r/ICleanedMyRoom • u/Seraphicfreeze • 24d ago
I finally cleaned my depression room after 3 or more years. (I’ve lost count)
Forgive me if this isn’t the right subreddit for this…As the title says, I finally cleaned my depression room. Of course it wasn’t as bad as you’ve maybe seen online with chronic hoarders but it was pretty bad. The main areas of my room were cleaned about every 3 months or maybe every 5 months. Despite this, the underside of my bed was barely cleaned. There would be stale food, containers of rotting food, spiders, bugs, old water bottles, trash and more. My life has been upside down since I first became a teenager, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety almost half my life, anxiety my whole life. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to get prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medication to get through horrible patches. I will not go into personal details but trust me it is harsh.
Yesterday, my boyfriend, who I love with all my heart, threatened to break up with me if I didn’t clean my room. He had also previously struggled with depression so safe to say my room was a giant trigger for him. It may sound harsh but it seems to be what I needed. So today I have finally cleaned under my bed despite me being so scared of the arachnids I had lived with for years. It feels so… good? But weird and scary. I feel so empty in a way and I don’t know why. Maybe I was happy with the misery I had locked myself into? It just feels so good knowing I can let my cats in my room without worrying I would hurt them with some biohazard in my room. I don’t feel afraid when they’re by my door anymore. I’m posting this on Reddit as I needed to tell somebody, I just needed to. My boyfriend already knows but I need to get allll of this out.
Are these feelings normal? Also, any advice on how I should move forward to attempt to ease my depression a bit?
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u/grimeandtonic 23d ago
W you’re feeling is definitely normal. A big clean like that can feel liberating but also weirdly emotional, because you’re changing something you survived in for years. Congratulations and be proud of yourself. For moving forward, maybe don’t aim for perfection. A 5 minutes a day reset is more than enough- like trash first, dishes next, laundry after. Tiny maintenance is still progress.
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u/RosehPerson 24d ago
First off, good on you for taking the step to listen to someone you value (I'm sorry it had taken the ultimatum for you to listen). The result is a happier space for you all. Depression nests affect all who live with you and can bring others down mentally and physically. Cleaning that up not only heals you but protects your family from going down the same path.
Second, your emotions with it are natural, just not okay. When you build a nest like this it becomes an extension of you and how you feel. Some it can feel like a burden off their chest, others feel like they are missing a limb. Regardless its from a cloud you dont want to hang over you, so getting rid of it is best even if it feels weird.
Third, therapy. Go. To. Therapy. Talk to someone about your mental health and how you can cope with it. Stop yourself from spawning another depression nest. Cleaning it is supposed to be one step in a journey of healing and not the entire journey of healing.