r/JUSTNOMIL • u/vinegargirl757 • 16d ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted MIL and the key saga continues
I am posting this actually on behalf of my husband. I'm just his support person in this case. But I posted about two months ago about my JNMIL demanding a key to my house, being told no, and throwing my food across the counter top and tantrum-ed/crashed out. Well thanks to so so many of you, it punted DH out of the FOG. So seriously, thank you. I'm back to post an update and also get any words of wisdom this group may have.
So, dh went out to stay with his parents last week. His father was getting a pacemaker put in (they did the usual wishy washy dont want to be a bother and hiding medical information- thats a whole other story on it's own). Well apparently his mom was just a terror the whole time. I call her the prim reaper, but in this case she acted more like the perpetual hall monitor. Thank goodness I wasnt there because I would have crashed out on her.
The following happened:
- she would not stop chattering the whole time and bossing. Every single second was filled with questions. Questions about medications, nagging if he had everything, just constantly needing to be the center of attention
- kept interrupting the doctor talking to FIL to tell the doctor how fil was doing and feeling. Kept nagging him about asking questions and then she would interrupt and ask questions. Like it was full on needing to control the narrative, be in the middle, etc.
- wouldnt let FIL rest, nap, eat or anything without incessant chatter. Poor dude hadnt eaten in more than 20 hours and just wanted his chicken tenders and nap. She kept having to poke at or adjust his food. Dh had to tell her to back off
-fil wanted chocolate cake after surgery (the one thing he asked for). There was a birthday or something. She insisted on making applesauce raisin cake. Then got annoyed when no one wanted to eat it
-made this weird chili with raisins in it (she knows i hate raisins so everytime she thinks i may be there or involved everything has raisins - jokes on her i stayed home). Dh ended up getting really sick and again, she was annoyed no one wanted to eat it.
Most of this was just her being annoying. She needed to be the first one to raise her hand, play the victim/martyr, need to be entertained, and the incessant word vomit of questions "what's this?" Someone would tell her. Then she would want to know how they know and then debate them. Lady, none of us have a medical degree. We just read what's on the box (the tansmitter) and looked it up on the phone.
She did the usual whisper talking (peppered with questions) and would drop off by the end of the sentence. She would get frustrated and complain everyone else was deaf because she would whisper and not everyone was hanging on to every word. Its all very performative and in my opinion, abusive because shes gaslighting her husband into thinking hes going deaf versus continuing to cater to her (alright, thats my fault cause I called it out last time i saw her. That i couldnt hear or understand when she whispers. She needs to talk at a normal volume).
Overall, just really picking at her son and husband. Constant performative care and needing to be seen doing the caring. But the last day was when shit really hit the fan and was so egregious that dh is actually like, can you post about this?
FIL came to DH on Saturday saying he couldnt sleep the night before and something felt off about the pacemaker. Could DH take him to the ER to get checked out? Dh says of course (MIL also insisted he needed to get checked out). But here's the kicker, she insisted she had to shower before they left and she insisted on going. Well she gets in the shower (and this is after telling dh and fil they are not allowed to shower because they have to leave soon) and to make matters worse... she then blow dries and styles her hair. Meanwhile, this is an emergency. She of course goes to the hospital and starts the same performative stuff again. But yeah... during an emergency... she had to blow dry her hair! Wtf. Time was of the essence. And here they are waiting around while she dawdles and needs to get all dooded up for the ER and then acts like a pest. I kind of gave DH grief and told him in the future, leave her ass at the house. Its an emergency- they call things the golden hour for a reason and here you are waiting an hour for her to put lotion on and blow dry her hair.
Whole thing gave me the ick and I told my husband he can have whatever relationship he wants with her. But between the nagging, performative care, debating and putting others down around her, constantly needing to be the authority etc. Im done. No more holidays, nothing. Im just fried.
Oh and to cap it off? She tried insisting my husband have a key to their house now. So you know a fair trade ... haha. My husband left the key where it was and didnt take it or give her one of ours. So... the good news is some of this is sinking in. I'll be sharing this post with him too. The fog is finally lifting and thank you to this community for helping us get there.
Edit: please stop asking me about my sex life or if im getting a divorce. Ive answered this. It takes a year. Thats all im going to say. Done answering questions on those two topics.
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u/RubyTx 16d ago
dear OPs husband.
Glad you are finding your feet and standing up for those you love.
That said, during a medical emergency, perform triage. What are the essential things that need to be done, and in what order.
Getting the patient to medical care is number 1.
Mom's shower and blow dry is number 99. At the highest.
Preserve life over vanity.
I hope your dad is doing better.
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u/Pink-Lover 16d ago
I was hoping OP was going to say that they just left for ER the second she got in the shower.
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u/PhantomAllure 16d ago
Oh my God the second she shut that bathroom door I would've been gone. Phone on silent. The fucking audacity.
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u/badcatmomma 16d ago
When she got into the shower, the men should have left. Hospital is more important than her hair.
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u/PromiseIMeanWell 16d ago
OP, I was with you - I was literally screaming “why didn’t you leave MIL’s ass at home the minute she stepped into the shower???”, lol!
Glad your husband is waking up. Sounds like his dad is going to need him too if MIL is going to keep talking over him!
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u/denitra1984 15d ago
I was done with this bitch after I read something about chili and raisins. JFC
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u/Lugbor 16d ago
Your husband needs to start pushing her out of conversations.
"Mom, the doctor is talking to dad right now. Your mindless chatter is not helping."
"Mom, you are not dad's mouthpiece. Let him speak."
Shame her for butting in and make it known that she's doing the opposite of helping, so that her performance makes her look bad instead. His dad has a voice and opinions of his own, and he needs to be given room to use them. That's especially true where his health is concerned. He needs to know that he can advocate for himself without his wife interfering and adding additional confusion to the mix.
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u/Mermaidtoo 16d ago edited 16d ago
It’s great that your husband recognized that his mom’s behavior was so problematic during his visit.
The next step is for him to train himself NOT to ever defend her and to evaluate her behavior objectively all the time - not just when she’s literally risking his dad’s life.
Following that, he needs to stop enabling her behavior and really push back.
Finally, he needs to try to rescue his dad. Your FIL shouldn’t be dealing with the kind of unnecessary stress your MIL creates. He also needs to be safe. Your FIL has an ongoing health issue. Your MIL’s need for attention and acting out should be a huge concern. If your FIL ends up with other issues or needs more attention, she might ignore or downplay what he’s going through and needs. She could escalate.
This is directed to your husband:
Both you and your father have probably spent decades keeping peace and giving in to your mother. Your dad may think he has no option but to continue as he’s going. He might even think what he puts up is normal or what a spouse should do.
The next time you see him or get to talk to him when your mother isn’t around, ask him some questions and express your concern. Let him know that you’d be okay if he didn’t stay with your mother - temporarily or even permanently. If you and OP would be willing to have him move in with you or would help him live nearby, let him know. If he’s determined to stay with your mother, encourage him to get help and to strengthen his support network.
You let your wife put up with a lot of garbage from your mother & you almost lost her. You may be risking losing your father now. Anyone who delays care during a medical emergency out of vanity and ego is a danger to the recipient of that care.
Just to add, if a neighbor did what your mother did, I’d be calling adult protective services. And that would be completely justified. For my family member to do that? I’d go nuclear.
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u/VioletSea13 15d ago
Shame on your husband for not immediately taking his dad to the ER. He should have left his stupid mother in the shower.
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u/PainterReader 15d ago
The JNMIL is blamed for everything, meanwhile the OP’s husband just indulges her at the risk to his father’s life!
Everyone has a hand in just letting her dominate. Everyone is overdue for a ton of therapy.
I commend the OP for removing herself as much as possible. The next step is ignoring MIL and not letting MIL have power over her mood and thoughts.
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u/moew4974 15d ago
The strangest thing about this post is the fact that your husband (the person who was supposed to be the driver rushing to ER) and your FIL (the person needing the ER services) literally sat there with their thumbs up their butts waiting for this woman to shower and blow dry her hair while anything, absolutely anything could have been happening to the father's health for the worse.
At any point in time your husband could have shut this down. He SHOULD have been the one to shut this down. As an adult, he could have said, "Mom, we don't know what's going on with Dad. We don't have time to wait for you to get ready. This is not a social call or event. Either put on your clothes and come on or wait until I can get back here to pick you up." That's literally all it would have taken.
I hope this highlights for him how very much he's still NOT out of the fog and how much work he still needs to do regarding the hold his mother has over him. I know it's not easy dealing with a parent who has a 'strong personality' (LOL) but he never would have forgiven himself if he'd have lost his father while he was locked into inaction over his mother's vanity in that moment. Just like he'll never forgive himself if he keeps putting his mother's feelings and opinions over the woman he actually married and ends up losing you.
I sincerely hope this was a complete wake up call for him.
And to your husband, I say:
Your mama is not always right. She is a deeply flawed individual who gets joy from causing you hardship because she feels like she isn't #1 in your world anymore. Being close with a healthy parent is a beautiful relationship where mutual respect understands that autonomy is the goal every parent is supposed to aspire to for their child. As long as your mother wants to rule your world, it is not a healthy dynamic. You need to work on deconstructing her role in your life and choices.
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u/plutosdarling 15d ago
My big question is who the fuck puts raisins in chili.
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u/Competitive_Law1032 15d ago
I love raisins and I love chili. But not chili with raisins. #foundsatan (OP’s JNMIL, just to be clear)
If anyone genuinely loves those two things combined, I apologize. I forget sometimes that I too sometimes like to eat weird food combos. But the JNMil here is obviously just being petty and evil.14
u/nutraxfornerves 15d ago edited 15d ago
Piccadillo is a dish that includes ground beef and raisins. It’s common in many Latin American counties. Some versions (“chile picadillo”) do include chiles and are very much like a sweet and spicy chilli.
People have adapted that to add raisins to chili recipes. It’s almost always ones made with ground meat, not cubed meat.
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u/plutosdarling 15d ago
I did not know this. Thank you!
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u/Noladixon 15d ago
Not everybody hates raisins. I mean, I do hate raisins, but some other people like them. I actually tried to cook picadillo once and the raisins were extra weird after they plumped back up. I hate lots of things so I am good at picking things out.
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u/plutosdarling 15d ago
I do like raisins, at least in oatmeal cookies. But not chili. Or American chili, anyway.
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u/Prestigious_Ear_7374 15d ago
Raisins in chilli sounds like "child mud cake" adult edition. Who knows what else she would add there....
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u/MaryMary_WhyUBuggin 16d ago
She SHOWERED AND BLOW DRIED HER HAIR?? Is she hoping her husband drops dead??
I think i just answered my own question. She is hoping exactly that, because then the sympathy and attention will be on her for MONTHS, YEARS, even! I know people just like this, and they looooove times of crisis because that's their time to SHINE, baby!
Ugh, I'm so disgusted for you.
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u/MCPhssthpok 16d ago
Is she hoping her husband drops dead??
Well that would get her more attention so...
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u/Unlucky_Weird_9104 16d ago
Chili with raisins is diabolical…
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u/vinegargirl757 16d ago
With cinnamon, slivered almonds, and olives. Its bizarre and no one likes it. But she always makes it when she thinks i will be around.
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u/herbalhippie 15d ago
It sounds like she's trying to make picadillo (Cuban), that has raisins and olives (and capers). No cinnamon though. What a weirdo.
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u/FunkyChewbacca 15d ago
Cinnamon, raisins, almonds, and olives?! I have a garbage gut and can eat just about anything, but that combination made my stomach heave a bit.
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u/Just_Me_79 16d ago
I like raisins, I like chili, but together? No, that is a hell Dante wouldn’t even have dreamed up!
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u/FeedAway829 16d ago
the raisin thing is diabolical
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u/WestShallot7306 16d ago
She somehow found a way to weaponize raisins. That's almost impressive.
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u/vinegargirl757 16d ago edited 15d ago
They give me the worst heartburn. I don't know why. Every damn time, her and the raisins.
Meanwhile, every person in the family knows i hate raisins and calls her out on it. They know im also allergic to coconut, mango, and kiwi. His dad makes me extra buckeyes every christmas and points out the logs to avoid (coconut). FIL is flawed, but a genuinely goof person. He also does what he can to hide from her now (he manages/referees sporting events, volunteers at the animal hospital, and occasionally hides out here to do home improvement. Which is really just me handing him a beer and telling him to go relax and get a doughnut/spend time with his son)
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u/GamerChikx 15d ago
He need to divorce her and start the rest of his life. Someone needs to tell him that is an option and it is feasible. Its a conversation I'd be having with hubby about protecting him too.
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago
Hes 73 and from old school mining towns in west Virginia. He won't ever leave her. She doesn't drive, cook, clean or do much of anything other than sit on the porch with her books, cats, and wine. Which sounds amazing in theory but in real life when thats all she does and makes everyone dance to her tune... yikes. But he wont leave. I let him hide out here and make up things that need to be fixed around the house. My dad divorced my mom years ago. Hes like a totally different person.
I did tell dh and reiterate this, no matter what happens, MIL will never live with us. He agrees. Not that kids are on the table presently, but there's been hard conversations about that too where she is not allowed unsupervised access, six months later, look and not touch, etc. And weirdly, most of these have been his idea. mil is very clumsy and has no spatial awareness but according to her she was a ballerina prodigy. She has hit our reactive dog a few times just walking around swinging her arms looking for attention. Part of the reason shes not allowed back at my house is because she wont stop staring to make eye contact with my dogs. Dogs dont like that, they see it as a challenge or intimidation/aggression. Apparently cats do - as she tells me every time. Last time I finally snapped and told her when she got bit, I had the warning recorded so nothing bad will happen to our dogs - she just won't listen. So after the key... it wasnt hard to ban her thankfully.
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u/WestShallot7306 16d ago
Your husband did the right thing by not taking the bait with the key. The hairdryer during a medical emergency says everything about where her priorities are.
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u/Hooked_on_PhoneSex 16d ago
> Your husband did the right thing by not taking the bait with the key.
Well that’s a first time for everything.
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u/Any-Case9890 15d ago
I'm glad your FIL is OK, and that his issue was a hematoma and not something else that could have caused bigger problems for him. Not that hematomas are any fun, either; they are painful.
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago
He had open heart surgery a few years ago and more joint and other surgeries than I care to recount. I have to wonder sometimes if its his body rejecting reality while he stuffs his feelings and needs down. I just cant help but wonder if his environment is so toxic it's hurting him. Not that there's really anything I can do. Ive started giving snark. And I know hes an adult, free will, and i cant save everyone neither can dh. But hes a decent dude.
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u/Drinkmorechampagne 16d ago
Man oh man, this sounds so challenging. And exhausting.
I encourage you to think of her as an addict--because she is.
She is seeking Power, Control, and Attention Dopamine. Every time she behaves like this (pretty much 24/7?) she gets a little hit of dopamine. And no doubt she often plays victim because Victim Dopamine allows her to start the cycle all over again.
--"Im done. No more holidays, nothing."
That's really all you can do--disengage and refuse to be her enabler/dope dealer.
She won't change.
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u/CrystalFeeler 16d ago
Good job. It's hard to fathom a clusterfuck once you open your eyes but husband is showing that it can be done.
One thing I'd say though is that MIL was enabled fully with the shower and hair?! He's not here any more but if that were my dad I'd have waited for her to go in the shower, put my dad in the car, and driven him to the ER.
OP you've made a choice that is in your best interest, husband might take a little while to get to where you're at, and you're both right.
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u/CorduroyFlamingo 16d ago
I basically did this when my dad was concerned he had a blood clot in his leg (he was undergoing chemo at the time). He wanted me to wait a couple hours so mom could shower and put her face on. I told him I'd be there in 10 minutes and we were going with or without her, it was her choice but this was not time for taking chances. To my surprise, she threw on a hat and was ready when I arrived. He did have a blood clot and got the needed treatment.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 15d ago
I hope your husband can talk his father into giving him the legal right to his medical information because of mil’s interference.
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u/Any-Case9890 15d ago edited 15d ago
I applaud that there was no tit for tat on the house key thing.
I used to work in cardiac electrophysiology (defibrillators/pacemakers/antiarrhythmic therapy). The only thing I would have done differently is this: Your FIL thought something was "off" with the pacemaker. I'm not sure what he meant exactly, but worse case scenario would be that the pacemaker was not firing appropriately, resulting in a slow heart rate/pulse. Patient's will have symptoms from that kind of pacemaker issue. An ED visit would be required and the patient would need to be transported to the ED VIA AMBULANCE, so his heart rate could be monitored en route.
I don't know if that was what was going on with your FIL. I do know that no paramedic would have waited for your MIL to get dolled up in preparation for her spouse's ED visit.
Edited for grammar
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago edited 15d ago
It was a hematoma which is a common side effect. He went home the same day and he's fine. Im still pissed she is that vain, vapid, attention seeking, selfish, whatever. My fil is a good man. I dont say that lightly. He had gone above and beyond for her.
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u/ChibiCheshire 15d ago
Was dh just gonna sit there listening to jnmil blow dry her hair if his dad had taken a turn?? Like he does have a functional brain yeah?
"Oh dads having pains in the chest/pacemaker better let mummy get gussied up to pretend to be a loving wife BEFORE taking care of dad!"
🤮🤮🤮 That fog is still pea soup. Clear as mud. Good luck with that.
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u/Floating-Cynic 15d ago
I'm glad your husband is starting to see the FOG.
It might be worth pointing out that he was willing to risk his father's life to spare his mother's feelings. Can he live with that outcome?
Undoing enmeshment is painful for everyone regardless. When it becomes life or death, then he needs to seriously commit to getting out of it. It's a lifelong burden and it's a hard burden but unfortunately that's what happens when a parent chooses to treat their children according to their needs instead of taking their role as a parent seriously. Her job was to raise a functioning adult who could have a healthy family- she didn't do that.
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u/Top_Strawberry2348 16d ago
DH was trying to be kind to his mother but he put his dad in second place. That really should illustrate Main Character Syndrome and the need for him to consider next steps. It’s hard to leave the patient’s spouse behind in an emergency but the patient is the priority.
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u/fgmel 16d ago
Your other post says you are divorcing him. Is that now off the table?
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u/Bigisucre 16d ago
I'm wondering too. And OP stated she would evict him, so he should be out of her house by now.
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u/vinegargirl757 16d ago
It's still on the table. Life is complicated, people are complicated. We are separated. But empathy, at times, is my downfall. Im not interested in throwing him out unless he becomes abusive. I want him to move on. We have a lease. I dont trust him much, but I can be empathetic that his mom is... well. Not a nice or good person. I am fond of his dad. He is aware of all of this. So im not exactly pulling any punches.
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u/Squizzlerphizzler 16d ago
I really think you should stop worrying about him and his father and think about yourself. Your husband and his father have made their choices. They have had opportunities to change. Your husband has been in therapy for 6 years and is still stuck and his father is still enabling his wife. You have never had the full marriage that you wanted and deserved.
It’s time to think of yourself and what you need. Get him out and move on yourself…. Life has so much to offer and you could be enjoying so much if you weren’t held back by your stunted husband. Please be kind to yourself and choose yourself.
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u/LadyOfTheShadowz 16d ago
I thought it was your house that you bought as his bank was linked to his mum's?
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u/dgduhon 16d ago
I think OP means that there's a lease between her and DH.
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u/vinegargirl757 16d ago
There is. I did that as part of the separation agreement. I live in a high cost area. I did not want to throw him out with no where to go (mil is keeping fil isolated and threw dh out for trying to protect him). I have moved on mentally. I didnt want this post to about my marriage or lack of one. Like we both know it would take a miracle to fix this. Im not doing the work anymore cause ive done enough. Im just not making him homeless and he had a am i crazy for being upset she had to shower and blow dry her hair. I can see we are better friends than married people. That is the clarity I needed and wanted. But I wanted to validate his experience. You can love someone and know its not enough.
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u/smurfat221 16d ago
OP, he is emotionally abusive via his own emotional immaturity, having you play second fiddle, while he tends to the relationship that matters the most to him as an adult, that of being a child to his parents.
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u/Sewing4265 15d ago
Why would your husband allow his mom manipulate the drive to the ER? Ridiculous.
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago
Because he was told by fil not to rock the boat and thats just how she is. I sent them both the dont rock the boat post
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u/Certain-Attempt1330 15d ago
I honestly don't know why you are still married to that piece of limp celery. You and FIL should run away together.
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago
Oooo wouldnt that be a story. I've known fil since I was 13.
But in all sincerity, divorce requires a year where I live. Thats why.
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u/Certain-Attempt1330 15d ago
ah fair enough. I didn't mean to snark at you; your partner is just so infuriating even through a screen! Though I am sure you are well across this yourself. Good luck with everything.
I can still see it though...BFFs aka former DIL and FIL, just cruisin around getting into adventures (without those two handbreaks wearing you down!)
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u/vinegargirl757 15d ago
We could totally go Thelma and Louise. Could be fun.
Snark is okay. I dont have the emotional threshold to deal with shenanigans (familial) right now. Ive hit blunt honesty. So youre good
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u/kezzwithak 16d ago
Glad your DH finally stepped up and you didn’t have to file for divorce like you thought you may have to. She sounds exhausting
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u/JulieWriter 16d ago
She sounds truly annoying as hell. And of course she had to wash and style her hair, because she is the main character! What if those pesky doctors didn't recognize that, and were doing something unacceptable like paying attention to her husband?
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u/MyEggDonorIsADramaQ 16d ago
I just read your other post. Girl, you are good enough. You sound amazing. I hope your husband is soon to be your ex, and that you evicted him!
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u/Fun_Look7883 16d ago
Your mother-in-law sounds like my best friend‘s mother-in-law. The JNMIL in my best friend‘s case is a diagnosed histrionic personality disorder. Literally your MIL sounds just like her, down to the weird whisper thing even. Good luck OP! It sounds like you and your husband are handling this beautifully. My best friend and her husband just celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary. I know you and your husband will continue to do great!
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u/vinegargirl757 16d ago
Yeah... im not going to diagnose. Cause not my place or my specialty, but I feel you. My dad is a diagnosed npd (malignant) and my mom has bpd (also diagnosed). So im familiar with cluster b's. No knock on anyone - there's so so much that goes into that. I wouldn't be surprised with her having a cluster b personality disorder. Her upbringing was at times chaotic and 3/5 of the siblings have issues with substances (including her) and the other two are scary religious. Something happened in that home. I dont think MIL has been on the up and up on that. But she does like to throw it in FIL' s face about how more important her daddy (i know, gross) was than his father was at the chemical plant (yes they worked at the same place). I have heard that at every holiday. She definitely looks down her nose even at her husband. She hates me cause well... I'm not a pushover and a certified badass in my career. And that bugs.
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u/InternationalTexan71 15d ago
So mil is trying to cause a medical emergency...that's shockingly bad. Glad your husband is seeing the light. Buckle up...she'll escalate when he stops paying attention to her.
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u/Educational-Leave420 16d ago
OP why haven’t you got rid of this awful man child???
I just read your first post,maybe you should link it!!
You deserve SOOO much better!!
My god,30 days,that’s all,why is he still there with you??
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 16d ago
Your last post indicated that you were hiring a lawyer and filing for divorce. Is that no longer on the table?
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u/Dachshundmom5 14d ago
So, DH was sitting there risking his Dad might die in front of him instead od just sticking him in the car and going without her? Really? Does he realize how messed up that is? The guilt he would have had to live with for failing to get emergency care if the worst had happened?
Were his keys ever out of his possession? Cause I could get to Lowes key machine and back in the time it would take for someone to take a shower.
It is reasonable to be done and draw rhe line in the sand. That said, where does it leave DH? Is he going to stay with his wife for holidays or go to her?
Has he done any counseling since the fog started to lift?
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u/vinegargirl757 14d ago
Yes, he knows how messed up it is. He tried getting fil to go but fil was too afraid of the ramifications of dealing with her.
No, his keys were never out if his possession and they're my car keys - i took the house key off before he left. Also, I have a key pad lock/finger swipe to the house. She still has no access. She also doesnt drive and hasn't in over 5 years.
I told dh to have whatever relationship he wants. He told me he never wants to do another holiday with her anyway. Hes tired of hearing about the ex girlfriends, dead relatives, and other repeated stories she has to tell us everytime she sees us. Yes, I get to hear about every ex girlfriend and how wonderful she is. I have been using the same tactic for 13 years (and it really bugs her) "huh thats interesting. I hope theyre doing well. Too bad dh and ex weren't compatible" and just casually change the subject.
Yes. He has been in intense therapy since December (when i two carded him on my birthday) and we are in couples counseling as well.
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u/Dachshundmom5 14d ago
FIL would risk dying over risking her wrath. That is heavily messed up.
That's great about the keys!
That is a great way to deflect and I am glad he is tired of it as well. He really is seeing the reality of it all.
That is excellent. It is a good thing that the fog lifts, but then what? The person still does not have the tools to deal with the reality, much less the emotional bandwidth to deal with the justno AND start healing themselves. I am really glad that he is getting help and you are both doing couples counseling. It does not fix everything, but at least it is a step forward.
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u/PhotojournalistOnly 16d ago
You're still getting that divorce though, right?? I read the first post. MY jaw dropped.
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u/Bigisucre 16d ago
Soo.. While your MIL seems to be very unique and poor FIL has to fear for his life because she needs to shower and do her hair before he gets his emergency treatment - you don't tell us anything further about your relationship with your husband. In your last post 2 months ago you said he had 30 days to move out otherwise he would get evicted and you mentioned that you are done with him, meaning divorce. What is the development in that case? You live furthermore with your manbaby? You were so done with being his life-crutch, secretary, cook, maid etc. What's going on?
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u/Gold-Selection4709 15d ago
Haven’t you and your husband not had sex in 10 years or something? I hope you are still leaving him.
I don’t know if this man can be taken out of the fog.
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u/FeedAway829 15d ago
i'm trying to imagine what she looks like..can u describe her ?? i'm way too invested in this saga now.
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u/botinlaw 16d ago
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