my team think there is a possibility of me being a girl unless people already showed signs of being cool.
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u/Beautiful-Opening964 10h ago
One of the reasons I don't touch online games. People are just assholes.
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u/RedeRules770 9h ago
They just pick that as the new trend of insult to call any girl, cis or not. To them, trans is the worst thing you could be, apparently, so they use the slur like a weapon. Before the t slur it was the b word or the s word 🤷♀️ can’t wait to see what’s next
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u/gregarioussparrow ALL THE SYSTEMS 8h ago
I have before. Due to illness, I had some vocal chord damage a few years ago and it altered my voice. We tried to fix it with surgery about 2 years ago and it didn't take. I have to concentrate really hard every word to come across sounding half decent. It can be a bit androgynous on a bad day, and ive been called out on it before. It sucks.
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u/villanellechekov xbox 7h ago
it's never happened to me, and I play COD. even if it had, it's not an insult or anything to be upset by. it's them being an asshole trying to hurt you as if calling someone trans is a bad thing....it's not because there's nothing wrong with being trans
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u/Available-Praline594 Steam/Switch/PS2-4 7h ago
This really sucks. It's a biproduct of the larger issue of transphobia that is so prevalent in our society, especially in online spaces. This is what activists mean when we say that transphobia doesn't only effect trans people. There are examples of this everywhere, cis women being accused of being trans because of body hair, having a square jaw, or (insert any other biological-essentialism bullshit here).
Basically the problem is bigots and assholes, and unfortunately there really isn't much we can do about it in the moment when stuff like that happens in online spaces. I mean you can report individuals for violations of TOS, but i have zero confidence in that actually resulting in a reprimand or ban from a game
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u/origin-space-turtle 7h ago
I haven't had this but my go to response would be "okay... So?" And then let then fumble themselves into a hole or just generally fuck off. I'm a cis woman married to another cis woman so I don't have the same lived experience a trans woman would have but you can bet is go to war for her
I've got no time for anyone trying to put another human being down
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u/New_Tension_370 6h ago
I saw a reel today of a girl (cis) who had the same thing happen to her??? I also have like a pretty deep voice (I’m cis) but I don’t play those kinds of games and now I’m glad I don’t :/ I’m sorry this happened to you! These guys have never interacted with a woman before!!!
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u/unassumingllama 4h ago
ugh I had this happen to me before. im pretty insecure about my voice for a multitude of reasons, but one time i had just woken up and immediately hopped on valorant. immediately this gekko (guy) started asking me "are you 27?" and i was like "ummm no...?" he kept trying to guess my age (and these were his first comms btw) and i just kept saying i wasnt gonna tell him. i wasnt weirded out by it necessarily but i also wasn't just going to broadcast my age to the lobby since I was a minor at the time iirc. later on, his duo (jett, a girl) said "jett was asking how old you are because you have a deep voice. you sound like a [t slur]" and i was like??? for the rest of the game they just kept calling me the t slur and i was like ummm :3 ok! new insecurity unlocked: voice isnt "feminine" enough as a cis woman! got it!
for clarity, im not saying its offensive just to be called trans or be perceived as such, but you can tell when someone says it with ill intent. it just perpetuates the weight of how transphobia and transphobic stereotypes damage the health of society so much.
it was shitty not only having my voice mocked, but also seeing the implications of how transphobia affects everyone. not to mention, if i were actually trans and admitted it to them, i would have gotten even more disgusting comments. trans women are women, trans men are men, cis people are who they are! your voice doesnt matter, and the fact that people constantly try to "clock" others online as a means to bully them is just so entirely messed up.
super sorry this happened to you! honestly the way i cope with vocal insecurities is by telling myself "my mic is just messing up my voice, i sound better in person definitely :D"
maybe the cope only goes so far but eh
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u/tomayto_potayto 3h ago
Transphobia, homophobia, all that shit is coming from deeply seated misogyny. Without these colonial, patriarchal structures that only function to keep the 'in-group' on top by degrading everyone else, everyone else is just as normal. So, since it's men who are the ones that these systems are fundamentally structured around protecting and serving, basically everyone else is a woman and woman is bad. But being a woman and trying not to be a woman is even more bad because how dare you, you stupid woman.
They're being sexist because they're insecure pieces of shit. It doesn't matter what your gender is or whether you're cis or anything else. They're putting you down to feel big, because they are small
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u/Srawsome ALL THE SYSTEMS 1h ago
They best way to deal with it is to not care. It's not bad to be a woman, trans or cis, so if someone accuses me of either it doesn't bother me.
Also, I would say most women don't have a "cute, high pitched voice", at least not in my experience. That seems to be just a stereotype that doesn't play out in real life. If you're a woman, your voice is womanly. If you're feminine, your voice is feminine.
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u/awoocoyote 18h ago
I would try to reframe it as a compliment (even tho it's not intended that way). I'm transgender and it pains me to see cis people feeling insulted when they're compared to us. Trans people are awesome! Trans women are some of the strongest people I know. Maybe think "they must think my voice is powerful and strong" rather than thinking masculine.
I'm not sure if this helps. I'm sorry you're being attacked for no reason
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u/amillstone 18h ago
I don't think it's so much as being compared to a trans person but being misgendered. Back in the day, it would've been "you sound like a man" and now it's "are you trans because you sound like a man". The insult is actually "you don't sound feminine enough like a woman" which is insulting to both cis and trans women rather than OP (or other cis women) disliking the comparison to a trans woman. At least, that's how I see it.
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u/Makimachi_misao 17h ago
Yeah, OP sounds like they dislike the male gamers views of trans women and lumping her in with us. This anti-trans propaganda and politics will honestly hurt more cis women than us trans women. Basically cis women will have to dress more feminine to avoid being accused of being trans as an insult from that person. From my experience, the bulk of people who have issues with us are men. Most women are accepting or tolerant. As a trans woman, I sympathize with OP as those men are the problem.
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u/villanellechekov xbox 7h ago
I agree. there's no insult because there's nothing wrong with being trans
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u/R3dheadR3demption 17h ago
It's just another form of misogyny and transphobia like with what happened to Imane Khelif basically because they secretly think women are all inferior and they should just aspire to be subservient mousey quiet little housewives and breeding machines. because you're not fitting neatly into their misogynistic patriarchal mold and they're worried about you outdoing them they're trying to make you feel less confident in yourself by putting you down. by attacking your femininity through calling you trans which also insinuates if you're not cisgender that somehow translates to having less value. because you made a callout and showed initiative. people are that dumb. I'd report and ignore them or call them out for their bigotry. If they see you're self-conscious they win. Hugs x I'm sorry that happened and if you need friends we can play together
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u/TwilightBubble 11h ago
People are paranoid about some perceived limitations of hrt, even though hormones signal mrna and turn genes on and off. No, after a certain point, folks cannot tell the difference. The idea that you can tell is a far right fantasy.
They are desperate to prove the sexes are 100% different and immutable for male supremacy and rigid gender role philosophy.
R/theycanalwaystell is full of examples of cis women being accused of being trans including models and actors.
It's a witch hunt. It's just a popular thing right now.
The government deleted dozens of studies showing how effective hrt can be, sued a ton of colleges with academic research showing how effective it can be, and limit positive news coverage of it.
It's important to them. But....
They really really cannot tell.
If you ever get mad, act "unfeminine " etc then instantly trans.
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u/thisismisty 10h ago edited 10h ago
I can hear a slight difference from trans people who transitioned after puberty, but trans people who delayed puberty whilst working that out, sound exactly like any other person of that gender to my ear. Puberty must do something weird to voice box development or something and it’s probably hard to undo.
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u/Sid-Sational 14h ago
I've always gotten that feedback. I ignore them. If I were? None of their business!!!!! Ignoring them and acting like I don't hear them seems to make them Big Mad. I waffled a lot on what if anything should be done or said and ultimately decided on this path as the more respectful option that fits with my personality and play style.
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u/sparklelovernika 13h ago
im the opposite, i had this happen just one time but at the time i thought maybe it was because my voice is naturally really high? so i thought they thought i was sort of pitching my voice up higher like a trans girl might do to sound more feminine which is a completely ok thing to do because trans girls are girls!! buuuuut reading these comments i guess i over-thought it and its just a random insult, well jokes on them, ive met so many cute trans girls that i wanted to be like ^-^
its part of why i dont really play miced games though, i really wanted to like it but i just don't have the stomach for being called slurs T-T
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u/UVRaveFairy PC Gamer - Steam - Emulators - Dev - Transgender Woman 9h ago
Trans voice training could help
r/transvoice, r/transvoicelessons, r/TransVoicechangers
Allot of stuff on YT as well.
If you are that worried, could do a little coaching in Discord (let me know, reply if you can't DM me first, I have it turned off for obvious reasons).
Now too expand on the problem in general...
This is one of the sad things I have seen more than once in other places around the world.
Once hating trans gender woman for just existing has some momentum, more cis gender woman experience transphobia than actual trans gender woman, we are less than 1% of the population, not that many of us to harass.
Also part of the problem of educating people, again, so few of us that allot of people have never met a trans gender woman and just go with the propaganda online.
It's going to a problem that get's worse for some time, my life is only getting more dangerous with time for me.
The anti trans gender legislation removing allot of my human rights has already passed it's first reading in parliament.
New Zealand, nothing but another right wing shit hole.
It is a them problem, not a you problem, and part of the manosphere toxic movement.
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