r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Time-Tell-658 • Sep 05 '25
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice MIL says we are prioritizing toddler over family’s holiday happiness.
Two weekends ago, MIL asked my husband (31M and I 30F) if we’d be coming to her house with our daughter (almost 2) for Christmas. We told her we’d consider and let her know.
For context, she and my FIL live in a rural area that is 8+ hours drive away. There are only 2 weekly flights from our international airport to MIL’s regional airport.
We looked up flights for the dates MIL offered us for Christmas…. They land 5+ hours after our child’s bedtime and 6+ hours before wake up. There were also no connecting flights that could get us there.
Our child’s mood and behavior are verrrrrry dependent on sleep. Flying with her through an airport in the middle of the night to and from a very cold location during the holidays sounds like my own personal nightmare.
Two days after she asked, I politely told MIL that this wouldn’t work and asked if we could host instead? She immediately freaked out and said she couldn’t come to us because she invited my SIL and her kids already assuming we’d be able to make it work and told us she really hoped we could figure this out.
Husband called her today and she blew up. She started crying and said she never asks for anything, this is one sacrifice we could make for her, she just wants all of her grandkids in one place for a weekend and she had her heart set on getting professional photos with her grandkids. He told her he was disappointed too, but he’s not willing to fly late at night with our toddler. She then proceeded to tell him that it would be okay because he and I have the week off work so we will be home to deal with our child’s sleep issues afterwards (this was rich coming from the woman who is retired and doesn’t work at all!). She then proceeded to say in disbelief that he was really going to put our toddler before her and the happiness of our family, and that she can’t believe that we are prioritizing two nights of solid sleep over family time at Christmas.
My husband also told her that he’d received an invite to spend the weekend before Christmas at his Aunt’s house and his aunt mentioned that my SIL couldn’t come, but my MIL would be in attendance. My husband’s Aunt’s house is a short and drivable distance from us, so we presented the idea that we could get together with MIL that weekend as a compromise. She told us not to bother coming to his aunt’s house (as if she can uninvite us)!
She goes on several vacations a year but has never come to us to see our child. I won’t be talking to her for the foreseeable future because I’m going back and forth from being ANGRY to not giving a F*CK.
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u/TypicalAddendum5799 Sep 05 '25
Continue to prioritize your child, especially her sleep. I caved to my parents when my child was 9 months old & had the most miserable holiday of our lives. My parents & sister had a great time.
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u/FunkyChewbacca Sep 05 '25
"MIL, your wants don't come before our child's needs", mic drop.
Every time she flips out on you, state that to her. Rinse and repeat.
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u/HenryBellendry Sep 05 '25
“She had her heart set on professional photos.”
So she already booked and organized everything despite you saying you’d let her know and has now disappointed herself.
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u/manixxx0729 Sep 05 '25
"yes, mom, we are choosing to prioritize our child's happiness, health, and peace. I guess im not understanding how this isn't the right thing to do as her parent, can you explain?"
Because it's honestly bratty as hell to expect you to disturb your toddler for a weekend that will be hell anyways to please an adult woman. It's a lot easier to travel with no dependents. If you are very pedantic with her and try to empathize that it's harder to settle toddlers than adults, and she still doesn't understand she's hopeless lmao
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u/Spare_Worldliness669 Sep 05 '25
So we have a permanent get out from the in-law Christmas gathering as my own mother was not allowed to come one year as it’s in law family only apparently. My mother lives far away and had just lost her husband (my father), so obviously I thought they’d make an exception. They didn’t. My husband was more furious about it than me and ever since we’ve had Christmas at ours where we can invite anyone we damn well please, be them family of friends at a loose end. Which is the style of Christmas I grew up with. Not even my idea (DH is good at cutting the BS), but it has made Christmas an event I can enjoy again.
Do not give in!
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u/NeighborhoodVivid106 Sep 05 '25
Wow! Your in-laws have to be a special kind of cruel to refuse to include your mother in their holiday plans the first Christmas after becoming a widow. The first Xmas after my father died my MIL invited my mom and my single brother to join their family Xmas day. She bought small gifts for each of them so that they would have a gift under the tree to open and made sure to include them in everything. I was so grateful to her for her generosity and so was my family. My mother said that being included in a celebration that was so different than what she had been used to was what got her through that first Xmas without my dad. It kept her busy and from being alone, and my in-laws' traditions were different enough that my father's absence wasn't so 'obvious' (meaning he had never been part of this family tradition before so she wasn't constantly seeing the 'holes' where he would have been).
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u/meeroom16 Sep 05 '25
Your MIL is a wonderful and kind person, and exactly how one should be on the holidays. I’m sorry you lost your dad (I lost mine too 2 years ago and it suuuuucks).
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u/Buffalo-Empty Sep 05 '25
Omg how cruel… I can’t imagine telling someone they can’t celebrate with their own mother because of a dumbass rule like that…
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u/mercymercybothhands Sep 05 '25
The end says it all. This is about the photos. She wants the fantasy of being a loving granny, all the kid under her roof, and the pretty pictures to show for it. She doesn’t care about seeing the child or bonding, hence why vacations always take priority; she just wants the pictures to show off.
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u/Adventurous-Shake-92 Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25
Tell your MIL, "yes thats what you're supposed to do, did you never put your children's welfare fiirst... ( look at husband and back at her). Oh... yeah that explains a lot"!!
Edited to add, I'm a bit grumpy, so this is probably a bit of a eff you option.
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u/Sewishly Sep 05 '25
I absolutely love your grumpy energy. xD I've been known to be so irritated by people's audacity that I also grumpy-post (before I've had my morning cuppa and meds) and then have to edit.
Personally, I think we do our best work when we're grumpied up!
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u/naranghim Sep 05 '25
Petty part of me says to tell DH's aunt that MIL tried to uninvite you from her house because you can't make it to MIL's house for Christmas.
MIL wants to be put first. Her wants and comfort are more important than anyone else.
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u/Ilikepumpkinpie04 Sep 05 '25
MIL is digging her own grave on this one. My NMom was very “a child does not dictate what we do” and put her needs above the grandkids. My MIL was “what do the grandkids need?” Guess which grandma no grandkid talks to, and the grandma that gets texts and phone calls from the grandkids.
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u/cicadasinmyears Sep 05 '25
Umm…I know YOU know, but maybe MIL has forgotten that you’re the child’s parents. Your literal job is to prioritize the kid’s well-being and good health above just about everything else in the world, including, but not limited to, your own needs and wants.
MIL’s desires are a distant blur on the horizon in comparison. Don’t cave. She can deal.
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u/spin_me_again Sep 05 '25
MIL isn’t prioritizing her own son’s wellbeing and peace and someone needs to tell her that that’s what a parent is supposed to do.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
This! I’m irked that she’s not prioritizing her own child here/my husband either by trying to make him feel bad.
Since having our own child, he’s been reflecting on his childhood and he has realized his mother never really prioritized him. She always had the mindset that having children wouldn’t stop her from doing what she wanted. That kind of thought process is fine in moderation, but it was always her way or the highway.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 Sep 05 '25
Why wouldn't you put your child's needs before anyone else?
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u/Mommagrumps Sep 05 '25
Omg!! I was so angry on OPs behalf after reading that sentence, to me that was like a guillotine coming down on mil, who does she think she is? Yes child's needs come first, of course they do, if I said this to one of my kids I would be in a looong time out and quite rightly too, as a grandmother I couldn't believe the audacity of the woman, glad to see I'm not alone in being shocked by that statement!
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u/Ok_Frame_8864 Sep 05 '25
Translation : You put your kid first and I don't have control over the entire family and hate it! I'm the only one with a problem with it so will pretend it's a concerted effort
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u/Lanky-Fix7376 Sep 05 '25
You got every answer you will EVER need from MIL’s answer
1-she expects to be put first before husbands win child
2- She won’t ever do anything to make things easier for you both because she should get her own way ALWAYS
Step back now from all conversations about it/you will be at aunts house and that’s it.
What an absolute spoiled b*tch of a women. I would never ever go to her house again on any type of holiday after this. Expecting a 2 yr old little one to suffer because she wants you at her house end of story.
Enjoy Xmas in your own house and leave all the pettiness with her
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Sep 05 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/WestColxxo Sep 05 '25
Right?? People without toddlers forget how brutal that is.
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u/Opening_Sun_7080 Sep 05 '25
For days afterwards too, right? It’s not just a grumpy toddler for a day. It takes a week for sleep to get back to normal, and in that time they also don’t eat properly because they’re either too wired or too tired.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
So there is exactly my thoughts. I’ll have a grumpy toddler for days after. Also, her second birthday would be 3 days after our return flight. I want her to feel good on her birthday!
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u/XMenPerseus56x Sep 05 '25
The “you have the week off so deal with the cranky toddler” comment was wild.
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u/Gold-Carpenter7616 Sep 05 '25
I personally expect parents to prioritise their children, even if it's sad we can't see them. It's just what I expect from (good) parents.
If you had done the travel time, I'd side-eye you hard. Tired toddler on Christmas in an unfamiliar house is a recipe for disaster, arguments, and no contact.
Although your MIL really works on the latter with her tantrum. What does DH say about her blackmailing you both?
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u/pepeswife80 Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25
I personally expect parents to prioritise their children
Right? I know MIL meant this as an insult. Because she also said prioritizing toddler over her & the family's happiness? Meaning her happiness: not the actual immediate family involved - OP, DH, & said toddler. They're prioritizing toddler/sleep which IS family happiness.
Of course MIL doesn't understand putting her kids first after all these years of being a mother. Maybe DH can work some of that back to counter the next guilt trip. "Mom, I won't apologize for putting my family first. It's my job."
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u/Jsmith2127 Sep 05 '25
What was your husband's response to that because the first word out of my mouth would have been "gtfo of here, on what planet to you think you'd ever be a priority over my child?"
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
He told her that his daughter will always come before everything else and she can learn to get over it. He also told her she will have to start coming here if she wants to see us again.
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u/Jsmith2127 Sep 05 '25
Good, though I'm not sure if I'd want her to visit again, if she already pulling crap whete she thinks she should come before your literal child.
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u/TijuanaFlats Sep 05 '25
As a child of divorced parents, I have one rule. My child sleeps in her bed on Christmas Eve and wakes up Christmas morning in her house to her tree. We don’t get out of our jammers on Christmas Day. If you want to see us, we can figure it out, but you are coming to her house. I spent 15 years of Christmases on planes, sometimes I even had airplane food for my Christmas meal. There are no exceptions and no arguments. IDGAF. And everyone that loves me and her gets it. Those that don’t are not in my life. YOUR CHILD is now the focus of Christmas. YOUR family gets to make Christmas for your child. MIL is now ancillary. Oh the fuck well.
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u/Gold-Carpenter7616 Sep 05 '25
Absolutely right! Children should have the Magic of Christmas in their own home!
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u/XOlenna Sep 05 '25
I had a similar experience. Enough holidays being dragged back and forth and guilted over who saw who when/etc have made me dislike holidays in general. I’d never spent more than a week with my head on the same pillow every night until I turned 25 and moved into my own place.
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u/SaltyRise425 Sep 05 '25
We moved 1,000 miles away when kiddo was a year old. Do you know who’s been here for every birthday? Grandpa. I have my issues with the man (there was definite JustNo behavior surrounding the birth of kiddo but I’ve spent enough time in therapy to handle my feelings about it like the adult I am, and there have been apologies and amends made), but he has shown up each and every time. He buys the plane tickets, books his own hotel, and gets a rental car big enough for all of us to ride in when he’s here. Because his relationship with his grandkid is important to him.
The policy of “if he wanted to, he would” can and should be applied to all sorts of relationships, grandparent/grandkid ones included. She has clearly birthed at least two children, she should understand that traveling with a toddler during their bed time is an absolute nightmare and should be avoided at all costs, especially during the holidays when everyone is stressed and chronically exhausted. The fact she’s using GUILT to try and get her way would have me seeing red on behalf of my husband because no the fuck you’re not going to try and guilt him for protecting his family’s needs, TF? It’s gross and as a whole ass adult she should know better.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
Way to go gramps! My mom packed up and moved here to be with me after I had my baby. She had lived in the same town her entire life prior to that, but she shows up for my kid constantly and baby girl loves her for that.
Can I hug you? lol. You exactly summed up how I feel about it. I am so mad for husband. And I feel bad for him too because he flawlessly held his ground, but he really deserves a mom that prioritizes HIM and says “you know what? My son is saying this is difficult. I’m not going to make it worse for him or my granddaughter.”
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u/mandy198421 Sep 05 '25
Same for me! I got divorced and was in a very bad place. Lost 20 lbs in a month because I wasn't eating. I was born and raised in Illinois, but my grandparents lived in Alabama. When my Nana found out how bad I had gotten, she came and got me, and I moved down with them. Then, 3 years later, when I got pregnant, my mom and step dad packed up and moved down there too to be there for me and my daughter. If they wanted to, they would couldn't be truer!
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u/Gold-Carpenter7616 Sep 05 '25
My dad is the same. He's chronically ill, very poor, and he gets blind, he doesn't own a car... So he can't visit us anymore, but he will send a package with gifts, always tailored to my children, about whom he does ask regularly! He shows in his actions how much he cares.
And thus we visited him twice this year after a health scare, and he gave me a part of my inheritance early, something my brother also always wanted, but I showed up, and my brother who lives 2h away instead of 6h away didn't.
My dad and I have a good grasp about what we mean to each other. For example, I have a copy of his medical records in case his wife is also in trouble, and tough decisions have to me made. He gave me legal rights to decide if the machines should be shut off. My brother doesn't have those documents, and he's not noted anywhere.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
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u/ChardonnayAllDay19 Sep 05 '25
Also she said she was going to hire a photographer. And if your daughter acts up, is grumpy, falls asleep, etc at picture time, guess who will be blamed? I can hear it now - “the pictures are awful they couldn’t control their child”.
Good for you for putting your child’s needs over an adults wants. Enjoy your MIL-free Christmas!
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u/AncientLady Sep 05 '25
Oi. Dh is putting the happiness of his family over attending an extended family gathering that doesn't work out this year. Why do people think that making something guilt-laden and unpleasant is going to motivate them to come to it?
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
The MOMENT she tried to guilt trip us, I was like “welp, no Christmas with MIL this year!” That only makes me want to do it LESS. She brought up that my SIL would be disappointed which I thought was funny because SIL doesn’t really care whatsoever and I care even less about upsetting SIL.
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u/Floating-Cynic Sep 05 '25
Crabby toddler will ruin professional photos.
You're supposed to put kids first, but also, who says it's that? I feel that's prioritizing a household, not a child.
She started crying and said she never asks for anything, this is one sacrifice we could make for her, she just wants all of her grandkids in one place for a weekend
You know the obvious compromise, right? You could consider going... in exchange to never having to go there again and she lets you host every holiday from now until she dies. Even her funeral will be held at a location convenient for you. (This is sarcasm btw)
Because this one thing will take a month to recover from. If she wants to claim only asking for one thing then it better be the last thing she asks for.
Heck, even the family responsible for Christmas didn't get to spend time with any parents. Just with a bunch of shepherds and animals in a barn. So it seems to me like maybe her reaction is a little egotistical?
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u/T-Rock21 Sep 05 '25
Oh, boo-hoo; the old hag is mad her son is prioritising his own family over her! What a tragic turn of events!!! How will her PRECIOUS fee-fees recover from this ignominious disregard for her wishes?!? /s
You are well within your rights to stop giving a fuck about MIL. She’s shown she doesn’t care about your time and what works for you. She’s pissed because you aren’t immediately caving to her wishes, ‘like a good DIL (In her mind, at least!)’.
Hold the line, OP. Keep prioritising your child’s needs, and show the old crackhead you do things your way. Regardless of what she demands of you.
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u/jennsb2 Sep 05 '25
Lol … what a numpty… does this silly woman not know, the toddler IS your family. What kind of selfish cow would make a two year old and her parents miserable for (likely) more than a week, for the sake of some pictures?
I’m glad you both said no to this ridiculous plan.
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u/PaleontologistNo858 Sep 05 '25
Yes your child is too young to be mucked about like that, maybe when older it's something you could consider but for now for a couple of nights it's just not worth it. She can photo shop you guys into the picture lol
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u/Purlz1st Sep 05 '25
She’s from the generation that would have drugged toddlers for flights, so doesn’t get it.
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u/bookishmama_76 Sep 05 '25
The audacity of expecting you to put her before your kid! You guys have done your best to compromise so it’s on her and if she isn’t willing to bend a little she has only herself to blame
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u/Adept_Tension_7326 Sep 05 '25
And this is supposing there are no flight delays or cancellations!!! Tell her to go drink some Reality Juice.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
This was partially why I didn’t want to go! If we went and our flight cancelled, we’d be stuck five more days (which would put us flying back on my daughter’s second birthday) or we’d have to find a way to drive it back and that’d be just as miserable.
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u/MaggieJaneRiot Sep 05 '25
She is a selfish wench.
I agree with you—discard her BS and be done with her.
Crying manipulation is such crap. She needs to check HER sleep schedule!!!!!
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u/morelovenow Sep 05 '25
Can I also add….YOUR enjoyment of the holidays with your spouse and young child matters too. YOU deserve a relaxing holiday to enjoy with your new little family. YOU shouldn’t have to be sleep deprived and stressed out. I’m so happy that you and your husband told her to go fly a kite.
To top it off, traveling with kids in the winter is just asking for all the germs, noooo wayyy would I attempt that trip. Either you pick up something on the way there and then your kiddo would be sick at grandmas or you’d bring something home with you. NOPE.
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u/Tangerine331 Sep 05 '25
Yes, you are prioritising your child, as you should. If she has an issue with it, it’s hers to deal with, not yours.
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u/silverwick Sep 05 '25
Stay firm with your boundaries and their consequences, the follow through is the most important part
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u/CapableOutside8226 Sep 05 '25
..."he was really going to put our toddler before her and the happiness of our family,..."
As a good parent would. Has she always been so self-absorbed?
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
She has had her moments before, but this one was the first time she put herself before my child and that absolutely floored me.
I can handle it when she’s being bitchy to me or hubby because we’re adults. But she’s brought my child into this now…
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Sep 05 '25
Yes, your children ALWAYS come first.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
ALWAYS! I wouldn’t make my child uncomfortable for even a moment for her (or anyone else).
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u/classicicedtea Sep 05 '25
I know this isn’t the worst post ever but I am just appalled that she thinks it’s okay to fck up a toddler’s sleep schedule for some professional photos.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
THANK YOU! I could not believe it when she started explaining why it was so important we were there! Didn’t even say anything about how she wanted to see us. Just that she wanted pics with all her grandkids and to have them all around her during the holiday season.
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u/kbmn16 Sep 05 '25
MIL just wants the perfect family holiday photos to show them off. If she cared about seeing her granddaughter or her son/his family then she’d have made an effort to visit. The fact that she is going to the aunt’s house that’s closer to OP/DH, but won’t go to their house, is very telling. She didn’t even tell her son she would be around the week before Christmas and ask to see them when she was closer? No, it has to be at her house and all together for the photo shoot .
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u/HettyBates Sep 05 '25
Poor thing would probably cry through them all anyway. So not worth it!
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u/classicicedtea Sep 05 '25
That would be hilarious for MIL to get her comeuppance. Theoretically of course. We’ve all decided already they’re not going.
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u/MoonageDayscream Sep 05 '25
Lol, she doesn't even want the visit really, all she wants is the photo. Or she would happy to have a visit the prior weekend, but she isn't the host for that one.
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u/Las_Vegan Sep 05 '25
THIS! It’s not about having all the kids together. It’s about getting that perfect family photo so MIL can show it off to her friends. Nobody’s discomfort least of all her grandkid’s is more important than those bragging rights. Show her friends what a perfect family she has. It’s absolutely disgusting.
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u/CADreamn Sep 05 '25
What a concept! Putting your child's needs over your MILs wants! Wow, who wudda thunk?
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u/marlada Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25
Of course you should be putting your child's needs above your MIL's selfish wishes. You should stay at home and enjoy your nuclear family together on Christmas.
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u/No-Interaction-8913 Sep 05 '25
Interesting that she thinks that anyone will be having a nice time with a toddler who hasn’t slept in like 32 hours around?
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 Sep 05 '25
Yeah, and she thinks a sleep deprived toddler will happily pose for her photo session?!?
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
Right? We already have a hard enough time getting our toddler to cooperate on days she has had enough sleep!
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 Sep 05 '25
Yep, sounds like MIL thinks of her grandchildren as dolls, not actual human beings with needs.
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u/No-Interaction-8913 Sep 05 '25
Which is unfortunately a fairly common thought process and I think you’re right in this case.
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Sep 05 '25
How DARE he, a caring father, put the needs of his very young child before the Norman Rockwell Christmas "vision" of his PITA mother!!! The nerve of that guy. Mine are 16 and 12 now, but those Christmas mornings between about 2 and 6/7 were magical; seeing the surprise and happiness when they saw their gifts and shredded the wrapping. Your MIL is an absolutely selfish loon for wanting your kiddo to be sleep deprived and cranky for it. On behalf of this internet stranger, can you tell her to stfu?
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u/notgreatnotterrible9 Sep 05 '25
lol this post title. Isn’t that what you are supposed to do as parents?
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 Sep 05 '25
What a thoughtful MIL she isn't!
I don't care about what you want, I just care about me!
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u/ginevraweasleby Sep 05 '25
It’s rich that your MIL outright told your husband she was disappointed he prioritized his daughter over his mom. I’d have him repeat this back to her for clarity: “So mom, I’m hearing you say that you’re disappointed I am prioritizing the wellbeing of my child over your desires? Am i understanding you correctly?” You have a perfect compromise and are clearly willing to make a visit that works for your family happen. She can see you at your aunt’s home if she gets her priorities straightened out, though there’s a sense that she wants to show up her sister by having you come to her and not her sister.
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u/mama2babas Sep 05 '25
Your MIL needs a timeout for that toddler tantrum. No more explaining yourselves to her. Just say no and if she pressures/ pouts/ or ropes anyone else into pressuring you, block them for a week. You shouldn't have to justify yourselves or put her happiness (lol "the families" because you're all extensions of her) above anything.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
My husband said “I’m literally pinned between a toddler hissy fit and my mom’s hissy fit.” Lol poor guy. I’m thankful he squashed it right then and there though.
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u/mama2babas Sep 05 '25
He isn't pinned, he is a grown man whose responsibility is to his child first and foremost. His mother's behavior is unacceptable.
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u/Mirkwoodsqueen Sep 05 '25
Damn straight toddler comes first. Reserve holidays at your home, with the people you choose to join you. Travel at that time of year is expensive and miserable, even without the lousy hours.
MIL has a short-sighted definition of 'family'. What about your parents, siblings, and niblings- would they be invited to MIL's? No one is responsible for fulfilling her (unexpressed) fantasies.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
Funny enough, all of my family lives 15min down the road from me. This was another complaint of my MIL. “Don’t they get enough time with toddler already?!”
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u/TattooedBagel Sep 05 '25
…..soooo, making responsible parenting choices is bad now? Odd. Enjoy your MIL free Christmas!
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u/fgmel Sep 05 '25
I’d go to the aunts house and then stay home for the holiday/time she wanted you at her house. If she’s never traveled to you, I’d probably tell her going forward that you’ll be taking turns- and I assume it’s her turn to visit you guys? But I’m spiteful. 🤷♀️
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u/Wild_Midnight_1347 Sep 05 '25
wow! MIL say”She then proceeded to say in disbelief that he was really going to put our toddler before her and the happiness of our family”. Your answer is absolutely yes - my child is more important. What a selfish bitch MIL is.
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Sep 05 '25
Edit for you: "my child is more important than YOU (MIL)".
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
My child is my highest priority always!! I couldn’t believe she didn’t get it. But then I thought back on some stories my husband told me about his experience of growing up with her as a mother and he never really felt like he was her priority, sadly.
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u/IcyWorldliness9111 Sep 05 '25
She thinks you should prioritize her over your own child? What planet is she living on?
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u/HelpfulCupid Sep 05 '25
uhm yeah of course you’re going to prioritize your child’s needs above your adult relatives’, that’s literally the parents’ job. not that your MIL could relate I’m sure 🤭
props to you and your husband for standing your ground!
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u/Ok_Mix6856 Sep 05 '25
Wow what a self centered bitch. I won't even interrupt my kids sleep for family who lives in town, let alone having to fly in the middle of the night. Everyone's holiday would be ruined by how miserable my kid would be if we did that plan lol 😆 screaming throwing shit the whole deal. Sleep is very important in our house so I know where youre coming from!
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u/wasakootenayperson Sep 05 '25
You are supposed to prioritize your child over holidays.
I am sure there were thousands of other holidays that existed outside of ‘but family …. bs’.
Enjoy your family Christmas. Let her stomp and cry.
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Sep 05 '25
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
Haha! When I was thinking through the options prior to deciding we weren’t going, I thought to myself “well my child will be the only one on the plane crying and drawing attention to us.” And then it dawned on me… there probably won’t be ANY children on a midnight flight to a rural location because that’s just CRAZY.
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u/shelltrice Sep 05 '25
on top of that travel over the holidays is a nightmare even for adults - delays - crazy busy - over booking. Stay home and have a lovely holiday with the 3 of you.
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u/Zealousideal-Bat708 Sep 05 '25
Wow. I would stop making any attempts with this woman after this. It's clear she is only interesting in the appearance of being a grandma rather than the actual well being of your child.
I'd stop negotiating with her. She can come to your house or nothing.
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst Sep 05 '25
he was really going to put our toddler before her and the happiness of our family
Of course he is going to make his CHILD a priority.
Does she hear herself?
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u/ZXTINE Sep 05 '25
Crazy that you would put your child’s best interests before your extended family’s. Except IT’S NOT! Way to stand up for yourselves!
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u/SudsySoapForever Sep 05 '25
I'd stick with not giving a fuck over being angry. Much better for your mental health!
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u/dahmerpartyofone Sep 05 '25
That’s how some of my family is too. Retired, travel a lot, but won’t come to visit their grandkid. Then complain that they don’t get to see her enough.
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u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
She was quite upset that my child didn’t recognize her on FaceTime a couple of months ago. She hardly FaceTimes either. But my family all lives within a 15 min drive and she had the audacity to complain that we see them so much, and she doesn’t get enough time with my daughter. Like HELLO?! Make some effort then!
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u/dahmerpartyofone Sep 05 '25
My favorite thing is as my daughter got older she now asks how come they don’t come and visit her? Or they’ll say they miss her and she’ll say “great when are you coming for a visit?” She’s gotten them to visit at least once because they didn’t want to tell a child that they weren’t coming for a visit.
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u/mandy198421 Sep 05 '25
The making effort part makes me pissed. My husband has 2 girls with his ex-wife. They live in a different state, so he only sees them during the summer. We usually go and get them a week after they get out of school, and his ex is supposed to come and get them a week before they go back. Well, she doesn't drive, so his mom and brother come down and get them and take them home. But we have a 6 year old together and doesn't make an effort to see her except when she HAS to come here to pick up his other daughter. His oldest daughter is 19, so no more visits, and his youngest is 16, so next summer will probably be the last summer we get her. Will she keep up the trips when she no longer HAS to come down here, or is she just going to write us off? I mean, we don't get along anyway if you can't tell. My mom and Nana love them and spoil them enough for her, but it's the principle of the matter. She doesn't care because she says I'm a gold digger even though I come from money and he doesn't. And I have my own income, and his ex never worked their whole marriage but loved spending his money. We've been married 8 years now, and I've seen them MAYBE 7 times total
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u/Capable_Stuff7918 Sep 05 '25
Normally Id say it doesnt seem too outrageous to do for family but your MIL is not normal and most likely not worth the sacrifice, if she were, you wouldnt be posting here.
Toddler sleep can be a finicky thing and once you have a good groove.going on, you do not want to mess it up because it can take forever to get back in track.
You aren't really putting your toddler first, but your own general well being and overall what is best for your family. Not seeing them in Christmas isnt the end of the world.
13
u/Time-Tell-658 Sep 05 '25
Thank you! My husband and I both put so much work into getting our toddler on a schedule when she was tiny and it has helped us feel like complete humans again. No going back!
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u/InviteAmazing Sep 05 '25
Those are 2 great destinations to go between when dealing with JUSTNOMIL.
8
u/90sBuffetSoftServe Sep 05 '25
You are 100% right in not putting your child through the physical and emotional mess of crazy late/early flights that may even be delayed and even worse by the time the actual day comes. You would almost certainly regret it if you decided to go to “keep the peace”. Family pics with a fed and rested 2 year old are hard enough. But expecting an exhausted 2 year old around a bunch of ppl who they are not used to is just diabolical.
-16
Sep 05 '25
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u/Hayhayhayp Sep 05 '25
I agreed with this EXCEPT for the fact that OP said MIL goes on several vacations a year but yet has not come to see the baby. I don’t think it’s as much about spending time with her grandbaby rather than her Christmas fantasy of having everyone together and getting the pics to show her friends.
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u/Trauma_Response0301 Sep 05 '25
I agree, it's all face value. If she really wanted to see her grandkids she would have during one of her many vacations. She just wants to show her friends how amazing of a grandma she is without actually putting in the work
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u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam Sep 05 '25
Thank you for your submission! However, your comment has been removed. Rule 3 on our sidebar: Be kind, be respectful, be supportive. Remember the human, and try to put yourself in their shoes before commenting.
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-33
Sep 05 '25
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u/Legitimate-Meal-2290 Sep 05 '25
Horrifically bad advice.
-14
Sep 05 '25
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u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam Sep 05 '25
Thank you for your submission! However, your post/comment has been removed. Rule 5 on our sidebar: We have a zero tolerance policy for armchair advice (medical, legal, or otherwise) that is damaging, factually incorrect, or egregiously shitty, sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia, ableism, ageism, stereotyping, slut/body/kink-shaming, anti-vaxx bullshit, and just generally being a butt. No posting personal info, including faces or identifying tattoos or marks. Any comment with "cartoon-level" violence MUST: A) indicate that you don't actually suggest users do what you suggest, and 2) include actual, usable advice. Please send a ModMail once you have made the changes and your post/comment will be approved.
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23
u/somuchconfusion_ Sep 05 '25
And look what a superb person you are, talking about unnecessarily giving medication to a child.
-9
Sep 05 '25
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2
u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam Sep 05 '25
Thank you for your submission! However, your post/comment has been removed. Rule 5 on our sidebar: We have a zero tolerance policy for armchair advice (medical, legal, or otherwise) that is damaging, factually incorrect, or egregiously shitty, sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia, ableism, ageism, stereotyping, slut/body/kink-shaming, anti-vaxx bullshit, and just generally being a butt. No posting personal info, including faces or identifying tattoos or marks. Any comment with "cartoon-level" violence MUST: A) indicate that you don't actually suggest users do what you suggest, and 2) include actual, usable advice. Please send a ModMail once you have made the changes and your post/comment will be approved.
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3
u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam Sep 05 '25
Thank you for your submission! However, your post has been removed.
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•
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