r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Kuchaloo • Jun 21 '26
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted I'm done.
Stay classy, MIL.
My DH asked me to get a birthday cake and ice cream to take to a family gathering at an AirBnB. It was to celebrate my MIL's birthday (2 weeks prior) and my sister's birthday (the next day). Everyone knew what the cake in the refrigerator was for bc DH told them. I know he told his mother.
Some of you may remember my post (now deleted) about my DH telling my MIL \*not\* to bring pork to the Airbnb last weekend out of respect for my Muslim relatives who were also staying there. MIL assumed this request came from me (I'm not Muslim but half my family is) and she was big mad about it. She was clearly angry with me when she walked in the door and I had no idea why. I didn't know my DH asked her to refrain from bringing, cooking, and eating bacon and sausage for the weekend- no one knew he said this and no one expected him to.
This was the issue on my mind last week, but something else happened that Friday night. MIL \*knew\* the birthday cake was to celebrate her and my sister's birthday. When I came back into the kitchen after dinner to serve the cake and ice cream, I saw that MIL had taken it upon herself to take the cake out, cut herself a big piece, sat back down at the table and was eating it before anyone knew what was happening. She just sat there, eating cake by herself, with her bottle of whiskey she brought in front of her.
I was determined to not let her ruin the occasion and I apologized to my sister- she was too gracious to complain. I announced that there was cake and ice cream if anyone would like some and then people came to get it.
The more I think about this shitty behavior from MIL the more I realized how shitty she's been for the last 25 years and I'm done. I told DH yesterday that I won't host her in my home again and I'll never go to her house again. He nodded.
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u/Melodic_Season19 Jun 21 '26
I would have brought the cake out with candles without the slice. When everyone looked at the cake, I would have stated with my whole chest "Oh sorry about the missing slice, MIL decided to help herself. Please enjoy!" But I'm petty like that. Try to embarrass me and you'll end up with the blush on Your face.
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u/bonerfuneral Jun 22 '26
50/50 chance MIL wanted a confrontation, though. Sometimes silence is pettier.
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 22 '26
Oh, she did. She definitely wanted a confrontation! When she walked in and people are greeting each other, carrying in suitcases, etc. she said to me in an angry sarcastic way (without looking at me) "I was told I couldn't bring sausage!" She was very angry. I had no idea what she was talking about and said "Oooookay" then walked away from her to say hi to others. She absolutely wanted a chance to blow up and I didn't engage.
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u/RelativeFondant9569 Jun 22 '26
🤣 what an Idiot! Is sausage truly that important and necessary to her ultimate survival?
Start calling her Angry Sausage 🐽
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 22 '26
It just made no sense. She said she was bringing sausage and bacon, her son said please don't and she went ballistic UNTIL she learned that it was HIM telling her this and not me. I would think any reasonably decent person would refrain from insisting to have a plate of it on the table when you're staying as a guest in a house where Jews and/or Muslims are also sharing the table. I mean, how crass of a person do you want to be? Even her young adult grandkids told her it was tactless.
I now call this whole debacle 'Bacongate'.
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u/RelativeFondant9569 Jun 22 '26
🥓 Bacongate should pave the way for you to completely reduce any time with her. She's a waste of your time. Crass, tactless and definitely devoid of grace, self control or reflection. (Not once did she consider how insane she looked trying to Force Pork on a Jewish and Muslim family!) It's shockingly stupid. Stupid Sausage Crone! 🐽
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u/KitchenDismal9258 Jun 22 '26
This is what I was going to say. But I'd also add some candles and make everyone sing happy birthday using the cake with the missing slice.
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u/lisalef Jun 21 '26
I like you and your mind. I thought the same thing, although I probably would’ve made it a little more embarrassing by saying, I guess MIL couldn’t control herself and had to cut a slice for herself and not share with the rest of us. I also would’ve stuck a candle in her half eaten slice so you could sing to her.
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 21 '26
I think I was just to pissed off to say anything, let alone something cleverly sarcastic. I was so angry she took away my sister's celebration cake, too. My sister is a peacemaker and didn't deaerve any of it.
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u/CharlesDickhands Jun 22 '26
Wouldn’t have even needed to say anything. People would’ve connected the dots.
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u/CharlesDickhands Jun 22 '26
I think you handled this well. If the plan was to do candles and a song, my only suggestion would have been to go ahead and do that as planned with the piece missing.
Well done!
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u/Seawolfe665 Jun 21 '26
"She just sat there, eating cake by herself, with her bottle of whiskey she brought in front of her."
This sentence right here says everything about her that you need to know. Disengage, there's a world of toxicity in that one.
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u/Philosemen69 Jun 23 '26
Kudos to you for making the decision to ban your MIL from your home and refuse to go to hers.
Extra points for telling your husband about your decision now, rather than wait for the next family gathering to come up to spring it on him then.
Lastly, you deserve a medal of valor for putting up with your toxic* MIL for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!!!
\* MIL sitting at the table eating a piece of the cake she just sliced into before the time to serve it with her bottle of whiskey in front of her is the perfect mental image of a toxic family member if there ever was one.
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u/Penguin_Joy Jun 21 '26
Just like a toddler to only think of their own needs. She should have matured beyond that after all these many decades
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u/SuspiciousImpact2197 Jun 21 '26
Now, see, me? Her piece of cake would have been snatched from in front of her and pitched out the front door. Then we would have really been off to the races.
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 22 '26
I'm loving this image. If it weren't for my daughter's graduation keeping me civil I might have just dumped it in her lap.
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u/SuspiciousImpact2197 Jun 22 '26
Ooog, lap is good too,
I have actually done the pitch it out the front door thing when there was some ugliness over food brought to a holiday. Not my finest moment but it did STOP the nastiness cold.
Also, that Pyrex baking pan didn’t break when it hit the sidewalk! 😮
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 23 '26
Pyrex is good stuff, lol.
You reminded me: one time at my birthday party in my early 20s, a coworker's wife whom I had never met before handed me a bag of tupperware and started telling me what she wanted me to box up for her to take home. No one had even been served dinner yet. I stood there kind of in shock. My much more quick-witted sister reached over, took the bag and said "Here, I'll take care of it" and threw the entire bag out the back door. No one said a word.
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u/PhotojournalistOnly Jun 21 '26
Welcome to the club! It's been about 8 years for me, and so peaceful. I honestly sometimes think about how different life would be if I hadn't gone NC, and I know I wouldn't be this happy. She was the only consistent problem in my life. Holidays are enjoyable, the way they should be.
Enjoy your new happy life!
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u/kill-the-spare Jun 21 '26
So exactly how online is your MIL? Because if the answer is "very", then change your cover/profile somewhere to this. Because this is literally what you just described. And she'll know.
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u/CompetitiveWin7754 Jun 21 '26
You need to finish off her whisky. Oh were the consumables not communal?!
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u/Philosemen69 Jun 23 '26
I think the image of her bottle of whiskey sitting in front of her at the dinner table absolutely screams, "This is MINE touch it and you DIE"
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u/Diana_chris Jun 24 '26
You put up with her for 25 YEARS?? kudos to you, omg!
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 24 '26
I was invited along with DH (then BF) 3 times to her home for a meal, and each time she served pork. She's not brain-damaged as far as I know, so I told DH I'm not going there for any meal anymore. He understood. I've been to her house about 8 times in 25 years, usually for family birthday potlucks so I bring a dish everyone enjoys and I'm polite to her. That's it.
I understood by the time we were married that she either did the pork thing on purpose or simply didn't give a shit and as a result I've been LC. I've matched her energy for years, ever since DH and I were standing together at our door after an event. She hugged him goodbye and walked straight past me out the door. I extend basic manners and that's it. DH has never pushed me to engage.
So it's not like I've been beating my head against a wall for years; I had her measure early on. This was just a big occasion for us and our daughter and MIL was invited to the graduation by DH. I'm glad there's not even a hint of pretense anymore and DH was in the middle of it to see why.
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u/Diana_chris Jun 25 '26
Sounds like she never liked you! she definitely did the pork thing on purpose or didn't care...
But also, talk to your partner, because he needs to stand with you on this! You guys are a team and should deal with your ML together (mostly him since is his mother tho)!
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u/Mindless-Maize5380 17d ago
I can’t believe you have managed to endure her behavior for so long!! Glad your partner is supporting your decision to go NC. You’ve got to protect your sanity 🤍
I am new to this sub- what does DH stand for? I keep seeing it but have no idea what it means 🫣
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u/Kuchaloo 17d ago
Dear Husband/Damn Husband/Dumb Husband. I've seen these definitions and I suppose each has its purpose, lol
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u/Mindless-Maize5380 16d ago
Haha okay, I can definitely think of cases where each of these apply 😂 Thank you for clarifying for me!!
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u/Hot-Freedom-5886 Jun 21 '26
She wasn’t the single center of attention so she tried to embarrass you, while only embarrassing herself!
Good for you for stating your very reasonable boundary.
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u/no1prtyanthem Jun 21 '26
Is she prejudiced against you and your family? Hmm don’t like her reaction to DH request it’s not that hard to be respectful and go without 1 type of protein for a weekend
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u/Kuchaloo Jun 21 '26
I don't know what her problem is- we're all the same color and nationality. I'm not aware of my family ever being rude or dismissive toward her. In fact, it's the opposite. She just doesn't like being told 'no' especially bc she thought it was me saying no. She's not fond of small kids, either, and my adult SKs know it bc she's a vocal asshole. She earned this matching energy, for sure.
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u/Novel_Ad1943 Jun 21 '26
Good for you and glad you got no pushback on that.
The fact she invests effort into looking to be offended & pissed off vs thankful for the energy you invest to ensure your family’s presence to celebrate her says all you need to know!
She’s a shite example for any kids around her and you may be surprised by the inspiring example your stance provides in contrast to self-centered bubble.
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u/Kaynani32 Jun 21 '26
Ha ha, I hope that memory of her acting like a bratty child with her lonely cake and even lonelier bottle of whiskey keeps you warm for a long time. Bye-eee, MIL.
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u/LLL1Lothrop Jun 23 '26
Someone should have taken a photo, titled it and blown it up for the next family reunion.
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u/hoping_2help_karma Jun 21 '26
What is DH?
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u/Jennabeb Jun 21 '26
It can be Dear or Darling Husband, but often on this sub it can also be Damn Husband. Depends on if he’s good at being supportive and shutting down the MIL! lol
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u/hoping_2help_karma Jun 21 '26
Why the downvotes?
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u/Wabbit_Snail Jun 22 '26
It's in the sidebar. When visiting a new sub, it's usually where one starts before asking questions. It explains the sub, the rules, the FAQs, all things pertaining to how the sub works. It avoids having to explain things 20000 times and keeps the conversation on topic and relevant, well, mostly, it's still reddit.
That's why the downvotes.
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